by Melanie
"Huh?"
Tom carefully chose his words. "I was curious about how you'd be with kids."
"Kids?" She knew she was not holding up her end of this scintillating conversation, but she could not do any better until Tom Paris started making sense.
"I... I was wondering how you would be with our kids."
B'Elanna's eyes widened.
"I'm not saying right this minute or anything," he hastened to add. "I mean we've never even talked about it. I don't even know if you want kids, but I was just wondering how you'd be with them if we ever had any." He ran a hand through his hair, leaving it in wild disarray. "And I'm babbling."
She said nothing for a long moment. That of course only provoked more babbling.
"I mean, I know... I doubted you'd be anything like Harry." He shook his head. "I figured if anyone would be good with kids, he would be. Never would I have imagined him not being comfortable with one, but-"
"Why?"
"Why what? Why did I think he'd be good with kids? Because he grew up in this great family. He had these terrific, nominate-them-for-the-Parent-Hall-of-Fame parents."
"And we didn't."
"Well, yeah."
"And yet next to her mother and Neelix, you're the best one on the ship with her."
"Yeah, I guess so."
Moving closer, she reached up and smoothed his wild hair. "That's always puzzled everyone, you know. How you two got so close. Most people wouldn't think you'd be that way with kids. Your ladies man reputation-" He snorted at that and she smiled. "-And being the youngest one in your family and never being allowed to be a kid, always having to be a "little man," not a little boy. If you've no previous experience with kids, how come you're so good with this one?"
"About a year or so ago," he began, "Naomi and her mother were going to the Mess Hall when Ensign Wildman stopped to talk to someone in the corridor. Naomi wandered off, ended up in a turbolift with a couple who didn't even realize she was there with them."
"How'd they miss seeing her? A turbolift's not that big."
"I asked them that later." He grimaced. "Well, *demanded* to know that actually."
She lifted an eyebrow at that admission.
"Well, I was mad. They should have noticed her, but didn't. Apparently they were talking when she slipped in behind them and they never noticed her. They took the turbolift down to Deck Five and went into one of the labs. Naomi followed them out and was looking around the corridor when they entered a lab and she didn't see where they went. When I came out of Sickbay, I found her curled up next to a bulkhead, crying."
Tom shook is head. "She barely knew me. Saw me a few times in the Mess Hall or the Resort, that was about it. But you would have thought I was her long lost friend when I squatted down next to her. She threw herself at me and wouldn't let go. The kid was like a little limpet. Even after I took her back to her mother, she wouldn't let go."
"Her hero," B'Elanna smiled.
"I guess. But things just kind of grew from there."
"Women do tend to throw themselves at you, don't they?"
"Not anymore they don't. Too scared you'll take after them."
"I have to protect what's mine."
Tom nuzzled her ear. "And what's yours."
B'Elanna grinned evilly and pulled his body flush with hers. "You, Thomas Eugene Paris, and don't you ever forget it."
"Yes, ma'am."
She snuggled her head into the crook of his neck. "Tom?"
"Hmm?"
"Were you really were serious about maybe us having children?" she asked.
"Yes, I was."
"I don't know, Tom. I know you'll do well, considering how quickly you took to Naomi-"
"Quickly? Hardly. For quite a while, I was petrified I'd do something wrong with her. I had no idea what I was doing. Here was this kid who kept popping up. Every time I turned around, there she was, wanting to do whatever I was doing, wanting me to pick her up for a cuddle, wanting me to talk to her. It was only after a couple of months that I suddenly realized I was comfortable with her."
She sensed him debating with himself about whether to tell her something so she remained quiet, waiting.
"I realized I enjoyed it, B'Elanna. The feel of that warm little body giving me a hug. Her big, sloppy kisses. The way she'd look up at me like I could do no wrong, like I had all of the answers. It was... I felt... I've never felt anything like that before, B'Elanna."
"And you think children of your own would make you feel like that?"
"I don't know. I'd hope so, but it just... it just got me thinking about us having kids of our own some day."
Unconsciously stroking his chest, B'Elanna quietly thought for a moment. "This is permanent, isn't it?"
"Hmm?"
"Us."
It was Tom's turn to think. "Yeah," he whispered, "I think it is."
She made no comment. That worried him.
"Are you... are you okay with that?"
In response, she lifted her head from his shoulder and curled a hand around his neck. As she drew his head down for a long kiss, the door inevitably chimed. For close to thirty seconds they ignored it. Then, after the fourth chime, they addressed the door.
"Come in, Harry," the couple chorused.
The EMH entered, eyebrow quirked. "I'm sorry to disappoint you, Lieutenants."
Tom and B'Elanna disengaged. "Sorry, Doc," Tom apologized. "We're so used to Harry being the one to suddenly appear every time we try to have a moment alone here." He grinned. "We're starting to wonder if he has the internal sensors rigged to alert him every time B'Elanna comes in here."
"Well, given some of the tricks you and the Ensign get up to, I wouldn't put it past you."
As Tom grinned, B'Elanna shook her head at him then looked enquiringly at the hologram. "So if Harry hasn't deputized you to stand in for him while he's on duty, what can we do for you?"
He handed Tom a padd. "I have found something I think might help my family's case."
"The case for your being alive?"
He nodded while Tom reviewed the information. "I believe it may just prove-" He broke off as Tom handed back the padd. The man who first had brought the holographic family's plight to the attention of the family patriarch shook his head. "What? It's perfect."
"I found that one already," Tom sighed. "It was over turned on appeal."
"That's not in the database."
"No, not as a direct citation for some reason, but it is mentioned in another case."
He went to the computer on his desk and called up the relevant file. The EMH scanned the record then scowled. Tom placed a hand on the hologram's shoulder.
"I'll keep looking, Doc. That's the best I can promise you."
The hologram squared his shoulders. "Well, I'll be returning to Sickbay then. If you'll stop by before your shift tomorrow, I should have that report for the Captain finished by then."
When they were alone, Tom sighed and lowered his head to B'Elanna's shoulder.
"You'll think of something," she assured him, stroking his hair. "You have plenty of time. Voyager's a long way from getting home."
He sighed and tightened his hold.
-------
She smiled at the sweet display and withdrew from Tom's quarters. In the brief time she had been observing this one and his crewmates, she had come to enjoy their closeness. It reminded her of those who had prompted her people's search.
'Soon,' she promised herself, 'soon my people will be ready for him and I can approach him.'
The smile that had increased with making this vow changed to a perplexed look. She turned away from the ship and stared straight at a little dark-haired boy.
*Who are you?*
He said nothing, only looked at her curiously.
*You've been following me, haven't you?*
Still nothing.
*I've felt something or someone watching me, but I never could see it or them. It was you, wasn't it?*
He came closer,
tilting his head this way and that as his eyes stared into hers. When she reached out for him, he promptly vanished. She could sense his continued presence on the edge of her consciousness, but not see him.
'He'll reappear when he wants to,' she assured herself. 'It's doubtful he wants to stop you in any way. If he did, he would have done it long before now.'
Warily, she returned to watching the ship.
-------
Tom was dreaming. Since Voyager had encountered the aliens who had attacked them through their dreams, he had worked hard on perfecting the art of lucid dreaming. He wanted to be ready in case they encountered anyone else who could do the same thing. Now he was at the point he could tell the instant he began dreaming, even calling up favorite dreams with the ease another would request a file from the ship's computer. He found using this new skill to be an exhilarating experience. This dream, one of his favorites, was no exception.
He stood at the foot of a slight rise in a park. Looking up, he saw a deep blue sky dotted with wisps of white cloud. Beneath his feet was lush green grass begging for his bare feet. Immediately, he obliged, shedding his shoes and socks.
A squeal of delight from a short ways off met his ears. Instantly recognizing it, he ran off in the direction of the child. He found her on the other side of the rise. A little blonde head bobbed in and out of sight in a field of wildflowers twenty meters away as she chased a butterfly. The four-year old was under the watchful gaze of her very pregnant mother sitting on a blanket beneath an oak tree.
"Don't go too far, M'Nea Madeleine," B'Elanna called after her daughter.
"Yes, Mommy," the child sing-songed over her shoulder.
"She's going to get lost in there." B'Elanna smiled at Tom over her shoulder. "Guess who gets to rescue her?"
Moving to the edge of the blanket and dropping his shoes and socks, he pretended to think about it. "Mmm, you?"
She laughed. "Oh, you'd make a pregnant woman drag herself off after a rambunctious four-year old? Do you know how long it took me to get down here?"
Grinning broadly, he leaned down to kiss her. "About half as long as it's going to take you to get up, I'll bet."
"Unless my big, strong husband who is responsible for me being in this condition takes pity on me and helps me up."
"Well, when he gets here, tell me and I'll make myself scarce." He gave her another quick kiss and bounded off after his AWOL offspring.
"Daddy!" she yelled and abandoned the butterfly chase. She hurled herself into his waiting arms, laughing as he tossed her into the air.
"Having fun, Piglet?" he asked, carrying her back towards the blanket where her mother was setting out lunch.
As she told him everything he had missed so far, he lowered her to her feet then he folded his long frame into a comfortable position next to his mate on the blanket. B'Elanna snuggled back into his chest and placed her hands over his where they came to rest on her swollen abdomen. The pair sighed happily and listened to their daughter chatter.
-------
"Tom?"
"Hmm?"
"Come on, you've got to let go. We've got to be on duty in less than half an hour."
Reluctantly, Tom opened his eyes. He was staring at the ceiling of his sitting area.
"Tom?" The voice was becoming insistent.
His attempt to lift his head from the back of the couch was met with instant agony. Gentle hands helped him tilt his stiff head and neck into an upright position. Smiling through his pain as the hands massaged his neck, he saw what he considered the best sight in the entire Galaxy - a sleep tousled B'Elanna Torres sitting in his lap.
"We fell asleep sitting up on the couch again, didn't we?" he mumbled.
She nodded and flitted away as he started to tighten his hold on her again. "No time for that, Paris. And no time for breakfast either. I have to go to my quarters to shower and change into my uniform before heading up to the Bridge. And you have to go to Sickbay to pick up that report for the Captain from the Doctor, remember?"
Nodding, he sighed appreciatively as he watched her stretch the kinks out of her compact frame. "Gods, you're beautiful," he sighed.
The comment earned him a quick kiss and a bright smile. "I'll see you on the Bridge in a little while."
Painfully, he dragged his cramped frame off the couch and towards the shower as she hurried out. 'One of these days,' he promised himself, 'she won't have to go off to her quarters to change.'
He stopped in his tracks. Was he really thinking what he thought he was thinking?
Tom sat heavily on the side of his bed. Marriage. Despite his agreeing last night that their relationship was of the permanent sort, it still had not fully sunk in that he was thinking totally *permanent*. Sure, he had been enjoying the dreams about their life together with their children, but now he was beginning to realize it did not have to be a nocturnal fantasy. She had not run scared or knocked him senseless when they had spoken of children or permanency. In fact, she had been the one to use the word "permanent" first. Maybe, just maybe, he *could* propose and not be shoved out the nearest airlock.
'But if you're going to do it, Paris, you're going to do it right,' he ordered himself. 'No flippancy. No miscommunication. Nothing but honesty and sincerity.' He looked down at his hands and found them shaking... along with the rest of him. The trembling was not strictly because he was about to stick out his neck in the biggest way possible. It was because, if he was going to do this right, there was someone he had to talk to first.
Voices that had been silent for over two months assaulted him as his hand hovered over his combadge.
*You really think that is wise?* Camet sneered. *Formally taking her as your mate?*
'Shut up, Camet. You're not real. You're a manifestation of my subconscious.'
*Perhaps, but if I am here, then maybe there is a reason. Maybe you should listen to me. Maybe I am right when I remind you that when this ship gets home or your people come to get you, anyone you are close to will be at risk. Especially your mate. Who would be a more obvious choice than your wife if they are trying to figure out to whom you may have told everything?*
'Voyager may never make it home. And it's been months since the Doctor was in the Alpha Quadrant. If they haven't come by now, they aren't coming for me.'
*Yes, keep telling yourself that pretty little lie. It does help you sleep better at night, doesn't it? That and the so-called plan you and the Vulcan concocted.*
'You can shut up at any time, Camet. I may be lying to myself, but I'm tired of living my life in fear that one day The Protectors will send the AlphaOmegans to drag me back into the fold or kill me. I'm tired of hiding from the people I love and who love me.'
*So what are you going to do? Tell them the truth about yourself? Oh, that will go over well. Once they know the whole sordid tale, they will be tripping over themselves, trying to get as far away from you as possible.*
Tom paused. 'I may not be able to be completely honest with them, but I'm not going to let that stop me from having a life. I can't make up for what I've done or been made to do, but I'm certainly not going to spend the rest of my life the way I've spent the past few months.'
His hand hit his combadge. "Paris to Chakotay."
"Chakotay here."
Tom swallowed hard. "Commander, what shift are you on today?"
"Alpha. Why?"
"Could we meet after shift? I have something I need to discuss with you."
"Sure. Where?"
"Your quarters?"
"Fine. 1800 okay?"
"Yes, fine. Paris out."
*And just what is talking to that soporific oaf going to accomplish?* Camet wanted to know as Tom stripped and stepped into the shower.
'He's the closest thing to family B'Elanna's got on this ship. It's Klingon custom and Latin, if I remember correctly, to ask permission from the head of the family before proposing.'
*You are going to ask him for permission to marry B'Elanna?* Camet smirked. *He will lau
gh in your face or punch you between those pretty blue eyes of yours. You are not good enough for her. I know it. You know it. He knows it.*
Hurrying from the shower to his closet, Tom shook his head. 'I may not be good enough for her, but we love each other and I'm trying my best to be better. That's as much as any better man could say.'
*You are so deluded, my young friend.*
'You're not my friend, Camet.'
*Perhaps not, but I am here, just the same. Remember that. I am here and I am never going to go away.*
Tom finished fastening his uniform in silence. He knew Camet or his psyche at least was right about that.
-------
"This had better be important, I'Nu," the Gherop commander barked with his mouthful, "or you'll be-"
"A party of our ships have spotted Voyager. She's coming this way, E'Arte."
The big brute of a male performed his version of a smug grin and grabbed his now filled goblet from his serving slave. He was mindless of the alcohol that sloshed over the rim of the heavy clay vessel and over the hands and ragged dress of the girl and onto the once exquisite, now chipped and ruined mosaic floor beneath her bare feet.
"And you questioned my judgement in sending our ships out to force them in our direction."
"I was not questioning your judgement, E'Arte, more wondering if there would have been less chance of irreparably damaging Voyager were we to use subterfuge right from the outset. With each confrontation, we inflict more damage on them and lose more of our ships and crews."
"I need to know how Voyager handles herself in battle. If she gets damaged a little then all the better. Then they'll be sure to come here for supplies and we'll be waiting for them."
"But our ships and-"
"We can always take more from the neighboring systems when we need them. As for the crews to fly them, there always are more Rachar."
He looked at the top of his serving slave's downcast head. Grabbing the girl's small chin in his hand, he yanked her face up to his. Malnutrition made her pale blue skin nearly the same shade of grey as his own and her dark blue hair dull and hang limply around her delicate features.
"They breed so copiously. There's always more where the crews came from."
The adolescent in his grasp stopped breathing. Zji understood both the meaning in his words and in his dark grey eyes. Her master had yet to take her to his bedchamber, though she knew it was inevitable that one day, when she had matured enough to his liking, he would. Even if she managed to live long enough without incurring his wrath and thereby signaling her death, she knew she would not survive for long after being installed in his bed. E'Arte had eons worth of patience when it came to waiting for what he wanted,
