by LK Collins
“I don’t even know where to start,” I tell her and almost laugh.
“Okay, let’s start where we left off in our last session. You told me you’d met someone.” She scans her notes and says, “Thane?”
“Yeah, that’s him.”
“How are things going between the two of you?”
I reach into my purse and remove the note Thane left me. Pulling it out, I hand it to her. After she reads it, she asks me, “How does this note make you feel?”
“Lost and confused…” I trail off, and she asks me, “Why?”
“I don’t know. I guess because I hear his words and the logical side of my brain tells me to listen to him and trust in him. But then there’s this weight of regret weighing down around me, and it’s telling me that I can’t be with him. That it’s wrong, even though I know what he’s saying is true. And I’m miserable without him.”
Tears fill my eyes and I…I place my face in the palm of my hands. “Faye, I want you to take a step back for a moment. Can you do that?” Her voice pulls me from the depths of the shadows that are surrounding me, and I focus on my breathing. The same way I did when we first started to meet after Ben had passed. It took us quite a few sessions for me to even be able to talk about things.
“Remember what’s real? Remember what Ben told you.”
I swallow searching within myself for his words, but I can’t find them. I think I’ve suppressed everything so far back. Then she reads them out loud, and each one sparks a reminder of what I promised him. “Faye, promise me one thing…” I look up at her knowing just what I said to him. She patiently waits for me to answer and when I do, I can feel Ben beside me. His hand on my thigh, his reassurance pushing me forward. “I promise I’ll move on and be happy.”
Chapter 23
Thane
“So what do you order?” I ask Faye, looking at the overly complicated menu.
“I get the meatballs.”
“Okay, now this is just getting weird.”
“What do you mean?” she questions me, setting her menu down.
“You said this was Vietnamese soup, what place do meatballs have in any of that.”
“Would you stop bitching?” she calls me out, and frankly, it turns me on. Setting my menu down I tell her, “You can order for me, ‘cause apparently, you know best.”
Just then the waitress walks up and sets our drinks down and what looks like a tray of grass. My beer looks so good that I take a swig of it, needing to get drunk to make it through this meal.
“What can I get you two to eat?” the waitress ask us.
“I’m gonna have the meatball pho, and he’s gonna have the number fifty-seven.”
What the fuck is that?
But I can’t figure it out as she takes our menus and walks off to place our order.
“So what, is that like code for something?” I ask her.
“No, it was on the menu. Didn’t you see most of the items were numbered?”
“No, I didn’t notice, I was a little preoccupied with all the meatballs and boba talk.”
“You wanna drink?” she asks me, sipping a huge blue ball into her mouth through her straw.
“No, thanks. I’d prefer to keep blue balls as far away from me as possible.”
She slurps another one through her massive clear straw, and I can’t help but cringe watching her chomp down on it.
“So be honest, you really only like this place ‘cause of all their balls, huh?”
She rolls her eyes as the waitress sets down our steaming hot soups. Looking down at the raw meat, I realize, I’ve been juked.
“Can I get you anything else?”
“No, we’re good.”
“You might be good,” I mumble under my breath and Faye giggles.
“You know how to use chopsticks, big guy?”
“Yes, I know.”
“Well, get ‘em out and stick your meat into the broth.”
“My meat’s not going anywhere near that broth.” She laughs and slams her fist on the table.
“Not your meat, that meat, silly.”
Taking my chopsticks, I push the meat down and watch the pink disappear; the broth is so hot it cooks it. Watching Faye squeeze all sorts of crap into her soup and tear blades from the grass that’s on the table, I just follow what she’s doing.
“Oh, so now you know what to do?”
I roll my eyes, and then together we both bring a bite to our lips.
Here goes nothing.
As I open my mouth and the first thing touches my tongue, my palate awakens. The flavor is incredible. Chewing the bite, I don’t think I’ve ever tasted something so good.
“You like it?” she asks me.
“I…I love it,” I tell her shoveling another chopstick load into my mouth.
She eats slowly, watching me, and as I consume mine in what I’m sure is record speed, I can tell now why this is her favorite.
***
“That was amazing!” I tell Faye, as we walk out of the restaurant.
“See? I told you, you’d love it.”
“Why have I never had it before?” I ask, grabbing her hand, our fingers locking together so tightly.
“I don’t know why, but trust me, it’s all you’ll want now.”
“I could eat another bowl.”
“Oh, I couldn’t,” she says rubbing over her slim stomach. “I’m stuffed.”
“Yeah, you really look like it.”
She bumps shoulders with me, and I laugh, letting go of her hand and draping my arm over her shoulder. She smells so good, unbelievably good, and being with her like this again is amazing.
As we cross the bridge to where we parked, the lights from downtown Seattle twinkle, illuminating the Puget Sound. She stops walking, and we both look out at the glassy water.
Standing in silence, I wonder what’s going through her head. For me, all I can think about is her; she consumes me. But for her, I worry if she’s starting to second-guess things again, so I ask her, “What are you thinking?”
“Oh, nothing.”
“Tell me?” I plead, wanting inside her head.
“It’s about Ben.”
“Okay, I still want to know.”
She sighs, remembering something and then says, “He used to come here to fish all the time. I was thinking maybe I could show Braxley how to one day.”
“I think that would be nice. Jack and I can come too.”
“I’d like that,” she says, her eyes still concentrating on the water.
“So would I.” I turn her towards me and can now see the tears that are glazed over her eyes.
“Don’t cry, Faye.” She blinks and her mascara trails down her face.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t want to get upset tonight.”
“Don’t be sorry. Please just be however you feel and let me inside here,” I tell her and touch her heart. “And here,” I lay a soft, gentle kiss on her temple.
Her arms fold behind my back, and we stand together, silently enjoying one another.
***
“Thank you for tonight,” Faye tells me as I pull into her driveway.
“Of course.” I put my car in park, and hate that the night has to come to an end. But she said she wanted things to start over between us, so I don’t want to push her.
“Aren’t you coming in?”
“No, I should get home.”
“Oh…okay,” she sounds surprised and reaches for the door handle a little hesitantly. “Will you at least walk me to my door?”
“Sure.” I turn my car off and follow her to her door. My heart is steady, but when she stops and looks into my eyes, everything inside of me awakens, and I know I should’ve left when I had the chance.
Her lips are slightly parted, her breath is warm as it hits me, and I’m aware getting out of my car was a bad idea. She can sense it too. Being this close with her has my blood running wild, and then she wraps her arms around my neck. “Thank you for dinner,” she
says.
My cock growing from the closeness, I nod, losing my voice as she leans in pressing her body against mine. Obviously feeling what she does to me, we go to kiss, and I yank the keys from her hand, opening the door and hustling her inside. With her back against the door, I grind into her. Wanting to be inside of her so badly.
We both get lost in this passionate moment. She wraps her arms and legs around me, clinging to me. Our lips are a tangled mess, both of us wanting the same thing. I kiss her neck, and she moans. My hands are wound around her thighs holding her up, and the friction of my dick inside of my pants makes my balls burn. I set her down, and we both begin to undress the other in between kisses.
I push her coat to the floor, my tongue working hers. Her moans drive me wild. We pull away briefly and remove our shirts, standing only with our pants on, and as she starts to unbutton hers, I drop mine to my knees. The feeling of freeing my cock is stimulating. She steps out of her pants now stark naked, and I slide two fingers into her slit. Looking into her eyes for reassurance, to make sure she’s okay with this and before I go any further, she pulls me towards her by my shaft.
I let go of her sex, looking down as she slides me inside her. My cock feels like it’s about to explode and I prepare to fuck her. Holding on to her by the back of her thighs, her back is against the door, and together we move in sync.
She grips the door handle with one hand and holds onto my neck with the other with her head slumped down, watching me move in and out of her. My movements are swift; there’s nothing gentle about them as I give us what we both want. I know she likes it hard, she’s told me. Every slap of my balls against her ass echoes through the foyer of her house, followed by her sweet cries.
“Yes, Thane,” she chants repeatedly, and I don’t think I’ve ever enjoyed hearing my name like I do when Faye says it.
Grunting with every single thrust, our bodies are sweaty, and in this moment, with our eyes locked on each other’s, I pray this is the beginning of our future, because I don’t want it any other way, and I don’t want anyone else.
Chapter 24
Faye
“Good morning,” Thane says to me, lying next to me on the close confines of my couch.
“Morning,” I respond, my voice raspy and my eyes tired as we didn’t get much sleep. My mind drifts back to last night, to all that he and I did, and I find those thoughts making me damp between my legs.
“You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen,” he says, and my heart flutters from those words. No man has ever spoken so freely to me, not even Ben. Thane holds me tightly, and I breathe in the sweet smell of his chest, his scent so settling to me.
“Thank you,” I finally say.
“It’s the truth. You’re perfect.”
“So are you, Thane.”
“I meant what I said to you in the letter, Faye. I want you to feel comfortable speaking about Ben. You need to always remember all the great times you shared.”
His words…wow…his words are something else. A fury of emotions rolls through me, and I search within myself for the right way to respond. I worry he’s just saying that and doesn’t really feel it, deep inside of him so I ask, “Are you sure that’s how you really feel?”
“Have I ever lied to you?” I gaze up into his eyes knowing he hasn’t. Then close my eyes as the presence of Ben swarms around me. His reassurance that I’d been feeling when I first met Thane hits me full throttle, and I lose my breath. Finding comfort in knowing that he approves.
“No, you haven’t.”
“And I never will. You have my heart if you’ll accept it.” He leans down and kisses me, his strong arms holding me close and in this moment—for the first time in over a year—I feel like I’m going to be okay. With Thane by my side, how could I not be?
***
“I can leave,” Thane tells me, as I look out front waiting for my mother-in-law to drop Braxley off. My heart is pounding, and as much as I don’t want him to go and I don’t want to keep him from her, I feel like it might make things a whole lot worse than they need to be.
“I’m sorry, I think it might be best to give it some time.”
“For sure. I’m gonna grab Jack; then we can all do something this afternoon?”
I nod in response, as his hands clench onto the sides of my face. He kisses me tenderly, a few soft pecks that make me weak in the knees. Then he’s gone.
Bracing my weight on the edge of the countertop, my mind swirls back to last night, and I find myself biting my bottom lip recalling all that we did. Then I hear a car pull up and see Jan’s car parked on the street.
Thank God Thane left when he did.
“Hey, guys,” I call out to them from the front door.
“Mommy!” Braxley yells and runs up to me giving me a hug.
“Hey, my little man, how are you?” I hold him tightly.
“I’m good. Look what grandma got for me.” He shows me a new action figure, and I kiss the top of his hair before he runs inside. “Let me get that stuff for you, Jan,” I tell her as she’s struggling to carry all his bags.
“Thanks.”
She follows me in, and I tell her, “Thanks again for watching him.”
“No problem. Did you have a nice evening?”
“I did.”
“What did you do?”
“Just relaxed.”
“Oh good. I’m glad you got some time to yourself.”
“I did, thank you.”
And as much as I hate lying to Jan, deep down I feel it’s what’s best. I won’t keep Thane and I from her forever. But until the time is right, there is no need for her to know yet, and I would never want to hurt her, her being Ben’s mom and all. Braxley doesn’t even know we’re seeing each other yet. That needs to come first, and when it’s time, I’ll let Jan know too.
Chapter 25
Thane
“Were you planning on telling me that you’re seeing someone?” Char asks me with an irritated tone to her voice.
Jack is in the room, and I don’t want him to hear us talk or see me get upset, so I tell him, “Will you make sure you got everything from your room, buddy?” He runs down the hall, and I turn to Char, knowing I don’t have much time. “How’s it any of your business?”
“Well, seeing as my son spends the majority of his time at some woman’s house, I think I deserve to know who she is.”
“Coming from you, the one who spent hours on end shopping while our son did what?” I wait for her to respond and she rolls her eyes.
“That’s different, Thane!”
“The hell it is. You know Jack is my number one priority so I’d never put him in a bad situation.”
“But maybe she would. Who is she?” Char asks, aggravating me even more.
Getting very close to her, I look her in the eye. Any feelings I ever had for her are long gone. “She’s everything you’re not and exactly what I’ve been searching my whole life for.”
“Fuck you!” she snarls and slams her fists against my chest. I turn my back on her and walk down the hall, lifting Jack with one arm, his bag in the other, and we walk out.
She has no right to question me or act like I owe her an explanation. She’s lucky I’m even letting her see Jack right now with how irresponsible she’s been. She blows through her money, well, my money I give to her, and until very recently all the woman did was shop.
“Why are you and Mama fighting?” he asks me.
“We weren’t fighting, buddy, just talking about grownup stuff. Did you have fun?” He nods his head, but he doesn’t seem as enthusiastic as last time. “Well, what did you guys do?”
“Not much, I talked to Braxley a lot on the radio, until Mama took it away.”
“Why did she do that?”
“I don’t know.”
“I’m sorry, little man. What do you say we head over there, and you guys can play all day?”
“Can we swim in their pool?”
“Uh, sure,” I tel
l him, wondering what gave him that idea.
“Yes!” he exclaims, “Braxley’s grandma got him a new Aquaman, and it swims.”
“Well…swimming it is, then,” I tell him and we make a quick stop by our house so we can change into our swimming trunks.
Pulling up to Faye’s, she and Braxley are just unloading groceries.
“Let me help you with that,” I tell her, getting out of my car and walking up to her. I want to lay a big kiss on her fine ass but don’t, not with the boys around.
She lets me take the bags from her hands, and we follow the boys inside. With their backs to us, I lean down and kiss her cheek. Her eyes light up, and I ask her, “Where do you want this stuff?”
“On the island, please.”
“Can we swim, Mommy?”
“Of course. Jack, do you have trunks to wear?”
He nods his head and lifts his shirt up, showing her his trunks that he’s wearing. She chuckles and tells Braxley to go change. “Apparently, they’ve been talking about this on the walkies. That was until Char took Jack’s away.”
“She did? Why would she do that?”
“You got me. He didn’t seem to know either. Speaking of Char, she asked about you.”
“Really? How does she know about me?”
“I don’t know.”
“What did you tell her?” she asks me.
“That you’re everything she’s not and exactly what I’ve been searching my whole life for.”
Faye freezes, her face blushes, and I pull her into a tight embrace. “Is that how you really feel?” she asks me.
“It is.”
Taking my thumb, I rub it over her lips, imagining them around my shaft. Then the boys bust into the room, and we pull apart. Thinking back on things, Jack must’ve said something to Char. It’s the only way she could’ve known about Faye and I. That’s also got to be why she took his radio away.
Worrying now that Jack knows, he deserves to understand things. Same with Braxley, too. I don’t want either of the boys to be worried or confused. They’re too young and have both been through so much in their young lives already.
