by Abbott, Kiki
Liam looked good in basketball shorts and a white t-shirt. With everything she had, Jaxie tried to summon some feeling for him. Maybe it would come later. Crane smiled over at her seated on the couch and she flashed one back. But there was a touch of sadness in hers and maybe even in Crane’s smile. Even if he had an interest in her, she had to ignore him now. Even though he didn’t wear a ring, Jaxie knew many men who took theirs off for the camera.
There were a few announcements and then the cameras started to roll. Liam summoned Jaxie from the couch, took her hand and they walked outside where an Aston Martin sports car waited for their date. “Cool. This car is awesome.” She and Liam exchanged a look of excitement and hopped in, with him behind the wheel. They waved goodbye to the rest of the girls and took off down the twisting road to the Pacific Coast Highway and on to the Santa Monica Pier where the production crew had a whole day planned at the amusement park.
Unfortunately, it turned out the date was riddled with productions snags and they had to move their venue to Venice Beach. There, they rented roller skates instead, and hobbled their way up the paved trail to embarrass themselves by falling every few feet. Neither Liam nor Jaxie had any experience roller skating but hanging on to each other, they made their way to a hoops game on the edge of the beach. Liam took off his skates and joined the guys shooting baskets. Jaxie could only watch from a grassy area where she sat and undid her roller skates. She couldn’t play basketball. Instead, she cheered Liam on, as he sunk basket after basket.
“Go, Liam!” she yelled, full well knowing that the camera was on her. Brent would see this. But a few times, she found herself cheering for Liam simply because he was a sweet guy and they were having a wonderful day.
He didn’t stay long in the game, just long enough to get sweaty and after sitting down beside Jaxie on the grass, he realized he needed a shower. Liam stood under an outdoor beach shower while Jaxie watched the water rain over his gorgeously toned athletic build. Even if she didn’t feel much for him romantically, she had to admit he was a beautiful man. The camera caught her looking and she stuck out her tongue in defiance, hoping they’d decide against that shot. Leave it on the editing room floor.
If not, she hoped she hadn’t been drooling at the sight of Liam’s body in the shower. Her eyes followed the camera man back to the crew to see David Crane had arrived. He stood talking with the group, in a baseball cap, jeans and a T shirt. At first she wondered if it was him, then he turned and looked straight at her from under his hat. A slight lift of her chin said hi to him, and he mirrored her motion just before a wet Liam closed in on her from behind in a big soggy hug. The Bachelor picked her up and spun her around while Jaxie screamed in surprise. Of course they got it all on camera, her giggling, him growling in her neck.
After drying Liam off they headed down the Venice Beach boardwalk, meandering along, checking out the vendors, laughing over some of the items for sale. After buying her a piece of ridiculously goddy jewelry they stopped for a beer at one of the restaurants that jutted onto the boardwalk. Music blared from overhead speakers and it was hard to have a conversation but both contestants were wired for sound and the crew would catch every word, even if Liam and Jaxie couldn’t hear each other.
Liam was charming. Really, he was. Jaxie had to admit that some lucky gal would get him in the end. When he reached across the plate of nachos to grab her hand, she let him, not knowing if he was trying to irk Brent, or if he really liked her. Liam was definitely likeable and Jaxie had to remind herself several times to not let herself get sucked in to the emotions of the day. The filming continued with Crane out there watching. It was embarrassing, having a romantic date in front of Crane, and his question kept ringing in her ear. “Why?” Why indeed.
What she really wanted was to get Liam alone and agree that they were both acting it out for their own reasons. Instead of voicing her question, she borrowed the waitress’s pen and when the cameras stopped rolling for a few minutes, Jaxie wrote on her napkin “I’m having fun. U?”
Liam nodded and smiled like he was having a ton of fun.
“Trying to make Brent mad?” she wrote.
He shrugged and looked at her with a measure of guilt.
“Me too,” she wrote.
He took the pen and wrote “but I’m having fun w u”.
“Me too.” Now they both knew each other’s plans. They looked at each other and laughed, knowing each other’s thoughts. They each had their own reason for the date. Jaxie’s smile was as big as her relief. They were comrades. But, strangely, the person immediately bothered seemed to be Crane. Every time she looked over, he scowled.
After leaving the restaurant, Liam took her in his arms and kissed her. Not long, not deep, but a good solid kiss with just the tip of his tongue. She let him. And when they pulled back and smiled at each other, they both knew what was going on. From the corner of her eye, she saw Crane walk away, back towards the restaurant, his arms not swinging.
She wanted to be two people and send one person to run after him, to reassure him that they were only acting out of spite for another person. But why? Crane was married with kids. That thought alone took the fun out of the moment. For some reason, Crane had a crush on her. Looking back at their moments alone, Jaxie now knew he’d sought her out, hung around her and was holding back telling her. There was no doubt in her mind that the feeling she had was mutual. That had to come to an abrupt stop immediately.
As she and Liam walked back to the SUV, arm in arm, laughing, Jaxie tried to not wonder what was going through Crane’s mind. Poor Crane. Oh God, she couldn’t do this. She had to take herself out of this competition. What was the point of being on this show?
Back in the Aston Martin, Liam leaned over and turned off her microphone, then did his own. The remainder of the ride to the hotel where they’d change clothes for dinner, was about things they couldn’t say on camera.
He looked over at her. “Spill. What’s going on?”
Liam looked so handsome, sitting there behind the wheel of a sports car, the afternoon sun casting a peachy glow on them. She had to be truthful now. “Brent broke up with me two weeks ago. He said I’m not adventurous enough.” Jaxie looked over and smiled. “And he’s probably right. I like plans and lists and preparation. I’m a chef. I like recipes.”
Liam laughed and Jaxie couldn’t help but notice that it didn’t spur the joy in her as when Crane laughed at her jokes. “I came here to show Brent I could be fun and spontaneous, and then when I saw it was you, I knew it would also infuriate him.” They turned off the highway on their way to the W Hotel. “But, now, I’m really reconsidering. I don’t want to make him feel badly, I don’t. And he was right. We aren’t a great match. I need someone more settled down.” Jaxie put her hand on his arm that gripped the steering wheel.
Liam looked over at her and raised one eyebrow in jest. “Like me, baby.”
She laughed at him. “Will it hurt your feelings if I tell you that I need a break from football players?”
He laughed again but looked slightly disappointed .“We would be great friends.”
“I agree.”
He took her hand and kissed her knuckles. “You sure about not wanting to give this a try?”
Jaxie nodded. “I’m sorry. I just think there are some fantastic girls in that house who would make a perfect match with you. I’m kind of damaged goods right now.”
So what should we do? Do you want to stay or go?”
“You’ll keep me after I told you this?”
“Stick it to Brent? Hell ya!”
They laughed and pulled in to the parking lot of the hotel where the crew waited. Jaxie thought about Brent, then Crane, and wondered what would be best for everyone. “I’d like to leave but not get kicked off the show, you know? Saving face and all that?”
He smiled from the driver’s seat. “Deal. But I ask one thing. A really good sexy kiss on camera.” He grinned at her.
“Deal.”
�
�Let’s go have dinner and decide that we want different things out of life. I’ll say you are just too adventurous and spontaneous for me. How’s that?”
But, before they got to that conversation, all hell broke loose. Jaxie and Liam were in the hot tub on the rooftop of the W Hotel, moments before their planned sexy kiss and the producers got an emergency phone call that one of the girls was extremely ill and had been rushed to the hospital.
They got out of the hot tub, skipped the rooftop dinner and were ushered back to the mansion where Jaxie again didn’t have an opportunity to bow out gracefully. The contestant needed an emergency appendectomy and once everyone stopped worrying, things returned to normal.
When the other girls asked about her date Jaxie said, on camera, that they’d had a lot of fun but she wasn’t sure if she and Liam were a good match. “I’m pretty sure he was about to tell me that I wouldn’t be getting a rose.”
Not able to look over at Crane, she shrugged and continued upstairs to bed, knowing that one girl was out of the competition that week simply because of hospitalization. Liam would not have to eliminate anyone else that week and Jaxie found herself back in the Husband Hunt.
It was a bright California spring day and after Jaxie made everyone omelets and answered enough questions about Liam’s method of kissing to make her head spin, she cornered Crane and demanded a private conversation.
“Let’s go out to the driveway. I’m on my way out.” He looked concerned but more guarded than she’d seen.
When they’d situated themselves on the rock wall that lined the driveway, Jaxie got to the point. “I want to leave the show.” She’d rehearsed this speech and that sentence hadn’t been her opener but it just seemed to burst from her mouth before she’d had a chance to censor it.
He continued to look at the ground. “Can I ask why?”
She laughed without smiling. “I’m surprised you have to, but I have several reasons.” She took a deep breath and plunged into the rehearsed version. “One reason is that I was using this opportunity to show my ex-boyfriend that I can be spontaneous and fun. And I’m really sorry for doing that because it’s not fair to the other girls. The second reason is that Liam is someone he dislikes very much and that’s not fair to Brent to play this game on national T.V. when my motive was to show him I’m adventurous, Liam’s motive for keeping me is to stick to Brent and there are girls here who really want the chance to get to know Liam. My last reason to leave is that I don’t feel anything romantically for him. Besides the fact that he’s another football player, I just don’t feel…” She threw her arms out in front of her, searching for the word without insulting Liam’s ability to attract women.
Crane jumped into the conversation. “I get it. But that kiss yesterday looked like you two connected pretty well.” He still wouldn’t look at her.
“I pretended he was someone else,” she whispered. She looked over and saw Crane’s jaw twitch, giving away emotion. “I need to go, Crane. I’m really sorry to have come here with ulterior motives.”
He chuckled. “Ah Jaxie, everyone here has a motive. Most, not necessarily to find love. Can you stick it out until the next cocktail party in four days?”
“Four days? I guess I can do that.”
“What will you do when you leave here? Back to Seattle right away?” He sounded like her answer mattered to him and even though they were contractually obligated to lay low for a few weeks, Jaxie wasn’t sure she wanted to return to rainy Seattle immediately.
“I might stick around here for a few weeks. See if there are any openings for food critics.”
Crane looked at her. His soulful eyes said it all. Stay. Why did he care? She hopped off the wall and went into the house, knowing she wasn’t allowed to tell anyone that she’d be the next to leave the show.
* * * *
In the next few days, Jaxie felt a lightness of spirit she hadn’t had in months. For whatever reason, she did not miss Brent anymore. She didn’t care if Liam asked her out on a group date or a one on one, and it was much easier to really get to know the girls in the house, knowing she was out of the running. Even Crane looked happier and joked with her around the house. On the night before the cocktail party, while a group was out on a date, Crane took her aside and asked if she had a few moments to work out the logistics of how she’d leave the show. He’d pick her up in the driveway if she could slip away.
Jaxie tried to sneak out the patio door from her bedroom that led to the pool and was almost home free when one of the girls noticed her exodus. “Jaxie, we’re going to do a funny fashion show upstairs in a few minutes. Where are you going?”
“I’ll be there in a few. I just need some alone time,” she lied.
Walking to the far side of the property, she heard a car pull up in the driveway. This had been their plan. Jaxie was able to quietly open the passenger door which was beside an azalea bush and slip into the front seat. Crane waited in the driver’s seat, and as soon as she closed the door, they took off down the driveway to the other house, down the road which was empty until Liam returned from his date.
“This feels so naughty, sneaking off like this,” she said, and looked over at him, realizing that their seats were very close. Under different circumstances she might have touched his cheek, put her hand on his thigh.
“It’s better if no one knows you’re going to leave tomorrow so I haven’t told the other staff.” They pulled into the driveway of a modern house perched on the edge of a hill overlooking a vast valley. Crane killed the car lights and they sat in the closeness of the dark car. “This is where the Bachelors stay. We can go in, if you like,” he said.
Jaxie didn’t care if they went in. She hadn’t realized it was such a secret amongst the crew but honored what Crane thought was best. “We can talk here. How do you recommend I do this?” She swiveled to face him and he turned too, rubbing his chin in thought.
“I think you need to go to the cocktail party as if nothing is wrong. When I enter the room to tell Liam to take some time to consider his choice, you can ask to speak to me. We’ll leave the room together, you can say that you are bowing out, you know that Liam is just keeping you here but that you don’t want to take up a spot for one of the girls who is in the competition to find a husband when you know that you and Liam only feel friendship. That sort of thing.”
Jaxie nodded.
“Don’t mention that you are going home to reconcile with your football player boyfriend,” he added.
“What?” Jaxie was confused.
“Don’t say that on camera.” He looked away.
“But it’s not true.”
“Well, whatever you meant. You said when you kissed Liam, you thought of Brent. I assumed that’s why you are leaving the show.”
“No.” She was horrified at the thought.
“Okay, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry. I guess it sounded like that. I’m leaving for the reasons we talked about the other day. Not for Brent. Thank God. During my time here I realized that I called it wrong with Brent. We’re not a good match, and he was right about that.” Jaxie didn’t want him to think she was returning to Brent. His opinion mattered although she wasn’t sure why. The decision to leave had nothing to do with Brent and everything to do with the fact that this sexy, interesting man named Crane was watching her parade around in her bikini, making a stupid fool of herself on a ridiculous dating show when all she wanted was to find someone exactly like Crane for herself, not Liam, not Brent. In the last two weeks, being in close proximity with these two men was the perfect opportunity for Jaxie to compare types-- Liam and Crane, and know that what she wanted was someone exactly like Crane. And she would hold out for that even if she was turning thirty in a few years and had hoped to have children by then. “I’ve learned a lot about myself here.” She couldn’t go home and have a baby with Phillip. He’d find a loving partner and hopefully she would too someday and they’d have their own babies somehow. “I don’t know how I was
so stupid only three weeks ago.” Jaxie began to cry. She sobbed for the relationship that was over with Brent, and for the baby she would never have with Phillip. “I’m sorry, but I just realized how alone I am and...and...”
Crane was no exception to the rule that men can’t stand to see a woman cry. He patted her arm and tried telling her to stop but it was no use. Jaxie felt like a locked door had been flung open and all the tears came flooding out.
He rushed around the front of the car to open her door and pull her out to the driveway she let herself fall heavily into his arms blathering on about what a stupid mistake Brent had been, how she originally just wanted to show him she was fun. “But now I know I am exactly who I am and I can’t apologize for that. I’m practical and planned and I like me that way.”
Crane wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into his warm chest, rubbing her back, reassuring her with soothing words like “I know. You’re not. You won’t. It’ll be okay.” His soft t-shirt absorbed her tears
“Oh, easy for you to say.” She pulled back. “You have a wife and children and this perfect life but I’m going to be thirty soon and I’m no farther ahead than I was at twenty.”
“You’ll be okay.” He stopped rubbing her back. “I don’t have a wife.”
Jaxie stopped crying. “Your girls, your wife,” she sniffed. Pulling back, she searched his face which had that look of sadness again.
“At least I don’t have a wife, anymore. But I do have two beautiful children and that is something to work towards even if you end up parenting alone.”
“Oh. I’m sorry. I thought you were married.” Jaxie wiped her nose on her sleeve and then realized what she’d done. “Oh God, I’m a mess. I’m just emotional because I’m trying to figure out what to do with my life and for some reason I chose you to unload on.” She smiled and as he wiped her face with his sleeve, they laughed pitifully.
