For a long moment we just sat there and watched the world pass us by. Like silent observers we remained on the sidelines while the rest of the world went on. And I knew why. We were avoiding the inevitable. As soon as we rejoined the land of the living, Zoe would be heading home. I wasn’t ready for that. Not by a long shot.
Zoe had a different idea. Pulling away, she wobbled to her feet. “I should be getting out of here.”
There it was. The weight of a thousand bricks fell on my chest and knocked the wind out of me. “There’s no rush,” I spluttered.
“It’s a long drive. I need to head off soon.”
I looked at Zoe and recognised instantly the jumble of emotions she was facing. They were the same as my own. For her, heading home was the right thing to do. The sadness etched in her features left me with the distinct impression she didn’t want to.
“Yeah, okay. Come on. Let’s get you home then.”
It didn’t hit me what I’d said until Zoe and I were buckled into the front seat of my truck. Home. Was that my home or hers? Or was it supposed to be ours? “Shit!” I swore under my breath.
“What’s wrong?” As soon as she settled in her seat, Zoe kicked off her shoes and put her stripy sock covered feet on my dashboard. It was something uniquely Zoe. The memory of a million years ago flashed in my mind. She did exactly the same thing the day I’d got my licence.
“Ugh…nothing,” I dodged, shaking off the memory. I was ashamed I’d been caught acting like a complete woman. Men were not supposed to have thoughts and feelings. The problem was right now I had so many they were escaping without warning or invitation. If I wasn’t careful next thing you know I’d be crying and sobbing like a baby.
“Okay,” Zoe conceded, but one look at her I knew she didn’t believe me. Not for a second.
After a quiet drive I unlocked the door and let Zoe walk in ahead of me. I didn’t know if Kane was still asleep or if he’d already headed off. I didn’t particularly care as long as he stayed the fuck out of my way. Especially today. Today I had enough shit going on without dealing with him.
Zoe made a bee-line for my bedroom and my stomach clenched. I was embarrassed at the thoughts bouncing around my mind. I loved the idea of having that girl in my room. I just wished she was doing something else. With heavy steps I marched after her, feeling like someone being led to their execution.
Stepping through the door, I wasn’t shocked by what I saw, but what knocked me on my ass was how I felt about it. Zoe was scooping up dirty clothes and stuffing them into her bag. Huffing and puffing, she looked less than impressed about it. Grabbing a boot, she pushed it roughly, forcing into as small a ball as she could before cramming it into a side pocket.
I couldn’t stifle my chuckle. “Need a hand?” I offered, sauntering in arrogantly. I was walking as tall as I could. My jaw was set so stiffly it wouldn’t take long before it was aching under the tension. My posture was rigid. My chest puffed out. It was all a front. I was trying to convince her, or maybe I was trying to convince myself, I was okay with this.
“I’m fine,” Zoe scowled as she pushed past me towards the bathroom.
When she emerged moments later, her arms were filled with bottles and tubes. Tossing them on the bed, Zoe sighed heavily. “I swear I didn’t pack this much crap.”
“Well, it sure as shit isn’t mine.” I chuckled.
Zoe tossed a tube of something at me, hitting me squarely in the chest. “Pippi…” I warned as she flopped back on my bed holding her sore ribs as she started giggling.
The childish innocence highlighted in her eyes made me grin widely. Jumping on the bed beside her I grabbed her sock-covered foot and tickled her mercilessly. The laughter got louder and higher pitched. She was almost squealing as she wiggled about beneath me, while I held her foot in my tight grasp.
“Spencer…please…no…more,” she panted, trying to pull her foot away.
“Pippi―”
“Well, isn’t this cosy?” a deep voice resounded behind me.
A flash of last night’s events replayed before my eyes but I knew it wouldn’t end in a repeat performance. I wouldn’t allow it. “Kane―help…me…please…” Zoe pleaded, batting her lashes at him.
Between those wide, wanting eyes and those plump pouty lips, I knew Kane stood no chance. Resistance was futile. And if by some miracle he did, he was a stronger man than I.
“What do you need, Zoe?” Kane offered, stepping into the room.
“Kill your brother?”
After flashing me a conspiratory wink, Kane lunged, landing on the bed beside me with a thump, “With pleasure.” But he didn’t help Zoe. Instead he took my side. For the first time ever. Grabbing her other foot, Kane tickled her instep, earning him a string of curse words and a sharp kick in the chest.
“She’s a wild one!” He laughed as he tucked her knee under his arm.
“You have no idea!” I conceded.
“Bastards!” Zoe squawked and wiggled wildly.
I stole a glance at her and I don’t think I’d seen anything more beautiful. Without a trace of makeup, she was just Zoe. My Zoe. She was sweating with exertion, her cheeks rosy and her eyes dancing about, filled with life.
“I think she’s had enough.”
“Come on, Spence, remember this is Zoe. She’s a little vixen,” Kane pleaded.
“Yeah, I know, but her ribs must be screaming like a bitch right about now.”
“You’re no fun,” Kane pouted as he released her.
As I let go of her other leg, Zoe tucked them underneath her before wriggling to her knees, staring at me with a scowl. Taking a few breaths, she wiped her arm across her forehead. She was trying to be grumpy but she couldn’t hide the delight in her eyes.
“Right, you two,” Zoe lectured, her finger pointing back and forth between us. Kane, not intimidated in the slightest, reclined against the pile of pillows, stretching his long legs out in front of him. “Listen, and listen closely. We are no longer kids. We’re grown damn adults. Adults don’t tickle each other, and they don’t make fun of people―”
“But Zoe―”
“No, Kane. No ‘but Zoe.’ Things have changed. We’ve changed. For fuck’s sake, less than twelve hours ago you two were trying to beat the shit out of each other. Now you’re best friends again. We can’t play anymore. Not like this.”
“You’re no fun,” Kane pouted.
Zoe just smiled and batted her lashes before poking her tongue out. I couldn’t help but to roll my eyes at the whole situation.
“Seriously though,” Kane started. “I’m really sorry about last night, Zoe. The things I said…well, fuck; they were completely out of line. I shouldn’t have…”
I risked a glance at Zoe. I wasn’t exactly sure what I was going to see, but I’ll admit I was pleasantly surprised. She was smiling. A wide, dazzling smile that lit up her face and made her eyes sparkle. Everything felt great. Light. Easy. The way it should be.
“It’s okay, Kane. I forgive you…” Zoe shrugged.
“You don’t have to…I mean, I don’t deserve―”
“Kane, just shut it, say thank you, and accept it, okay? We’re good. Now get over here and give me a hug.”
Zoe stiffened in Kane’s arms. She may have asked for a cuddle but she didn’t look happy or comfortable in my brother’s arms. And being the jealous ass I was, I couldn’t help but feel relieved.
“Thank you, Zoe,” Kane whispered. I could see the embarrassment creep up his neck and consume him. The bright red humiliation covered his neck and face. With the back of my hand over my mouth, I stifled my amusement.
Kane unwrapped Zoe from his arms and scrambled from the bed. As he passed me, he clasped my shoulder and mumbled into my ear, “She’s a good girl, that one. Don’t you dare fucking hurt her.”
His words knocked me off my feet. Literally. I stumbled backwards, crashing into the end of the bed with a thump. I’d have bet money it would leave a bruise on my shin tomorrow. Re
maining where I’d fallen, I watched as Zoe zipped up her bag. It was bulging almost to breaking point.
“I think that’s it.” Zoe forced a sad smile.
There were a million things I wanted to say, but I couldn’t find the voice to say any of them. “I’ll carry it to the car,” was all I could manage to blurt out.
“Thanks,” Zoe sighed as she hitched her handbag over her shoulder.
I snatched her overnight bag and headed out. Standing outside in the sunshine, I stared down the deserted street. Sunday morning silence was perfect.
The car beeped as Zoe unlocked it and she came wobbling out, dragging her feet. All the laughter and merriment and peace was gone, replaced with emptiness. Her features were blank and her eyes sunken. I was worried how quickly she could transform from the carefree woman I knew and loved to her current state. I was overwhelmed by the desire to tell her to stay. To beg her to stay. I wouldn’t. After everything this week had thrown at her, Zoe needed to go home. She needed some normalcy. Some space. She needed to get back to reality and start living again.
Silently she slid into the driver’s seat and started the car.
“So…” we both mumbled at the same time.
“Thanks for…well, everything,” Zoe stumbled as her eyes filled with tears.
I couldn’t stop myself. I squatted down and rested my arms on the open window. “Pippi…I’m so glad you came home. You have no idea. As for everything else…well, honestly, it was my pleasure.”
Zoe opened her mouth but no words came out. Moments passed and she snapped it closed again. Not a word was spoken. There was no need. I already knew. Flicking the car into reverse, Zoe slowly rolled out of the driveway. Dragging my feet, I made my way towards the front door before slumping down on the steps. I’d fully expected it to hurt like a bitch, but I didn’t realise it would be this fucking painful, either. It felt like my heart was being ripped from my chest while it still beat.
And because I’m stupid and a masochist and a complete idiot, I looked back. I knew I shouldn’t have. At the end of the street, with the indicator blinking, sat Zoe’s battered red car. I watched and waited for her to take the corner but the car didn’t move. Climbing to my feet, I wobbled to the end of the driveway, my hands on my hips, and waited. Why the hell wasn’t she turning? There was no traffic. No one was around. Still her car remained stalled.
I started to jog down the street towards the stationary car. I thought I was fit, turns out not so much. By the time I got to the car I was huffing and puffing and almost gagging. I didn’t have time to worry about me. Reaching the driver’s door, I looked in the window and fuck, it hurt. Zoe was there, tears streaming down her face, leaving thick black lines in their wake. She was sniffing back deep, gut-wrenching, soul-destroying sobs. She was clutching the steering wheel with shaky hands, barely able to hold it steady. I couldn’t help myself. Poking my arm through the open window, I switched off the ignition before pulling open the door. Leaning over Zoe, I tugged on the park brake before unclicking her seatbelt and lifting her from the car.
“It’s okay, Zoe. You’re okay,” I whispered into her ear as I nudged the door shut with my thigh and carried her up the street. “Kane…Kane!” I yelled as I stepped into the house.
He emerged from the bathroom with a threadbare navy towel wrapped low on his hips. Seeing Zoe crying in my arms, his eyes widened with alarm. “Can you run down the street and grab her car? It’s parked in the middle of the road. Keys are in the ignition.”
I could see the confusion on his face, but to his credit, Kane didn’t ask questions. Instead he nodded and vanished into his room, appearing moments later wearing jeans and pulling a shirt over his head before running out the front door barefoot.
Her tears had soaked through my shirt, leaving a wet patch on my shoulder. I didn’t care. Trembling in my arms, Zoe forced herself closer to me. Her unexpected movement almost caused me to dropped her. Readjusting her in my arms, I flopped into the recliner, Zoe on my lap. I just let her cry.
I don’t know how long she cried. I lost track of time. My legs went numb beneath her bony bum but I didn’t move. I couldn’t. She was an absolute train wreck. Somehow my strong, independent Zoe had broken and I didn’t know how to put her back together. It broke my fucking heart. If I could give her my strength, I would, without question or hesitation. Everything I had, everything I was, was Zoe’s.
Kane returned and slipped inside, offering me a shallow nod as he dropped the keys on the kitchen bench before tossing me a bottle of water and vanishing out the door again. Chicken shit. I knew he was hiding. Tears were not something he dealt with well, if at all. Usually when Mum cracked, Kane mysteriously vanished for a couple of days before returning with a knowing smirk and an apologetic carton of beer.
The tears dried up, the shaking receded and a soft snoring replaced it. She’d completely worn herself out. After less than an hour awake, Zoe had crashed. Heavily. I had no idea what the fuck I was supposed to do with her. Or without her. I knew she was supposed to be on her way home and if she didn’t leave soon, it would be dark before she got there. I couldn’t wake her. She looked so peaceful. So angelic. I’d be stuffed if I didn’t feel a whole lot of damn satisfaction and pride that she was wrapped in my arms. Wriggling slightly, I grabbed the magazine from the coffee table beside me and flipped it open with one hand and began to read.
I needed to pee. Badly. I’d already ignored my bladder twice, but this time it was burning and would not be denied.
“Zoe,” I whispered into her ear as I shook her arm softly. “Zoe, come on. Wake up,” I tried again when she didn’t stir. “Please, Pippi…”
“I really hate that name,” she grumbled as her eyes fluttered open.
When she squirmed, it wasn’t only my bladder that started paying attention.
“Stop wriggling or you’ll regret it, Pippi,” I promised, unable to disguise the lust in my voice.
Her eyes widened and for a moment I was worried I’d pushed her too far, as they lit up with mischief instead of fear and trepidation, I knew everything would be okay. “What’s wrong, big boy?” she teased, deliberately digging her bony butt into my thigh.
“That’s it!” I declared, pushing myself to my feet and taking her with me so she was momentarily weightless. For a long moment I held her in my arms, breathing in her scent. When she wriggled again, I set her on her feet.
As I headed towards the bathroom on a mission, I could hear Zoe’s childish, girly giggles behind me. Smart ass. I wanted to be cranky but I couldn’t. Not with Zoe. Not now. Probably not ever.
Minutes later I returned to find her perched at the kitchen bench sipping a cup of coffee. She looked so comfortable in my home. So relaxed. So right. No woman―hell, no one had ever looked so right in my house before. I’d be damned if I didn’t like it.
“I poured you a cup,” she said as I entered the room, almost as if it was the most normal, natural thing in the world.
“Thanks,” I offered as I flopped onto the stool beside her. I knew I needed to ask, but it didn’t mean I wanted to. I’d rather do anything than have this conversation. Anything else. It needed to be done. And it needed to be now. “So Zoe, want to tell me what happened?”
Rolling her eyes, Zoe bit down on her lip. She looked everywhere but at me. For a full minute, which felt like an eternity, she simply stared into the bottom of her coffee mug as if she was hoping the answers would bubble out. Still she remained silent.
“Zoe, talk to me, please. I can’t help if I don’t know.”
“You…can’t…fix…this…Spence,” she sobbed as unshed tears took residence in her eyes.
I couldn’t believe she had any more tears left to cry, but there they were. “Let me try, Zoe. Please?” I know I was begging and being a whiny bitch, but I had to help her. Someone did. I didn’t see anyone else lining up to take a shot.
“You don’t get it,” she snorted, wiping her face.
“Try me.”
I was being a prick. I knew that. I couldn’t stop, either. Zoe might hate me right now and she might hate me tomorrow, but I could live with that. I had to get her through the next twenty-four hours. Then the twenty-four after that. I had to push her out of her comfort zone. If I couldn’t push her out of it, then I’d drag her, kicking and screaming if need be.
“I can’t explain it,” Zoe snapped, springing from her stool and tipping her coffee down the drain.
I watched her as she stared out the kitchen window, every muscle in her body tight with tension. I wanted to take it away―make it better. Easier. If I could I would in a heartbeat, but I knew this was one battle I couldn’t fight for her. I’d stand beside her all the way, I just couldn’t do it for it.
“Please, Zoe, just try.”
She sucked in a long, deep breath. I watched as her shoulders rose before she let it out and they fell. It was like the fight fell away too.
Chapter 25
ZOE
“It was like I was drowning. Except I was still breathing. It was like everything felt heavy. Everything was an effort. Even holding my head up was draining. All of a sudden I was just so tired. So fucking tired. Then all of a sudden, I just couldn’t. I know it’s dumb and you must think that I’m pathetic, but I just couldn’t, Spence. I just couldn’t,” I mumbled.
I didn’t have time to take another breath or speak another word before a pair of long, warm, muscular arms wrapped around me like a protective cocoon. As much as I wanted to run away and hide, bury my head under the covers and wait ’til it was over, I wasn’t going anywhere. Spencer had no intentions of letting go. I dropped my head back and it fell on his shoulder with a soft thud but I knew he wouldn’t drop me. He’d never let me fall.
I don’t know how long we stood there in silence. It felt good. And as safe as I felt, I knew it couldn’t last. I wanted it to. I really did. Sucking in a deep, fortifying breath, I felt Spencer’s arms tighten around me, crushing me against him. Squishing my ribs painfully. The words were filling my throat and I was desperate to spit them out. “I’m so sorry, Spence. You don’t deserve this mess.”
Coming Home (Homeward Bound Series Book 1) Page 14
