His hand pressed her harder, and Alana began to kiss the skin on his chest. As her lips worked on his skin, she felt his hand loosen in her hair. The pain in her scalp eased, although he did not fully release her.
A few moments later, he pushed her head down further, and the narrow band of hair that ran in a downward line on his stomach was brushing upon her lips.
Above her, she heard his low groan, but still, her hand that held his length felt no response. Knowing that she would always hate herself for doing this, she began to work his length with her fingers.
She tried to pretend that she wanted him and what they were doing was right, but the reality of what he was making her do would not permit even that simple lie.
He released her hand but not her head. Suddenly he pushed her down until her face was pressing against the hand that held him.
“Take me in your mouth!” he ordered. “Make me come alive!”
Alana closed her eyes. “I can’t,” she whispered.
His hand again tightened in her hair, twisting it cruelly. “You can,” he stated. He twisted her hair further, and a lance of pain ripped through her head.
Then he pushed her. Once again, she knew the futility of resisting. Slowly she lifted his still unresponsive member and, closing her eyes, did as he bid.
She heard his sharp intake of breath and felt his hand press her head down. Then he moved her head about, controlling her with his hand as he made her do what he wanted.
For endlessly long minutes, he continued to control her, but finally, with a loud grunt of anger, he pulled her head away from him.
“Enough, damn you! Enough. We have just proven I am indeed half a man. Not your warm lips, nor your hands, nor the sweet womanhood I have dreamed of is able to make me a man again. Don’t look at me like that!” he shouted as her eyes had turned pitying on him. “Don’t ever look at me like that.” Jason’s face was scarlet with impotent rage as he pulled the cover over his nakedness. Then he twisted and looked at the night table beside the bed. “My medication. Give it to me!”
Alana, still naked, reached for the bottle and the spoon. When she brought them to him, he snatched the bottle from her hands, and with trembling fingers, opened it, and drank the laudanum straight from the bottle.
When he finished, he handed her the bottle. After replacing it on the table, Alana picked up the discarded nightdress and started to put it on.
“No!” he ordered.
Alana turned to him, fear of having to repeat what they had just done reflected within her face.
“Lie next to me as you are. Hold me, Alana; I want to feel you beside me.”
Alana again did as he commanded, and she held him to her until the drug eased the pain in his body and he fell asleep. His breathing was even and smooth when she slid her arms from around him and moved to the far side of the bed. Turning her back to him as the sounds of his breathing rose in the room, Alana cried quietly to herself for the final loss he had given her.
For on this night, he had truly taken from her the innocence that had remained within her heart. He had destroyed the gentle love for him, which had always been a part of the innocence, and he had replaced it with the harsher realities of life and with the pity she had done her best never to feel toward him.
Book 2
Charleston, Riverbend Plantations,
and Abington Island
1866-67
San Francisco and Death Valley
1866-67
New York City
1867
10
August 1866
Alana stretched her cramped muscles. She had been sitting in the canopied carriage for four and a half hours and was finally nearing Charleston.
The late morning sun poured down its full might, and the driver could not go any faster for fear of killing the horse that already was sweating so profusely.
She had left at the first light of dawn so that the horse might be spared as much of the heat of day as possible–and because she had two very important errands in Charleston. She would need as much time as possible once she was there.
Although Alana hated to be out on the road in this heat, she had no choice. In a move born of desperation, and in the hope of salvaging her life, she had made several important decisions and needed to see them through.
She was on her way to Charleston to meet with Charles Ledoque and to find a way to persuade him to look after the Landow Shipping Company for her. After that meeting, she would visit Dr. Lawrence to go over her final plans to do what was necessary for Jason.
Alana sighed and closed her eyes. She did her best to ignore the rivulets of perspiration that were already turning her dress dark. And as she concentrated, she examined the past ten months of her life.
A feeling of despair gripped her, but she pushed it aside and tried to look back over the long months logically, without letting emotions interfere with her mind.
After the first three months of marriage and of doing her best to bring Riverbend back to its former might, she had found that matters were slipping further away from her than before. The hope that everything would become right again once Jason had returned had fallen from her almost as quickly as had her idea that they could live a normal and fulfilling life together. As the love she had once felt for him had turned into the worst kind of pity on their wedding night, so had departed the dreams she had always maintained.
Their relationship had disintegrated from the onset of their marriage as Jason retreated behind the pain-relieving stupors that his medication gave him. Shortly after the wedding, Dr. Lawrence had examined Jason again. He had given him even stronger pain-relieving drugs to help him; chief among them was a new form of opium that seemed to work the best.
But Alana had noticed that the drug seemed to take away Jason’s ability to concentrate. By the time their first month together had ended, he had given over to her the full responsibility for running their affairs.
Another aspect of the medication was that his demands upon her had also diminished. They’d repeated the horrid scene of their wedding night only twice more within the first three months. After that, Jason had never again shown any interest in her body.
She had wanted to depend on Jason in helping her revive Riverbend, but he had proven incapable of sharing the benefits of his vast knowledge and business acumen. And so, by the beginning of the new year, Alana was even more deprived than she had been throughout the war, for she no longer had her dream of a happy future.
She and Jason had done no socializing. Whatever friendships she’d maintained before his return home, she’d been unable to keep up. During that same time of personal upheaval, she had met Charles Ledoque and had found him to be a charming, well-intentioned man who offered her both a platonic friendship and his help in managing the estate.
He had waited for several months after sending his original letter before writing again and then calling upon Mr. and Mrs. Landow. When he’d arrived, he’d come prepared to handle all of Alana’s objections and had brought a letter of introduction from Carlton DuPont, the Belfores family lawyer.
Alana had been ready to dismiss him as another greedy merchant reaping the benefits of war-devastated Charleston, but after meeting him and hearing his propositions, she had decided he was a decent man.
Charles Ledoque was in his early forties, and Alana had been aware that he took good care of himself. His body was solid, and his slightly graying hair well kept. His features were pleasant, and his deep-set eyes were open and friendly.
After reading her lawyer’s letter, which assured her that Charles Ledoque was an honorable businessman, she had explained about her husband’s ailments in the most delicate terms, after which she had asked his advice about Jason’s shipping company.
Ledoque had impressed her with his straightforward answers. He had made it a point to tell her that he would be glad to help with the shipping company, but because of the demands on him from his own company and his other business interests,
he thought it best if Alana retained control of Landow Shipping.
What Ledoque offered instead were his docks, warehouses, and whatever help he could personally extend to her. He was willing, he told her, to have one of his managers keep track of her company and report everything to him, so that if problems arose, he would be able to advise her regarding them.
For his advice, he had asked no fee. His only charges would be for dockage and warehousing. By the time he’d left, Alana felt confident that she had met someone who would be able to help her during her hard times. In one of Jason’s rare lucid moments, she explained Ledoque’s proposal to him.
Jason had accepted, but he had also shaken his head. “We still do not have an agent for the shipping business. Find an agent, Alana. Find someone who will look after the company, for you cannot do it.”
“Why?” she’d asked angrily.
“Because you know nothing about shipping.”
“I will learn.”
“You’re a woman, Alana; stop trying to be a man. Learn your limitations.”
“As you have?” she had spat at him without thinking.
Instead of getting angry, Jason had smiled at her and stroked his useless legs.
That had been the last business conversation they ever had. From that point on, Alana had run Riverbend and the shipping business, relying more and more on Charles Ledoque’s expertise.
Yet try as she had to resurrect Riverbend to its former might, the fates seemed to always challenge her. The first crops had not yielded what she had expected, and there had been no profits. The prices for rice were lower than at any other time in history.
Still, Alana had been certain that with time the fifteen thousand acres of cotton would become the most profitable part of the plantation. But they would take another two years to reach full fruition.
As spring approached and the land grew even more fertile, she still had had one path left that was not yet explored.
Until her mother’s death, and even during the years her father had squandered the Belfores and Shockley fortunes, the horses that Riverbend had bred were always in demand. The Federal troops confiscated the last of the horses near the war’s end, but Alana had always kept excellent records and knew where all the old stock had been sold. So, in the spring she had sent out letter after letter in the hope that one or more of them would be answered and would offer her a chance to buy a stud that might still be alive.
In July, not three weeks ago, she had received her first reply. It was from a breeder in Maryland who had one original Riverbend stallion who had sired a promising colt.
The colt was three years old, and he would guarantee its fertility. He would have the horse delivered to her, along with a suitable mare, as soon as he received full payment.
The sum had staggered her beyond belief, but she knew she’d had no choice and had agreed to his terms. A week ago, on the eighth of August, she had sent the breeder a draft for one thousand dollars and instructions to deliver the horses in the second week of September, when the heavy heat and humidity of Charleston had abated.
And that, Alana thought as the carriage bounced in and out of a rut, is all I can do for now. But Alana Belfores Landow was not a woman who gave up. She was determined, no matter what the odds, to make her life worthwhile, and that included shaking her husband out of his drug-induced lethargy to make him face the world once again.
Alana had had enough of Jason’s self-pity, and her own pity had slowly turned into a desire to end the constant heartache that Jason caused. The love that she had once held for him, although never passionate, had been a large part of her vision of Riverbend’s future. But Jason’s self-loathing and its terrible results were becoming impossible for her to bear.
Because of whom she was, Alana would not allow Jason to continue to destroy their lives. She could not escape him, but she might be able to change him. It was her obligation to try to help him and possibly, if she could, give him back the dignity he had once worn so proudly. Perhaps then he would again become the Jason Landow she had always known, and the love she had held for him would return. She had decided to do whatever was necessary to help Jason face life once again–even if it meant devoting her every waking minute to him.
“Oh, Rafe,” she whispered aloud in the carriage. Her involuntary words shocked her. The blood raced to her face, and she slowly shook her head. She had not let herself think of Rafe often, and when she did, it had not helped her to face what she must; rather, it had showed her that she had once had happiness that was forever gone.
Forcefully, she made herself think of something else, anything else, but the carriage started to rumble over cobblestones and Alana realized they had arrived in Charleston at last. In another ten minutes, she would have her meeting with Charles Ledoque, and she had to prepare herself for what she must ask of him.
On her previous visits to Charles Ledoque, it had amazed Alana to read the gilded letters on the entry doors of his offices, where the names of a half dozen shipping companies were proudly displayed, along with an even longer list of warehousing and docking companies.
The offices themselves were in a large building that had once been the summer residence of a wealthy family. The building faced the East Battery, and Ledoque’s private office afforded a view of the harbor and of Fort Sumter in the far distance.
But, she was not there to see the view. She made herself concentrate on the man who had just entered. After greeting her, Ledoque sat behind his huge mahogany desk. Behind him, covering the entire wall, was a map of the world with colored lines of twill marking the trade routes his ships plied.
The office itself was decorated simply but elegantly. Nothing was out of place; the air smelled of tobacco, leather, and paper. Its very essence gave Alana a feeling of security.
“Although I must express my pleasure at your visit, I’m somewhat surprised,” Ledoque said without hiding the open question in his eyes.
Alana took a deep breath and plunged ahead. “I have come to ask for a very large favor, Charles.”
"My dear Mrs. Landow, you know you have but to ask,” he responded magnanimously.
“It’s not that simple, for I must impinge on your generosity once again.” Alana paused for a moment. When she spoke again, her eyes held his and her hands lay clasped tightly in her lap. “You have already made it clear that you are too busy with your own business to be able to act as the agent for Landow Shipping. I know that the company is not large enough to bring you much profit as an agent, but because of personal problems, I find that I must ask you to do just that. Charles, will you please become the Landow agent? I will double the usual fee.” Ledoque shook his head slowly, his features showing great concern. “Let’s not speak of money. What has happened to make you come here like this? Please, I consider myself more than a business adviser. I believe I am your friend.”
“You are, Charles, and I thank you for that friendship.” Alana smiled hesitantly at him, and then, accepting his words completely, she forced herself to relax and tell him what she planned to do.
“I am taking Jason to Abington Island. His condition has not improved in the past months, and I find that the demands upon me at Riverbend have not allowed me to help my husband sufficiently. I now plan to spend as much time as necessary to help Jason recover. When we return to Riverbend, I fully expect Jason to take over our business affairs. But,” she added when she saw a change flicker across Ledoque’s face, “I need you to help me until we return.”
When she finished, she let free a low sigh and waited for his response. Ledoque said nothing for several seconds, and Alana was afraid he was going to turn her down.
Finally, he shifted in the chair and spoke. “Mrs. Landow–Alana, if I may?” He waited a moment until Alana graciously nodded her head. “Alana, I would be remiss in my duties both as a gentleman and as your business adviser if I turned away from your plea. No matter how busy I am, I will make time to see to your holdings as well as my own. Of course I will h
elp you,” he repeated gently.
“Thank you, Charles,” Alana replied, releasing her long-held breath.
“Will Mr. DuPont be handling the accounts for Riverbend while you’re gone?” he asked.
“No, I was hoping that you–”
“Say no more. It will be my pleasure to help you through this trying time. I’ll have the proper papers drawn up right away.”
“Won’t our verbal agreement be sufficient?” Alana asked, knowing that any papers at all would take more time than she had. Having planned everything down to the last minute, she was prepared to leave for Abington Island the morning after tomorrow.
“It is to protect both of us, Alana,” Ledoque told her. “I’m sure Mr. DuPont would insist on this also.”
“I must return to Riverbend tonight. Papers will take too long.”
“But mustn’t you return to Charleston to go to the island?”
“No, Captain Bowers will take us directly from Riverbend to Abington. It’s but a day’s travel by boat.”
“Have you eaten at all today?” Ledoque asked suddenly.
Alana shook her head. “I’m not hungry, and I must see Dr. Lawrence before returning home.”
“Allow me to have some food prepared for you so that you will not have to travel hungry. By the time you’re finished eating, I’ll have a simple agreement ready for you.”
Again, Alana smiled. “Thank you, Charles, for being so kind and understanding.”
Ledoque stood and came around the desk. When he was before her, he reached out and took her hand. He held it firmly as he spoke. “It makes me happy to be of service to you. Wait here; I’ll be right back.”
True to his word, Ledoque returned within two minutes and seated himself on the leather wing chair next to hers. While they waited, he questioned her about several matters that they had discussed previously, and then he drew her out about her plans to start breeding horses again.
Alana Page 12
