by Leigh Fallon
In the morning, let’s go tell Caitlin the truth. You deserve a best friend. We all do.
I could hardly believe my eyes. It took me all of two seconds to make up my mind. I crawled out of bed, threw on my clothes from earlier, tiptoed down the stairs, and quickly slipped out the door. As soon as I was clear of the house, I picked up my pace, running until I got to Adam’s car. The early sun had just peeked over the horizon, and the air still clung to the rich, earthy smells of the night.
Adam’s door opened as I approached. He emerged, deep violet shadows carved under his bloodshot eyes. “I’m so sorry,” he said.
I pulled up short, stopping myself from running into his arms. “What I said earlier was . . . horrible.”
“No, it was exactly what I needed to hear. You were right. This vicious Order cycle can only continue as long as the Marked allow it. We can change that, starting with Caitlin.” He looked at me from under his thick lashes.
“You’re right too. I don’t understand what it’s like to be you, and I can’t imagine what it was like growing up with the constant fear of being discovered.”
He shoved his hands deep into his jacket pockets and rocked on his heels. “Yeah, but what’s worse? Hiding who we are from the people we trust, or the people we don’t trust finding out where we’re hiding? Maybe it would be easier if we let people in.”
I closed the gap between us and mirrored his stance, tucking my hands into my own pockets to stop them from reaching for him. “We don’t have to tell her. I wasn’t giving you an ultimatum. I was just angry.”
He drew closer and leaned his forehead to mine, resting it there. “It’s about time we started walking our own path. Why follow the one that has failed so many others? We’re telling Caitlin.”
I sighed as I felt the relief flood my hollow insides. “Thank you.”
He placed a hand on my hip. “You should go home and get some sleep. It’s going to be a long day.”
I closed my eyes and leaned into him. “I can’t sleep.” Tears threatened again. “I won’t be able to relax until I’ve set things right.”
Adam glided his hand to my lower back and pulled me close. “You know what always makes me feel better? The water.”
“We can’t just head off in the middle of the night.”
“It’s morning . . . just about. Come on,” he whispered hoarsely, burying his face in my neck before opening the door to his car.
Adam parked outside the yacht club, unlocked the staff entrance, and disappeared inside. A few minutes later, he was running back to the car with a bag and a big grin on his face.
“This is crazy,” I said.
“No, this is walking our own path.”
Adam untied the yacht from the marina, and we set off. The engine rumbled as we made for open water. I couldn’t help smiling at how ironic it was that I had spent my life being scared of water, and now here I was in love with the embodied element of my fear. I chuckled as I thought of my first sailing lesson with Adam and the idiot I’d made of myself.
Under the power of the morning breeze, we glided across the glistening sea in silence. The water had a silken quality under the subtle dawn light. A lone seagull flew beside us, its wings skimming the water as it rode the brisk sea breeze. I watched as Adam worked. He’d changed a little over the past seven months. His tall, sinewy body had broadened and his face had filled out, jaw and cheekbones becoming more prominent. He saw me checking him out and winked, flashing a cheeky grin. I caught my breath, never wanting him more than at that moment.
“Megan,” Adam called, breaking my reverie. “Will you drop the sail there for me?”
“Sure.”
We were tucked away in a beautiful cove just outside the harbor, hidden by a small island off the shore. The water was sheltered from the winds that gusted up the south coast, and the boat danced with the light lapping of softly rolling waves. The sky gave way to a hazy blue, with only a few wispy clouds floating high above.
It felt good to be here with him, away from all the problems that awaited us when we returned. “You were right. I feel better already,” I breathed as I turned to him. He folded his arms around me and gave me the softest of kisses. The energy built between us, merging and swirling above our heads, until my hair rose up and flicked around. Adam pulled away, keeping his eyes closed. He was still holding my face when his breath caught.
“Are you all right?” I asked him.
“Shush,” he whispered, nodding. “I’m fine, just hang on a second.”
I put my hands up to his face, feeling the stubble that had become thicker and darker over time. His breathing settled and his eyes opened. “If I promise never to be a dick again, will you promise not to hate me?”
“Adam, I was angry, my element was all over the place, my best friend had just—”
“Megan, for a second, you truly hated me—I felt it in your element.”
“No, I didn’t. You know that sometimes the elements act independently, like with Rían and wh—”
He put his thumb over my lips and caressed them into silence. “It’s okay. Just promise me you won’t hate me.”
“Adam, I will never hate you. I love you.”
“Good, because . . . I’m not saying no anymore. I’m ready when you’re ready.”
“Are you saying what I think you are?”
“Yes. I’m not letting the Order dictate my life for even another minute. You’re the most important thing to me in the world. I want you, all of you, forever.”
I leaned in and brushed my lips against his. “I’m ready,” I murmured between kisses.
I heard his breath catch as he pulled me closer, molding his body against mine. “Now?”
“Now, tomorrow, next week, I don’t mind. I’m ready when you are.”
He swallowed hard. “Let’s just see how it goes, okay?” He put his head down on my shoulder. “I’m nervous.”
“So am I.”
He sighed. “I love you. And again, I promise to never be a dick.”
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”
“Hey!” He grabbed me by the waist and squeezed until I was laughing uncontrollably.
A thousand butterflies had taken up residence in my stomach. “Let’s go for a swim.”
“Really?” he said eagerly, already pulling off his sweater.
I eyed him and gave him a wicked smile. “Oh, I’d say anything to get you to strip.” Adam froze with his head half out of his top. He narrowed his eyes. I pulled off my shirt, and his jaw dropped. “I’m joking. Now stop staring at me—you’re making me feel self-conscious.”
Adam blushed and spun around, getting one foot stuck in his jeans as he tried to step out of them. He lost his balance and caught himself on the railing.
“Will you warm it up a few degrees for me?” I asked, trying to sound more sure of myself than I felt. I took off the rest of my clothes and wrapped a blanket around me, forcing my eyes shut for a second and searching for the confidence I knew was inside me . . . somewhere. This was Adam, after all.
He laughed. “Done. We have our own little piece of the tropics in there.” He ran his eyes over me, and my heart hammered in my chest. “Is this part of your whole seduction technique?”
“What, me wrapped in a tartan picnic blanket? It’s pretty sexy, isn’t it?”
“You’ve never looked more gorgeous.” He took me in his arms, our skin hot on each other’s bodies. Then, without warning, Adam jumped off the yacht with me in his arms. He was kissing me so hard, I couldn’t even scream, let alone draw a breath. We sank below the undulating waves, leaving my blanket floating on the surface. Before I had time to panic, I realized I could breathe. We were in a pocket of air.
Adam kissed me again with such passion, it nearly stopped my heart. Under the water, I could see our powers, caressing us as they swirled and sparkled like golden sunlight. Adam pulled me closer, and I wrapped myself around him, forgetting my self-consciousness. We floated on a cushion
of water, the color of our skin transformed by the magical, molten glow of our elements, and the hazy blue light that filtered from the sky above. Adam held out his hand and nodded to the surface. I nodded back, reached over, and took his hand. He pulled us from the shadow of the underside of the yacht and up toward the bright water.
This was it. I was finally getting Adam, all of him. My head broke the surface, and he pulled me aboard into his strong, warm arms. My heart jumped wildly in my chest.
“Are you absolutely sure?” he whispered breathlessly, searching my eyes.
“One hundred percent. I’ve never wanted or needed anything more in my life.” I stood on my tiptoes and pulled him to me, our minds and bodies totally immersed in each other.
I woke up with the weight of Adam’s arm draped over me. He was still fast asleep, his chest slowly rising and falling. I snuggled into his side and allowed myself to relive what had just happened, but came up blank. The last thing I remembered was kissing after we got out of the water. I put my arm over Adam’s chest and shivered. How long had we been asleep? I pushed myself up, wrapped the blanket around me, and nudged Adam. He still slept soundly.
Trying to clear the confused fog from my mind, I got up and padded over to where I’d discarded my clothes earlier. I pulled on my jeans and sweater, then sat down beside Adam again. I shook his arm and whispered in his ear, “Time to wake up, Adam.” His skin felt oddly cool. “Adam, wake up!” He still didn’t budge.
A rush of fear ran through me. “Adam?” I put my hands on either side of his face and shook him again. His arm that was draped across his chest fell to the side, completely limp. I stared at it in horror. Blood pumped through me, swishing by my ears. “Adam!” I shouted, tapping his cheek. “Open your eyes! Please?”
But there was nothing.
Twenty-two
CLUAÍN
My hair whipped against my face. I felt as if someone was gripping my throat, slowly squeezing until it hurt to breathe. What had happened? What had I done? Why couldn’t I remember? Wind lashed around the boat, rocking it viciously. I lifted one of Adam’s eyelids and gasped. There was no trace of green, and his usual blue elemental swirl was gone, changed to a dead-flat black. Not daring to breathe, I checked the other one. It was the same.
“Adam!” I screamed, feeling my emotions escape from the confines of my control. My element was bubbling and fizzing inside my whole body. It felt unfamiliar, burning through my veins, working its way to my heart and gripping it tight. My head was fuzzy, everything was wrong . . . so wrong.
“Adam!” I screamed again. I froze as I caught my reflection in his eye. Horrified, I leaned closer. My eyes were gleaming white, shimmering like crystals. I rubbed them, expecting them to feel different—hot, maybe—but my fingers were numb, my senses dulled. Then the torrential rain started. It fell in great gray sheets, slicing down around us. The waves came crashing in like walls, smashing against our yacht.
I felt nothing but the burning ache in my chest, and the scream trapped deep within me, bursting to come out. I turned my face away from Adam’s motionless body and looked at the clouds that billowed above our heads. Completely disconnected from everything other than pain and Adam, I picked him up in my arms, surprised at how light he felt. The wind closed in on us, lifting us high in an icy-cold cocoon of cloud and air.
Then it was quiet. Too quiet. Panic exploded through me as I realized Adam was no longer in my arms. I grasped at the foggy haze around me, searching for the substance of his body in the misty nothingness. “Adam!” I gasped, feeling like I was going to burst with the emotion.
“Don’t worry, you’re still holding him tight.”
I whipped my head around, trying to find the source of the voice. “I don’t have him. I can’t see him!”
“He’s right here.” A warm sensation filled my heart like a temporary connection to my human emotions. The tears started spilling down my face.
“What’s going on? What have I done?” Whispers filled my ears and then began to materialize, swirling in the mist, grainy hues of beige gathering form. The haze darkened and moved toward me. It was the Sidhe—my spirit guide. I hadn’t seen him since before I evoked my element. “You!” I gasped. He smiled, his face more ghostly than I remembered. His long beard and white hair faded into the wispy clouds that weaved between us. “What happened to Adam? What’s happening to me?”
His words floated through the air, but his lips didn’t move. “Adam is still in your arms. You can’t feel him because you can’t feel yourself.”
I looked down and ran a hand down each arm. He was right. I felt nothing. “But I feel my tears,” I said, putting my hands up to my face, to the water still pouring from my eyes.
The Sidhe crouched down beside me, took both my hands, and held them in his. “You still have the connection to the elements, just not your body.”
I shook my head in confusion, staring at his unspeaking lips while trying to focus on his words. “I don’t understand.”
“What do you feel in here?” He placed his hand over my heart, and I flinched.
“It stings.”
“What else?”
“I don’t know,” I cried, shaking my head. I felt a twinge deep in my chest.
“What else?” the Sidhe repeated.
I focused on this new sensation. It was warm, nearly hot. I felt its grip on my heart, like it was hugging it tight, making it difficult to breathe. I forced in a deep breath and allowed this new sensation to flow through me, letting it ripple to my fingers and toes. The Sidhe smiled. I tore my eyes from him to my chest. “Adam,” I whispered.
“Yes,” the Sidhe said, removing his hand. The water that had been pouring from my eyes pooled onto the gray haze by my knees. My hand ached to skim its glistening, reflective surface. “Give in to it,” the Sidhe urged.
I let my hand glide to the sparkling puddle and watched as the liquid followed my hand like mercury on a smooth surface. I gasped. “How can I do that?” I whispered. “Adam is the water element.”
“Look,” the Sidhe said, pointing back to the pool.
On my hands and knees, I bent over the liquid and gazed deep into its glazed surface.
I saw my crystal-white eyes, but there, right at the center . . . blue. A blue so unusual I recognized it immediately. It was Adam’s blue. His element. I fell away from the water as the realization hit. I’d taken Adam’s element!
“NO!” I shouted, pushing myself farther away from the reflection I didn’t want to see. “I couldn’t have done this. NO! NO! NO!” I grasped my hand over my heart and reached out to the warm feeling that hugged it, knowing it was true. The tears started to pour again, like little waterfalls I knew weren’t real tears. “How did this happen? How do I give it back?”
“It is nearly time for An Ciorcal Iomlán. This is what you’re supposed to do, but it’s too early.”
“The full circle! What is it?”
“It is what you were selected for.”
“The alignment?”
He shook his head. “It is too late for that.”
“No, it’s not. We’re ready for the solstice.”
“You must prepare for the Filleadh ar an Bandia.”
“I don’t know what that is,” I protested.
“You are the Cluaín. The answer you seek is in the stone.”
“What stone? Why won’t you just tell me?”
“The Cluaín cannot be guided. You already have the answers you seek.” A ghost of a smile made his lips twitch, and his form began to swirl again. “I leave you in good hands.”
“Whose hands?”
“Those who surround you with protection and who seek the true end.”
The Sidhe started to fade. “Don’t go!” I grasped at his brown cloak, but it disintegrated in my fingers, swirling away to join the rest of the clouds that had begun spinning around me. The burning pain returned. Now I knew it was the sting of Adam’s element fighting for space with my own. I felt the solidness
of Adam’s body in my arms again. The relief of being able to feel him was quickly replaced by fear. The cushioning cloud that had been carrying us dissipated, leaving me sitting on the wet grass outside of the DeRíses’ house. I cradled Adam on my lap while the air whipped and the rain fell. I screamed out, not the powerful roar of an angry element but the cry of a girl with a broken heart. I put my hands on either side of his face, and willed with every ounce of my being to put his element back in him. Nothing happened. It was wrapped too tightly around my heart. I tried again, holding my breath, all the energy I had, until it left me breathless and exhausted.
The outside lights flickered on, and I heard a door slam.
“Megan?” Fionn called from the front door. He ran toward us, followed quickly by Rían, Áine, and Chloe. Rían landed down beside me with a thud. “Megan, what happened?” I looked back at him, unable to speak. “Holy shit! What’s wrong with your eyes?”
Chloe knelt beside us and put a hand on either side of my face. “Megan, you have to tell us what happened.” The sting of tears built behind my nose, causing my head to ache. I couldn’t cry. It was like the tears were frozen, trapped inside me. The rain continued to pour down; it lashed at my face with such brutality that it stung. I welcomed the pain.
“We have to get them inside,” Fionn ordered. “Now!”
“Finally, you’re awake,” Adam said. “I thought I’d lost you for a while there.”
I tried to sit up, but my head was fuzzy and dizzy.
“Take it easy,” he said.
“How long have I been asleep?”
“About two hours.” He traced his finger over my shoulder, down my arm, and along my waist and hip. “That was quite something, wasn’t it?”
I risked moving again and pulled myself closer, molding my body against his. “Hang on a second.” I looked at him, confused, and then my stomach twisted and churned as reality gripped me. “This isn’t real, is it?”
