by Tania Crosse
Oh, how she’d enjoyed telling old Hardwick what the girl had been up to behind his back – especially as she’d persuaded him beforehand that he wanted to pay for the knowledge! She was really on her uppers that week. Life had never given her much. Her own father had shown her what men wanted and she’d survived on that since she was little more than a child. But she was getting a bit long in the tooth for it, so now she must live on her cunning and her wits instead.
And what joy to get that Miss Goody Two Shoes into trouble. Teach her to be so bloody righteous when she was just – oh, wouldn’t Dolly just love to tell her! Dolly’d been a bit scared for a second, mind, when she’d told the old devil his trollop of a daughter had been deceiving him since way back in the summer. Why hadn’t she told him before, he’d hissed, raising his fist. She’d had to think quickly to get out of that one! Well, it might’ve just been a flash in the pan, nothing for him to worry about, she’d simpered. But now it seemed to have developed into something really serious, and surely he could spare a ten-bob note for the warning?
He’d jerked his fist, but then he’d thrown two half-crowns onto the pavement. Dolly had jumped on them, and then shambled away indoors. She hadn’t turned on the light. The meter had run out, so she couldn’t anyway, and both her lodgers had left a few days into January, leaving her with no income from there at the minute. She’d stood by the window in the dark, tweaking the curtains and the filthy nets behind, and waited. The little strumpet usually turned up just before eleven, and it wasn’t far off.
She didn’t have to wait long, and she’d slipped out into the silence of the night, but kept in the shadows of her own doorway to enjoy the spectacle. A grin split her face as she heard Old Man Hardwick’s roar, and the bang as he slammed the front door. Dolly couldn’t resist creeping up on the outside. Oh, revenge was sweet. She could hear the thumps and crashes from inside. Then Nell’s screams as she tried to protect her daughter, but not a peep from the kid herself. That was a pity. Dolly would have liked to hear her squeal.
But never mind. Dolly could feel the two large, silver-coloured coins in her pocket. It was almost closing time, but she wondered if the pub on the corner would still serve her.
*
‘Why Hillie not well, Mummy?’
Daisy’s worried little voice swam into Hillie’s head and she heard herself groan. The grey mist that swirled in her brain was beginning to lift, but her leaden eyelids refused to open. She tried forcing them. Only one eye parted to a hazy slit, the other was stuck fast.
‘I told you not to bother her, Daisy. She… fell down the stairs,’ her mum lied to the small child, her words frail and faltering. ‘Now you know why I always tell you to be careful going up and down.’
‘Is she going to die?’
‘No, of course not. But she is quite poorly.’
‘I’ll be all right, Daisy, love.’ Hillie tried to smile, but somehow her face didn’t want to work properly and even her whispered words were slurred.
‘Oh, Hillie dear,’ Nell breathed. ‘You’re coming to. At last. How d’you feel?’
‘My head hurts… and… everywhere. I don’t know…’
‘We should get a doctor.’ Luke’s suppressed anger vibrated from the doorway.
‘There’s no money for a doctor.’
‘We could get one from the Women’s Hospital.’
‘Your… dad wouldn’t hear of it. He won’t accept charity.’
‘He’s not the one who’s hurt. And when it was him who… I’ll go and get—’
‘No, Luke.’ Nell’s voice quivered with fear. ‘You don’t know what you’re doing. It’d only make things worse.’
‘Worse? What could be worse than this?’
‘All right. But we stick to our story. She fell down the stairs. But first go downstairs and fetch her some aspirin. And make sure you put the bottle back where the little ones can’t reach it. Can you… manage to swallow a couple, Hillie, love?’
Hillie managed to nod but it made her head explode and she felt her whole body spinning in wild circles. Her one eyelid drooped shut again and she drifted away. The next thing she knew, her mum was lifting her head to get her to sip some water and swallow the vile-tasting pills. She must have lost some minutes, but it was all a bit of a fog.
‘You rest now, dear,’ her mum was saying from far, far away. Rest? She was incapable of anything else.
*
Footsteps on the stairs. Hillie recoiled from her sleep, terrified it was… But through the slit of her one eye, she saw her brother’s tortured face in the doorway.
‘Hill?’ he murmured, tiptoeing in. ‘I was still awake and I heard what happened. I should go to the police.’
‘No, Luke,’ Hillie managed to mumble. ‘He’d only take it out on Mum even worse than this.’
‘But they could stop him, and we could get away—’
‘They don’t like getting involved in domestic stuff. And he hasn’t hurt any of you younger ones, and I’m not a child anymore. So promise me, Luke. No police. And then let me sleep.’
It overcame her again, the numbing, welcome nothingness where her head didn’t pound and her eye didn’t burn. She sank willingly beneath its waves.
*
It had been a week. The kind lady doctor from the hospital had frowned knowingly at the lie, but had prescribed nothing more than painkillers and rest, and now Hillie was anxious to get back to work. Any longer, and she could lose her job. She wouldn’t care about it for herself, but her mum needed the money. Without it, she knew Nell would let herself starve while she watched her children eat.
‘You fell down the stairs, remember?’ Harold hissed in her ear as she poured her bruised body into her coat.
She couldn’t even be afraid of him. She still ached too much for that. He couldn’t hurt her any worse than he already had. And she was defying him, wasn’t she, by returning to work? Showing him she could withstand anything he threw at her. She’d keep to the story, but the way she told it, everyone would realise it wasn’t the truth.
‘Bleeding hell, Hillie!’ Gert gasped as they met on the street corner. ‘No wonder they wouldn’t let me in to see you.’
Hillie had tried to pull the slack of the beret over the side of her face, but it hadn’t worked. Nothing could hide the livid bruise that spread from her forehead down to her jaw, or her swollen, bloodshot eye. And she was walking hunched up and with her arms folded across her sore ribs.
‘Fell down the stairs, my eye!’ Gert scoffed, her voice sparking with rage. ‘It was him, wasn’t it? Your dad.’
Hillie succeeded in squinting at her sideways. ‘You guessed,’ she grated meaningfully. ‘I didn’t tell you. He found out about me and Jimmy.’
‘Well, that don’t surprise me. I’ll give him bloody what for—’
‘No, Gert. Let it rest for now.’
Gert’s face looked as if it would blow up with fury and Hillie watched her cheeks puff up like angry balloons. ‘All right. But this can’t go on. And you sure you should be coming back to work?’
‘Oh, yes.’ Hillie felt her heart jerk as her resolve strengthened. ‘It’s a way of standing up to him.’
‘Ain’t you done enough of that already? And Jimmy’ll go mad when he sees you. He was like a cat on hot bricks all last week. I know I wasn’t keen on you two getting together, but he’s been all right to you, has Jimmy.’
Hillie’s hand shot out and grasped Gert’s arm. ‘You’ll have to tell Jimmy the truth. But promise me you’ll keep him away from me. For the time being, at least. And keep him away from my dad as well. He’d do the same as this to him, or probably worse. Or he’d take it out on Mum, and that’s the last thing I want.’
‘Yeah, yeah, I promise,’ Gert sighed with bitter reluctance. ‘But we’re gonna sort this out one way or the other. Things can’t go on like this. And you’re going in on the tram. You’re not walking all that way as well as standing at the bench all day. Here.’ She pulled out Hillie’s hand and e
mptied her purse into her friend’s palm. ‘It’s me tea money for the week. I’ll just have a glass of water each day instead.’
Hillie stared down at the copper and brass coins. No, she couldn’t accept. But it was so tempting. She was armed with a bottle of aspirin, but she didn’t know how she was going to get through the day.
Tears of gratitude pooled in her eyes. ‘You’re one in a million, Gert. I’ll pay you back as soon as I can. And… you’ll talk to Jimmy for me?’
‘Course I will, kiddo. Told you. Mates forever, you and me.’
‘Oh, Gert, I’d hug you if I didn’t think it’d hurt too much.’
‘Well, you just get on the tram. Look, there’s one coming,’ Gert said, herding her across Battersea Park Road. ‘I’ll catch up with you later.’
‘Ta ever so, Gert.’
Hillie didn’t have a chance to say more as she heaved herself up into the crowded tram. She must have looked awful as people glanced furtively at her, their faces either etched with sympathy or frowning in suspicion. At least she was offered a seat straightaway, and she sank into it gratefully.
Her and Jimmy, she thought as the tram rattled along. As if she’d been thinking about anything else the whole week she’d been lying in bed. They’d made up a foursome a couple of times with Gert and Belinda’s brother, Rob. But on that last, fateful evening together, it’d just been the two of them, and they’d been oh, so close. Dreaming of their future. Would they continue to live in London, or would they be able to move to a little cottage in the country somewhere? That was what Hillie really wanted, but she realised it could be years before they could do so. There was no harm in talking about it, though. And Jimmy had shown her his Post Office Savings Book, so she knew he was serious about it all.
But what did it matter now? She was trapped. It didn’t really make any difference how much she stood up to her dad, did it? He’d always have the upper hand. His beating had knocked the stuffing out of her, and resignation gnawed at her heart as she began to understand how her mother gave into him all the time.
Was there ever to be a way out? At that moment, she couldn’t imagine it.
*
Hillie crumpled into a chair at one of the long tables in the canteen, helped by May and Ethel, two of the older women who’d worked in the candle-packing shed most of their lives. Sitting down wasn’t much better for Hillie than standing up, and she reached at once for the little bottle of aspirin in her pocket.
As she did so, she saw Jimmy coming through the doors. His gaze swept along the rows of tables and found her almost instantly. Even at that distance, Hillie saw the horror on his face and he went to bound forward. But Gert had been waiting for him. True to her word, she held him back, though it was clearly a struggle and she was talking to him with obvious urgency. Whatever she said, though, seemed to convince him, and Hillie saw her drag Jimmy to a table on the far side, even though he kept glancing back at her across the room.
‘You can’t work like this,’ Belinda said, appearing from nowhere. ‘Several of the packets you did this morning fell apart. Go home. I’ve spoken to Personnel in the office and you won’t lose your job if you don’t come in for the rest of the week. And I can help you out with some money.’
Hillie glanced up. Dear Belinda, she was so kind, but she didn’t understand. She had to fight this. Show her dad…
‘Cor, don’t look a gift horse and all that,’ May declared almost enviously as she lit a cigarette. ‘What I wouldn’t give to put me feet up for a week.’
‘Come on,’ Belinda beckoned, helping Hillie to her feet and ushering her towards the doors. ‘And don’t look back at Jimmy or anyone else. If there’s any more trouble, both you and your dad are likely to be out on your ear.’
‘But… I only fell down the stairs,’ Hillie protested.
‘We all know you didn’t. Gert spilt the beans when I pressed her. Not that I’ve told anyone else. But everyone’s guessed it was your dad. We don’t know what you did to make him so angry, but his temper’s well known. So go home till this all blows over.’
Hillie nodded. Defeated. But only for now. But… until it all blew over? Fat chance of that. Where would it all end? At that moment, she had no idea.
*
She didn’t go home. She thought she’d suffocate if she did. She went to Gert’s house instead, praying Eva would be in. She was.
Eva’s face dropped a mile when she opened the door. Within five minutes, she had Hillie tucked up in Gert’s bed with a cup of tea. The good woman must have sworn the little ones to silence as the house soon fell so blissfully quiet that Hillie drifted asleep.
The next thing she knew, Gert was shaking her gently.
‘Hillie, wake up. You’d best try and get home before your dad. But first, I’ve got some news for you.’
Hillie blinked the sleep from her eyes. She still ached but she did feel better for a few hours’ rest.
‘News?’ she mumbled. ‘What news? The only news I want to hear is that my dad’s walked under a bus.’
‘It’s better than that. At least, it might be. But first of all, I’ll tell you what happened at work this afternoon. After you left, someone knocked their hot tea over your dad’s lap in the canteen. Accidentally on purpose, if you know what I mean. And then, as he walked out, someone else stuck out their foot and tripped him up,’ Gert crowed, her eyes opening wide with derision. ‘And then later on, he got locked in a store room.’
‘What?’ Hillie might have found it amusing if she hadn’t held her dad in such contempt.
‘Yeah,’ Gert grinned. ‘No one knows who did it, but it was ages before he was discovered and he was furious. But…’ The laughter slid from her face as she became more serious. ‘I’ve got a message for you from Jimmy. It’s a dead funny way to propose, but he wants me to tell you that he wants you to marry him.’
‘Marry him?’ Hillie lifted her head but instantly wished she hadn’t and let herself fall back heavily onto the pillow. ‘Huh, and how does he think I could do that? My dad’s not going to give his consent after this, is he?’
‘You wouldn’t need his consent. Not if you went to Gretna Green.’
‘Gretna Green!’
‘Yeah. Just over the border in Scotland where you can tie the knot without your dad’s consent. And anyone can marry you. Usually it’s a local blacksmith.’
‘Blacksmith?’ Hillie cried in confusion.
‘Yup. Over an anvil, apparently. Quite romantic.’ Gert took her hands, gazing excitedly into her eyes with such intensity that Hillie found herself sitting up again, but this time more slowly. ‘Think about it, Hill. While you’re living at home, your dad seems to have some sort of hold over you. But you’d be free of him if you was married to Jimmy.’
‘But… what about Mum?’
‘You’ve said yourself, she’s a lost cause. Won’t leave him. And maybe without you around, goading him all the time – ’cos you do, Hill, you know you do. Not that I blame you. But without you there, things might just settle down. And she’s told you to get away before, hasn’t she? So now’s your chance, girl.’
‘But…’
‘No ifs or buts. Seems to me the only question is, d’you want to marry Jimmy? ’Cos he’s keen as mustard to marry you.’
Hillie stared at her, chewing her lip and unaware of the aches in her head and body. She was so taken aback that she couldn’t think straight right now. ‘But… how would we get there, anyway?’
‘What, to Scotland? Train, of course. Only problem is, you’re supposed to live there for three weeks beforehand. Means you could lose your jobs, but Jimmy says that don’t matter. He’s got plenty of savings, and he reckons he could work full-time at the pub. Just means when you got back, you’d have to wait a bit longer to move somewhere better than his little bedsit.’
‘I could put up with that—’
Gert’s eyes narrowed with cunning. ‘So you do want to, then? Well, maybe there’s an overnight train or something. You know
Kit’s been working as a clerk in the Station Master’s Office since the New Year. He can easily find out for you. The last train of the day, so even if your dad twigged it and tried to follow you, by the time he got there, you and Jimmy could be hiding at a remote farm or something. He wouldn’t spend three weeks waiting for you to turn up at one of the places you can get spliced, and I don’t suppose he’d spend out the money for the train fare in the first place. And once you got back, if he ever tried to attack you again, it’d be a criminal matter. The police don’t like interfering in family affairs. Well, they would if you was a kiddy, but you’re grown up now. So if you was Jimmy’s wife, you wouldn’t be part of the family no more. And I don’t think even your dad’d be so stupid. Especially not after everyone’s realised what really happened this time.’
Hillie slowly pursed her lips. How much longer could she face her father’s temper? She wanted to protect her mum, but she couldn’t do so forever. And she did love Jimmy very, very much. The walks in the park, the films that had made them laugh or cry at the flicks, their first proper kiss on the river embankment that balmy summer evening. But did she truly want to become Mrs Baxter? Sacrifice having her dream wedding with all her family and friends there to share it with? At that moment, yes, she did.
She groaned and bowed her head. Though it filled her with shame, deep down, she knew she didn’t have the strength to face anything like the beating her dad had given her ever again.
So, she slowly nodded her head.
Chapter Eleven
When Hillie hadn’t turned up for the evening meal that Friday night at the end of February, her father had scraped her dinner into the bin.
‘Harold, don’t do that,’ Nell had protested. ‘We can’t afford to waste good food. She’ll be in soon, wanting her dinner.’
