‘He was the only one I’ve ever really loved.’
Melanie sat on the edge of the chair, her shoulders drooping in sorrow as she remembered the boy they’d both admired. They had that in common. ‘Matthew was very handsome.’
‘We were supposed to be together.’
‘I’m sorry,’ Melanie said, words she had said so many times. Such pain she had caused with her stupid, twisted whispers. She’d destroyed Matthew’s life, messed up her own, and now it seems she’d messed up Caitlin’s too.
Melanie had made this monster.
‘I didn’t mean to cause such pain. If I’d known how fragile he was, that my stupid gossip would push him over the edge, I’d never–’ She didn’t finish, startled into silence by Caitlin’s sudden laughter.
The laughter stopped as quickly as it had begun and Caitlin gave her a pitying look. ‘Everything’s about you, isn’t it? But you know nothing. Matthew wasn’t the least bit fragile, he was steaming angry when I met him. Angry and cruel… he told me to get lost, that he hadn’t meant any of the words he’d said to me. That he’d just wanted to fuck me.’ Caitlin’s laughter was edged with mania. ‘I believed him, I thought I’d been a fool. It wasn’t until I spoke to Eric that I knew the truth but it was too late of course. Too late to change what had happened by the river.’
Melanie frowned. ‘You were there when he jumped?’
Caitlin squeezed her eyes shut. When they opened, they were pitiless holes of horror. ‘He didn’t jump, Mel.’
An angry boy, a distraught, rejected young girl. The picture was easy to visualise. The riverbank was steep, it crumbled at the edges, and the river was fast-flowing. One push, Matthew wouldn’t have had a chance. ‘You pushed him?’
33
Hampered by handcuffs, Caitlin still managed to lunge part way across the table, her face twisted in anger. ‘I’d gone to Wethersham to be with him… the way we’d planned and dreamed… but he told me to get lost, that he hadn’t meant a word he’d said. You know what rejection is like, don’t you, Melanie? That was why you started those damn rumours in the first place. Well, my revenge was more immediate.’
Caitlin flopped back on her chair and for a moment the only sound in the room was her heaving breath. When she spoke again, her voice was barely audible and Melanie was forced to lean closer to hear. She could smell the foetid breath that wafted from her in gusts as if it came from a part of her that was rotting… or maybe rotten. She sat back, she didn’t want to hear any more.
But Caitlin wasn’t finished. ‘He turned away from me, picked up a handful of stones and started throwing them into the river… as if I wasn’t there, as if the days and hours we’d spent together meant nothing. I watched the muscles in his back as he pulled his arm up to throw, and remembered running my hands down his naked skin… the warmth, the smell of him… and I begged…’ Her voice cracked, her joined hands rising to wipe tears away. She snuffled noisily before going on with her story.
‘I begged, but he ignored me, kept on throwing those fucking stones, each one hitting the water with a plop and disappearing.’ Caitlin mimed throwing an imaginary stone, the cuffs jingling. ‘I was crying so hard, tears and snot were running down my face. I wiped them away with the back of my hand, then stared at the gelatinous, disgusting slime trail, the evidence of my sorrow. Matthew still had his back to me and the broad expanse of his khaki green jacket was too tempting to resist.’ She tilted her head, confused. ‘I’d swear it was all I’d planned to do… simply wipe all traces of the mess away… but he vanished.’ She shrugged. ‘Poof! Just like that, without a sound.’
Melanie couldn’t think of anything to say. She wasn’t sure she could handle this truth.
‘I made my way back home then and got on with my life. Thanks to the clinic and counsellors I learned how to handle my anger, or at least to hide it. And until I met Eric, I never knew the truth.’ Caitlin’s mouth twisted. ‘All these years, rejection has been curdling in my brain. When I found out what you’d done, that it was thanks to your damn whispers that my beautiful boy had changed, I wanted to destroy you.’
They sat in silence for a moment. Melanie’s eyes flickered to the mirror behind as she tried to make sense of Caitlin’s warped logic. She wondered if the men observing had been as shocked as she at Caitlin’s cold words. It was difficult to take it all in. Matthew hadn’t committed suicide… Melanie wasn’t to blame for his death. She felt the massive load that had weighed her down for so many years lift and float away. Caitlin was staring at her, waiting for her to comment. What was left to say? ‘Why did you want to see me?’
‘I wanted to destroy you, ruin your career and when that failed, to take your life but that plan also failed.’ Caitlin lifted both her hands in a what-can-I-do gesture. ‘It looks like I’m going away for a long time, it seemed unfair that I couldn’t accomplish something of what I’d planned. That’s why I decided to tell you the truth about what happened to Matthew.’ Her smile held no trace of humour. ‘All those years you felt guilty, I wanted you to know they were in vain, that you lost a lifetime for something you didn’t do, that you wasted it all.’ The smile faded, her face once again sunken and slack-jawed. ‘It is some consolation to me.’
So many years… Melanie’s eyes filled with tears. The feeling of guilt had lifted, not completely, the part she’d had in the drama that had unfolded all those years before was far smaller than she’d thought, but it had been enough to set a catastrophic series of events into play. And her dreadful whispers had echoed through the years to cause more deaths, more chaos.
And Caitlin was right too. On top of the senseless waste of life, Matthew, Eric, even Hugo, were the years she’d wasted on guilty self-flagellation. You always made a mess of things.
But then cutting across her mother’s words came Quinn’s clearer ones, You were merely a child, you didn’t deserve to suffer so badly for doing childish things.
Maybe, at last, it was time to stop punishing herself. Melanie lifted her chin and stared across the table. ‘No,’ she said with a slow shake of her head. ‘I didn’t waste it all. I am still a corporate lawyer. Still a junior partner despite your attempts to ruin me.’ She lifted her bandaged hand. ‘This will heal. I hope it leaves a scar to remind me just what a piece of shit you really are.’
Using her good hand for leverage, she pushed to her feet. ‘The future is mine. The future, Caitlin. I have one. You, however, don’t.’ She waved to the two-way mirror behind Caitlin’s head. ‘You tried to turn me against Liam Quinn but he is one of the good ones. Him, Sam Elliot, Dan, Richard Masters. So much good in my life, I wasn’t able to see it clearly before but I can now.’ She looked down on her erstwhile friend. ‘You failed again, Caitlin. And you’ve run out of chances.’
Outside, Liam Quinn was waiting for her. ‘You did well,’ he said.
Before paranoia and Caitlin’s lies had swayed her, Melanie had thought of him as a brace for her backbone, as one of the good guys. His warm grey eyes held hers and she smiled. She’d been right, her mother had been wrong. She didn’t always mess things up at all. She’d made one stupid mistake. It was time to stop paying for it.
The sun was shining as they exited the building. ‘Do you know what I’d like now,’ she said, turning to look at Quinn.
‘A Lagavulin?’
She smiled and hooked her arm in his. ‘No, I think this day calls for champagne.’
THE END
Acknowledgements
As ever, grateful thanks to all in Bloodhound Books, especially Betsy Reavley, Tara Lyons, Heather Fitt, Morgen Bailey and Ian Skewis.
When you work so hard on a story you want people to read it – so a huge thanks to all who read, to the bloggers who get the word out and everyone who leaves a review – always such a relief to see when people enjoy what you wrote.
The support from the writing community is fantastic and an author’s world would be a lonelier place without it – so a special thanks to the writers Jenny O’Brien, L
eslie Bratspis, Pat Gitt, Mary Karpin, Pam Lecky, Vikki Patis, Michael Scanlon and Jim Ody for your continued support and encouragement.
A huge thank you also to the wonderful support from the following Facebook groups and their administrators: Caroline Maston, David Gilchrist and Samantha Brownley of the UK Crime Book Club; Andi Miller of Skye’s Mum and Books; Dee Groocock of Book on the Positive Side; Susan Hunter and Anita Waller of Crime Fiction Addict; and Keri Beevis, Patricia Dixon, Heather Fitt and Anita Waller of The Paperback Writers.
Thanks to my husband, Robert, my sisters, brothers, extended family and my friends for always being there.
On a technical side, thanks to Alan Wallace, Administrative Officer, Royal Parks Dept for information regarding mobile phone coverage in Richmond Park, and to Roz in the Freedom of Information Triage Team, Metropolitan Police Service.
I love to hear from readers and can be contacted here:
www.facebook.com/valeriekeoghnovels
Twitter: @ValerieKeogh1
Instagram: valeriekeogh2
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