There was a bad taste in my mouth as I thought about the day I met Mutt. His owner pretty much dragged him in and then handed him to me. She didn’t even turn around when she left while he sat there, watching her with his scruffy little head cocked to the side. I made a big effort not to pick favorites, but Mutt had a special place in my heart. He was hyper, but he was hands down one of the sweetest dogs Arden had ever got.
“That’s terrible,” Abby said with a hand pressed to her chest. “How could someone do that to a dog?”
“Some of these dogs have been through so much worse than that. It’s just awful. People don’t realize that a dog isn’t just an animal. It’s a part of the family, like another child, and to abandon or abuse them is mind boggling. Disgusting.”
“Assholes,” Abby said with a shake of her head. “I’d take them all if I could.”
I laughed. “Trust me, I feel the same way.”
She bit her lip and leaned forward, looking a bit more anxious than I’d ever seen her. “Listen, I, uh, I’m not sure if Logan told you about what happened last year. Or if you read it in the paper.”
I nodded my head. “I heard about what happened to you. I’m so sorry, I can’t imagine how scary that must have been.”
Abby nodded her head and looked down at her hands, which were clenched tightly in her lap. Dealing with a stalker must have been horrific, especially after finding out it was her own therapist. She must have been completely traumatized by the whole ordeal. I remembered hearing that Knox suffered a brutal concussion after getting in some sort of fight with the stalker.
“Yeah, it was a rough couple of months. But I’m better than ever now. I’m living with the love of my life, I have a good job. Things have really… slowed down, you know? Anyway, Knox still gets a little paranoid and some nights he works pretty late at the gym. He doesn’t like me coming home to an empty house. It’s like, full blown alpha male syndrome, but he wants a dog that’s going to protect me if something were to happen again.”
My heart did a little backflip. I knew I’d liked Knox the second I met him. He was sweet and seemed so wrapped around Abby’s finger. I could understand, the Ashford family could really cast a spell on people. But the fact that he wanted her safe, protected at all times was endearing. Again, I was thinking that was something I could understand.
I rattled off a few more of the dogs and she copied everything down before writing down the Arden Farm and Rescue phone numbers, including my direct line. I was more than willing to help out anyone who wanted to adopt one of my dogs, especially Abby. I could picture a dog running around the house and sleeping on the large couch that sat in the living room. The house was cozy, but it’s open floor plan left plenty of room for a pet to roam around comfortably.
We continued to eat cookie dough and drink coffee while we got to know each other better. I learned that Abby was quite nosy as she asked me about college and my childhood. Instinctively, I knew that it was because she wanted to get a feel for the woman Logan was dating, and as nervous as I was, I still found myself answering honestly, even when I mentioned the fact that Gran raised me and my parents had been M.I.A. for most of my life. I didn’t know why I cared so much, but I wanted her to know that I wouldn’t hurt her brother, that I cared about him enough to admit to my own flaws and mistakes, including my awkward social tendencies.
“You were so quiet that night at dinner, I was nervous we were gonna scare you off.” She laughed as we moved to the couch and sat down on the soft cushions.
My eyes widened. “Absolutely not. I had so much fun that night. I loved getting to know everyone and hearing stories from Logan’s childhood was hilarious. He was such a punk.” I laughed.
She did too and then nodded. “He still is. He’s a good guy, though. You know that, right?”
And there it is, I thought as I sipped my coffee. “I know. He’s a very good guy, and he loves you so much. He talks about you all the time.”
“You care about him?”
“I do.”
“A lot?”
I hesitated, unsure of how much I should say. I didn’t know Abby, not really. She was sweet and funny, and she reminded me so much of Logan. But could I actually be real with her and tell her the truth?
“More than I’ve ever cared about a man,” I finally said. Nothing good could come from lying to her. I needed to be honest with Abby. With myself.
She gave me a soft smile. It was one of empathy, a look that told me she knew exactly how I felt. I didn’t know her whole story with Knox, but I knew they’d had their fair share of struggles along the way.
I was about to speak again when she reached out and squeezed my hand. “Scared?”
“Terrified.” I laughed.
“When I first moved home, you know, after everything happened, I kind of made it my duty to not let anything happen between me and Knox. But he was so… charming. And pushy. I was terrified of letting myself fall for him again. I was scared to trust him.”
“But?” I pushed when she stopped talking and stared off into space, in a daze as she thought about her boyfriend.
“But trusting him was the best decision I ever made. He protects me, makes me laugh. Whenever we get in a fight he brings me my favorite muffin from this little cafe in town.”
I laughed, amused at the thought of tough guy Knox strolling into the house with a muffin in his hand and his tail between his legs. But I had to admit, the gesture was sweet and, based on the faraway look on Abby’s face, it clearly meant something to her.
“Things really worked out for you, huh?”
“Yeah, but it didn’t happen overnight. It took months of nightmares, arguments, and panic attacks before I could let myself be happy. Sometimes I still find myself looking over my shoulder when I know no one is there. But every night that I go to sleep next to Knox, I feel like I won.”
Strength radiated off Abby in waves. She should feel like she won. That bastard stalker was rotting away in prison and she was living her life to the fullest, not missing out on a single day. She’d been pushed to her limits and still managed to bounce back stronger and better than ever. It was admirable.
“You definitely won.”
She looked at me then, her eyebrows furrowed as she opened and closed her mouth a few times. It looked like she was trying to find something to say. “Juliette, I won’t act like I know you. Right now you’re a beautiful, compassionate redhead that seems to have my brother wrapped around her finger. I was terrified of loving Knox, but I mean it when I say trusting him was the best decision I ever made. I spent such a long time thinking I had to do things alone and face things by myself. It wasn’t true. You don’t have to do everything alone. It’s okay to want to have a partner.”
If anyone else had said that to me, I would have labeled them a quack and gotten the hell out of dodge. But it was different with Abby. Maybe it was because Logan was her brother, but I felt like she understood. On some level. She just got it. She understood the fear that came with trusting someone, getting close. I had to admit that I found some sort of comfort in knowing that I wasn’t the only person navigating such a winding, complicated road.
“I think we’re gonna be friends,” I said with a laugh, popping another piece of cookie dough in my mouth.
“Oh, definitely. I’ve been waiting for a girl to come along and help me torture my brother.”
Knox came home soon after and immediately laid into us for eating raw cookie dough. Abby rolled her eyes when his back was turned and then laughed at him as he rattled off the dangers of salmonella. “Your mom eats raw dough all the time!”
“Abbs, I really can’t tell if you’re making a ‘your mom’ joke or if you’re actually talking about my mother.”
I watched, fascinated by their banter. They were so quick with the responses it was hard to keep up, but it was all playful. There was no hiding the smile on her face as she looked up at him and I noticed the way his eyes were always drawn to her. It sounded corny, e
specially to me, but I could feel the love in the house. A dog would be perfect there and I was determined to find the best fit. But I had the sneaking suspicion Abby would be making heart eyes at Mutt in no time at all.
The conversation I had with Abby gave me a lot to think about as I drove home that night. She’d made valid points about being afraid to trust someone and a familiar ache settled in my chest at the prospect of actually opening up and allowing myself to be vulnerable.
Did I want a partner?
Was I tired of doing everything alone?
Maybe, but that didn’t mean my circumstances were going to change. How could I? I’d spent the last three years of my life, essentially, alone, and before that I’d spent my life being overly independent with trust issues a mile long thanks to my parents’ shortcomings. How was I supposed to unlearn everything I’d taught myself over the years? Was that even possible?
Yes, Logan and I were sleeping together and, of course, that required some level of trust. But baring my naked body was so much easier than baring my naked soul, and the thought of really exposing myself and my issues was terrifying. It could have been the fear of rejection, but I think more than that it was the fear that he wouldn’t reject me. That Logan would embrace it and want more. He could have me completely wrapped around his finger and then just decide that he didn’t want it anymore. He could sweep me up and then just drop me when he got bored, or when he got tired of me and my animal books. Or the fact that I constantly had fur on my clothes.
“He could break my heart,” I whispered to myself as I put my car in park and turned it off. I sat there for a minute and stared at the rows of docks with little floating homes, some with lights on, others with lights off. The night was cloudless and the stars went on for miles over the black ocean.
For whatever reason, Gran came to mind. Her tall, slender frame and the way she always had a knowing smile on her face. She knew all, saw all. When I was child, I was firmly convinced that she was a mind reader because she seemed to always know what I was thinking. It didn’t matter what it was, she just knew.
“Why the long face, sugar?” she’d asked me once after I came home from school with a scowl lining my features.
Junior year had been a bust, thus far. I’d been picked on by my peers and I finally got up the nerve to ask Kyle Dawson if he wanted to come hang out and watch movies. It had taken all three years of high school for me to talk myself into finally asking him, thinking that it wouldn’t matter if he said yes or no. That I wouldn’t care.
Only I did care.
Because when I’d asked Kyle if he wanted to come over, his response was to laugh. Hard. He laughed until his cheeks were red and then asked me if I was serious. I was confused because of course I was serious, why wouldn’t I be? But I didn’t have time to tell him that I didn’t understand because he was murmuring to his friends, already onto something else.
As I’d stood in front of his desk, awkwardly holding my books, he looked up at me again and rolled his eyes. “Obviously, the answer is fuck no.”
I’d promptly burst into tears as Gran scrutinized me, walking around the dining room table of our small home and wrapping me up in a hug. I was so mortified at the way he’d turned me down. How was I supposed to show my face in school again knowing that he’d probably told everyone about the creepy animal girl asking him out?
“I feel so stupid.” I’d sniffled into her cashmere sweater.
“No, no! Why do you feel stupid?”
“Because, Gran! I asked him to hang out and he laughed at me,” I wailed.
She’d led me to the couch and sat me down, patting my knee and looking at me with green eyes that were just like mine. Wiping my tears with gentle, motherly affection, I’d watched as she shook her head, a small smile gracing her heart shaped face.
“Honey,” she’d said after a few minutes. “I’m going to tell you something and I want you to listen to me. There’s going to come a time in your life where you find someone that fits. Maybe they fit like a puzzle piece, or maybe they’re the missing ingredient for whatever you’re missing in life. It isn’t going to happen in high school, it may not even happen in college. But when it happens, Juliette? You’ll know. You’ll feel it. Being with someone is not the be all end all and it’s not a privilege. It’s work. It’s constantly working on yourself and working on your relationship. Good things never come easy, honey. But the good things are so worth it.”
My eyes teared up at the memory and I pressed my fists against them, pulling in a shaky breath before exhaling slowly. My eyes landed on Logan’s house with that blood red front door, and the overhead light flicked on. I watched as the door opened and he appeared, leaning against the doorframe with his hands in the pockets of his faded jeans. He was looking toward the parking lot and when he spotted me in my car he lifted his hand in a wave, a smile lighting up his handsome face.
I was instantly filled with a sense of peace knowing that I was about to spend the night with him. I was safe, I had my dog, and Logan was waiting at the door with a smile on his face. Gran’s words replayed in my head again.
Good things never come easy, honey. But the good things are so worth it.
Chapter 14
C hristmas was one week away and I was enjoying a peaceful, quiet day off for the first time in close to a month. Not that I was complaining, my days off had been filled with hot sex and adventures with Logan and the dogs. But I had to admit that it was nice to enjoy the peace and quiet that I’d forgotten about.
Logan had left for a job before I even woke up this morning, and when I went downstairs there was a fresh pot of coffee and a note leaning up against the red mug that I had dubbed as mine since I started staying at his place.
J,
Sorry I left so early this morning. I would have woken you, but you were sprawled across the bed and snoring. Plus, you’re kinda mean when you get woken up. Anyway, the dogs have already been out and I made the coffee extra strong for you. Don’t bother cooking anything, I haven’t gone food shopping. But there are plenty of takeout menus in the drawer next to the fridge. I shouldn’t be too late, but just in case I am, feel free to lock the door and sleep naked so I can wake you up as soon as I’m home. Can’t wait to feel those legs wrapped around me again. Enjoy your day, babe.
Logan
HE DIDN’T HAVE to leave me a note, but it was pretty damn sweet that he did. I’d quickly folded it up and then tucked it into my purse before taking a large mug of coffee back upstairs with me.
I’d gone back to sleep.
I’d taken the dogs on a nice, long walk in the brisk December air.
I’d even eaten half my weight in spicy salmon rolls from a new sushi bar in town.
Now, it was mid afternoon and I was enjoying a nice bubble bath in Logan’s master bathroom with rose scented soap engulfing me. Damn, I was glad I’d invested in a nice bathroom set because who didn’t want to smell like a rose garden? The water was warm and steam rose as I leaned back, a glass of red wine resting on the small wooden ledge that surrounded the large tub. My hair was piled high on my head and I felt relaxed, so relaxed as my eyes drifted shut.
I hadn’t heard from Logan yet and I hated the fact that I was just a little worried about him. This is what he does for a living, he’s fine.
I cleared my throat and tried my best to clear my head, focusing on the rhythmic tap tap tapping of the water that dripped out of the faucet every few seconds. Indulging in my wine, I took a few hearty gulps, loving the flavors of plum and cherry that coated my tongue.
“I love wine.”
I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been drunk, but that wasn’t something I ever really had a good time with anyway. I didn’t try any type of alcohol until my first year of college and even then it had been cheap, birthday cake flavored vodka and I’d spent the early morning hours hunched over the toilet and puking up everything in my system. I was sure an organ had come up too, as I vowed to never drink that much again.
But that’s what everyone says until the next time.
To this day, though, I cringe everytime I see that birthday cake vodka. It was cheap, burned my throat and gave me one banger of a headache.
My phone began vibrating against the fluffy white towel that it lay on, and I dried my hand before picking it up, seeing Abby’s name flash across the screen. Ever since that day at the house, we’d been texting back and forth.
“Hello?” I answered.
“We want Mutt and Allistair.”
Well, that made me sit up straight. “You want two dogs?”
“Yeah. I mean, is that allowed?”
“Of course! I just, I just didn’t know that you were planning on doing that.”
I heard some shuffling and a few curse words before she began talking again. “We definitely weren’t planning on doing that, trust me. But the second Knox saw Allistair, he was all over him. They’re kind of the same, you know? A little grumpy, super adorable.”
Adorable wasn’t the first word I’d use to describe Knox. Intimidating, maybe. Manly, definitely. Adorable? Not so much.
I laughed anyway. “And I’m assuming you felt some sort of kinship to Mutt?”
Abby made a loud noise in the phone and then began talking a mile a minute. “Oh my God, he was so sweet! He fell asleep on my lap and he ran circles around Alistair. The poor dog just sat there while Mutt ran around like someone lit a fire under his ass.”
“Like you and Knox, I’m guessing?”
“Exactly!”
I laughed and gave the appropriate responses as she said that she and Knox filled out applications for both dogs and left them with Rose, who would give them to me when I went into work on Monday. We talked for a few minutes about adoption fees and what they’d need in order to pass a house inspection. Her excitement was palpable, and I could even hear Knox talking in the background about how he’d get started on having a fence put up in the front yard.
Reckless and Wild: A Small Town Romantic Suspense (Port James Series Book 1) Page 12
