In the living room she pats the seat beside her. “Got your beer, Beef. I wanted to talk to you.”
Please tell me you know this isn’t working out. As I place my ass on the cushion, it dips, moving her body closer to mine. I lean forward to pick up the glass she’s just placed there. Normally I drink beer straight from the bottle but am not given the choice when Sally’s around. I risk a glance at her, there’s an excited gleam in her eyes.
“You know how you want me to ride your bike?”
I’m not one to place any particular emphasis of who the woman is riding up behind me. But as far as anyone’s concerned Sally’s my old lady, and as such her place should be pillion on my bike. But she’d quickly disavowed me of any notion she’d be doing that. Too dangerous, she told me.
“You changed your mind?” Now, that would be a good start. Along with perhaps letting me stick my cock in her when she’s on her hands and knees. One thing about Sally, she’s got a great ass, with hips a man could hang onto.
“Well, I might.” The words are said triumphantly.
“Yeah?” Maybe things have started looking up. Now if I could get her…
“Look Beef. I’d feel safe on that.”
She turns her tablet toward me. My eyes roll back in my head. She’s showing me a Goldwing, with a rear passenger seat like a fucking armchair. Safe? Yeah. “Sal, that’s a fuckin’ Honda. I’d be thrown out of the club.” Probably wouldn’t. If push came to shove, we’d change our by-laws rather than expel a member due to his choice of bike. But all the members ride Harleys, well, a couple in other chapters have Indians, and some have vintage bikes they ride time to time, but what she’s showing me? I can just imagine doing a high-speed chase or getaway on it. It would be a complete joke. Her idea is not going to work.
Seeing the disdainful expression on my face, she pouts. “If you don’t like the make, doesn’t Harley do a similar model?”
“Yeah, they do, Sal…”
“Well why not get one of them?”
Because I like the speed and manoeuvrability of my Fat Bob. “Haven’t got the money to buy a new bike. Those cost close to thirty big ones.”
“I’ve got the money.”
Abruptly I stand, the cushion bouncing back displaces her, causing her to reach out her hand to regain her balance. “I said no, Sally. You wanted to be with a biker? Well, you have to love the man, the club, and his choice of bike. I’m going to bed.”
Chapter Two
I pretended to sleep but spent most of the night awake worrying about three things. How badly I may have damaged my long-time relationship with Rock, what was going to happen with Sally, and on top of the list, what would happen at the promised morning’s meeting with Drummer?
Not only is Drummer the president of the Tucson Chapter of the Satan’s Devils MC, he’s also the national prez as Tucson is the mother chapter, the club having been started way back in Bastard’s day. When Drummer, Bastard’s son, took the helm, he got us out of a lot of the shit we’d previously been into. Easy money, but an easy way to die. It takes a strong man to lead not just one, but all the chapters of an MC, and Drummer hasn’t maintained the top spot for as many years as he has by being weak. A fair man, he’ll give it to you straight when you’ve fucked up. Words out of his mouth, that withering stare from those steel-grey eyes, and even a muscle man like me wants to slide under the table.
After last night’s fiasco, I reckon I’ll be flayed alive.
“Mornin’.”
“Ah, fuck, man. You okay?” I step toward Rock, my eyes squinting to take in the damage.
“Becca’s not happy with you,” he replies, shrugging off my concern.
“Shit.”
“Aw, come on. Messin’ with you, man. She’s fine. Worried about you more than me, I think.”
Flashing him a grin I laugh, “And so she should be. Me and her? We’re close.” I press my forefinger and thumb tightly together and hold them up in front of his face. For which, not unsurprisingly, I get a clout around the head. Then, flicking worried eyes toward the clubhouse, add, “Well, I better get inside.”
“Yeah, you’re seeing the head teacher, aren’t you? You might have detention. Oooh. Or homework. You might have to write out ‘I must not hit Rock’ fifty times.”
“Shut it,” I growl, shaking my head.
“Or you could get expelled.”
I shoot my middle finger toward him as I walk inside. One thing you’re not when you’re summoned to see Drummer, is late. Pleased to see I’m right on time, I knock on his door.
“Yeah.”
Entering, I pause until he waves me to the chair in front of his desk. I suppose this is going to take time. Prez asking me what the fuck happened last night, and me being unable to explain, or admit I know the reason why. I decide to take the initiative and sit forward. “Look, Prez, I’m…”
“Sorry you beat the shit out of your brother?” Drummer leans back in his chair, linking his hands behind his head. “Gonna give me a fuck load of excuses about why?” Suddenly he lurches forward. “Why don’t we cut to the chase and I’ll tell you?”
I suspect he’s going to give me a few home truths I don’t want to hear. But what can I do? He’s my prez.
“You’ve let that woman get her hooks into you. Every fuckin’ brother here could see she wasn’t right for you, but you let her lead you along by your dick.”
My dick makes bad choices. Even he ain’t happy now.
As I shrug, Drummer reaches behind him. I could count the number of times on one hand that I’ve been in Drummer’s office and have been offered a glass of his pure malt whisky. It’s a sign this will be a serious conversation. I would have thought it was a bit too early to be hitting the hard stuff, but if he doesn’t care it’s not even the middle of the day, then who am I to object? If he’s offering, I may need it.
He waits until I’ve taken a sip and have sighed in appreciation. “I don’t get between men and their old ladies. Only a fool would do that, and I like to think I’m not such a fool.” As I give the grin he expects, he resumes, “You’ve been the muscle at my back more times than I care to remember, Beef. Ready to back it up too. Not shy to get into a fight beside your brothers. But when it comes to women? Soft as fuckin’ cotton wool.”
Another raise and dip of my shoulders. Can’t really argue with that. Wouldn’t let a man get one up on me, but a woman? Yeah, perhaps spineless does describe it.
“Way I see it, Sally saw you, thought you were a good thing, and you simply went along with it. You probably saw it as a chance to have something that I, and your other brothers, have. Easy choice, Beef. Doesn’t mean it was the right one.”
“Wasn’t hard for you, Prez. Sam dropped into your lap, so to speak.”
The corners of his mouth curve. “I saw her, knew I wasn’t going to let her go. Sure, I fought it, but she was mine from then on. Sally? Nah, don’t think you can say the same Beef. I’ve watched you together, can’t see she’s your one.”
“She wants me to get a fuckin’ Goldwing,” I input grumpily.
“What?” His laugh sounds incredulous. “An armchair on wheels?”
“I said no.”
“Didn’t need to add that, Brother.” He chuckles, then frowns. “As I said, you’re a fuckin’ good man to have at my back, Beef. But you haven’t got the guts to do what you need to do. I’m stepping in as I don’t want a brother killed.” He shakes his head as if remembering last night. “I’m telling you, not giving advice. Move back to the club. Viper’s done up some new suites, take one of those.”
“Sally’s not going to like that.”
“Don’t give a fuck. I’m worried about you.”
He lets that sink in. I know he’s right, but it’s not so easy for me to put his suggestion into action.
“It’s an order, Beef. Dress it up to her as you will. I’m not risking last night happening again.”
I’m not averse to his suggestion, it’s just the acting on it that’s going to be hard.
Sally needed a man, I needed a woman to take my mind off the one I wanted but couldn’t have. Thought we could make it work, but it’s turned out to be the worst mistake of my life. Problem is, there’s no way I can get myself out of what I’ve got into without causing more harm.
It’s easy for Drummer to suggest I cut her loose, but he’s forgetting her background. She was married to a man who’d hurt and abused her, and in the end, had told her to her face she was worth more to him dead than alive. Any self-confidence she’d had had been slashed apart. If I outright tell her I don’t want her, she’ll blame herself. It’s not her fault I can’t be the man she wants. It’s not on either of us our relationship doesn’t work, it’s that we’re two different people who should never have teamed up together.
Yeah, I’m a marshmallow when it comes to dealing with her, but it’s not just hurting her, it’s trying not to deal a blow that could add to her existing insecurities and destroy her.
For my sanity, I have to get out. For her sake, I have to ease away, and not simply cut her from my life. Moving back to the club while letting her believe it’s not final could be the first step. Loosen the ropes that bind us. Trouble is, I know my woman better than that, and she won’t take me putting distance between us well.
Delaying the proposal won’t help, and I won’t be able to come up with a better solution however much time I give to my thoughts. Best do it now, while Drummer’s voice is still echoing in my head, giving me some of the fortitude that, where women are concerned, I usually lack.
Leaving the relative sanctuary of the compound, I ride back into Tucson, for once not enjoying the wind therapy, too wound up about the conversation to come, a discussion long overdue. As my wheels spin beneath me, I berate myself yet again for getting into this mess, and not having the guts to get out of the situation as soon as I knew it was wrong.
Sally’s at home alone, the kids are at school. If we’re going to have tears and remonstrations, now’s a good time as any. I lean against the washer as she separates the laundry into different piles, a small frown playing on my face as I see her sort my socks and underwear. I’m perfectly capable of washing my own shit, but it’s the one area where she insists she’s in charge.
“I’m moving back to the club.”
Swinging around, her eyes are wide. “What did you say?”
“I’m going to stay at the club for a while.”
“Beef!” She comes flying at me, her arms holding me tight, her cheek already wet with tears dampen my tee. “Don’t leave me. I need you. What will I do without you? Don’t go, please?” She starts to sob.
Oh fuck. I’m so fucking weak. “Hey, don’t’ cry, Sal. I’m not leaving you. It’s just I need my own space for a bit. I’m not in a good headspace right now, and I’ll only take my shit out on you and the kids if I’m around, and I don’t want to do that.”
“Is it me? Have I done or said something? Or are things upsetting you at the club?”
As good an excuse as any. “The club,” I lie.
I can see her biting back words and am half expecting her to tell me I could leave the Satan’s Devils, jumping at the perfect excuse I’ve given her. But when she ends up asking simply, “You’ll come back?” I wonder whether she’s got some inkling it is her, and wants to skirt away from the truth as much as I.
“Uh huh,” I lie again.
She pulls back and stares into my face. “How long, Beef?”
“I don’t know, Sal. Until my head’s screwed on right.”
“I’ll still see you. When I come to the club?”
“Of course.”
“Okay. As long as I know I can call on you.”
Her tears dry, but she hovers, checking how much I’m packing. In the end, it’s not much, just the bare necessities to keep me going. It leaves her satisfied, but I’ll have to come back.
All Drummer knows is that I bring a duffle of clothes and move into the suite he’s made available. I don’t fess up and tell him I haven’t broken things off with Sally. Unfortunately, it isn’t long before he gets the first hint, as all my brothers do.
“Beef. The bathroom tap is dripping, can you come fix it?”
“Beef, the timer on the cooker is wrong, can you reset it for me?”
Beef this, Beef that.
Sally’s friendship with Tash and the other women is used as an excuse, so, acting out of character, she’s at the club almost every day. Just as often it seems, I’m back at the house with odd jobs to do.
My concentration is fucked. Culminating in me forgetting to tighten the nuts properly when I put a wheel on a bike. Luckily Slick noticed the wobble before he hit speed.
I deserved his fist in my face.
As well as the dressing down that’s now to come from Drummer.
I approach the prez’s office, pausing for a moment outside, wiping my hands down my face. Two weeks ago, he told me to end it with Sally. Sure, I’m staying most nights at the clubhouse, but as for her getting the message? No fucking chance.
Inside, I open my mouth to apologise.
He raises his hand. “Called you here for a reason, Beef.” To give me shit about Slick’s bike. Of course you did. I wait for it.
“Need you to do something for me.”
“Yeah, I… what?” His opening gambit has floored me. “Er, yeah. Whatever you need, Prez.”
He chuckles. “Like that, Brother. But I think you best hear me out before agreeing off the top of your head. Might be something you don’t want to do.”
I like that it sounds like I’m going to be useful to him. Rather do Drummer a favour any day of the week than have him tear me off a strip for making a rookie mistake. “What’s up?”
“Colorado.”
Whatever I expected him to say, it wasn’t that. “Prez?”
“You were there with us a few weeks back, Beef. You must have noticed Demon’s new to wearing the prez’s patch. I expected Hellfire would back him up more, stand up by his side, but it hasn’t worked out like I thought. Hell’s all but into his retirement now, just wants a comfortable life. Demon’s VP, Thunder, only took the job on temporarily, as he reminds him and anyone else who’ll listen, all the time.”
I nod. “Heard him say that myself.” Hellfire was the ex-prez who’d stepped down to allow his VP, and son, Demon, to move into the top spot. Problem is, that’s left a hole in the officer ranks which, as Drummer has pointed out, is for the meantime, being filled reluctantly by the sergeant-at-arms.
“I want someone to go and check things out. Report back to me how the club’s running, and whether I need to step in.”
“And you want that to be me?” I’m stunned. Not that I don’t think I could do what he’s asking, I didn’t expect to be his first choice.
“Yeah. Trust you Beef. You and I have ridden together a long time. Most of the men here are now family men, haven’t got much choice in who to send. Road? Hyde? Jekyll? Not been patched in that long. Drifter? He’s even newer than the others. Marvel? He can be too much of a joker, and Dollar I need here. Don’t have much choice out of the men unencumbered by ol’ ladies.”
“There’s Sally,” I remind him. I’m not exactly a free man myself.
There’s the stare. The one that sees deep inside you. “Yeah.” If possible his eyes sharpen. “We gonna talk about that?”
I raise and lower my shoulders. “She’s weak, Drum. I tell her I’m walking out for good? I just don’t know how she’d cope. She relies on me. She needs me.”
“And you need to be needed. But there comes a limit, Brother.”
He’s right about that. I’d reached mine long ago.
“Which brings me back to my suggestion. Thought getting you to the club would provide the break you needed but underestimated the depth of Sally’s claws. So, Colorado. That enough space?”
My mind loops back to his proposal. “Effectively she’d be kicking me out of my home, out of Tucson.” I live for this club. Ire starts to burn inside me
at the thought I’m the one who has to go. Yeah, but I’m the one who’s running from hurting a woman.
“You tell me you don’t want to do this? My choice might not be my first one, but I’ll find someone else. I got a need, Beef, and decided you can fill it. The fact that my need provides you with a solution is just happy coincidence.”
Morosely I stare down at my hands. “Sally won’t do well on her own.”
“Vulnerable and helpless, yeah? That’s why you’re giving into her every demand. She’s got you all twisted up. You say how you really feel, and she’ll pull out every sympathy card going. Am I right?”
That and then some. I don’t bother using words. Just raise my chin.
“So you heading up to Pueblo for a few weeks, this gives her a chance to learn how to cope. If she prefers, she can go back to her family. There’s no longer a problem now that her ex, Lawson, has been jailed.”
“She likes being independent, Prez. Doesn’t want to go back.”
Drummer exasperatedly shakes his head. “But she’s not being independent. Not when you’re at her beck and call.”
I think over what he’s just said. Then I come to a decision. “I’ll go.” My initial impulse to refuse had, as Drummer rightly surmised, been guilt about Sally. If he thinks this is the right way to force a break, then I’ll do it. It’s the thought of leaving my brothers behind that’s fucking hard to take. I patched into Tucson many years ago, never thought about transferring to a different chapter. Living with the Satan’s Devils has been the only home I’ve known since I left the army. Now my main concern isn’t about leaving Sally, but my friends here. “How long, Prez?”
“As long as it takes. I need to know I’ve a man there who I’ve complete faith in. Want you to be my eyes and ears, maybe see if you can push Demon into appointing a second.”
“Is he going to like that, Prez?” My brows knit together at the thought of the kind of welcome I’d get. A nobody like me turning up and telling a president how to run his own club.
I underestimated Drummer. “Don’t see anyone would question you wanting to visit with Pal and Jayden?” His eyebrow rises.
Devil's Due: Satan's Devils MC Colorado Chapter #3 Page 2
