by Thalia Lake
“I’ve endured all kinds of abuse my entire life from my father to my high school gym teacher...”
“Wait, whoa. What exactly did your father and high school gym teacher do to you?”
“My father verbally and physically abused all of us. He molested my sister, and he tried to take advantage of me when I was high.”
“Shit, Sarah…”
“I was raped by my high school gym teacher my junior year in high school. He said I was a tease and needed to be taught a lesson. And now you are the fourth person to ever know this secret besides my sister, therapist, and my best friend. I held so much pain inside for so many years that it ate at me and slowly killed me. I’m telling you this because you need to know what you’re getting into with me, Roman. I know you say that you won’t run away, but if my fucked-up life is too much for you to deal with, then here’s your chance to leave.”
Did she not hear anything I said about how she’s not alone, that I would never treat her the way any of the people in her past have treated her? “What do you want from me Sarah?”
I couldn’t hide the frown on my face if I tried.
Sarah seemed confused at my question, and I knew it was because she expected me to bolt at her confessions. “What do you mean?”
“Stop with the games! You know exactly what I mean!” I yelled in response.
I saw her jump at how loud my voice had become, but I didn’t care. I was not going to ride this rollercoaster of back and forth with this woman.
She stood up and put her hands on her hips, her eyes angry. “No, I don’t know what you mean! I just shared something very personal with you and now you’re flipping out on me?” Sarah yelled in return.
I stood up as well and got in her face. “You only shared that with me to see if I’d run away from you. You’re testing me, and I don’t like being tested, Sarah. It’s like you didn’t hear anything I said to you just moments ago. I don’t play games, I’m too damn old for that shit, but apparently you’re not.” I picked up my keys from her coffee table and stormed to her door. “You can sit here and wallow in your guilt and self-pity all you want, but I don’t want any part of it. I don’t do pity parties. I’ve had enough of them when I was drunk morning, noon, and night. When you’re ready to be honest with yourself and with me, you know where to find me.”
“Fuck you, Roman! Fuck you and the high horse you rode in on. Get out of here! Just get out!” Sarah yelled.
I didn’t spare her a second look as I opened her door and shut it behind me. This type of behavior is typical of recovering addicts, having feelings of extreme guilt. As an addict you become so used to pain that the thought of happiness scares you shitless, even though happiness is what you want more than anything in the world. I’ve struggled with all of these emotions when I got clean, and at times I still struggle with some of them. Sarah was scared, and I understood that, but it didn’t stop me from wanting to reach out and shake some sense into her.
My head is throbbing I’m so upset, and I need to go home. I needed to get out of this stuffy tux, take a long, hot shower, take some pain meds, and go to bed. Maybe then my anger will have dissipated and my head will stop its maddening throbbing. Now if only my heart would stop wanting what it can’t have. I’ve got to get Sarah out of my system.
Chapter Fourteen - Moving On Through the Sadness (Sarah)
An entire month had gone by since Roman and I had our first date - and the huge fight that ended it. I missed him. There, I said it. I missed him terribly, but I was too prideful and ashamed to reach out to him. I kept replaying in my mind how he walked out of my apartment and never gave me a second glance. He didn’t even say goodbye. A part of me understood his anger, but being a recovering addict himself, you’d think he’d understand why I was so afraid of letting him get close to me. For his lack of understanding and compassion I was a bit angry with Roman myself.
My AA counselor and my therapist both encouraged me to use this time away from Roman to focus on getting myself in a better place mentally and physically. As hard as that was to do, I tried to focus on doing exactly that, but I still missed him. Not a day went by that I didn’t want to call him just to hear his voice. I missed his face, the comfort of his arms, and the passion of his kisses. I missed his beautiful eyes smiling at me. Sloane and Sandy were worried about me, and I knew they were more concerned with the possibility of me relapsing because in the past, that’s exactly what happened whenever something stressful happened in my life. My easy escape from reality, my go-to option to numb my pain was drugs and alcohol. This was the first time that I was coping on my own in a healthy way. Thank God for Dr. Parker and my AA counselor for helping to keep me level headed and balanced.
Looking for a job was now my full-time job. Luca offered me a position at his company but I told him I didn’t want any handouts. He countered with, “Then look at it as a temporary position until you find the job that you want. At least you’ll have income coming in to pay your bills.”
I couldn’t argue with that, so I took him up on his offer and became a full-time administrative assistant for his oldest brother Leonardo, who is the Senior Vice President of the company. Leo, as he liked to be called, was very kind and easy to work with. He’s also very handsome. Recently divorced, he spends a lot of time at the office. I think he hates going home to an empty house, but with a man as handsome and successful as he is, you’d think he could easily remedy that. I mentioned this to Sloane one day and she informed me that Leo isn’t the womanizing type. He’s actually a really good guy who truly loved his wife. She betrayed him by having an affair with another man and he couldn’t forgive her betrayal. He wasn’t always so serious and brooding like Luca. He had a wicked sense of humor that was very similar to my own, and we hit it off immediately. When it was time to be serious and get down to business, that’s when Leo became the serious brooder like his younger brother Luca. I thought I would be bored out of my mind working in a corporate office, but it was actually very interesting and fun. I learned a lot of things about construction and blueprints, as well as the business and money side of it as well.
One day, while at work, I received an anonymous phone call to my cell phone. I was sitting at my desk doing some research online for Leo when the call came through. Strictly out of curiosity, I answered the call, something I would instantly regret.
“Hello?” I answered.
“Hey baby, it’s Carter. I see you got a job now at your brother-in-law’s company. Looks like you’re doing real nice for yourself. But how’s your man Roman doing?”
If I wasn’t in an environment surrounded by other administrative assistants and office professionals, I would have cussed Carter’s ass out right then and there. Instead I got up from my desk and quickly walked into an empty conference room and shut the door. “Why in the hell are you calling me, and how did you get my number, Carter? You and I have nothing to talk about, do you hear me? Especially about Roman!”
I had to speak through clenched teeth to keep from screaming at this sack of shit.
“You tell that punk muthafucker that he better watch his back. His little business is going to fold and he’s gonna have to run back to his daddy in New York when I’m done with him. I will get my revenge, and you...you will be mine again, Sarah.”
The line went dead because Carter hung up. I looked at my cell phone in disbelief as cold chills spread all over my body. I knew Carter meant every word of what he said by the tone of his voice. It was full of malice and it was mostly directed at Roman. Something else that Carter said bothered me too: He knew where I was working and who I was working for which meant he was watching me. All I could think about was getting in touch with Roman. I had to tell him what Carter said so he could take whatever precautions needed. My dilemma, however, was do I tell him face to face or over the phone? I missed Roman so much that I’d have given anything to see his face again, but after the way he left my apartment I doubt he felt the same way about me. I wouldn’t be the lea
st bit surprised to learn that he’s moved on with someone else. Someone who wasn’t so messed up with so many issues. Despite my heavy heart, I pushed my personal feelings to the side and decided to call him on his cell. I almost hung up after his phone rang a third time. Either he wasn’t available or he simply didn’t want to talk to me. My heart broke with each unanswered ring before he finally picked up. “Hello?”
He sounded irritated and impatient.
“Roman? It’s Sarah. I’m sorry if I’m interrupting you at work, but I really need to talk to you. It’s about Carter.”
“What about Carter?”
His deep voice took on a sharper, angrier tone at the mere mention of Carter.
“I’d rather tell you in person instead of over the phone. I think he’s having me followed, and he somehow got my cell number and called me just now. If we can just meet somewhere?” I begged.
“Did he threaten you Sarah?” Roman roared through the phone, his anger rising quickly.
“I told you not over the phone. Where can we meet?” I asked again.
“Where are you? I’ll come get you.”
“I’m at Santorini Construction. Do you know where it’s located?” I asked.
“I know where it is.”
“Drive all the way to the back of the building to the loading docks. I’ll be waiting for you there.”
“I’ll be there in five minutes.”
I rushed out of the conference room and headed straight to Leo’s office. I hated having to lie to him, but that’s exactly what I was about to do. I knocked on his door before I walked inside. He was sitting on his couch located in the back of his office reading the paper.
“Hey, boss, if you don’t mind me taking an early lunch, I just got called for an interview and it’s across town. I don’t want to pass up this opportunity.”
Leo looked at me above the rim of his glasses with a quizzical expression on his face before retreating behind his paper again. “I don’t know why you won’t just work for me permanently, Sarah, but go ahead,” he mumbled dryly.
Leo had nagged me about taking on the position permanently since the day I began to work for him. Sloane told me Leo was always very picky about his secretaries, and finding one that actually understood his sense of humor like I did is what sold him on me. Sloane also told me that Leo said that I did wonderful work for him, and he wanted me to stay. Trust me, I was very tempted to stay, but I want to prove that I was earning my keep and that nepotism wasn’t the only reason why I was hired.
“Thanks! I’ll see you in about an hour or so.”
I quickly turned around and left his office. Grabbing my purse from my desk drawer, I walked out of the back entrance to the building and waited for Roman. Moments later he pulled up in a black Ferrari. I quickly got inside and he pulled off. He glanced at me briefly. “Where would you like to go to talk?”
I couldn’t think, hell I could barely hear him over the thundering of my heart in my ears. The minute I sat down in his car I smelled his wonderful scent that was uniquely him. I wanted to hug him tight and kiss him until I was breathless and dizzy. I forced myself to look at him, and when I did his eyes were dark and angry. I didn’t know if that anger was towards me or the fact that Carter was making his presence known again. It’s probably both, I thought.
“There’s a park just a few blocks ahead. It’s pretty empty this time of day and there’s a secluded area where we can sit.”
Roman simply nodded his head as he sped faster than he needed to. He pulled into a small parking lot and got out of the car. He came over to my side to help me out, and the touch of his hand made my heart rate speed up instantly. We crossed the road to a walking trail and I could hear the noise of water flowing from the small creek that was just a few feet from us to the right. I always found that sound to be soothing and comforting when I would take my lunch time walks here. The sun shone brightly through the trees even though it felt like a dark, gray cloud was hovering over us. We both were silent as we walked, the tension between us strong. I couldn’t take the silence anymore and decided to start the conversation.
“When Carter called he made it a point to let me know that he knew where I worked and who I was working for.”
“So you work for Santorini Construction?”
“Yes. Then he asked how I was doing, and of course I told him none of his damn business, and that’s when he snapped.”
“Go on,” Roman urged as he looked straight ahead.
“He then said, ‘You tell that punk motherfucker that he better watch his back. His little business is going to fold and he’s gonna have to run back to his daddy in New York when I’m done with him. I will get my revenge, and you will be mine again, Sarah’ and he hung up on me.”
Roman stopped walking and looked at me with anger shooting out of his eyes. I felt a bit afraid myself. “That’s what he said to you?”
“Those were his exact words. I know Carter, and when he’s like this, he’s going to do everything he can to follow through on his threats, Roman. I got cold chills down my spine when he said that to me, and all I could think of was to call you.”
I watched as Roman’s eyes slightly softened as he looked at me. He looked like he wanted to say something, but whatever it was he kept it to himself. Finally he tore his eyes away from me and offered me a seat at a nearby park bench. I felt rejected.
“You did the right thing calling me. I knew this day would come, and I’m going to have to deal with Carter once and for all,” Roman said in a matter-of-fact tone.
“What does that mean, Roman? What are you going to do?” I asked nervously even though I had a pretty good idea of what he meant.
“That’s for me to worry about.”
He then stood up and said, “Come on, I’ll take you back to work.”
His back was to me as he waited for me to get up and join him. When I finally did, he began to walk. So this was it? This was all he had to say to me, a few words and some grunts and now he’s taking me back to work? I had so many questions to ask but I knew he would never answer them. He had a huge wall up between us, and right now there was nothing I could do or say to knock it down. He barely looked at me the entire time we were together.
The drive back to Santorini Construction was quiet and tense. Roman was upset about Carter, and probably me as well, while my heart yearned for his touch, a smile, something. When he pulled up to the back entrance of the building, I was about to get out of the car when he stopped me.
“I’m not going to let anything happen to you, Sarah. I promise.”
I searched his brown eyes for a moment looking for any signs of hope, feelings, anything. He was so hard to read that my heart sunk even lower. All I could manage to say in return was “Okay,” because I had a lump in my throat the size of a golf ball and I was on the verge of tears. I quickly got out and walked inside of the building, never looking back.
Instead of going to my desk I went to the ladies’ room and locked myself inside of a stall and cried my eyes out. Why did I have to miss him so much? Why did seeing him just now have to hurt so badly? Damn Carter for showing up in my life and messing things up between Roman and me before they could even get started! If Carter was never at that art museum I wouldn’t be in this bathroom stall crying and feeling like shit, and Roman wouldn’t be so cold and distant.
I finally got myself together, splashed my face with some cold water, and freshened up my makeup before I went back to my desk. Thankfully Leo wasn’t in his office to question me on my whereabouts and I was able to dive into my work. I struggled to get through my work day without another breakdown of tears, but I did it. When five o’clock came, I shut off my computer, grabbed my purse, and headed home. As I drove home, I couldn’t help the sick, nagging feeling of being followed. Ever since Carter said he knew where I worked, I had been on edge. What was to stop him from showing up at my apartment?
When I parked my car in front of my apartment building, I got out and began to walk
up the walkway leading to the front door. Suddenly a dark figure came out of nowhere and grabbed me. It felt like time stopped and everything began to happen in slow motion. Panic hit me for a split second before my survival instincts quickly kicked in. I began to scream, kick, scratch, and punch for my life.
“Shut up, bitch!” the attacker growled as he wrapped his hands around my neck choking me. I continue to kick and fight despite being deprived of oxygen. Suddenly I heard tires screech to a halt and a door slam. While the mugger was distracted, I bit his arm as hard as I possibly could. I drew blood and he cried out in pain which caused him to let me go. I ran away from him towards my car.
He tried to run after me but out of the corner of my eye I saw someone who looked eerily like Roman running at my attacker at full speed before he viciously tackled him to the ground. I stopped running and turned around to make sure my eyes weren’t playing tricks on me and that this really was Roman that I was seeing. There was a brief struggle until Roman overpowered the man and sat on his chest. He began to rain powerful blows to the man’s face until he was a bloody mess. Roman’s fists were covered in blood, and his white dress shirt now had blood spatters all over it.
“Roman! Stop it!” I yelled as I ran towards him.
My words weren’t registering with him as he continued to pummel the man. When I finally reached him I screamed at him again, and this time he stopped. He was sweating and had the scariest snarl on his face. He wasn’t Roman anymore; he had turned into someone else. Roman was panting with adrenaline while my attacker was moaning in pain.
“Who sent you?” Roman and I both knew who sent this low life to attack me.
“He’s gonna kill me if I tell you man!” the bloodied man said.
He turned his head to the side to spit out blood and a tooth he lost due to the beat down Roman inflicted on him. I could hear the fear in his voice, and he was right - Carter would have him killed, especially for not completing his assignment. If there was one thing Carter didn’t stand for, it was incompetent people working for him.
