by J. A. Coffey
Even give up a dream of being with the two ladies I love.
“Make it fifty thousand,” I say. It’s a good chunk of my current savings, but I’ll give it up gladly, if it means keeping my father away from Beth and Cadence. “And I never want to see your face again.”
His eyes narrow. “What’d you say?”
“You can have it if you agree to leave Beth and her family alone.”
A slow, mean smile spreads across his face like toxic sludge. “Bet you’d be willing to pay a lot more than that.”
“How much will it take?”
He just laughs. “Oh, son. You still don’t get it.”
Then I realize, it’s not the money. There’s no amount in the world that will satisfy his need to crush me. To hurt me.
“I’ve got you now. You’re under my thumb. You wanna traipse around playing the rock star? That’s just fine. But remember that your old man’s back here in Seattle. And he knows right where to find the real people you care about.”
My heart jumps against my ribcage, but I don’t run. Because there’s nowhere to run. This is why I can’t have a normal life. A family. It was stupid to think that I could.
Chapter Eleven
Beth
“Bethany, your shift ended a half hour ago.” Ma comes around the corner, and for a change, she’s not unsteady or wearing her bathrobe. “Don’t you have somewhere to be?” But her voice isn’t sharp, and I wonder if she’s okay with how my relationship with Liam is resolving.
“I’m almost finished setting up for the reunion party tomorrow.” I wipe down the last of the counters in our remodeled kitchen. “After the city inspection, we’ll launch things right. The party’s going to be a huge boost.”
Ma picks up an invitation, emblazoned with the note that a member of Wylde Ryder is planning to attend. Jovie’s idea, but I let her do it. “Things are good between you and Liam?” she asks.
“Better than good. They’re great.” I say remembering how he stuck by me through Cadence’s illness, when I was sure he’d bolt, and how we’d been making music for the past few weeks. “Why wouldn’t they be?”
“Just making sure. The apple don’t fall too far from the cart.” She shrugs.
“Liam is nothing like his father.”
“If you say so.” Ma looks around the place. “Speak of the devil and he appears.”
And there, standing in the doorway of the Auld Rogue, is Liam’s father.
My breath comes in short gasps and I find myself clenching my fists under my apron. But this is Liam’s dad, and if we want to have any chance of becoming a family, then that means I have to accept his father, too. Or at least find a way to deal with him.
“Place open?” he asks, leaning against the back of the booth where Liam reentered my life. His gaze flickers over the reunion party banner draped in front of the windows. “Looks dead in here.”
“It’s not open for you,” Ma grumps.
“Ma,” I whisper. “I’ll handle this.” I walk up front to greet him while Ma retreats to the back.
“Kitchen’s almost renovated. City inspection is tomorrow. We don’t open for business until four, but there’ll be a nice reception for the Conservatory students if you care to drop by.”
“I don’t.” He lifts his chin at me. “Where’s my son?”
I clear my throat, trying my best to deflect any uncomfortable questions. I tell myself that it’s Liam’s father and even though he’s awful and abusive, he’s family. And you just don’t give up on family.
Besides, he’s local, and he’s here in my face. Better to keep everything calm because I know how he is.
“Liam’s not here, but you’re welcome to a cup of coffee if you like.” I’ll serve it myself if it means extending an olive branch. Maybe there’s a way to get through to him, now that he doesn’t have to worry about supporting his son.
And more realistically, a cup of coffee could buy time for Patrick Murphy, our burly bartender, to show up for tonight. I wouldn’t mind having a bit of muscle to back me up if Liam’s dad decides to get mean.
I don’t want the publicity of calling the cops to throw him out. Not right before we reopen. God, what if he gets pissed about something and gets destructive?
My palms itch—with fear or something else—and I wipe them on my apron.
He doesn’t answer. Doesn’t move at all, except for his eyes which slide over me like pond scum. With a jolt, I realize they’re almost the same shade as Liam’s, pale and cool. But where Liam’s snap with life, his father’s eyes are flat and unkind.
“If you don’t care to sit, what do you want?”
“To see,” he responds, as if that’s the most natural thing in the world.
“See what?”
He just stares at me. Then he takes a step forward.
Fear wraps icy fingers around my spine. “What do you want to see?”
The slam of the back door shatters the silence and then Cormack’s daughter Lucy runs into the front yelling, “Auntie Beth, Caydee and I got a new toy!”
“Is it a giraffe?” Mr. Hensley mutters and barks a laugh.
I turn my back on him just as Lucy brandishes a multicolored plastic keyboard which burbles and beeps. My own daughter squeals from the back room, and I hear Ma’s voice chattering a welcome and a warning.
“That’s great, Lucy, sweetie. Where’s your mom?” I try to drag an enthusiastic Lucy with me to the office and safety. My heart lurches as I hear Paige calling for me or Ma to help her with the baby.
“Who are you?” Lucy says pointedly to Liam’s father. I don’t wait for Mr. Hensley to respond. It’s one thing for him to skulk around when it’s me and Ma but it’s another when there are kids here.
I whirl around to tell him to go, but he’s already gone, leaving only the tip of his shadow on the sidewalk. The front door bangs closed behind him.
Lucy takes my hand. “That guy was creepy.”
“Yeah,” I agree, feeling sick. Kids are smart. Smarter than adults sometimes.
“Who was that?” Paige bustles into the front of the pub, balancing my daughter and her car seat in each arm.
“No one.” I take my child, holding her tight and praying that nothing will come of the visit.
I follow Paige to the back, where my mother is nodding along as Lucy bangs out a discordant melody on her toy keyboard.
“Whew!” Paige shakes her head and holds Cadence out to me. “Someone needs a diaper change.”
“I gotta go, too,” Lucy announces.
“Everyone’s a critic.” Paige laughs. I let their easy banter roll over me, loosening up my tension after Mr. Hensley’s disturbing appearance. Should tell Liam? It’s probably not worth the trouble, especially after he was so upset the first time I mentioned Cormack seeing his old man drop by.
Nothing happened. Nothing would happen. There’s no reason to worry him.
I lay Cadence’s changing pad over a cleared spot on Cormack’s desk and go about the business of being a mom. “City inspection all set for tomorrow?”
“Yeah,” Ma waves as Paige takes Lucy to the bathroom. “Still can’t believe we’ve held out for so long.”
“Why wouldn’t we?” I settle my baby back on my hip. “We’re family. We stick together.” But after seeing Liam’s father again, I wonder if it’s more than that. It’s less about family and more about investing time in the people who make your life worthwhile. Maybe those are the ones you don’t give up on.
“You know, I never told you how proud of you I was for keeping it all together after…” Her voice trails off.
“After I got pregnant?” Cadence grabs a handful of my hair with a happy squeal. “I made my choice.”
“And you’ve lived with broken dreams ever since.”
“Not completely broken. I have Cadence.” I disentangle my hair from Cadence’s tiny fist. “Now Liam is back and things are better than ever.”
“For how long?” Ma asks the questions I’ve kept locked in my heart.
She’d taken in Liam on more than one occasion. I’d been so wrapped up in my own misery, I never stopped to think about how she’d probably felt when he and I split up.
“How long do you think you can trust that boy to stick around?”
“As long as I need him.” I can’t believe Liam would abandon me now that he knows about Cadence. “You’re so bitter, Ma. Why?”
“Because you’re not happy!” she hollers. “Not since the day you found out you had to give up your life and stay here with me.”
I’m so shocked I can hardly breathe. “I’m happy, Ma. As long as our family is together, I’m happy.”
“I’ve been thinking about attending those meetings.” Her voice is small.
“Oh?” It’s the best bit of news I’ve heard all day. “That’s great.”
“Maybe, maybe.” She putters around. “No promises, though.”
“Of course not. No pressure.”
She shakes her head. “I just don’t want to disappoint anyone by falling off the wagon again.”
“You were already half out of the wagon. I just pushed you the rest of the way by getting pregnant.” And that’s my crushing guilt. It wasn’t just Ma’s lack of control—it was me. My fault. If not for the added pressure, she probably would’ve been all right.
“That’s not true. Sure, I was stressed—we all were. But I could never be anything but proud of you, Bethany,” Ma says. “I’m sorry you carried that guilt for so long.”
Our eyes are wet.
“I need a smoke. See you tomorrow?” Ma says, taking out her favorite green Auld Rogue lighter and propping open the door to the back alley. “We’ll celebrate the reopening of the kitchen and you can finally show your classmates that you’ve made something of yourself.”
“Of course.” I don’t know that waitressing at my mother’s pub is anything to brag about, but it’s honest and it pays the bills. I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand. Besides, where else would I be but here?
"Can I come over?" Liam's voice sounds odd. It’s still midafternoon, and I wasn’t expecting him until later, but after the weird, emotional outpouring from my mother, I’m relieved that he’s making time for me on the day before his concert.
“Of course,” I say.
He’s there in fifteen minutes, which means he wasn’t too far away.
“Practice with the band ended early?” I give him a kiss on the cheek, but he pulls away.
“Where’s Cadence?” Something in his tone is cold and remote. A knot of worry blossoms in the pit of my stomach.
“Taking a nap. Is everything okay?”
He smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “Fine. How was your day?” The words are stiff, like he’s asking because he thinks he should. What’s going on? Is he already regretting our rekindled love?
“Fine, too. Ma said she’s decided to sign up for A.A., but I’m not convinced.”
“Maybe she will.” He doesn’t sound convinced either. Of anything. Then he clears his throat. “Beth, I want to show you something. It was meant to be a surprise, but I’m not sure how you’ll take it.”
“Take what?”
He doesn’t answer. Just pulls his phone out and punches up YouTube. In less than a minute, sweat breaks out on my lower back, because I recognize the images I see and hear on the screen. It’s me…and him. Us. We’re playing together, the snippets of songs and the rendition I’d improvised. All uploaded on the Wylde Ryder fan channel. For everyone to hear.
“Why would you do this?” I’m stunned.
“I didn’t want to at first. But you were so great, I wanted everyone to hear it. DeSilva convinced me that it would be good for both of our careers.”
“Career? I’m a waitress.”
“You’re more than that, Beth.” His temper is like a knifepoint. “I’m sorry, I just wanted everyone else to see you the way I did.”
I’m not so far gone in anger that I don’t catch the past tense. “Did?”
“Do,” he amends. “Anyways, I texted him to take it down, but he hasn’t yet. I’m kinda glad because, look, the comments are rolling in. People love it.”
It’s true. A few people question who I am and why there’s a giant giraffe looming in the video, but otherwise, the response is overwhelming. They love it. Love…me.
And then something in my brain clicks.
“The giraffe.” Suddenly, I think I might puke.
“What’s wrong with the giraffe?”
Quickly, I tell him about his dad’s odd visit to the pub and the comment he made to Lucy about a toy. “Do you think he saw it? Does he know?”
Liam’s lips compress. “He might.” And he confesses how he’d accidentally let slip that he has a family during an argument with his father. His voice becomes a droning buzz that fuzzes in and out of my consciousness. I guess I’d just been hoping that his dad was lodged under a rock and unawares, but with all the media coverage of Liam and I, and now this video, there’s no way the whole world doesn’t know. I stave off the wave of anger at our recklessness, knowing Liam would never do anything to intentionally hurt Cadence or me.
“I tried to pay him off to leave you out of things, but…the guy’s beyond reasoning. He’s beyond help.”
I don’t reply. Just sink my head into my hands. He gets up to use the restroom. I stare at the stack of magazines on my coffee table and try to imagine why he’s being so cold and remote.
My phone rings and Cormack’s number flashes, which is odd, because he should be at the pub about now. “How was the city inspection?” I ask.
“It wasn’t.” My brother’s voice is hoarse and raspy.
“Cormack, are you okay? What’s going on?” My skin prickles with a thousand needles because I know in my heart something’s terribly wrong.
“Are you sitting down?”
I sink on the couch cushions. “I am now.”
“There was a fire. The pub is gone.”
“What?” I shout. I hear the bathroom door whip open, and Liam hustles into the living room, concern etching his handsome features. “What do you mean, Cor?”
My brother exhales loudly. “We think Ma accidentally set some kitchen rags ablaze when she went to smoke. The building’s still standing, but the interior of the place is trashed.”
“Is she? Are you…?” I can’t form words.
“We’re all fine. They won’t let me inside to assess the damage yet, but I’m guessing most of the liquor and furnishings went up in smoke.” Up in smoke along with the reunion party preparations, both of our savings and all of my family’s hard work. Everything I’d tried so hard to keep together. “There’ll be an investigation, but…I think you and I both know what happened.”
Yeah, Ma fell off the wagon, despite her promise to try. “Thanks, Cor. I’ll…call you in a bit.” I hang up, stunned, as the feeling starts to slip out from my hands and feet.
“Beth?”
“I’m gonna pass out,” I say.
Liam is there in a flash, forcing my head between my knees and making me take calming breaths. I’m so stunned, I can barely tell him what happened. But I manage to mumble the horrible news—that Ma got drunk again and set fire to the Auld Rogue.
“So, everything’s gone?” We sit on the sofa, me tucking my feet underneath me. Outside, another storm blows in. The white sky is outlined by darker storm clouds gathering on the horizon. I’m tired of the grey and the damp.
“Sounds like it. Cormack said the exterior walls were okay, but...” I wave my hand helplessly.
“What will you do now?”
“I have no clue. Probably try to check Ma into a hospital or something.”
“I don’t mean with your mother, Beth. I mean your life. She’s pretty much ruined everything. You’ve got no savings, no job...” His voice is tight, like one of my bowstrings. “People could’ve be
en hurt.”
“Don’t you think I know that?” I explode. We’re quiet, then, both of us biting back words of distrust and hurt. Things that should never exist between people who love each other.
“You know…maybe you should just cut your losses?” Liam asks.
“What?”
“Your mom. She’s made things so difficult for you and Cormack. Why not just…cut her loose?”
I suck in a shocked breath, waiting until my mouth can form words.
“She’s family, Liam.” I can’t believe he’s suggesting this. He of all people should know that I can’t give up on someone I love. “She needs me. I could never abandon her like that.”
“You’ve got enough to handle.” He drags his hand through his hair, and his knee is bouncing a mile a minute, the way it does when he’s really, really agitated. “Seriously, Beth. You’re only twenty-one. You shouldn’t be shackled to this much responsibility.” His gaze darts down the hallway to the nursery.
I frown. “What exactly do you mean?”
“You ever think maybe you’re wasting your time?” His eyes are red.
“Are we talking about my mother here?” Maybe he’s done playing the father figure. “Or you?”
“I just think you can’t change people.”
I think he’s talking about himself. Maybe the past few weeks have caught up to him, and it was all just a big show. Now that he’s back in reality he can’t let me in. I place a hand on his knee. “What happened to you today? Why are you being like this?”
“Nothing. Nothing happened.” He jumps up and starts pacing. “I don’t know what we’re talking about.” His eyes are hot and angry.
“How about I make us some coffee? We need to talk this through.”
“I don’t want coffee, Beth.” But he follows me into the kitchen.
I start making some anyways and try changing the subject. “I saw the news report that Finn’s wedding was cancelled. How’s he handling it?”
“The way he does everything else.” His tone is flat.
I have no clue what that means and Liam’s grimace reminds me a little of Finn’s pained expression when I met him in the hotel lobby last week. “Liam, if you’re angry with me, I wish you’d just come out and say so.”
