by Lauren Wood
“Does she know how you feel? That you’re seriously interested in her?” he asked with concern.
“Pfft. I’m just now getting used to the idea of having feelings,” I joked. “Expressing them? Not there yet. But … I mean … we did sleep together.”
He dropped his head and let out a big sigh. “Sure, cause that’s the same thing as telling a girl you have feelings for them. Especially coming from you,” he scoffed.
“It sort of is. I told her with my body,” I winked.
“Alright man. I’ll let you take Olivia one more time. But after that, you and this girl are on your own if you’re going to keep up this crazy lie. Whatever happens … don’t say I didn’t try to warn you.”
I rushed over and hugged him, patting his shoulder. “Thanks, man. You’re the best. And you know I’m not totally selfish. I love spending time with Olivia, and she’ll have fun at this thing. Now if you could just start showing her my picture and training her to call me ‘Daddy’ that’d be …”
He flashed a threatening look.
“Okay. Okay,” I put my hands up in surrender. “Too much? Fair enough. I’ll get out of your hair. And see you Saturday when I come by to pick her up.”
7
Kate
I spent a whole week plagued with the memories of Ben and I accidentally tumbling into bed together. The problem was … it wasn’t an accident on his part. He knew exactly what he was doing, and I was left with the aftermath.
I would never admit that his suspicions were spot on. It had been a long time since I had been with a guy. I didn’t exactly know that might have been to blame for some of my erratic behavior lately, but if that’s how I behaved when I was sex-deprived … I didn’t want to know what I would do in this new state of being sex-crazed.
That one incredibly hot, satisfying night with him, followed by the reminder of what it was like to sleep next to the comforting warmth of a man’s body, had completely unraveled me. I managed to keep it all at bay enough to focus at work, but barely. Then when I got off in the evenings, it was game over. My mind was devoured with the sticky, melting memories of his chiseled muscles moving over me. The taste of his lips and the manly scent of his sweating skin. It was perverse and divinely addictive all at once.
I paced my apartment, waiting for him to pick me up, and tried to get my one-track mind back under control. I could not let it happen again. Ben was an admitted player, and I was a serial monogamist … Well, I used to be one. Back when I had time for a boyfriend.
My phone dinged, making me jump from nerves. Ben had texted to let me know he was waiting out front, and my heart pounded so hard I thought it might leap straight up into my throat. The ride down in the elevator felt like it lasted an eternity. I looked over and swore I could still see the smudge of one of my handprints from our makeout session behind those very doors.
“Doesn’t anyone ever clean this thing!?” I huffed, violently scrubbing it with a fistful of my shirt to make it go away.
While Ben’s cool smiling face in the front seat was disarming, I quickly turned my attention to my lifesaver, Olivia … who bore that title for the day in more ways than one. Not only was she saving my ass at work, but she was my only hope of distraction for surviving the day with Ben.
“Hey there, sweet thing!” I waved, a little too excitedly, at her through the window. She smiled with her mostly toothless grin and waved back.
“See?” he said as I slid into the passenger’s seat. “Just like I said. We’re adults. We went our separate ways and now it’s Saturday … and here I am. Here we are.”
“Why do I get the feeling you refrained from bugging me all week just to prove a point?” I grumbled.
“Hey, I have a life too, you know. I was busy with work.”
I buckled my seatbelt and stared straight ahead. “Let’s just get this over with.”
Chuck, Greg, and their families had reserved one of the pavilions at the park and decorated it with balloons. The guys were gathered around the grill while the wives sat at one of the tables and gossiped. The kids ran around at the nearby playground equipment like screaming banshees. I delighted in the disheartened look Chuck gave me when we walked up. See, Chuck. I wasn’t lying. I do have a fiancé with a kid. Or at least I do as far as you know.
After greeting everyone and making sure they all got a good look at Olivia, proving she existed, we found ourselves at the edge of the party. I had no desire to mingle with the wives, and Ben seemed to feel the same about the guys. Olivia was a tad too young to rough house with the older kids, so we plopped her in the sand box with Ben and I perched at the edge around her.
I felt accomplished after successfully teaching her how to shovel the sand without sending it all flying into our faces. She looked pretty pleased with her new skill too as she giggled and dug a big clump up with her shovel, watching it all slide down into her bucket.
“That’s it, Olivia! Look at what a good job you’re doing!” I was surprised by the high-pitched squeal my voice took on. I noticed other people always doing that with kids, I just never realized I was capable of it. When, in fact, it seemed to come quite naturally to me.
Playing with her in general came more naturally than I expected, and I was surprised at how much fun we were both having. It got me thinking about if I would ever have kids of my own one day … and if so, when would I have the time?
Ben reached down and let Olivia wrap her little chunky fingers around his, waving them around with a smile. As anti-kid as I thought I had always been, he certainly had to be worse than I was.
“So how come you’re not married anyways?” I asked finally. “With kids and the big house and the whole deal? Someone like you could certainly afford it.”
“Someone like me?” he laughed. “Marriage and kids shouldn’t be an issue of money. My bank account has nothing to do with it. I’m not that kind of guy. That’s why.”
I glanced over to Greg and Chuck, commiserating in their lawn chairs and smoking cigars. Their wives seemed to be having a deep, troubling conversation of some kind. And all of their kids behaved like obnoxious brats. It left me with the dangerous thought...What happened when people who didn’t want their lives had kids anyway? Was it something different than the miserable, comedic stories they all shared?
Maybe, just maybe, it was more like what we were doing just then. Just sitting around, playing in the sand, and enjoying the beautiful weather on a Saturday afternoon. Laughing and having a good time.
“I think I might want kids one day,” I admitted finally. “With the right person.”
“Anything can happen,” he replied.
“What the hell is that supposed to mean!? You think it’s so far-fetched for me to be a mother?”
“I didn’t mean it like that,” he laughed. “I was talking about myself. I never planned on having kids. But I don’t think you should plan that kind of thing anymore than you should plan on getting married. Then you start looking for someone just to check the things off the list. You settle. I think you find the person first, then decide what kind of life you want to have together.”
“But you do think you’ll find a person? Like just one?”
His eyes sparked up at me. “Like I said. Anything can happen.”
I sucked in a sharp breath and turned my attention back to my Olivia. Once again, my saving grace. I couldn’t let my brain run wild with crazy fantasies about any potential with Ben. Why would I want to? Sure, he was dynamite in the sack. Best I ever had. But he was a jerk. A ladies man. Definitely not for me.
But later in the afternoon, while I did my best to suck up to Greg and the others, I looked across the park to see Ben playing with Olivia. He let her run away from him, screaming and giggling, before charging towards her and scooping her up in his arms. No woman, not even me, could watch a thing like that and not melt a little inside.
“You must be awfully excited,” Kathy said.
I hadn’t notic
ed her standing there, watching me as I watched them. “Huh?”
“To be marrying into that,” she smiled, turning her face towards them in the distance. “He seems like a great dad. He’s handsome too.”
“He does seem like a great dad, doesn’t he?” I mumbled. “I mean, he is! He definitely is a great dad. Because … I’ve watched them together a lot.”
“You did good, sweetie. Once you get your hands on a guy like that, you don’t let them go.”
My throat grew tight, causing my face to squinch up. It was kind of hard to breathe. The thing is...I had my hands on him, but not in the way she thought. And the trick was to not let myself fall into the delusion of thinking it could be anything more.
“Food’s ready!” Chuck called out, shooting me his usual disdainful glare that no one else ever seemed to notice but me.
We all gathered around the picnic tables. I scooped Olivia up in my arms to hold her while Ben offered her little bites of hot dog and sips of juice. I did my best to eat my own food in between her squirming in my lap.
It was hard to focus on eating with Ben sitting so close to me. Every time his arm brushed against mine, I was hit with another wall of memories of us in bed. It had been more hot and bothered than I was comfortable being with a kid in my lap and all my co-workers around. But at least it left a dreamy sort of look in my eye that had to be convincing for everyone else.
“You got a little something,” Ben said suddenly, eyeing the corner of my mouth.
It was the same look he flashed over my lips right before he surprised me and kissed them. Olivia started squirming and managed to wriggle her way out of my arms. She caught sight of a ball nearby that she was more interested in.
My life raft had abandoned me, leaving me face-to-face with Ben with nothing between us. He leaned in, brushing his thumb along the streak of ketchup that had pooled on the edge of my mouth. Everything went blurry when he kept his hands cupped around my face, and pulled me in for a kiss, licking along my bottom lip.
“What are you doing?” I asked breathlessly.
“This is our last chance at convincing them,” he whispered. “I figured we might as well really give them a show.”
I took in a deep breath and tried to act natural while being painfully aware of several sets of eyes watching us. They were all oohing and ahhing over us like we were the cutest thing ever. If they only knew the truth. That he was torturing me, and I had a feeling he was doing it on purpose.
All you have to do is get through this picnic, Kate. Then you two can go your separate ways and you never have to talk again. They’ll all be convinced your fiancé and his kid are the real deal. You’ll get promoted. And you’ll figure the rest out later … without Ben!
8
Ben
As we said goodbye to all of Kate’s coworkers, I was getting bummed out that our time together was about to end. I had already pulled out all the stops I could to entice her to want to see more of me … Well, aside from actually telling her I thought I might have feelings for her. But that was such a foreign concept to me, I didn’t even know where to begin in broaching the topic.
I turned to her as we got into the car and considered trying to find some way to explain. “Hey, Kate … so … I was thinking … ”
“Yeah?” she asked, smiling back at Olivia in the backseat, who passed out within seconds of being strapped into her carseat.
“Uh, the thing is …”
“What is it? You’re kind of freaking me out,” she glared at me. “You’re never at a loss for words.”
She looked so beautiful with the sun lighting up the edge of her face and hair, and I remembered that another thing that was foreign to me was rejection. It left me retreating in my mind like a scared kid.
“It’s just that Olivia’s house is on the way to yours. Would you mind if we stopped there to drop her off first?” I blurted, sighing with disappointment in my lack of nerve.
“Sure,” she shrugged, buckling her seatbelt.
“Great.” I put the car into drive and took off, kicking myself the whole way.
When we got to Joey’s, she grabbed her diaper bag and all of her other things to help me carry them to the door, since my arms were full with a sleeping child.
“You’re back! How did it …” Joey answered the door and trailed off as soon as he noticed Kate standing behind me. “Oh. Damn. Hi.”
Angel popped up at his side, smiling. “Hey! Glad you’re here. I just pulled some glazed pork chops out of the oven. It’s a new recipe I’m playing around with for the restaurant. Would you two be taste testers?” She lovingly patted Joey on the stomach. “This guy’s reviews are always so good that I’m starting to think his judgment is clouded.”
“No, it’s just that all of your food really is that good,” he defended.
“Oh, well … uh … I’m not so sure …” I cut my eyes over to Kate.
She squirmed for a moment, studying Joey and Angel’s welcoming faces. “I am a little hungry actually. We ate at the park, but running around with Olivia worked up an appetite all over again. Oh, but I don’t want to impose …”
“Not at all,” Angel shot back. “Get in here. And excuse the mess. Olivia has been such a handful lately that both us and the nanny are struggling to keep up with the housework.” She ushered us through the door, kicking toys out of the way to clear a path.
Joey leaned in to take Olivia from my arms. “I keep telling her we need to hire a maid to help out.”
“I’m still getting used to this whole house staff thing,” she argued. “The less strangers in our home … the better.”
“I’m going to take this little one to her room so she can finish her nap,” Joey said, starting up the stairs. Olivia hadn’t opened her eyes even a little as I handed her to him.
“You two will have to take her more often if you’re going to bring her back in a deep sleep like that,” Angel laughed. “Come on into the kitchen. I’m just finishing up the food. Would either of you like a beer?”
“Yes, please,” I replied, following her deeper into the house towards the kitchen.
I felt a sharp tug at my arm as Kate yanked me back out of Angel’s earshot.
“This is weird,” she hissed. “What do they know about me? Do they think I’m like … your date? Or do they know the whole story?”
I winced. “They know the whole story. Sorry. I felt weird about asking to take Olivia again without telling the truth.”
“Oh, god,” she pressed her fingers to her temples and scrunched up her face. “They must think I’m a total psycho. And what do you mean you felt weird about it? And yet you were perfectly fine with pretending Olivia was your kid and that you had a dead wife!?”
“Lets not start that again. That was different. I didn’t know you then. It’s easier to lie to strangers. Or co-workers … apparently in your case.”
She rolled her eyes as I perked up at the sound of beers hissing in the next room when Angel twisted off the caps.
“I’m too thirsty for alcohol to bicker with you,” I told her, dragging her along. “These are the nicest people you’ll ever meet. They obviously don’t judge you or they wouldn’t have invited you into their home. Now come on.”
“I’m Angel, by the way,” Angel smiled at Kate, handing her one of the bottles.
“Kate. Nice to meet you.” The two shook hands and Kate took a long swig of her beer while Angel returned to getting the food ready.
“So, you own a restaurant?” Kate asked her, leaning against the countertop.
“Yup! Thanks to Joey. Did Ben tell you the crazy story of how we got together?”
Joey appeared in the doorway as soon as she said it, but immediately froze. “Oh no. Not the story again. Ben, why don’t you come hang out with me and let the girls talk? I just got a new stereo system the other day I want to show you.”
I looked to Kate, checking to see if she was okay. But she nodded and
motioned towards Joey to shoo me along. I felt the strange urge to kiss her on the cheek before walking out, but we weren’t around her co-workers anymore. That wasn’t going to fly.
“So, I take it the picnic went well? Maybe better than you expected? I didn’t think you’d be bringing her back here. Since it was just a friendly favor and all,” Joey said as he led me into the den.
“I didn’t expect to either, but you know … your place was on the way to hers and all,” I rolled my shoulders, trying to play it cool. I didn’t need another lecture about not talking about my feelings. I was already doing enough of that on my own in my head.
“Uh-huh. Sure it was,” he smirked.
After listening to a few songs and watching a few movie trailers on the new surround sound system, to demonstrate its full effects, Angel called us back into the kitchen to eat. We gathered around the table and each cracked open another beer. Hanging with my own friends was a million times better than being with Kate’s co-workers. I felt relaxed and at home. I could really be myself.
But it was weird having a girl around them. The only time I had really done that was with random dates and hook-ups at the club. They’d meet girls in passing as I was taking them out the door, back to my place. I had never invited a girl I was actually interested in to sit down and eat with us in one of our homes. Kate was putting me into all sorts of new, terrifying situations.
“These ribs are to die for, Angel!” Kate marveled as she took another big bite.
“Thanks! It’s kind of a risk. My restaurant’s patrons are a little on the fancy side. It’s going to be interesting to see if they’ll dig into something so messy with their fingers while they’re on their dates and expensive business meetings. But food is food. And I say if you have to work a little or get messy to eat it … it makes it even better.”
“Definitely worth the mess,” she snickered, her own mouth covered in sauce before she wiped it away and washed it down with some beer.
