It’s probably better that he is.
Because I can’t think around him.
Actually, I won’t allow myself to think at all right now.
It isn’t worth it, to let my mind wander like that.
Once I’m out, dried off, and dressed, I call Chasm.
“Is it over?” he whispers as soon as he answers the phone. “Is he … is Parrish alive?”
“He’s alive,” I reply with a small sniffle. But I won’t cry. Because I didn’t hate what happened. I only hated that I was hurting people I cared about when I was doing it. “He’s alive.”
There’s a long, horrible moment there where I’m imagining all the awful things that Chasm might think about me.
“Anything you want to know, I’ll tell you,” I promise him. “Anything.”
Another pause.
“Was it … did he … was he a gentleman?”
“Not really,” Maxx replies, and I nearly drop my phone in surprise as he comes up behind me.
“You better not have hurt her,” Chas growls out, but I’m already shaking my head. Then I remember this isn’t a video call, and he can’t see me. When I glance up and catch sight of my reflection—dark eyes, green and black hair wet and hanging in loose waves over my shoulders, my lips swollen and slightly red, I’m glad. I look like someone who’s just had a night of good sex, and I don’t need Chas to see that when he isn’t the one who’s giving it to me.
“He didn’t hurt me; it was … I’ll tell you about it later,” I add, deciding that this might be easier in person. Maxx watches my face in the mirror, standing tall and gorgeous behind me, his dark hair mussed, his shirtless abdomen a testament to his time spent on the track.
“Maybe not,” Chas replies finally, and then he sighs. “I’m exhausted. I’m sure you guys are, too. Just … get some sleep. We need to hit that list of places hard. Don’t expect to get a lot of rest for the remainder of the week.”
“Aye, aye, captain,” Maxx says, his eyes half-lidded as he continues to watch me. His words are playful, but there’s a heaviness to this morning that we can all feel.
“Don’t talk to me for the rest of the day, okay? I know it isn’t your fault. Just … I only want to talk to Dakota.” Chasm hangs up before either of us can respond, and I sigh, pulling up Justin’s text so that Maxx can see it.
“Guess we saved the day, didn’t we?” he asks, but there’s not a lot of joy in his voice. “Or … I guess we just undid the mistake I made when I punched Justin.” He puts his hands on my shoulders and kneads my flesh with strong fingers, making me shiver. It feels damn good to be touched like that. “I’m so sorry.”
“No, I’m sorry,” I tell him, turning around and finding myself in the circle of his arms. He rests his hands on my hips as I look up at him. “You were … that was your first time. I know you were saving yourself until after you were engaged.”
Maxx licks his lips, playing with the small bite mark that I left there. Hopefully nobody will notice or, if they do, they’ll think he did it to himself.
“I’m worried about how intense I can get. Not just physically—through there is that. I really tried to keep it contained tonight.” He sighs and sweeps some of my hair back behind my ear. “There’s an intensity to the way I feel about people. I get swept up. I get overwhelmed. I commit hard and fast. Even as a kid. Just ask Chasm or Parrish what I was like when I was eleven.” He offers a small smile, but it’s different than his usual ones. “Kota, I …”
“Maxx, don’t.” I push away from him, taking the phone with me back into the bedroom. One look at the mussy covers on my bed, and I’m flushing all over again. He comes right out of the bathroom to stand behind me, putting his hands on my hips and pressing a kiss to the top of my head.
“I’ll leave, because I know Tess will be up soon. But … we should talk later.”
“Why don’t we talk after we get Parrish back?” I quip, because it’s the easiest way to put distance between us when all I want is for him to hold me. I glance back and flip some hair over my shoulder, forcing a smile. “It’ll happen soon. I know it; I can sense it.”
X studies me with a careful expression before nodding and then stepping away again. He glances back one, last time before opening my bedroom door and disappearing into the hallway. Massive anxiety floods over me, and I find myself obsessing over that last night with Parrish.
Our lingering goodbyes, our goofy smiles, the fresh love brimming between us.
“Fuck.” Now it’s my turn to use Chasm’s and Maxx’s favorite word. I put my phone back on the charge pad, crawl into bed, and fall asleep much faster than I expected, worn out and well-loved at the hands of Maxx motherfucking Wright.
For once in my life, I’m allowed to sleep in at the Vanguard household. When I do finally wake up, it’s at Delphine’s insistence as she gently shakes me awake.
“Mrs. Vanguard suggested you might’ve had a hard day and needed some extra rest.” She releases my shoulder and stands back up, smiling fondly, if not a little sadly, down at me. “Justin Prior will arrive in an hour to pick you up.”
Oh.
Great.
I get to spend the day with the man who’s holding my boyfriend hostage and then leveraging that against me to sleep with his two best friends. Awesome. Totally the way I’d intended on spending Memorial Day.
With a sigh, I climb out of bed, grab a lime-green sweater with the words Gamer Girl on the front—subtle, I know—and a pair of jeans. A quick rinse, a good fifteen minutes of fiddling with my wavy hair, and a dash of pink eye shadow with a bit of liner, and I’m ready to go.
My timing, as always, is impeccable, and I end up running into Maxx in the hallway.
He’s all dressed-up, too, and I find that I can’t take my eyes off of him.
He, on the other hand, just frowns at me.
“You’re really going to do this?” he asks, studying my outfit with a gleam in his eyes that either wasn’t there before last night or that he did a very, very good job of hiding. Then again, I think back on certain moments, like the one in this very hallway when Parrish, Maxx, and I were discussing Antonio’s party. Parrish and I started throwing insults at one another, and I remember that Maxx got this look of pure irritation on his face that I didn’t understand at the time.
Was he already into me then?
I can be denser than a box of rocks when it comes to love interests, I’ll give you that.
“I’m really going to do this,” I admit, nodding and tucking a loose strand of hair behind one ear. I’m wearing the tennis bracelet that Tess bought me on that same wrist, just to see if I can’t get a rise out of Justin when he sees me wearing it.
I want to see if he’s pleased—meaning that he might care about Tess more than he’s letting on. Or annoyed, in which case, he might reveal the true extent of his hatred for her. At this point, I can’t decide if he’s just trying to ruin her life or if he wants her back.
The whole Milk Carton app scenario is making me lean toward the latter.
“It makes me nervous,” X admits, letting his big body slouch against the doorjamb. For a second there, things are almost normal between us. “Seeing the girl I just slept with walk out the door with a murderer.”
And there we go.
It gets weird again.
I stare at him, and I try not to think about how damn big he was, or how I’m a tiny bit sore, or how much I liked it. Because it’s fucked-up. This is all so damn fucked-up.
Exactly the way Justin Prior likes it.
My plan today is to offer myself up in exchange for Parrish, no-holds-barred. I’ll testify against Tess, live with Justin, do whatever stupid, horrible things he has planned.
Except for kill people.
I will never do that.
If it comes down to killing someone in exchange for someone I love, I know the choice I’ll make.
I’ll take myself out first.
The thought is depressing as hell, and dark
as pitch. Actually, everything about today is dark because I can’t decide what’s going to happen. Will Justin let Parrish go in exchange for me? Will he challenge me to find him still? If I do find him, will he then take me under his dark wing?
Before I can think better of it, I move forward and throw my arms around Maxx’s neck, squeezing him tight. Normally, I wouldn’t do this. I wouldn’t test fate this way. But I’m nervous, and frankly, if Justin does accept my proposal, Parrish could be home by dinner … but I’ll never be coming back here again.
“If anything happens to me, you have to find him,” I whisper, and Maxx grabs me, dragging me back into Parrish’s room and kicking the door closed. He presses me back against it, grabs my face in both hands, and kisses me with that same heavy longing from last night.
I kiss him back, like a goodbye kiss, like this is our final parting. It hurts so goddamn bad.
I wish Chasm were here, so I could say goodbye to him, too.
Just in case.
“You’re scaring me,” X growls against my mouth. “I’m not letting you do this.”
“If you don’t, then last night will have been for nothing. We’ll have betrayed Parrish and Maxine for no reason at all.” I put my hand on his chest and force him back a few steps. “I shouldn’t have kissed you.” I exhale and force a smile, acting as if I didn’t have good reason for what I just did.
But Maxx isn’t so stupid as all that.
“You kissed me like you were saying goodbye,” he snaps, and I curse myself vigorously for letting him see that deeply into my plans for today. “This thing with Justin isn’t happening.”
“You might be able to play pretend in the bedroom, but you’re not telling me what to do now.” I lift my chin, and his expression cracks a little. I know he’s just worried about me, that he’s just trying to help, that there’s all this weirdness between us that wasn’t there before and neither of us knows what to do about it.
We both pause at the sound of footsteps, and I scramble over to GG’s cage to pretend like I’m in here because of the damn rabbit.
“Dakota.” There’s a slight whisper from the hallway, and Maxx opens the door to reveal Delphine. She looks nervous, wringing her hands slightly in front of her. “There’s a girl at the gate, saying that she’s a classmate of yours. I thought I’d better tell you before Tess finds out.”
Maxx and I exchange a look.
“Want me to check it out?” he asks, and I nod. I have a bad feeling about this. Who would come to see me that wouldn’t think to message or call first? That’s right: fucking no one. Even under ideal circumstances, there are only two classmates who would ever come over here, and I don’t think either Danyella or Lumen are up for paying me a visit.
Please tell me it isn’t Maxine, I think, but even as X peels away from me, I know that’s who it’s going to be. Didn’t he say he tried to talk her down from coming over?
I feel nauseous, clutching a hand against my chest as I pace past Delphine and into my room. She joins me at the window, looking out and toward the gate at the end of the drive. It’s hard to see many details from here, but I can make out three figures on the other side of the gate. Two cops and a girl. With long dark hair. Wearing what appears to be overalls.
No, no, no, no, no.
Not only does my sister’s presence risk Parrish’s life—Justin forbid me from having any contact with her—but it also risks her life. I couldn’t handle that. I can deal with a lot of shit—even betraying my sister with her ex-boyfriend—but not any risk to her life. No way.
“Tess,” Delphine begins again, pausing to let out a long sigh. “I mean, Mrs. Vanguard, is in a foul mood today. I didn’t think she’d appreciate knowing that your friend was here.” She glances over at me, her brown eyes magnified by the lenses of her glasses, like doe eyes or something. At least she’s still talking to me. At this point, she’s one of a select few humans in my life who doesn’t hate me—with good, manufactured reason. Delphine lowers her voice to a whisper as I stare out the window, watching as Maxx literally runs down the length of the driveway.
So … he must’ve checked the gate cam. And then whoever he saw on it was fuel enough for him to sprint like a bat out of hell. He opens the gate, but when the person who I know without even being able to see shit is Maxine, rushes forward, he grabs her by the shoulders and walks her back a few steps.
The gate closes, and I can see her gesturing frantically as the two posted police officers look on with apparent boredom. Thankfully, the reporters have been pushed back to the end of the street, so they’re not right on top of that mess. They probably have a good view of it though. Will probably plaster the internet with pictures of the confrontation.
“Mrs. Vanguard threw her full coffee cup at the wall right after she got a phone call this morning.”
The shock of that news is almost enough to break my focus on Maxim and Maxine.
What great couple names they could’ve had. I shiver and grit my teeth, shame running hot and violent through me. How could I do that to her? How? What is wrong with me? Once again, Justin might’ve forced my hand, but he didn’t make me enjoy it. He didn’t make me arch back against Maxx as his fingers slid between my thighs. No, we’d already completed his ask by that point.
That was all me and Maxx right there.
We’re horrible people. Chasm and I are horrible people.
“Tess threw her cup?” I ask, struggling to imagine her losing control like that. But then I remember the way she almost threw herself at Justin yesterday. That would explain who was on the other end of that phone call.
“Dakota.”
It’s Tess. I startle so badly that I end up slamming my shoulder into Delphine as I spin around. She very frantically sprays the window and begins to swipe at the glass with a paper towel, keeping herself busy and off of Tess’ radar.
Looking at my bio mom’s face right now, I can see why. She has dark circles under her eyes and a deep-set frown that translates to the rest of her body in the form of tight shoulders and clenched hands.
“Justin will be here shortly,” she says, voice clipped. Her eyes dart to the side as I step forward, desperate to keep her attention on me and not on the commotion outside the gate. I need X to deal with my sister before Tess realizes she’s out there. Not only has the Slayer forbid me from my sister, so has Tess.
Like, I’m in huge fucking trouble here if either of them finds out about this.
Oh, Maxine. I love that you came for me. I love that you believe in me, that your trust is endless and implicit. But I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve you at all. I miss you though. Oh fuck, how I miss you.
“Okay,” I reply lamely, struggling to split my attention between two crappy situations. I know what Tess is waiting for: she wants me to protest. To beg her to keep that man away from me. She opened her heart to me last night and all I did was ask stupid questions about her and Justin’s special places. God. I’m breaking apart on the inside. I need to be grounded; I need to feel like Dakota Banks again.
I close my eyes for a minute, wishing that I were back at home in my old room, with grandpa cooking dinner and grandma in her woodshop, Maxine chatting to her friends via video chat. I’d start the night playing games with my headphones on, but then I’d feel that familiar need to be with my family. I’d slip one side of my headphones off, just to hear them. Then the other. Eventually, I’d pry myself away from my game and the four of us would end up at the small table in the kitchen together. Maybe I’d be playing a game on my phone absentmindedly. Maybe Maxine would be texting her best friends. But we’d all be together.
I open my eyes again to find that Tess is still staring at me, waiting, I think, for me to say something. Anything at all.
“I’m ready to go,” is all that I can manage to get out.
Tess’ face tightens up even further, and she gives a curt nod, her eyes flicking over to Delphine.
“If you’ll excuse us a moment,” she says, her voice
ice-cold. Delphine scrambles to pick up her plastic tote full of cleaning supplies and scurries out of the room, head low as she passes Tess, angling her body so as not to even brush against the woman’s arm. “Dakota,” she begins as I flick a quick glance behind me, desperate to see what’s happening between my sister and … X.
Last night’s sweaty memories come tumbling through my brain even as I look down to see Maxine throwing her arms around his neck. All sorts of crazy things happen inside of me, feelings that I don’t want, that I can’t control. I’ve been saying this whole time that I can’t control those feelings, that I can only control my actions.
And look at my actions last night.
I hate you, Justin Prior. I’m going to fucking kill you.
The vehemence that hits me with that thought is terrifying, both hot and cold all at once. It makes me sick. It makes me feel like an entirely different person. All along, this has been his goal, hasn’t it? Break me down. Test my limits. Reshape me.
Well, it’s working. It is, and I can’t stand the thought of that.
I need to rally. I need to pull myself together.
I force my attention away from the pair of them—even as I see X push my sister back as gently as he can—and make myself meet Tess’ eyes.
“If anything happens when you’re with him, I need you to call the police and then call me. Can you do that for me?” Tess’ face is impassive, bordering on cold, but her voice is thickened with emotion. “He isn’t going to be the perfect father he pretends to be. I know I haven’t made things easy on you. I’ve always … I’m a selfish person, Dakota. For that, I’m sorry. Just know that Justin isn’t going to be the fairy godmother that makes things easier on you.”
Is she trying to give me a rousing speech? A pep talk? Reassure me? Piss me off? I can’t decide. All of the above, maybe.
“Um.” I shift slightly, reaching up to push my hair back from my face. “I never thought that.”
Payback Princess (Lost Daughter of a Serial Killer Book 2) Page 33
