As much as I loved home, it didn’t feel like it anymore. Too much had happened. Too much bad shit had gone down. So one non-descript Tuesday morning, as Zoe forced down a cup of tea and half a slice of dry toast, I’d broached the subject. “Zoe, I think it’s time we get out of here.”
“What?”
“I can’t do this anymore. You can’t do this anymore. We need to leave. Let’s go to Melbourne. Start again.”
The moment the words were out, Zoe had a panic attack. A full blown, desperate for air, hyperventilating panic attack. As I helped her through it, the decision was made. She wasn’t getting a choice. We were getting the fuck out of here. Jenna was already gone, unable to stand the sights and the weird looks, and the hushed whispers everywhere she went. Now it was time to get Zoe out before she got worse―if that was at all possible.
Once she was breathing normally, I handed her a bottle of water and wrapped my arm around her. At first she jumped at my touch, but day by day she was getting used to me being around. No one else had been able to get within arm’s length of her, but I could. For some reason, she let me in. Although I had no idea why, I wasn’t about to question it either.
“Do you still have your place in the city?” I asked.
With wide, vacant eyes, she nodded.
“Okay then. We’ll leave on Friday. Something’s got to change, Zoe. I can’t do it anymore. It’s just too fucking hard. I need a change.” And the truth was, I did.
Chapter 45
ZOE
It had been three months since Spencer died in my arms. Three long fucking months. Each time I woke, I hoped it would get easier, but it never did. There was still a gaping hole inside of me that I didn’t know how to fill.
Derek and I had packed up and moved back to the city after a few weeks. Moving in together seemed like a good idea at the time, but we quickly realised my place was just too damn small. I wasn’t ready to let him go. I know I was clinging to him like he was my life line, but he was the only person who understood. The only one who could. Quickly, we put my apartment on the market and moved into a bigger one. We needed space, not to be apart. Apart would break us. And we were already so broken.
Some days I held it together. Some days I fell apart spectacularly. But at night, that’s when it was the worst. I’d fall asleep imagining being wrapped in Spencer’s embrace and wake up drenched in a cold sweat. Every night, as the nightmares took over, Derek would stumble into my bedroom and hold me until the torment passed.
“Zoe, I know you hate yourself for everything that happened, but there’s something you need to know,” Derek told me late one night as he stroked my hair, calming me.
“What?” I asked nervously.
“I don’t know if he ever told you, but Zoe, you have to know that you coming home was the best thing that ever happened to Spencer. I’d known him forever, but I’d never seen him smile the way he did when he mentioned you. I know everything that happened sucked, but if you believe anything, Zoe, believe this. He loved you, Pippi. Every day. And you coming home, that was the greatest gift you could have ever given him.
The End…for now.
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ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
First things first…I’m sorry.
For Karenya, Allison, Barb, Kymberlee, and Stephanie, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for the ugly cry moments and the ending. Please hang in there…I’ll redeem myself in book two!
You ladies were first to read this book and first to fall in love with Spencer and Zoe. Thank you. This was my favourite and your enthusiasm and passion reaffirmed that I’d done something good here.
To Mum and Dad―you always believed this was possible and with this being the best I’ve ever done…well, I think so anyway…your encouragement is appreciated more than you’ll ever know and more than I could ever repay you for. Thank you. I love you both.
I can’t thank enough the amazing bunch of women who have helped me along the way. You’ve supported me, encouraged me, explained things to me, and inspired me to do better. So thank you―Gloria, Iris, Amanda, Lizzie, Allie, Katie, Becca, Marianne, Kathryn, Mel, and Stephanie.
To Toni. This is our fifth adventure together and without you, my stories would be complete crap and full of holes. You’re a godsend and I hope we have many more adventures together.
For those of you who read Coming Home. You might be angry at me now, but thank you. You’re what makes this possible. And if you can bear with me, book two isn’t far away. :)
Lastly though, this book is for Robert. My annoying husband who suggests people and events that end up in a book somewhere. You are my best friend, the biggest pain in my ass, and the one person in my world who believes I can be anything I want to be. You believe I can fly and even in the moments when I don’t. And you’re always there to be my safety net, ready to catch me if I fall. Thank you.
Love Always,
Rebecca
About the Author
Rebecca, one of four kids to her parents who are both primary school teachers, was born in Wollongong on the south coast of Australia before moving to the country with her family. After a few years of embracing all that country life had to offer, the family relocated to Port Macquarie with its white sand beaches. After a brief period enjoying the sun and the surf they finally settled in Canberra where Rebecca still lives today. But all through her childhood a notepad and a book where never far away. These days Rebecca is an avid reader, and when she isn’t buried in a book or cheering on her beloved football team she’s spending time with her husband Robert and their overly spoilt dog Levi.
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Coming Home (Homeward Bound Series Book 1) Page 24
