by Gila Hayes
Choose Your Pleasures
A woman must weigh the events she attends to determine if they entail a greater-than-ordinary threat because of location or the type of crowd. Is the level of threat manageable under the circumstances surrounding the event? For example, I might skip a popular concert, since concert security personnel usually frisk spectators, making it impossible to carry a defense weapon. I might decline to attend an evening theatre production held in a neighborhood with a high crime rate. These decisions are extensions of the acknowledgment that dangers exist. They represent the mindset embodied in Condition Yellow, in which you consciously avoid that which might cause you harm.
Choose your dangers. For example, I despise huge multi-floor concrete parking garages. I’m not the only one who feels at risk going there. A clerk at a gun range told me that after feeling threatened in a hospital’s underground parking facility, he started parking on the street or in an open-air lot, even though it was considerably less convenient. A 2005 Department of Justice study of violent crimes found that a bit over 8% of crimes of violence happened in parking lots or garages.1 Many parking garages don’t generate enough foot traffic to provide the relative safety of crowds and aren’t patrolled nearly often enough to deter the opportunist looking for a victim.
If you must park in public garages, walk in the driving lane, avoiding the close confines and concealment between parked cars, and have your gun immediately accessible. Park in a garage with live attendants and drive right back out if anything looks or feels threatening once you are inside. Park near the attendant and in a brightly lit area. If you are delayed at work until the garage is empty, ask a trusted coworker or a security officer who you know to escort you to your car. Follow your instincts: they will keep you alive.
Public elevators are another location in which I exercise guarded caution. A few years ago, I’m told, numerous Seattle women began using the stairs after a series of muggings and molestations in the downtown high-rise elevators. These women exercised admirable awareness of danger, and probably got a little extra muscle tone as a bonus. Seriously, give me a crowded elevator, with all its discomforts, instead of an elevator car containing only one or two people. Don’t board an elevator with a single occupant; wait for the next car. When you get in an elevator, stand near the control panel, keeping a weapon in hand: a revolver in the pocket, or your Persuader mini-baton or your keys held ready in your hand.
I see women taking more risks while jogging and exercising than during nearly any other activity. Women exercise along deserted running paths, in parks replete with hiding spots, and wearing garments that a courtroom lawyer can construe as sexually inviting. Again, I don’t advocate locking yourself away in a cloister: I do suggest responsible awareness. If possible, walk or jog with several companions and a protective dog. Even in groups, maintain awareness of your surroundings, don’t drift off in a haze of burning muscles or music from your MP3 player. I would not cut off my auditory warning system by wearing headphones in public, whether jogging, riding the bus or waiting in a queue.
Jogging paths are a more difficult subject. Many running paths follow scenic, yet remote and dangerous, routes. Bushes, trees and ravines offer concealment for an assailant and a place to which he may drag his victims. In urban areas, jog on a public track around an open playing field. And use the track only during daylight and at times when other people are about.
Automobile Safety AAA Never Told You About
The aware woman uses everyday equipment to maintain her safety, understanding that a weapon is actually a very small part of the personal safety equation. A locked car surrounds you with an added ring of safety, if you are alert to tactical advantages. Maintaining a safe car that will not fail you is critical. This, as with home safety, is a matter of priorities. Forego buying a new pair of shoes in favor of getting a tune up. Keep the gas tank more than a quarter full, so you don’t absent-mindedly run out of gas and become stranded. Exercise alertness at gas stations, observing the area carefully before starting to pump gas and remaining aware of the surroundings while pumping. Chose a pump at which you cannot be blocked in from front and rear, and use a credit card to pay at the pump as a way to minimize your exposure and time out of your car’s safety.
Actually, your safety begins before you get in the car. Your personal vehicle should always remain locked, even when you are in it. Look beneath the car from a distance while approaching, and check between the seats for an intruder before getting inside. Once in the car, lock all the doors to keep unwanted “passengers” out. Never pick up hitchikers or allow a stranger into your car. If flagged down to help at an apparent emergency, remain in your locked car and call the highway patrol for assistance. Drive away after reporting the location and situation.
Learn basic car maintenance skills such as changing tires. The ability to replace a flat tire and get your car to a service station greatly increases your safety. (Keeping a can of Fix-A-Flat tire inflator handy can literally be a lifesaver.) If you cannot repair the car’s problem, do not leave the safety of your locked car. If you have a cell phone, dial 911 to summon help. If not, put up the hood and wait inside your locked car for the state patrol. Do not open the door or window for anyone but an identified law enforcement officer. If, for any reason, you are unsure of the officer’s legitimacy, remain in the car and ask him to call a tow truck.
When you are stopped at a traffic light, glance around to see who and what is within striking distance. At traffic lights, maintain distance between your car and the one ahead. A good visual cue is to stay far enough back to see the rear tires of the car ahead. This space will allow you to pull around the car and escape if an attack is initiated while you are stopped. If first in line at the light on a multilane street, leave half a car length between you and the stop line. Most drivers will simply stop somewhat ahead of you, increasing your anonymity and making you a less attractive target to the occupants of cars in the adjacent lanes. And, by the way, before pulling out into that intersection when the light changes, check in both directions then count “thousand one, thousand two,” to be sure the yellow-to-red light jumpers all get through before you drive through, as wisely advocated by Curt Rich in his outstanding book Drive to Survive!2 which I highly recommend.
While driving, remain alert to cars that may be following you. Taking down a license plate number and checking in the rear view mirror may discourage an opportunistic assailant who prefers easier prey. If you are followed, do not go home. Make at least three right-or left-hand turns, then go to the nearest occupied public facility, stop, close to the door and run inside, calling out loudly, “Call the police, I’m being stalked!”
If you are attacked while stopped in traffic, take any escape route available—at times like this it’s OK to break traffic laws. While you must remain aware of others’ safety, you need not sit immobile at a red light and allow a window to be broken in by an assailant, instead of driving through an empty intersection or onto the sidewalk.
Don’t get blocked in. Leave enough room between your bumper and theirs that you can pull around the car in front of you, even if blocked from behind.
If space allows, you may be able to speed away from a carjacking attempt with greater chances of survival than if you get out and take your chances with the gunman.
In fact, simply speeding away from a carjacking attempt is one of the methods I’ve seen demonstrated by executive protection professionals in training and practice. If the car drives away rapidly enough, it’s nearly impossible for the bad guy to keep a good sight picture on the car’s occupants. While the assailant could spray the area with gunfire, that attracts attention and you are safer than if you got out of the car and got into a fight with the attacker. While there’s nothing wrong with the advice to give up the car if it makes sense, there may be times when a car-seated child or other complication makes driving away rapidly the better strategy.
Gun against gun, not good survival odds. It would be better to get that
car moving!
On longer stretches of freeway or rural highway, a car that matches your speed and hangs alongside yours should at least raise your level of concern. It may be a road-weary motorist or it may be a predator. If another driver’s actions alarm you, exit at the next ramp and drive to a busy gas station or other public facility. If followed, you have a much better idea of what you are up against. Before stopping, make at least three turns to determine if you are truly being followed, then call for help. A cell phone is mandatory equipment in a car. Use it to call 911, giving a full description of your harasser, location and your circumstances. Be sure of your location by noting street names and landmarks while making the several turns to verify you are indeed being followed,
We have all been taught, from Driver’s Ed onward, to get out of the car if involved in a minor accident. Predators recognize this tendency as an opportunity. The rapist causes a fender bender and attacks when you leave the safety of your car to inspect the damage. Remaining in your car is much safer, and you may wait for the police to arrive, or drive to a busy, well-lit area to report the accident from a safe place. Under no conditions should you get out of your car if only you and the other driver are on the scene. I would hesitate to get out of my car if a second motorist stopped to assist, recognizing the risk of criminal teamwork. I would ask the “Good Samaritan” to go call for help, remaining safely inside the car until the police arrived.
Never stop to help what appears to be a stranded motorist, even if it looks like a lone woman. You simply cannot know their disposition, true identity or if there are accomplices hidden where you cannot see them. If you feel you should help, call the police, who will respond and help those who are truly stranded.
Taking the Bus
If you use bus transportation, try to establish a schedule that lets you use the bus during daylight. If that’s not possible, board and disembark at stops that are busy and well lit. On the bus, be alert—know who is on the bus, what they’re doing and how close they are to you. Try to sit in the front near the driver, and make an effort to break through the anonymity of being “just one of the passengers,” if the driver seems trustworthy. On the bus, be very wary of strangers who strike up uninvited conversation or try to elicit information about your destination, or where you live or work. Also be aware that your personal conversations may be overheard and exploited.
When disembarking from public transportation, watch to see who exits with you. If evasive action, such as crossing a street several times, does not discourage your follower, run to the nearest populated and well-lit area yelling, “Help! Call the police! I’m being followed. Call the police!”
Choose Safety
In every situation, the aware woman will ask herself, “Does it feel safe?” She will mentally explore the potential for danger before committing herself to any action. For example, if asked to visit the home of a new male friend, the aware woman will probably respond that she is sorry, she cannot, but she may counter with an invitation to get together in a restaurant or other public location. A responsible man will recognize her prudence without taking offense; a predator will vocally express insult, take offense or ridicule her caution. Consider this episode a good test to find out if your new friend will respect your intelligence and sensibility.
Sometimes, however, despite our best intentions, we have no alternative to the use of deadly force. With that sobering fact in mind, let’s move on to specific survival considerations.
Notes
1U.S. Department of Justice, Bureau of Justice Statistics: http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/abstract/cvusst.htm
2Rich, Curt, Drive to Survive!, ISBN 0-7603-0525-0, 1998, MBI Publishing Co., 729 Prospect Ave., P. O. Box 1, Osceola, WI 54020.
CHAPTER 4
Finding the Will to Survive
Could you harm someone else in order to preserve your own life?
In my own case, that question finally left my mind after an immersion study of justifiable use of deadly force. I recommend similar studies for women plagued with questions about of their ability to use deadly force in self defense. At a minimum, obtain Tanya Metaksa’s book Safe, Not Sorry1 and read it well. Read and reread Massad Ayoob’s In the Gravest Extreme and attend his seminars if possible.
Initially, my determination to fight back became stronger through firearms training that included videotaped lectures by Ayoob, an authority on the lawful use of deadly force. His frank discussions of the danger, illustrated by case histories and their adjudication in American courts, confirmed my belief that I was at risk and at the same time strengthened my resolve to protect myself. The study forced me to confront a fear of attack that has been with me since earliest childhood. In the end, I became convinced of my responsibility to stop any threat to my life and of my own right to survival.
Massad Ayoob, a dynamic and animated speaker, lectures on judicious use of deadly force.
I still find it hard to listen to story after story of victimization and assault, but my immersion in this study of self defense has burned away the emotional baggage of feeling powerless.
I’m not powerless. Neither are you.
Deciding to Live
The will to fight has been trained out of socialized humans. If surprised by an assailant, do not expect some defensive instinct to surface automatically. If you have not confronted issues about your right to defend yourself, questions of legality and morality may be foremost in your mind, interfering with the concentration that should be directing your defense. I don’t think an ethical person can blithely say, “Sure, it’s no problem to kill to save my own life” and fail to pursue an understanding what it means to kill in self defense.
Read the work of Ayoob and John Farnam.2 Obtain Robert A. Waters’ The Best Defense: True Stories of Intended Victims Who Defended Themselves With a Firearm3 and read Chris Bird’s Thank God I Had A Gun.4 Study the experiences of those who have been forced to use guns in self defense and consider what they have experienced in the aftermath. Give serious thought to reports of citizens’ self-defense acts as reported in the NRA’s monthly “Armed Citizen” columns, and in Combat Handguns, Concealed Carry Magazine and other publications.
Fundamental to the self-defense mindset is this: The assailant forfeits his right to live by initiating an assault likely to kill or cripple an innocent person. The fault is the perpetrator’s, not the victim’s.
A woman’s determination to fight back grows stronger with an understanding of the conditions under which the law and society condone use of deadly force. Killing to protect property will reap a grave punishment both in the courts and in the reaction of family, friends, neighbors, employers and others. And though killing in self defense is also likely to earn societal disapproval, clear-cut cases of self defense are court-defensible. The survivor can deal with the resulting social fallout because she is alive to do so.
A serious study of use of deadly force yields a mature conviction to use this ultimate power only to preserve innocent life, not to threaten or intimidate. “The Decision,” as this process is termed by Ayoob, is one that assigns the ultimate value to innocent human life, not to selfimage, pride or material possessions.
Make no mistake: this is not a decision to become a cold-blooded killer; this is a resolution to preserve that unique spark of life that is you.
It’s a typical Sunday afternoon as mom Laurisa plays with her daughter Katie. Dave the puppy’s sharp teeth are cause for more immediate concern than the Glock 26 she carries for home defense, yet she is prepared to protect the family should real danger threaten.
The Mental Process
As you begin to clarify your own determination to survive, you may find yourself idly considering various scenarios concerning assault and self-defense. Defined by Ayoob as a process of inoculation, most experience it when beginning to grasp what constitutes righteous self defense. This seems to be the mind’s way of resolving ideas that run counter to our earliest training to “do no harm” or “turn the other che
ek.” These thoughts and mental images are your social conscience weighing the propriety of your newly-embraced determination to survive. The best advice I can offer is to accept the process.
Don’t judge yourself harshly for these thoughts. Understand that your mind is weighing the unfair constraints society has imposed on women for far too long against your new belief that you have the right to survive unmolested.
One of my students once told me that although she had no nightmares during her first months of carrying a gun, she was weighed down with guilt because she thoroughly enjoyed shooting. She said it seemed terrible to like something capable of deadly results. Like all of us, she needed the company of like-minded individuals who could share similar experiences and confirm that the pleasure of shooting practice was not an expression of an evil side.
Other students have reported uneasiness and feelings of unspecified anxiety, as they grapple with the concept of using deadly force in self defense, or even just possessing a deadly weapon. Women often report that friends and family are horrified by their interest in guns, contributing to their feelings of general disapproval.
Sometimes it’s difficult finding another woman with whom you can discuss such things. Responsible armed citizens, particularly women, belong to an extremely limited peer group who will do what is necessary to prevent rape, murder or violent assault. Our feminine support group is miniscule! Beyond the practical aspect of training, shooting classes can provide fellowship with like-minded people. A class that meets your needs will likely contain other women who are dealing with many of the same issues. Women’s self-defense groups listed below can put you in contact with groups and instructors who share your concerns.5
