by Lois Richer
“I think I’m beginning to understand a little bit about trust,” she told him so quietly no one else could hear. Her blue eyes darkened and he saw a secret in their depths. “Maybe I can finally learn to let go of the past.”
She was gone before he could say anything. But that was all right. Brendan needed space and time to get his breathing under control, to think about her words. Was she saying that she might be ready to think of him as more than her protector? That she hadn’t put him in Steve’s category?
“She made us all stockings,” Darcy whispered in a shocked tone.
“Of course she did. Chloe just can’t help mothering.” He followed her into the living room, saw a handmade stocking with his name on it stuffed full. They each had one, carefully stitched caricatures that looked like curious elves. But there was no stocking for Chloe.
Brendan wasn’t going to let that pass. He checked out the laundry room, found one of Kyle’s lonely socks and used a felt pen to decorate it. He stuck a blue pot scrubber on the top for hair and fastened it there. Then he wrote Chloe’s name across the top, slipped his gifts inside and laid it next to Madison’s. Everybody deserved a happy Christmas—especially Chloe. He could at least give her that.
But as he pulled off his sweater, Brendan found the note in his pocket, the one that had been stuck on her door after the accident, the one he hadn’t shown her.
Next time we won’t miss.
He knelt by the gaily lit miniature tree Madison had made and began to pray that when Chloe finally learned to trust him, it wouldn’t be too late.
Chapter Fifteen
“We don’t have to do this you know. Christmas was more than enough.”
Chloe searched for control of her traitorous breathing as Brendan’s tangy aftershave filled her senses. “Everything was so perfect.”
“Like what?” he asked as he drove through the darkness.
“The laughter. Your computer game for Kyle was genius. Then there was our hockey game. I still think you cheated.” She snuggled her hands into her pockets and hunched her shoulders. “My stocking.” She giggled.
“You’re not the only crafty person, you know.” His chest puffed out a little. “Anyway, it’s New Year’s Eve. The kids are safe at the youth group all-nighter, which by the way, I’m sure Darcy and Fergus will enjoy.”
“Brendan! Those two deserve a medal, not the torture they’re enduring.”
“They’ll survive. Besides, you deserve to have dinner somewhere nice to finish out the year and I wanted to see that outfit again.” He glanced at her, his eyes dark with unspoken meaning. “That shade of blue is sure your color.”
“Thank you.” Her stomach jiggled like jelly, reminded her there was one other thing she wouldn’t forget about Christmas. That kiss. She’d been caught under the mistletoe several times, once by Joe Montgomery, once by Quinn, and once by Brendan himself, late at night, after his family had left and the kids had gone to bed. Her cheeks still burned at her greedy response.
“Where are we going?” she asked, hoping she’d be able to get a grip on herself before they arrived.
“Broadmoor House. I reserved a table. We can take our time because the musical presentation at the church doesn’t start till nine.”
Chloe felt certain the meal was delicious though she didn’t actually taste a thing. Her brain, her eyes, every sense was focused on Brendan. He looked elegantly handsome in a black suit and crisp white shirt, green eyes mysterious and romantic in the candlelight. She got little shivers whenever his hands touched hers—and they touched a lot. What meal could compare to that!
They were almost late for the presentation, but no one seemed to care. Eyes remained glued to the stage. Except for Chloe’s. Was she the only one who thought Brendan Montgomery the best-looking man in the place?
“That was really great,” he enthused, holding her wrap then following its path down her arms in a way that made her feel cared for, cherished.
It was a magical night that Chloe didn’t want to end. As they waited for the all-clear, she caught herself wishing they could have some time alone together and a second later hoped they wouldn’t. He made her dream impossible things and even though tonight was like a page out of a fairy tale, she had to remember who he was—an agent for the FBI who could be reassigned at a moment’s notice.
While others moved to the friendship room to share snacks and a sparkling cider toast to the year ahead, she and Brendan slipped out the side door to the waiting vehicle. Chloe watched with mixed feelings as their escort climbed into his vehicle to follow them. There hadn’t been any further threats. Surely the worst was over.
“It’s storming already. I thought it wasn’t supposed to hit ’til tomorrow morning.” Brendan grimaced, peering through the windshield. “Just goes to prove you can never trust a weather guy. Hopefully we can make it to your place before this gets any worse.”
They did—barely. Through the swirling snow the house looked warm and welcoming, probably due to all the lights they’d left on. Brendan pulled into the garage, waited for the door to close then asked for a report. All clear.
Inside felt cozy and warm after the growing blizzard outside. Chloe spent a few moments peering out at the backyard until Brendan drew the drapes, unaware that he was reminding her that someone could be lurking out there.
“Any of that fudge left?” he asked. “I think we should put on the DVD Kyle gave you for Christmas and sit by the fire while we wait for the new year to arrive.” He tugged off his tie, slipped out of his jacket and rolled up his sleeves.
Chloe suddenly became aware of the awkwardness of the moment. Someone had always been around before. But now, aside from the agent watching her house and the one who’d followed them home, she and Brendan were alone.
“I think there’s some left. I’ll get it.” She hid out in the pantry for a few minutes until she’d lectured herself back to normal. Tonight wasn’t any different than the other nights. He was still just doing his job.
Chloe made some mint tea, and carried it and the fudge to the living room where Brendan had turned on the gas fireplace. Just as she snuggled into her favorite chair, the lights went out.
Immediately a wash of unease filled her and past ghosts of insecurity and aloneness rushed in. She hurried to the cabinet, felt around for the candles and matches she kept. There were plenty and she distributed them around the room, desperate to get rid of the looming shadows.
“I like candlelight as much as the next guy but don’t you think you’re overdoing it just a bit?” Brendan watched her like a hawk.
“No.” She turned off the fireplace since the fan didn’t work with the power out.
“The doors are all locked, Chloe. We’re safe enough for the moment.”
“It’s not that.” She huddled in her chair as the flickers of candlelight fingered their way to the ceiling. Unease filled her. “I don’t like the dark.”
“Why’s that?” Brendan sat down on the ottoman in front of her. “I’m right here. Nothing’s going to happen to you.”
The quiet steadiness in his voice was supposed to reassure her but Chloe wasn’t thinking about the danger from outside, she was remembering past betrayal. Suddenly all the feelings she’d had tonight were obliterated by fear.
“Talk to me,” he urged. “Tell me what’s wrong.”
She swallowed, felt the dryness constrict her throat and took a sip of tea. “You’re sure the kids are all right?” she whispered, staring into his eyes.
“Listen for yourself.” He pulled out his cell phone and dialed. “I gave Kyle a cell phone before he left, so he could contact us if he needed to. Hey, buddy. Everything okay?” After a few jokes Brendan passed her the phone.
“K-Kyle?” She jumped at the creak of a floorboard. “Are you okay?”
“Well, the movie cut out in the middle, but we’re telling scary stories now. Madison just creeped everybody out with hers—about guinea pigs, of course. I gotta go, Mom. I’ve got a real
whopper to tell them.”
“Okay. Happy New Year, honey.”
“Happy New Year.” The phone went dead.
“You see, he’s fine. They both are.” He shoved his phone back in his pocket, pulled it out when it rang. “Montgomery. He what? Is he going to be okay? No, we’re fine. Okay, thanks.”
“What’s wrong?” Panic tightened the cords in her neck until it hurt to move. “Is it Madison?”
“That was my boss, Chloe. Our escort back from the church was sideswiped by another vehicle. He’s on his way to the hospital.”
“So we’re one person short.” How could she explain the clawing fear that gripped her? Chloe rose, lit another candle and carried it into the kitchen. The three-wick Christmas candle still sat on the dining room table and she lit it, too. When would the lights come on?
“You’re safe, Chloe. There’s still a patrol outside, the police are doing rounds every ten or fifteen minutes. I’m here. Nothing is going to hurt you. You have to believe that.”
“I’m being paranoid, aren’t I?” she admitted, relieved when his warm hand closed around hers and he drew her back into the living room. “I’m sorry. Chalk it up to my past. Again.”
“Have you always been afraid of the dark?”
“For a long time.” She poured him tea, handed over the cup and the tin with the fudge in it. “There was just my mom and I when my father was away. Mom chased away her shadows with alcohol. I didn’t have that luxury. So once she was passed out, I was all alone in that house. I hated that.”
“Why?”
“It cost a lot for electricity and heat so we had to cut down on our use of lights. I’d sit there in the dark, knowing she wouldn’t have heard me if I did scream. I’d scare myself silly wondering what that rattle was, that creak, that groan. I never knew when or if my father would be home and I felt so alone.”
“But you’re not alone now. I’m here, there are people watching out for you.” He leaned forward. “And God. He’s watching.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“Because I asked Him to be.”
“And that’s enough? How can you be so sure?”
“A couple of years ago I was undercover. It’s a horrible life pretending to be someone you’re not, afraid you’ll slip up and get yourself killed before you can get the bad guys to justice.” He dragged a hand through his hair, mussing it. “I was trying to infiltrate a gang, a different, more deadly version of the Vipers, and I was pretty sure they’d outed me. I had nobody to talk to, nobody I could confide in. All I could do was pray and trust God to be there for me, to show me what to do next. I was literally forced to put my life in His hands.”
“And?”
“I’m here, aren’t I?” He grinned, chucked her under the chin. “Yeah, I got out, thanks to some hardworking agents that God led to me. But the point is, I didn’t know anyone was still trying to get me out. I knew nothing other than that I was stuck in that gang and that I had to trust someone. I chose God and He saw it all. He knew. He was there.”
“I think I’m beginning to understand that.” Chloe struggled to find the words, feeling her way as she tried to explain her heart. “I’ve been trying to trust more each day.”
“That’s the only way to do it.” His fingers threaded through hers. “Maybe that’s one good thing to come out of this situation—God used it to help you learn His way. Now that you’ve taken the first step, your faith can begin to grow. You’ll get better at believing He’ll be there when you need Him.”
“It’s actually been a pretty good year,” she mused, forcing herself to breathe normally when he didn’t let go of her fingers. “We’ve settled well here, the kids have found good friends. I’m able to work.” She made a face. “Most of the time. Maybe things with Steve will finally settle out. Maybe the New Year will bring us all some much needed peace.”
“I hope so.” He stared into her eyes as the mantle clock chimed the midnight hour. A solemn hush lay on the room. Brendan leaned forward.
“Happy New Year, Chloe.” He moved slowly closer until his lips covered hers in a soft kiss.
Chloe returned his caress, unable to stop from sighing as a spring of joy bubbled inside. He was such a good man. Kind, generous and so caring. His arms slid around to draw her nearer and she relaxed into his embrace as if coming home. How perfect it seemed, how right.
Then reality returned. She pulled away, refused to look at him. “I shouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I’m not.” He tilted her chin, forced her to look at him. A quizzical look crossed his face. “You’re a very beautiful woman and I’m falling in love with you.” He frowned when she pulled away. “What’s wrong, Chloe? Did I mistake something that wasn’t there? Don’t you care for me?”
She couldn’t stand to see his doubts. “Of course I care. I’m falling in love with you, too. How could I not? You’re a man of integrity, you say what you mean. The kids adore you. You’ve kept us safe all this time. Gone above and beyond anything we could have ever imagined. You’ve been our rock.”
“But?” In the dimness his face had lost that tender look, closed up. “Never mind all my sterling qualities. If you care for me and I most certainly care for you, then what is the problem here?”
“Me.” She gulped. “I come with a past, Brendan—a not very pretty one at that. And every time I think I’m over it, something about my father’s desertion or Steve’s abandonment comes back and I have to learn to trust all over again.”
“You don’t trust me yet?” He looked…disappointed.
“Here and now—yes. But what about tomorrow when you’re late and I start to think the worst, or when you’re transferred out of Colorado Springs and you can’t be around to soothe my fears?” She blinked, wishing she didn’t have to say it. “I’ve lived with abandonment for years. I can’t suddenly be over it. It took me ages to learn how to be strong and independent for my kids.”
His smile didn’t reach his eyes.
“Nobody’s independent, Chloe. Everybody depends on someone else. That’s how God designed human nature—for us to need each other.” His hands cupped her face, forced her to look at him. “Your father abandoned your family, Steve left your marriage. What you’ve been learning is to trust yourself.” He touched her cheek, brushed away a strand of hair. “Now you have to learn to trust God. He’s not going to walk out on you. Neither am I.” His eyes held hers, a question in their depths. “You have to trust.”
The soft creak of a door closing filled the room with tension. For one moment Brendan froze. Then he leaned forward, his lips against her ear.
“Stay here. I’ll check it out.” He blew out the candles and disappeared.
Chloe sat in the dark—waiting, listening. She heard a soft thud then nothing. Where was Brendan? Why didn’t he come back and get her? At first she was frozen by the impenetrable black gloom, but then she began to discern light and dark using the ember glow from the pilot light of the fireplace.
Brendan could be hurt. Whatever had happened, she couldn’t sit here not knowing any longer.
I don’t know what’s wrong, God, she prayed silently. Please help me.
Slipping off her shoes, she tiptoed across the room, checked the doorway then stepped into the kitchen. The candle was out. Pausing by one wall, she took stock of the situation, almost cried out when she saw Brendan’s body sprawled across the floor. He was not moving.
Chloe moved silently across the room to help him, froze at the sight of a black-clothed person in the dining room. The three wick candle was still burning. When he turned she realized that it was the same man who’d attacked her before.
The truth burst in that second. She was on her own. No one could help her now. No one could protect her. Terror grabbed her throat and held her immobile, blanking out all reason. She was all alone. She would die.
I will be with you always.
God? Is that You? The delicate tremor inside reassured her. He was
here. He would help. All she had to do was to think of a way to stop this man.
He moved toward her, unaware that she stood in the shadows. The only weapon she had was herself and the element of surprise. An idea flickered to life. Chloe drew in a calming breath.
When the interuder came through the door she struck him with her best karate move. He fell, rolled to his feet and whirled to face her. Brendan’s moan distracted him and Chloe struck again, this time to the midsection. He rose again, but this time a gun flashed in his hand.
Brendan grabbed his leg from behind and pulled him down. The gun clanked on the floor and slid into the open pantry and under a shelf. As they wrestled, Chloe backed into the darkness, knowing she had to think of something. She needed a weapon. She returned to the living room. What now, God?
From the corner of her eye she saw Ziggy’s cage where Kyle had put it in a corner so his pet wouldn’t be left out of the holiday season. Chloe lifted off the screen, picked up the reptile. “I need your help, Zig. Try to look very fierce. Poisonous, too.”
“Praying? You can’t escape. Don’t bother to try.” A hand touched her shoulder. “You should never have interfered in El Jefe’s business.”
“And you should have stayed out of my home,” she told him, stepping a little to one side so his hand fell away. “I don’t like being threatened, shot at, having my kids put in danger. I especially don’t like traffic accidents.”
“I had my orders. It was nothing personal.”
“Nothing personal?” Fury raced through her and she twisted to face him, shoving the snake in his face. “Neither is this!”
Ziggy was upset at her rough treatment and sent out a loud persistent hiss which scared her attacker so badly he stepped backward away from the animal. “I hate snakes. Get him away from me!”
Chloe shook her head, lunged closer. “No way. You want to know what it’s like to die from snake venom? I’m a nurse. I can tell you. It’s horrible. Your throat swells until you can’t breathe.” She pressed Ziggy closer. “Your chest feels like it’s going to explode. You literally choke to death.”
