“I can order for myself,” I assert as soon as the waiter walks away, but holy crap. Holy fuck. Fuck. The look Justin gives me, it penetrates me straight to my core, and I feel my spine stiffen, the fine hairs on my arms raising up. There’s a cold fury burning in him that makes me tremble. “But thank you.”
That was a mistake.
A huge one.
He doesn’t seem to mind if I quip back during a normal conversation, but something about what I said just now set him off. Dear god.
“You’re very welcome,” he adds finally, a smile returning to his face. “Well, I hope you had a wonderful day with your boyfriends.”
I could argue that they aren’t my boyfriends, but what’s the point? I wish they were. Even if it makes me feel guilty as hell. I’d love to have three boyfriends. I mean, who wouldn’t? But, like in this case, it isn’t just about sex. It’s so much more than that already.
I’m sorry, Maxie. I won’t do it. I won’t. But I can’t help the wanting. And I’m sorry, Parrish. We’ll be together again soon, I promise.
“I’ve figured out by now that you’re sending me to places that have meaning between you and Tess.” I gesture around at the restaurant. “This place, for example. She told me you took her here for your first official date.”
Justin lets out a loud, belly-deep laugh, one that echoes around the restaurant. Anyone who wasn’t staring before sure is staring now, and he couldn’t give a single fuck less. He seems pleased by the attention actually. I cringe when Justin lifts up a hand and snaps his fingers, holding his wineglass aloft for a refill.
Another restaurant employee appears seemingly out of nowhere to pour more wine.
Christ.
“She did, didn’t she? I heard.” He sips his wine, and I shiver at the idea that he was listening in on the conversation that I had with Tess. I’m not sure if I’ll ever get over the complete lack of privacy his presence has brought. I never feel safe. Nothing is ever truly private. Not even sex with Chasm. With Maxx. With Parrish. Because I’m sure he saw it. He didn’t kidnap him the day after for no reason at all; that was timed with careful precision.
“So, what’s up with the asylum?” I whisper, leaning forward with my hands tucked into my lap. I flick my eyes to the side, studying some of the faces that are staring back at me even now. My heart leaps into my throat when I recognize the redheaded girl—Veronica—seated at a table with two people who must be her parents.
Our eyes meet, and she scowls, turning her nose up at me.
I look back to Justin only to see his attention is on Veronica’s family, too, his fingers tightening so hard around the wineglass that they’ve turned a ghostly white. After a long moment, he adjusts his focus back to me.
“She didn’t tell you? Interesting. How did you place the key then?”
“One of my videos that I posted,” I say proudly, happy that at least in this case, the internet had my back. “A comment led me there.”
Justin nods brusquely, swirling his wine with a thoughtful expression on his face. When he does smile again, it’s incredibly disturbing.
“Tess and I had our first intimate encounter together in that room,” he admits with a small, wistful sigh. My blood chills and I blink back at him. “Maybe on that very mattress, I’m not sure.”
“You and Tess … in an abandoned insane asylum?” I choke out, wondering how the hell anyone could get turned on in that damp, creepy place. Then again, that was more than a decade and a half ago. Maybe it wasn’t in such disrepair then? Besides, Maxx was right: that was very clearly a teen hangout, and when you’re our age, you’ll pretty much do it anywhere. I scratch at the side of my head. I have a feeling being judgmental in this situation won’t get me very far. Was Tess happy there? Did she want to do it in that creepy place? “What about the sign that said WARD 14? Seems awfully coincidental.”
Justin grins.
“I put it there for fun; I couldn’t possibly know what that number would mean to me all these years later, now could I?”
I blink at him.
“And how was I supposed to know that you two … you know, got it on in there?” Gross. Not a question I ever thought I’d be asking my bio dad.
“By asking Tess, obviously.” Justin sighs and sets his glass down on the table, placing his elbows beside it and curling his fingers together beneath his chin. “I’m impressed that you found a workaround; you’re a wonderfully creative girl, my sweet daughter.”
“I, um, sense a ‘but’ resting there somewhere?” I query back, forcing a smile as the waiter approaches with fresh bread and butter.
“But you’re still so tightly wound.” Justin cocks his head slightly to one side as he studies me. “You care far too much about what others think. Empathy is a tool the wicked use to control the kind. I won’t allow that fate for you, Dakota.” He sits up and undoes the cuffs on his shirtsleeves, rolling them up, and then happily digging into the bread basket. “You’re still holding back and that upsets me.”
“Chasm and I—” I start, but then the words choke off. He knows. Justin lifts his eyes and smiles at me.
“You and Kwang-seon. I like the pair of you as a couple. He’s my favorite of all your boyfriends.”
I sigh and grab a piece of bread. Guess this is the game we’re playing now.
“Anyway, I wasn’t referring to him. I was talking specifically about Tess. You didn’t push her hard enough. She got emotional with you, told you some half-truths and a few lies, and you allowed your sentimentality to overwhelm you. You’d have your boyfriend back already if you’d pushed her.”
I take a bite of bread, even though it tastes like ash in my mouth.
Am I supposed to ask Tess about the book I found today? Is that what he’s hinting at? What about the house that Tess mentioned, the one Justin bought for her when he was only twenty years old? Is that the final clue?
“Your approach to Maxx Wright is also bothersome. You like him, and he likes you, but you’re both obsessed with the kidnapper’s daughter. What was that monster’s name anyway? Thyme? Rosemary?”
I narrow my eyes; he damn well knows what Saffron’s name is, but okay.
Speaking of, I’m a little concerned for her safety. I’d love to call my grandparents and check in, but as soon as I do, Justin will know. Do I really want to draw his attention to the Banks?
“X told Maxine that we slept together,” I whisper, hating myself all over again.
Justin smiles in a very patronizing way.
“Yes. Admirable, isn’t it? How brutally honest Maxim can be. His parents will be at the launch party on Friday. Have you met them? They’re lovely.” He slathers butter across the bread slice in his hand. “Anyway, I can’t help but feel disappointed. You’re doing everything I ask of you, but your heart isn’t in it. The world is unkind, princess. When you want something …” Justin squeezes the bread in his hand until it’s nothing but a little ball. I lift my eyes up from the ruined slice to his face. He’s staring at my water glass, eyes dark with emotion, mouth in a flat line. “You take it.”
He stares for a moment longer before dumping the ruined bread back in the basket and covering it with a cloth napkin. He then dabs his own napkin into his water and wipes his hand down.
“But I suppose you can lead a horse to water, yet it cannot be forced to drink.”
Justin pauses again as our appetizers come out, smiling and thanking the waitstaff profusely all over again.
“What are you saying? You’re going to … hurt my friend if I don’t start acting like a selfish asshole?”
“All I’m saying is that I’ve been kind to you thus far. I’ve given your friend home-cooked meals, purified water, fresh sheets. Did I have to do those things? I didn’t. But I wanted to please you. Now, I’m just not so sure …”
“Why do you hate me so much?” I whisper back, my appetite completely gone by this point. I have a bad feeling that if I don’t eat anything, Justin will get upset. I force myself to pick
up one of the little crackers with the cheese and fruit jam on it, stuffing it into my mouth and swallowing. “I can’t hurt Maxine like that. What I want is to be able to talk to my sister. That’s what I want. And I most definitely do not want to hurt her. So here I am, asking for all of those things. Does that work?”
Justin squeezes his own cracker so hard that it crumbles a little in his fingers, but then he puts it in his mouth anyway, chewing carefully as he watches me.
“Maxine Banks is not your sister,” Justin says, his voice cold and low, and oddly reminiscent of Tess’. “At best, she was an innocent bystander in the situation. But you seem determined to make her so much more than that.”
“What do you want me to do now?” I manage to whisper, noting the trembling in my hand as I reach for another cracker. “I haven’t spoken to her. I … slept with her ex. I told her I hated her, that I’d never loved her.”
Justin nods, but he isn’t looking at me. He’s watching the other restaurant patrons with a calculating expression on his face.
“And yet, you still refuse to embrace the spirit of the assignment. If you don’t understand, I’m not sure how else to explain it to you. Perhaps another lesson would help?”
“May I be excused for a moment?” I ask, and Justin’s eyes sparkle. He nods once.
“Don’t take too long; our entrees should be arriving shortly.”
I ignore him, shoving up from the table and weaving my way back through the restaurant.
I probably should’ve brought my phone, but I’m too angry, too upset. Instead, I head outside to check for Chasm’s car. When I see that it’s still there, I wander around until I spot the pair of them talking to an employee.
Squaring my shoulders, I storm across the lobby, grab Maxx by the shoulder and spin him around. He follows my lead, but only because he’s so surprised. He’s built like a brick wall; I couldn’t move him if he didn’t want to move.
“Kota, are you okay?” he starts, but that last word is cut short when I throw my arms around his neck, pressing our mouths together in a wave of brilliant heat. It arcs through me like a lightning bolt, cutting me right in half. There’s the old me, the one who’s screaming on the inside. Then there’s … well, whoever this is. The girl who wants to kiss Maxim Wright so badly that she trembles when she thinks about it.
I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I repeat in my head, but I’m not sure who it is that I’m even apologizing to anymore. Myself, probably.
Maxx goes stone-still, his green eyes wide. I close my own, so I don’t have to see his expression. So I don’t have to think about how stiff he is, how unyielding to my touch. And then everything happens in a flash; one of his hands is on my hip, the other digging fingers into my braid, his tongue diving between my lips. He presses close to me, close enough that I end up crushed between his warm, hard body and a decorative column not unlike the one Chasm pressed us into when we first had sex.
“Oh shit,” Maxx groans, turning his head away suddenly. “Dakota Banks, you’re killing me.”
I carefully open my eyes, searching his slightly reddened cheeks and swollen lips for disgust. For disappointment. Instead, he glances back at me, and I find that I can’t see anything else in the world but for him. My hands come up to rest on either side of his face as Chasm curses in Korean behind him.
“I’m sorry,” I tell X, and he raises both brows in response.
“I’m not,” he says, yet again. Not the first time I’ve heard that. But it does make me feel better. “Is this a Justin thing or …?”
“Sort of. Yes. No. I’m not sure.” I stay where I am, my arms wrapped around his neck, my fingers enjoying the thick, lush waves of his hair. It’s short, but luscious, and just long enough to tug. “Also, because I wanted to do this. Because I look at you every day and want to do this.” I exhale heavily. “If I didn’t, he wouldn’t ask me to. He sees everything, Maxx. Everything.”
Tears prick my eyes, and Maxx’s face softens. He reaches up with a calloused thumb and brushes away one of my tears.
“Don’t cry, Kota. We’ll get through this.”
“He sees everything—even the things he doesn’t physically record. He knows everything I’m thinking as I’m thinking it. He knows that I want you. If I didn’t, he wouldn’t ask me to do this. He’s using me against myself. If I didn’t have all of these conflicting thoughts and feelings, he wouldn’t—”
X presses his mouth against mine again. It’s a forceful kiss, a dominating kiss, but it takes away every protest resting against my tongue. This is his will, and I’m just along for the ride. I feel his body hardening against me, and he groans with his lips still working against mine.
After a moment, he pulls back abruptly with a small gasp, like he’s just risen to the surface of a very dark, very deep lake.
“Shit. Shit, shit, shit. I’m going to fucking die before this is all over,” he mumbles, narrowing his eyes and turning his face away from me. Maxx makes himself turn back to me, even though I can feel him trembling against me. “You are not responsible for any of this.”
“If I didn’t have these—”
Maxx cuts me off with another kiss.
“No. You are not responsible for the consequences of other people’s actions.”
“You’re not understanding—” I start, and then he kisses me all over again.
“No. You are not responsible for the consequences of other people’s actions.” He releases me and takes a small step back, bending low and capturing my face between his hands. I can see Chasm hovering at the edges of my vision, and my left hand reaches out automatically. He grabs onto it and squeezes so tightly that it almost hurts. “If I fight off a mugger, and he takes off and kills someone else trying to get their wallet. Is that my fault? If I give my friend money for rent, and they spend it on drugs, and they OD, is that my fault? No. You are doing the best you can with an ugly situation. If this is what Justin wants, then let’s give it to him. I care about you, Kota. So much. More every day. I’m sorry about, Maxine, I really am. And we will make things right with her eventually, but for now, we do what we have to in order to survive.”
He releases me and stands up, smiling softly at the tears on my face.
I dash them away. I don’t mean to keep crying. Actually, I hate it. But I’m just so goddamn frustrated at the situation. We made progress today, but it wasn’t enough. Parrish isn’t back. So where the flying fuck is he?! I’m getting sick of waiting. I need to see him again. I need it.
X glances over at Chasm. The latter is frowning, but his face is tinged only with jealousy; he isn’t angry. He just wants me for himself. I smile at him, and he smiles back. He says something in Korean and then repeats himself.
“We’ve got this, Little Sister. Don’t worry about us right now. If your dickhead dad wants romance, we’ll give him romance.” He steps forward, pulling his hand from mine, and then slides his fingers against the side of my neck. With the other hand, he turns my chin toward him, leaning in and pressing that smart mouth of his right up against mine.
His touch thrills me in a completely different way than X’s does. Than Parrish’s does. It’s like one of them is air, one is water, and the other is food. I need all three to survive; I can’t have just one of those things.
Chas pulls back and then presses another kiss to my forehead.
“Seriously. Worry about Parrish. Worry about Justin. Worry about Tess.” Chasm points between himself and Maxx. “But not us. Not right now. We can deal with this shit later.”
I nod my head and push my hair back. I thought I’d feel shittier after doing this, dirtier. But I don’t. I feel so much better, even as I’m still feeling guilty over Maxine. But Chasm is right: I have to tackle my problems in order of priority.
Meaning, of course, Parrish.
“Thank you both. Again. I can’t say it enough.” I look up, realizing that quite a few people are staring at us. Guess I did just tongue two guys one after the other in the middle
of a fancy winery with an even fancier restaurant. My bad. Gamer Girl has a harem. A smile drifts across my lips but only for a second.
Because I have to go back into that restaurant and choke down a meal with a monster.
“You’re welcome,” Maxx says at the same time that Chasm nods his chin in the direction of the restaurant and murmurs, “don’t mention it. Now get lost.”
I walk backwards for a minute, just so I can keep staring at them, turning at the last minute and slipping back into the restaurant with a little wave.
We’re so close I can taste it. Even if my food tastes like ash tonight, at least I know that much for certain.
Justin decides to spend the entirety of our limo ride singing nineties soft rock songs like You Gotta Be by Des’ree. When we get back to the Vanguards, I practically launch myself out of the backseat, sweeping past Raúl as my bio dad shouts out a cheery goodbye.
“See you on Friday, princess!” he calls as I reach for the handle of the front door. “I’ll send a dress over, so don’t worry about your attire.”
And then Raúl is closing the door, and off the limo goes, back down the driveway, through the gate, and around the corner. Reporters scatter out of its way, snapping photos and recording it as it passes by.
With a sigh, I press down on the door handle and push it in, unsurprised to find Tess waiting for me.
“How was your day?” she asks, huge black circles under her eyes. We’re now sixteen days into Parrish’s disappearance, so I more than understand why she looks the way she does.
“It was … nice. We ate at the Secret Cache Winery,” I offer up, and her eyes narrow to slits. Just like Parrish’s. Guess that wasn’t an inherited trait, but a learned one. The idea makes me smile. Like, do I carry any of the Banks’ habits around the way I absorbed Maxx’s lower lip nibbling? Isn’t that interesting, how humans copy others that they like or admire? Fascinating.
I wrack my brain for a way to ask about that house, the one Tess mentioned Justin buying for her. I want to find it, but I’m going to need the address. Justin’s words from dinner haunt me: you allowed your sentimentality to overwhelm you. You’d have your boyfriend back already if you’d pushed her.
Payback Princess (Lost Daughter of a Serial Killer Book 2) Page 43
