by Kahlen Aymes
“Awww, hell!”
I kissed his mouth lightly and then dusted my lips over his cheekbone and then pressed them into his temple. The scent of his skin mixed in with his cologne and I silently cursed the confection in the oven.
“Something smells good.”
My nose traced his cheek before I sat up. “You can say that again.”
“What’s in the oven, sweet?”
“I made butterscotch cake for dessert.” I jumped up and rushed into the kitchen, not wanting to let it over-bake. I’d already lingered long enough.
“Oh, my God. Really? Do you need help?”
“No, baby, you rest. It will be at least an hour and fifteen until dinner is ready, so go back to your nap.”
“That long?”
“You asked for Pork Medallions and glazed apples, Ryan. You know that takes a while.” I threw the words over my shoulder as I removed the two cake pans from the oven with potholders.
“I’ll help,” Ryan said from just behind me.
“Did you ever consider that I won’t have as much time to lavish on food once we have a baby?” I set the pans on a wire rack to cool and moved to the refrigerator to take out the pork tenderloin I’d purchased earlier. Ryan sat on one of the kitchen stools as I removed the packaging and began to slice the meat.
“It’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make.”
I could feel his eyes running down my body and lingering on my ass. I glanced in his direction and he smiled guiltily.
“You say that now. But we’ll also lose time in bed.”
“We’ll see.”
I lined the meat up on a wooden cutting board and Ryan rummaged around in a drawer for the metal meat mallet.
I sighed softly and he came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me, his warm breath rushing over my neck just as his lips pressed to the skin below my ear. I trembled in his arms. “We’ll still be us, Julia. We won’t lose the mad love.”
“Promise?”
His arms tightened. “You know that’s impossible. Don’t you?” His lips continued their sweet torture down the cord of my neck and suddenly I wanted to scrap making the meal and head to bed. Instead, I layered my arms on his and leaned back into my husband.
“Yes.”
“I understand that’s what you’re worried about, but don’t be. After eight and a half years, I’m still crazy for you. Six or seven pounds of baby isn’t going to change that.”
“What about fifty or sixty pounds of Julia?” I asked sardonically.
Ryan laughed out loud.
“Well? We’re newlyweds. What if I turn into a whale?”
“You’ll be gorgeous and I’ll still want you. I already told you.”
“Hmmm.”
Ryan’s phone buzzed on the counter, he went to answer it while I pulled the flour canister open to begin the dredge for the meat.
He frowned at his phone.
“What is it?”
“It’s a text from Jane. She wants me to call her.”
“Okay,” I agreed. I figured he must have left his number with her before he came home.
“You’re sure?”
“Ryan, please. The poor girl is in the hospital and she just went through a horrid ordeal with you. She probably needs to talk about it and you’re the natural choice. I got this.”
“You’re amazing. It won’t take long.” Ryan hesitated at the edge of the kitchen. “I wanted to help you pound the meat.”
I laughed. “You’re so funny, but I did it already.” I lifted one piece of flour-dredged meat up for his inspection. “See?”
“Really, it was an excuse to be with you.”
“Awww!” I went over and touched his cheek, standing on my tiptoes to kiss his mouth. His lips opened under mine, sucking my lower lip into his mouth. It was always so sexy the way he did that and it encouraged me to give similar treatment to his upper lip. The familiar warmth began to spread but I forced myself out of his arms. “We have all night. Go on.”
Ryan started to dial the number and exited the kitchen, leaving me to giggle at the flour fingerprints I’d intentionally left on his cheek.
Chapter 6
RYAN~
I glanced at the round clock on the wall of the examining room. It was noon and my stomach was rumbling. The last patient was resting comfortably after we’d gotten her stabilized and she would soon be moved to the cardiac unit. She was elderly and suffered a moderate heart attack and was admitted with chest pain, shortness of breath and sweating. We gave oxygen and nitroglycerin and after the attending physician approved my recommendations, she was scheduled for an EKG, and ultrasounds of her heart and coronary arteries. The tests would be done and a diagnosis made by the cardiologist on duty upstairs, so my job was done. I nodded back at Kari, indicating my exit and that she would be left to monitor things until the patient was moved upstairs.
I assured the patient, “We’re just going to see what caused the heart attack and the cardiologists will decide the best course of treatment, okay? You’ll have a few tests.”
“Thank you, young man. You surely saved my life.” Her arthritic hands reached out to grab one of mine. I smiled warmly at her.
“Naw! You aren’t going anywhere for quite some time.” I was pleased to see color returning to her weathered cheeks.
“I bet you’d like my granddaughter, Aimee. Did you see her? She’s pretty, isn’t she? And, she’s very smart. She’ll be back in to see me later.” The old woman’s blue eyes sparkled hopefully, her breath fogging up the oxygen mask when she spoke.
I couldn’t help but grin. “She is very pretty,” I agreed about the dark haired girl who’d brought the woman in to the hospital. I lifted my left hand and pointed to the ring with my right index finger. “But, I’m married. If you speak too much right now, you’ll inhale the carbon dioxide you’ve just exhaled and it makes the blood vessels in your lungs constrict. You’ll get short of breath so you should refrain from talking as long as you need oxygen, okay? If you need it upstairs, they’ll use a cannula.” She started to speak again. “No!” I stopped her with a wry look and patted her hand. I was rewarded with a resigned nod before I left the room.
I glanced around the ER looking for Jane. More and more, it had become my habit. She was back to work and physically fine, but she visibly jumped at any loud noises or shouting that sometimes occurred when the paramedics brought in a critical patient. I’d seen her earlier and she was in a good mood, so I prayed to God that my evening wouldn’t be interrupted. Again. That had become another habit. Jane was recovering well physically; mentally and emotionally, she was fragile with little or no support from her asshole boyfriend or her family. I let the desk personnel know I was grabbing some lunch and checked my pager to see what messages came in while I was with my last patient, expecting a page from Jane. There seemed to always be a page from Jane, but, thankfully, there wasn’t one.
I didn’t know how to refer to that hideous night in my head. Incident seemed so “CSI”, but it sure as hell wasn’t an accident. My shoulder, now fully healed, was left with its angry red scar as the only reminder; except for Jane. When she talked about it, she always called it ‘that night’. Well, that night, had fucked us all.
I felt guilty every Goddamn time I looked at her and guiltier still that I was so damned happy because Julia and I would probably be pregnant within a few months. Whenever I thought about it, I could literally feel my face soften. I didn’t want to feel guilty about something so damn beautiful. Julia certainly didn’t deserve that and I didn’t want to think about Jane every time I touched my wife, always concerned what affect a pregnancy would have on her fragile psyche. Having a baby would be like rubbing salt in Jane’s wound, but from a personal standpoint, I was happy that we’d agreed to let it happen. Hell, I was more than happy about it, but every time I looked at Jane, I felt so damn selfish that I wanted something she could never have. And worse, I felt responsible. I could see similar guilt mirrored in Julia’s deep green eyes. I didn’t
want to think about it anymore.
Tonight was to be spent with my wife and my anticipation made the day crawl. I longed to lose myself in those soulful eyes; to allow her touch to erase everything but her. I wanted the comfort of just being in the same room with her. There was no way in hell I was going to let Jane invade my thoughts tonight. Tonight was all about my beautiful Julia. I inhaled deeply, filling my lungs to capacity. The break and the chance to check my messages would make time pass more quickly.
I stopped by the lounge to get my phone before I went to the cafeteria and couldn’t help grinning when I saw the text waiting for me.
Making all your favorites tonight. Try not to be late. ~xo~
I decided to call instead of text because all these thoughts of baby-making created the need to hear her voice. She picked up on the first ring.
“Hey, handsome.”
My heart surged at the happiness in her voice. “Hey, you’re my favorite. You’re all I want tonight. Don’t make a mess that takes hours to clean up. I’m looking forward to holding you for hours.”
I could hear her soft breaths. “Mmmm, sounds good. I promise no dishes tonight. We’ll make a different kind of mess.”
A huge grin split my face. “Mrs. Matthews, you are a naughty girl and I love it!”
“Are you on break? Have you eaten?”
“I’ll get something light. Don’t want to overeat before tonight.”
She didn’t contradict me, which told me my intuition was right; she was making something big. “Dinner is hours from now, so eat, Ryan,” she commanded.
“What are you making?”
“You ask way too many questions. It’s a surprise.” She giggled softly through the phone and my heart filled. I was waiting for the newlywed giddiness to wear off, but it never had. A surprise meant it would be amazing.
“I love you.”
“I know.” She laughed again, softly. “Now go eat and stop bothering me! I have to go to the grocery store.”
“Okay. See you tonight.”
I tucked my phone back into the locker and turned to leave, stopped by the sound of someone quietly crying behind me. I did a one-eighty, my eyes scanning the room. Jane huddled on the couch on the far side of the room, her back to me. I could see her shoulders shaking and her hands covered her face as she wept. Fuck.
I moved closer, unsure of whether to let her know I was there. Part of me wanted to comfort her, but another part of me said to keep on walking. I wondered whether she’d want to talk or would rather be left to her misery. After a moment’s hesitation, I sat next to her on the couch.
“Jane.” I said softly, my hand reaching out to rest gently on her back. “I thought you were off today.”
She didn’t answer, so I pressed. “Are you okay?”
She only cried harder and shook her head, her face still hidden by her hands. “No! Daniel doesn’t understand what I’m going through. My mom left 3 days ago… and he’s… mad because I’m still such a mess. He expects too much!”
My head dropped, my arm resting on my knee while I sat there and listened to her misery. I could feel my skin flush as anger welled in my chest. How could he be such an insensitive prick? I’d only met the guy once—the day she was in the hospital—and he was only interested in his fucking smart phone; he’d kept pounding away on the keys, his eyes intent on the screen. I’d wanted to rip the motherfucking thing from his fingers and throw it out the window, all the while screaming for him to stop being a dick. I just didn’t get why Jane would be with such a douche. I wracked my brain for the right thing to say so I wouldn’t let how I really felt about the guy show through. “He is probably still working through it, too, Jane. He almost lost you. Believe me, he was probably reeling and unsure how to help you.”
She straightened her shoulders and finally looked at me, wiping at her nose with a tissue she dug out of the pocket of her scrubs. “He doesn’t care about anything but his job and his stupid computers! He yelled at me because I can’t have sex yet. The only time he touches me is when he fucks me.”
The air left my lungs in a huff and I was sure I flushed. I was shocked. I’d cussed enough around Jane, but I’d never heard her utter one crass word. Ever.
“Jesus, Jane! That’s screwed up. How are you even with this guy?”
“I love him, I guess.” Her sorrowful eyes beseeched mine while my brain ripped him limb from limb. “I just can’t seem to get him to take an interest in me outside of sex. He said I was damaged now.” Her face crumpled and she sobbed. My arms automatically surrounded her and she leaned into me, crying hard onto my shoulder. I could feel her hot tears soaking through the material of my shirt. “My body is… so ugly and scarred!” she wailed.
Oh my God! I pushed her back to take hold of her shoulders with both hands. “Listen to me, Jane. You’re a beautiful, desirable woman and he’s damn lucky to have you. He’s no prize, for Christ’s sake!” Her eyes widened and snapped to my face. “Well? He needs to get his head out of his ass. You have so much to offer; you’re kind and giving. Any man would be lucky to be with you. He doesn’t deserve you.”
Her only answer was a sniffle and blink at me.
“Hey, are you listening?”
She smiled, two more tears running down her face. “Thank you, Ryan.” Her hand reached out to my face and I quickly pulled it down with one of mine. She shifted uncomfortably and pulled her hand from my grasp. “If I could just get him to spend some time with me. But when we do, it’s always in a group of friends. I mean, if he takes me anywhere, it’s because someone else makes the plans.”
I listened and I watched her expression then I did the thing I didn’t want to do. If that fucker required a group, so be it.
“Listen, Julia is making dinner tonight. Why don’t you bring Daniel? Maybe he’ll forget about work.”
Her features lit up. “Really? Won’t Julia mind?”
Yeah, Julia would probably kill me, but she knew Jane needed our support right now. “I’m sure she’d love to see you.”
She leaned in and hugged me tight. “Thank you, Ryan! That would be wonderful.”
When she pulled away, I leaned over, pulled another tissue from the box on the table in front of the TV and handed it to her. I needed to get to the cafeteria, grab something and get back to work. “Why are you here today?”
“Sally’s kid was sick and she needed someone to cover the first half of her shift until her husband could leave work.”
“I see. Well, I need to grab a quick sandwich and get back to work. Call Daniel,” I said, getting up to leave.
“I will. Didn’t Julia pack your lunch today?”
I paused by the lockers, pulling out the phone and quickly texting Julia.
I invited Jane and Daniel for dinner. I’ll tell them around 8.
Don’t be mad. Not a good day for Jane. I’ll make it up to you.
Jane’s eyes were still swollen, but at least she had a smile on her face. “Nope. She was working on some promotional stuff for a fundraiser her magazine is doing on New Year’s Eve. No leftovers for me. Besides, when I’m working, she doesn’t make a big meal. Tonight, she’s probably making something amazing.” I looked down at my phone, but no response before I shoved the phone back and walked toward the door of the lounge.
“What time?” Jane asked.
I pondered for a moment. I got off at six, which meant dinner Julia would normally have dinner around 7:15, but something told me I’d better be home before Jane and Daniel showed up, so I could have time to talk with my wife. I figured telling them eight would give us some time alone before they arrived.
“Eight-ish? I’ll text you the address.”
So now I had to wolf down a burger and get back to the ER without knowing if Jules got my message. She understood that Jane needed friends’ support right now.
Julia~
Jane’s first phone call with Ryan started a pattern. Ryan’s devotion while visiting her at the hospital and his availability wh
enever his phone or pager went off only reinforced her access. Jane was back to work after a week in the hospital and another week to recuperate at home. Her ever-absent boyfriend, Daniel, made only one appearance at the hospital. Apparently, he was the IT administrator for Chase and constantly on-call. I wasn’t ignorant enough to believe the excuses he piled on Jane. I was starting to believe his importance was more in his head than reality if his responsibility to his girlfriend was a sign of his commitment to other things, but it was only Jane’s opinion that mattered. Daniel’s lack of involvement with Jane’s recovery only fueled Ryan’s natural protective tendencies. I should be proud and understanding and I was, to a point, but I was pissed at myself because Ryan’s concern for Jane was starting to wear on me.
I pushed open the door to our apartment, juggling two bags of groceries. Ryan invited Jane and Daniel to dinner at the last minute and I was scrambling to get the apartment cleaned up before they were set to arrive three hours from now. I always kept the makings of a cheesecake on hand and one was chilling in the refrigerator. I purchased the ingredients for the fresh strawberry topping along with an expensive cut of prime rib, wine, potatoes, fresh horseradish, asparagus, sour cream and herbs for the rest of the meal. Ryan loved everything I was making for dinner. I felt flustered and disappointed as I stared at the label on the wine in my hand and thought of the new negligée hiding in the top drawer of my dresser. We really couldn’t afford this expensive meal or the little tidbits of satin and lace.
It was Saturday and it was rare that Ryan had the evening off. I’d planned on cheesecake and prime rib, but selfishly, hoped it would be one of our rare evenings alone. I sighed in regret. Well, I might as well buck up. My plans were flushed the minute I read Ryan’s text. Jane was having a bad day. So what else is new? I cringed at my own lack of compassion, but damn if I could stop myself from allowing the unfairness of the situation to creep into my thoughts.
I cranked the oven to 475 and leaned down to pull a skillet and the roasting rack from the cupboard. I seasoned and seared the meat before tucking it into the hot oven with the foil wrapped potatoes and set the timer for one hour. I wanted a bath, internally reminding myself that it was wrong to feel sorry for myself. Fuck it. I did feel sorry for myself. Whatever.
