One Final Breath

by LK Collins

  “You are so fucking strong.”

  I don’t feel strong; I feel weak. I feel like I rushed through that, to get it over with, to save myself the pain of having to remember. But I know however I did it, it had to be done. In order for me to move on and keep on the positive path of my future, this is what I needed. Thane backs out of the closet and closes the top of the cardboard flaps over the clothing, wiping his eyes dry on his shoulder. My stomach churns watching Ben’s clothing disappear. It’s the last time I’ll ever see his clothes, and suddenly I feel light-headed. I rush into the restroom, getting sick.

  “Faye?” Thane hollers out and finds me kneeling and gagging.

  “What’s the matter?” he asks me.

  “I can’t get rid of his stuff.” I rest my head on my forearm, and he says to me, “Then we’ll keep it.” I process his words, and they thankfully settle my fears. “We don’t have to get rid of anything. Braxley might want them one day.”

  I nod and let him pull me onto his lap. His warmth and tight hold is so reassuring. “I’m sorry. I thought I was ready to do this.”

  “Don’t apologize. This is hard what you’re doing. If I lost you, I couldn’t do it.”

  I rest my head against his chest, breathing him in and closing my eyes. I couldn’t imagine losing Thane either. I’d be so lost, a wreck without him.

  “Come on, let’s go grab some lunch,” he offers, and I reach for the toilet, flushing it.

  “I don’t think I can eat.”

  “Coffee?”

  “Coffee,” I agree, and together we leave. As I look back in my bedroom, the lonely box rests on the floor in front of my nightstand and the spot I keep my necklace at with our rings on.

  Knowing that I don’t have to get rid of Ben’s things makes me feel so much better. We leave my house, and Thane helps me into his SUV and then holds on to my hand as we drive.

  “You okay?” he asks me.

  “Yeah.”

  “What are you thinking?”

  “About the future, about us moving in together.”

  “I like hearing that,” he says, and I nod feeling so comfortable and settled from where we began. When I met Thane, I never imagined a relationship or falling in love. Now, being with him, I can’t fathom what my life would be like without him, and I pray to God I never have to find out.

  Chapter 35

  Faye

  As the boys help me unpack the groceries, Thane comes in from a long day of flying, still wearing his captain’s uniform, and I don’t think I’ve noticed until now just how sexy he is in it.

  “Daddy!” Jack yells and gives him a hug. Braxley hugs him too. He still calls him Thane, and I think that’s okay. Ben is his dad, and I always want it to stay that way in his memory. But Thane holds a spot inside of him too, I can see it through the connection that the two share.

  “Baby,” he says and kisses me on the corner of the mouth.

  “How was your day?” I ask.

  “It was good.” He reaches into the fridge and cracks a beer then asks, “How was my boys’ day?”

  “It was so fun, one of our chicks hatched in class today.”

  “No way, that’s awesome. Did you guys see it happen?”

  “Yeah,” Braxley says his face lighting up as he recalls the events from earlier and I love watching my guys together.

  “What did you name it?”

  “Harry!”

  “Well, that’s suiting.”

  Jack is still helping me with the groceries. He’s such a good helper anytime I need it.

  “Here, bud,” I tell him passing him some more fresh vegetables to put into the fridge.

  He puts them in the drawer and then goes through another bag. “What’s this, Faye?” he asks me, holding up the pregnancy test that I bought today. Shit, how did I forget about that? I must be pregnant.

  “Oh, it’s nothing,” I tell him and toss it on top of the fridge. Thane being nosy, peeks at the top of the fridge and then takes down the box, holding it in his hand.

  “Yeah, what is this?” he asks me, and I blush, staying busy with the groceries.

  “It’s nothing,” I tell him.

  “Doesn’t look like nothing,” he says reading the box and sipping on his beer. I yank it out of his hand and throw it on top of the fridge again.

  “Do you have something to tell me?” he asks pulling me towards him by the hips. I stand in front of him, the boys are at either side of him, and I shake my head.

  “What is it?” Braxley asks, and Thane says, “It’s a pregnancy test.”

  “What’s it do?”

  “It can tell if you’re pregnant or not.”

  “Oh, I wanna use it,” Jack says, and we all laugh at him.

  “No, buddy, it’s not for boys. Only girls can have babies.”

  “But a girl and a boy make a baby.”

  Thane swallows awkwardly, and I have no clue how he knows that.

  “So why don’t you take the test, Mommy?” Braxley asks me.

  “Oh, I’ll do it later.”

  “No, you won’t!” Thane snatches it down, and tears open the box handing me the stick.

  “Are you sure?” I ask, and he coolly sips his beer waiting for me to take the test out of his hand.

  As I walk off with it in my hand going into the restroom down the hall, I can hear the guys talking. This was not the way I envisioned this going. I thought Thane and I would talk about it first and take the test together. Now, here I am alone in an empty bathroom.

  “You done yet?” Braxley bangs on the door.

  And I about jump out of my skin, or maybe it’d be better if I just jumped out of the window. “Just a sec,” I holler, and I can hear the three of them laughing in the hallway.

  Lifting my dress up, I pull my underwear down and remove the cap. But I can’t pee. Of course, I can’t.

  “Done yet?”

  “NO!” I bellow and then they start knocking repeatedly on the door.

  I shake my head, the hugest smile on my face, and finally, I pee, soaking the tip of the stick. Placing the cap back on it, I wipe and wait for the results, but the boys will not stop banging, so I open the door, and Thane asks me, “What’s it say?”

  “It’s not done yet.” He yanks the test out of my hand, and I stand frozen.

  The boys chase him, trying to get to it and he runs off into the living room. I follow, nervous as hell, knowing in the next few moments my life could forever change. Whether it’s positive or not, we’re gonna have to talk about starting a family, and I told him before I didn’t think I wanted more kids.

  “Let me see, let me see!” the boys clamor and Thane says, “Calm down, let’s all look at it together.” They sit on the couch as still as they can. But I can’t sit, I just pace—waiting.

  “Be patient,” he says as their little legs rock back and forth. Braxley is on one side of him, and Jack is on the other. All of them are staring—looking down—waiting to see if our future will have another child in it. A child of mine and Thane’s.

  The waiting feels like forever, and I find myself chewing on a fingernail.

  Then a smile bigger than ever comes across Thane’s face, and I take in one final breath.

  Epilogue

  Thane

  “I love it here,” Faye says to me, walking out into the huge backyard of our new home.

  We moved in about a month ago, and it’s been a lot of work getting settled: with the new baby, and a spur of the moment wedding, and moving the five of us into one house, but having my family now all in a place of our own has been worth the wait.

  “I love it, too,” I tell her and flip the meat on the grill.

  She holds me from behind, her arms shrouding around me as she pulls me into a tight embrace. I take a swig of my beer, and she takes it from my hand, taking a drink herself.

  “Oh shit, you drinking tonight?” I ask her, and she nods, glancing inside at Benjamin, our three-month-old son laying calmly on the floor.

/>   “I pumped earlier, so he’s set for the night.”

  “Fuck yeah! Does that mean I’ll get lucky, too?” I whisper into her ear, and she nods. I grab a handful of her ass holding her close to me. Jesus Christ, I love this woman and everything about her.

  “Hey, little man,” Braxley says, playing inside with his little brother as he anxiously waits for Jack to get home. Char and I settled our divorce not long after we got back from Disneyland and both agreed to joint custody.

  I have to admit as much as I hate being without him, he loves his time with Char. And she’s done really great herself, somehow still not shopping, and she’s even got a good steady job. But most importantly, she’s wonderful with Jack, which is all that truly matters to me.

  I turn the grill down and follow Faye inside. She asks Braxley, “Do you want to feed him?”

  He nods knowing it’s not often he can feed little Benjamin with a bottle. But whenever he can, he jumps at the opportunity.

  Faye lifts him off the floor, leaving the blanket of Ben’s t-shirts on the ground. I had them made into a blanket for her soon after we picked out the baby’s name. I thought it was fitting that if he was going to be named after Ben, he’d grow up with memories around him too.

  I know I didn’t know Ben, but I can’t help feeling like I did, and one thing I want to be sure of is that his memory always stays alive in our home, especially for Braxley.

  Faye places the baby in Braxley’s arms and comes into the kitchen to heat up a bottle. “You want wine?” I ask her.

  “Is that even a question?” she says.

  I smirk filling her a huge glass, just as Jack and Char walk in through the front door. Jack rushes to my side and gives me a hug. I hold him back, loving having him home.

  “How are you, buddy?”

  “Good, I missed you guys.” Faye rubs his hair as she walks off giving Braxley the bottle.

  “How was he?” I ask Char as she sets his backpack down by the door.

  “He was good, we worked on his swing this weekend at the field by my house, and he hit a home run.”

  Jack is now by Braxley, adoring his brother, and I holler over to him, “You hit a home run, bud?”

  “Yeah, Dad, it was so sick.”

  I chuckle at the slang rolling off his tongue, and Char shrugs her shoulders, going over to see the baby too.

  “You want a glass of wine?” I ask her, knowing she’ll likely stay and visit for a while.

  “No, Wellington has dinner plans for us.”

  “Even more of a reason to drink,” I tease her and get the evil eye. As much as I give her a hard time about her new boyfriend, I really like the guy and so does Jack. “I’m sure he’ll be taking you out for some Beef Wellington.”

  “Thane!” Faye scolds me, and I hand her the glass of wine. “Sorry, I couldn’t help myself,” I tell her before I go out to flip the food on the grill.

  “Bye, Thane,” Char calls, and I give her a wave.

  Closing the grill again, our food is about done. I turn to head back inside, but the sight of my family stops me. Engraving into my memory. Braxley is holding Benjamin, while Jack is sitting to his right feeding the baby his bottle, and my gorgeous Faye is taking in the sight too, sitting on the other side of Braxley. As Faye laughs at something they say, her eyes meet mine.

  “I love you,” I mouth the words to her, and she says them back to me, my heart stammering from every silent syllable. I don’t care how long we’re together, I’ll never, ever, get tired of those words.

  Acknowledgements

  William, where do I even start? This story, oh my God, this story was so hard to write. It made me think about just how lucky I am to have you. How blessed I am to wake up every single day with you by my side. Thank you for being the most amazing man I’ve ever known. I love you more than you’ll ever know, more than my next…or final breath.

  Lisa, my amazing editor, this one is so bittersweet. We’ve done fifteen books together now and this one being our last is sad, but I also know you’re following your dreams and that makes me so happy. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for molding me into the writer I am today—for believing in me—for pushing me. I love you, doll!

  Leticia and Janice, my fabulous proofreaders, you two are the best. Leticia, you are and always will be my baby girl. Janice, thank you for being my mama. I love you both. You both make these stories flawless, and I’m grateful beyond words for all you do.

  To my Beta Team, your feedback and support are instrumental in what I do. Especially, you, Karrie, and my sassy sisters, thank you for believing in me and making this story a work of perfection.

  Crystal, my amazing Personal Assistant, thank you for pushing me to finish this story, and more importantly, for believing in it. I hope it’s everything you wanted and more. Your drive and dedication is so appreciated, I hope you know that. I love you.

  Natalie, your undying friendship and support has touched my heart. I’m proud to call you a sister. I can’t wait to work with you and see where this journey takes both of us for the years to come.

  Last, but absolutely not least: the readers, reviewers, bloggers, and my ARC team. I hope you all loved this story. I know it wasn’t an easy read, hell, it was hard to write, but the journey and the happily ever after were worth it. I did it for each and every one of you—thank you all so very, very much.

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