by Tania Crosse
‘Even so, this is only the second one she’s dared to write,’ Hillie answered, barely dragging her eyes from the letter as she began to read. ‘If only I didn’t work the same hours as my dad, we could risk meeting up. Oh,’ she said in surprise. ‘Luke’s been working on a paper round this last month. Dad’s idea, no doubt, to help make up for my wages,’ she scoffed bitterly. ‘Oh, yes, that’s what Mum’s said. And she says Dad’s had to give her a bit extra as well. Ha, that’ll upset him! But she says things are OK. She’s managing. And she says… she loves me.’ She looked up, unshed tears spangling in her eyes. ‘Oh, Gert, what are we to do? D’you think I’ll ever see her or the others again?’
Gert shook her head, totally at a loss. ‘I don’t know. But what I do know is that something’s gotta snap somewhere. But I’m not gonna let it be you.’ She grasped Hillie’s hand across the table and squeezed it tightly.
Hillie’s mouth twisted. ‘Thanks, Gert,’ she choked. ‘You’re one in a million.’
‘That’s why you like me, kiddo,’ Gert told her, finally bringing a smile to Hillie’s lips. ‘So drink up your cuppa before it gets cold, and we’ll go for a walk before it starts raining properly. I don’t know. Supposed to be May, ain’t it?’
*
‘Oh, Jimmy, it really is wonderful!’ Hillie cried in delight, inspecting the flat up in the eaves of the large terraced house one evening at the beginning of July. ‘A separate bedroom, a little kitchenette and our own bathroom! Oh, thank you so much!’
She flung her arms around Jimmy’s neck and landed a big, passionate kiss on his mouth, making him grin wickedly.
‘And a double bed, which I can’t wait to get you in,’ he answered, winking playfully.
‘Well, you’ll have to wait for that until we’ve moved in,’ Hillie told him with teasing haughtiness.
The prospect of making love somewhere comfortable and dry was certainly more appealing than being squashed into the single bed which felt perpetually damp, and staring at the wet patches on the ceiling and the paper hanging off the walls. Her marital duties no longer held any fear for her, but Hillie still couldn’t say she exactly enjoyed those most intimate moments. Jimmy was always very gentle with her, and she relished the closeness of the cuddles before and afterwards. But she still didn’t feel the physical desire she’d heard others talk about. She wished she did, so perhaps that in itself was a step in the right direction. And she loved Jimmy deeply in every other way, so maybe living in better surroundings would help.
‘The sooner we does so, the better, then,’ he declared now. ‘I only have to give a week’s notice, so we can move in next weekend.’
‘Oh, I can’t wait!’ Hillie crowed. But as her eyes swept about her, doubt crept into her mind. ‘Are you sure we can afford it, though?’
‘Course we can,’ Jimmy assured her, taking her hands and looking earnestly into her eyes. ‘We’ve got your wages as well as mine. And with me extra shifts at the pub and the odd errand I run for Mr Jackson, we’re doing fine.’
‘Well, if you’re sure.’ Hillie gave a reluctant sigh. ‘But with all the extra work you do, I hardly ever see you. You’re working seven days a week.’
‘We have Saturday and Sunday afternoons together,’ Jimmy protested, ‘and all the evenings during the week.’
‘If you’re not doing something for that Mr Jackson.’
Jimmy gave a casual shrug. ‘He pays me well, and it’s all cash in hand, so I can’t say no. Anyway, it won’t be forever. When old Matthews retires or pops his clogs, I’ll be next in line for his job. And then I won’t need to do any extras at all, and we’ll have plenty of time together. You’ll likely be sick of the sight of me.’
‘No,’ Hillie chuckled. ‘Never that.’
‘That’s my girl.’
Jimmy pulled her close again, and his mouth came down firmly on hers. Her lips parted in response, and the tingle low down in her stomach as his tongue gently probed between her teeth took her by surprise. Oh, so perhaps it had merely been those long months in the dingy bedsit that had put her off. Summer had arrived, and it felt warm and cosy in this little attic flat with its quirky, sloping ceilings and windows that seemed to let in so much light. Maybe that little flicker inside her would burst into flame in their new home. She certainly hoped it would because she loved Jimmy so much and wanted to make everything right for him, too.
*
Hillie stood back to admire her handiwork with a satisfied sigh. She’d bought some material at the market the previous weekend and spent every spare moment sewing curtains for the sitting room. She’d just put them up and they looked splendid, especially with the July sunshine streaming through the windows. The wooden clock Gert and Rob had given them as a wedding present presided over the shelf above the gas fire, together with the china figurines from Eva and Stan. Belinda had taken a nice photograph of Hillie and Jimmy with her Brownie camera, and had had an enlargement printed from the negative. It hung in pride of place in a shiny new frame from a hook on the wall above the shelf.
Hillie glanced round the room, rocking in contentment. It really felt like home now. The middle-aged woman who acted as landlady for the owners occupied the ground floor and semi-basement. Both she and her husband, who was out at work all day, were nothing like the crotchety tyrant at Jimmy’s previous digs, and the elderly couple who rented the flat on the middle floor were very pleasant and as quiet as mice.
It was no wonder Hillie felt so much happier. The door that opened directly into the bedroom was slightly ajar, and Hillie’s pulse began to patter as she remembered the previous evening. It being Friday night, they’d treated themselves to fish and chips. Jimmy had brought home a couple of bottles of beer from the pub, and some cider for Hillie. She’d giggled as the sweet, bubbly liquid had seemed to fizz up her nose. The only alcohol she’d ever tasted was the sherry Belinda’s dad had given her at their wedding party. She hadn’t been keen, and had stuck to Tizer afterwards. But this was a totally different taste, light and refreshing. And relaxing.
A mellow tiredness had seeped through her limbs, and her head was slightly muzzy. Jimmy had kissed her thoroughly as they snuggled on the sofa, and she’d put up little resistance when he persuaded her to finish the bottle.
‘Come on, love. I think it’s bedtime,’ Jimmy said, getting up from the settee and holding out his hand.
Hillie’s head swam with pleasant dizziness as she staggered to her feet. ‘Oh, dear,’ she laughed. ‘Am I supposed to feel like this? I’m not drunk, am I?’
‘What, on one bottle? Nah, it’s not much stronger than lemonade.’
‘Well, I feel… Whoops!’ she giggled, nearly tripping over the shoes she’d kicked off earlier. ‘Oo, where’s the bedroom gone?’
The next thing she knew, her head was spinning as Jimmy picked her up and carried her through to the other room where he laid her on the bed. She flopped back, ready to curl up and sleep, not caring that she was still fully dressed. In fact, she didn’t care a jot when Jimmy began to peel off her clothes. He’d have to get her ready for bed, since she wasn’t capable of doing so herself!
It wasn’t until she was down to her brassière and knickers that she began to feel shy, and something twitched deep inside her. She gazed up trustingly into Jimmy’s adoring, smiling face as he unhooked her bra, the warm evening air like silk against her naked skin.
‘Cor, you’re that beautiful, you know,’ Jimmy croaked, his eyes almost on stalks.
It darted across Hillie’s befuddled mind that on their wedding night, she’d been wearing her petticoat, and that ever since, she’d been changed into her winceyette nightdress because the bedsit had always been so cold, even when the warmer weather arrived. Jimmy had never seen her in the altogether, and though the old awkwardness lingered in the background, Jimmy’s feasting, loving gaze made her feel strangely wanted. She felt lost in an unknown world, wanting to resist but somehow not capable of doing so as he pulled her drawers down off her legs and toss
ed them somewhere across the room. He couldn’t wait, and only did the necessary to his own clothes so that he could enter her straightaway.
Hillie smiled wistfully to herself at the recent memory. It didn’t hurt any more, and through her wavering stupor, it had even seemed acceptable. She vowed not to get tiddly again, but yes. She’d cracked it. Wouldn’t mind it from now on. She could be a proper wife.
It was surprising what surroundings could do to you, she mused. The bedsit had demeaned her entire soul, but now she felt fulfilled with a proper little home to look after. Contented. Or as contented as she could be.
If ever she chanced to come anywhere near her father at the factory, he put his nose in the air and totally ignored her. She didn’t mind that. But what she did mind was not seeing her mum or Luke or the girls. The secret letters were all well and good, but she hadn’t been able to talk to her family since the day back in February when she and Jimmy had returned from Scotland, and it was breaking her heart.
She had tried, of course she had. At weekends, when Jimmy was off earning extra money, she usually went over to the Parkers’ house. Her eyes always scanned the street, eager to catch a glimpse of her younger siblings playing on the pavement, especially when the better weather came. But it seemed Harold had guessed she’d try to make contact that way, as they were rarely outside. On a couple of occasions when she’d spied them there and run towards them, her heart bursting with happiness, Trixie had noticed her first, and quickly shepherded Daisy and Frances inside and shut the door in Hillie’s face.
Dear God, had the bastard terrorised them so much that they were afraid to speak to her? Only a devil could be so cruel, and to his own children, too. If he wanted to punish her, then so be it. But if Luke and her little sisters were living in fear, it was outrageous. Or what if he’d told them such vicious lies about her that they didn’t want to speak to her? And what about her poor mum? He must keep her locked up like a prisoner when he knew Hillie wasn’t at work.
Hillie’s eyes travelled around the room again, and the comfortable little home she’d created. Cushion covers to match the curtains with the leftover material would be next on her list of jobs, but she wasn’t in the mood to start them, now her thoughts had entwined about her family. After leaving the factory at lunchtime, Jimmy had gone straight to the pub where Mr Jackson would be waiting for him with instructions for one of his errands. So Hillie had walked home alone. She’d made her usual detour to the library, but even the prospect of starting a new book couldn’t quell the uneasiness that tumbled in her stomach. She’d busied herself hanging the curtains, but now the task was done, she felt restless and oddly agitated.
There was only one thing for it. And on such a glorious summer afternoon, the outdoors beckoned. She knew Rob had taken Gert up to Regent’s Park Zoo, so there was little point calling in at the Parkers’. And if she was lucky enough to catch either Joan or Trixie and the little ones playing in the street, she knew what their reaction would be. So she might as well go straight to Battersea Park and enjoy a couple of hours there, taking a leisurely stroll around the lakes, admiring the flower beds and exchanging blinks with the owls in the aviary. She might even indulge in an ice cream to while away the time. Was it over a year since Kit had treated all of his own family and hers to a vanilla cone? She’d scarcely known Jimmy then, and now she was married to him.
But she might never be able to speak to her mother and Luke and the girls ever again.
A wrenching sigh escaped from her lungs as she gathered up her keys and some change from her purse. That’s all she’d need. And then it struck her that on her way, she could stop at the telephone box on the corner and see if Belinda wanted to join her. It was quite a long way from Parsons Green, but it was a thought.
Sadly, though, there was no answer, and Hillie pressed Button B to get her money back. She ached with disappointment as she made her way towards the park, her pulse cranking up when she passed the end of Banbury Street. But she must only look forward now, and bury the past somewhere so deep inside her that it couldn’t hurt her any more.
In the park, the spring-flowering shrubs had lost their blooms now, but were in full leaf, and summer bedding plants graced the formal flower beds in swathes of blazing colour. The smell of warm earth and grass filled Hillie’s nostrils, and the sounds of people enjoying the tree-lined walks and open spaces made her feel more relaxed. The park was a haven of fresh air and leafy shade that tugged at her innermost feelings. She’d never been to the countryside. Her only experience of it was from out of the train window on the way back from Scotland. It had an effect on her she couldn’t explain. She and Jimmy had once discussed moving to the country. But she knew it would only ever be a dream.
She found a seat by one of the lakes and sat down to watch some children feeding the ducks. The sight stabbed into her side as she remembered doing the self-same thing with Luke and Joan and the others. Ah… And suddenly the whole scene became false and ugly, especially with the twin towers of Battersea Power Station looming over the end of the park. She’d heard there were plans to double its size in future years, so that there’d eventually be four monster chimneys instead of the present two spewing out smoke. It was due to start generating electricity the following week, feeding all those cables that had been laid beneath the streets, ready to supply almost the entire neighbourhood. All very well, but surely with all the other factories and breweries and everything else belching into the air, they were all going to choke?
Hillie was gazing blindly through the people wandering past her, and then wondered why something in her subconscious clicked her brain back into focus. Walking along the pathway was a tall man with a broad smile that allowed his large teeth to flash in his dark face. In contrast, a beautiful, pale gold dog trotted on a leash at his heels, and on his arm, was a pretty young woman in a floral-printed summer dress. With matching white shoes, handbag and little frilly hat, she looked like a model from a fashion magazine.
‘Jessica!’
The fear in the girl’s startled, blue eyes was more than evident as she spun round. But then her face relaxed into a smile when she recognised her friend.
‘Oh, Hillie,’ she said with a relieved sigh as she led Patrick over to the bench. ‘I didn’t realise it was you. I was worried for a moment it might’ve been someone I didn’t want to see me with Patrick.’ Then her eyes filled with alarm again. ‘You won’t let on, will you?’
‘No, of course not. It’s good to see you. Hello, Patrick. How are you?’
‘Very happy to see you, too, Hillie,’ Patrick replied in his lilting voice. ‘And also very grateful. Without you, I should not be enjoying such happiness. And how is married life treating you?’
‘Very well,’ Hillie assured him, swallowing the niggling doubt at the back of her mind. ‘We moved into a flat a couple of weeks ago, and it’s so much nicer. You must come round.’
‘We’d love to, if we can work it out safely.’
‘We were just going to take a drink at the pavilion. Will you join us?’
‘Yes, I will, Patrick. Thank you.’
‘Where is Jimmy, then?’ Patrick asked as they set out in the direction of the said pavilion. ‘If I had such a lovely wife, I should want to be out with her.’
‘Oh, he’s running an errand for someone at the pub where he works. A bit of extra money always comes in handy.’
‘And what do these errands consist of?’
‘I’ve no idea, to be honest. But I just felt like getting out. With English weather, you can’t afford to miss a good day like this.’
‘Indeed, one cannot. However, I am obliged to walk Africa every day, even if the rain is coming down in stair rods, as I believe you say,’ Patrick grinned, giving his infectious laugh.
‘Of course,’ Hillie chuckled back. ‘But I thought you worked at the dogs’ home after your piano lesson on a Saturday, Jess?’
Jessica pulled a wry grimace. ‘I gave that up so that I could see Patrick for half an
hour instead. I feel a bit guilty about it, but it was the only thing I could think of. Oh, look, there’s a table free over there,’ she said as they reached the pavilion.
‘You sit down, then, and I shall buy the drinks. Lemonade for you both? And then today I shall enjoy the special treat of having two beautiful ladies in my company.’
‘Go on with you,’ Jessica giggled. ‘I’ll take Africa for you.’
Patrick nodded, and then went off to join the short queue while the two girls settled themselves at the table.
‘He really is so nice, Patrick,’ Hillie remarked as she pushed to one side the dirty cups of the previous customers. ‘I don’t know why you don’t feel able to introduce him to your parents. He’s kind, polite, educated. A dentist and even a prince, for heaven’s sake.’
‘I know.’ Jessica’s lovely face fell. ‘My dad has softened up a little, thanks to you. And if it weren’t for the colour of Patrick’s skin, I might’ve plucked up the courage. But… I feel ashamed for Patrick’s sake. My father calls people of African descent… well… you don’t want to know. I just think it’s an abominable term, and I’d hate Patrick to be upset. So he’s agreed to wait until I’m twenty-one before we tell my parents. And then, if we’re still together and want to get married, they can’t stop us.’ She lowered her eyes almost guiltily. ‘I’m afraid I’m not strong like you, Hillie.’
Hillie had to bite her lip. It had been in a moment of weakness, not strength, that she’d agreed to elope with Jimmy. She’d been at her lowest ebb after her dad’s assault on her, and it had seemed the only way out. Even Gert, who hadn’t been keen on her relationship with Jimmy at first, had agreed. And Kit, who had the most level head of anyone Hillie knew, had helped with the secret plan. And it worked. She was happily married to Jimmy and she was free of her dad’s evil clutches. And yet he still had that cruel hold over her.
She had no chance to reveal her misgivings, though, as Patrick came back with two bottles of lemonade with straws and a cup of tea on a tray.
