“Goddamn it, Sasha,” my head begins to clear as a pain starts as an ember in the middle of my chest and gets brighter and hotter with every breath.
She’s spent beneath me, her body hanging limply over the chair like a rag doll, hot and sweaty, and completely satisfied and used.
I bend and place a kiss at the base of her neck, she gives me another sigh in return. I pull away from her. She shudders from the detachment. The fucking burning in my chest blazes. Working quickly to gently remove the plug and undo the restraints, I start with her arms to give her some time to get her bearings while I work on the others. When she’s free, she melts into the chair. I gather her into my arms and lie on the bed with her, stroking her skin, inhaling her scent, feeling her heartbeat against me.
Burning this moment and everything about her into my soul.
When it seems like her strength has returned, I tell her, “You should have a shower. I might have ruined you a little.”
She chuckles. I grit my teeth because that fucking sound is like an angel. She lifts her face to look into mine. I want to turn away, because every goddamn thing in her heart is staring back at me.
I touch my lips to hers. “Everything’s going to be alright.”
She smiles at me. “I know,” she states quietly. Because she believes me, she trusts me.
It will be alright. But not the way she thinks.
“Go,” I tell her softly.
She does, she kisses me one more time, but not the way I kissed her. She kisses me with the love she’s finally allowing herself to feel.
Then she does as I asked and takes a shower.
I get up and get dressed and lock all that shit down. I pick up all the ropes and toys and throw them away.
When she emerges all fresh and clean, looking at me like I’m her knight in fucking shining armor, I tell her, “Leave.”
She blinks at me confused. “What?”
“You need to leave.” I’m the cold hearted bastard I was trained to be.
She takes a step toward me. “What’s wrong?” she looks destroyed.
“It’s over, Sasha. Go.”
All of that emotion from before? It’s all fucking gone. Hate is the only thing I see on her face. I mutilated it, just like every goddamn thing I touch.
“I thought James was bad. You’re a unique kind of monster.”
I sneer at her. “Never said I wasn’t, sweetheart.”
The last thing I see of her is her running down the stairs. Away from me.
I allow myself one indulgent moment to feel the love I have for her before I kill it, before it’s destroyed by the overwhelming pain. Numbness encloses its steely armor around me locking me in its dungeon once again.
She can trust me, but not like that.
CHAPTER 16
Sasha
I hate him!
I slam the door as I enter my house. I’m so damn mad! How could he do that to me? Especially after what we’d just shared!
I throw my keys down on the side table in the entry way and catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror above it. There isn’t a trace of makeup on my face. My mask is gone. The persona the world knows has left the building. It’s surprising and refreshing.
A new me.
The old me.
I like it. A lot.
No more falseness. No more lies.
No more living in this hell.
No more pretending to be something that I’m not. No more accepting the unacceptable. No more being someone else’s puppet.
All the turbulent emotions that have been churning inside me latch onto this person in the mirror, grab her by the tits and screams, “NO MORE.”
It’s way past time to go after what I want. To take what I need with both hands. To fight.
You think this is over Gabriel DeJesus? Oh, no. It’s not over, not by far. It’s only just beginning.
I grin at the woman staring at me, and she smiles back. She likes that idea.
“Where have you been?” James’ cold tone comes from his office.
It startles me and pushes me back into reality. He’s never home at this time of day.
Screw him. I’m done playing this fucked up game. I’ll deal with my parent’s situation tomorrow. Their business has to be stable enough to continue succeeding without the backers help. I’ll sign over my two-million-dollar fund if I have to. I’ll do anything.
This just needs to end.
Right now I have to deal with James.
Tomorrow I’ll confront Gringo.
I stroll into James’ office, my anger dissipated and I’m filled with a new sense of hope. My steps almost falter when I see Dominic standing behind the door, his attention fixed on some books on a shelf. I didn’t know he was here. But I’m not surprised. It seems that whenever James is home, Dominic is with him.
I wonder if they’re lovers.
A chuckle pops out suddenly as I imagine that very colorful picture.
I bet James would be his little bitch.
I can’t stop the laughter that erupts from me. I slap a hand over my mouth to stop it.
Oh my God, what is wrong with me?
Giddiness. Euphoria.
A second ago, I was furious and lost. Now, I feel light. No…I feel liberated. It’s like a happy pill with a chaser of Cuervo.
James stares at me wide-eyed. Dominic doesn’t even bother to acknowledge my presence.
James is at his desk, his hair disheveled and the top button of his shirt undone. He’s not the usual put together asshole he normally is. I glance at Dominic. Of course he’s just as calm and polished and cold as usual.
Something is going on.
A tremor of apprehension ripples through me.
I know how to deal with the normal James. This man, the man with the frantic eyes, is a new animal.
“I asked you a question,” he snaps at me.
I lower my hand as I study this man whom I’ve lived with for the past few years. This virtual stranger.
“It’s really none of your business,” I answer with a shrug of my shoulder.
His mouth drops open in shock.
It’s all I can do not to laugh at him again.
I strain to hear anything coming from Dominic, Mr. Silent But Deadly still standing behind the door.
“What did you say?” James asks as he straightens in his chair.
Our eyes battle as we stand-off. I don’t back down.
“I said it’s none of your business,” I respond. “I’m done,” I flick my hand out, “with this.”
James shoves himself from his seat and walks calmly toward me, his expression just as hard and cold as it always is, but now menacing. His eyes though, they’re full of hate.
Oh my God!
The truth of what he really feels about me hits me with its enormity.
He hates me! All this time, he’s always hated me!
James’ fingers latch onto my jaw. He squeezes me so hard, he pries my mouth open.
“You filthy slut. Do you honestly think I care about what you want?” he snarls.
It’s all there, how I disgust him, how he despises me. How much he truly hates me.
“You make me sick. Look at you?” he jerks my head wildly back and forth. I’m fighting to remain standing. I grasp his wrist and claw at him. “You’re so goddamn hideous, I can barely stomach you.”
Tears pour from my eyes, I’m not sure if it’s from the pain or the horrible truth. I can feel the spit dribbling from my open mouth as gurgling sobs choke out of my throat.
He pulls my face close to his. “The only thing you’re good for is to fuck, and I even couldn’t stand that.”
The black hole of hysteria begins to suck me in. His words, the pain, Gringo’s cold hurtful rejection slam into me shoving me deeper and deeper into it.
“Do you want to fuck her?” James asks Dominic carelessly with no emotion.
My eyes shoot open and I stop breathing. My stomach lurches and another garbled sob leaves
my still open mouth.
Dear God no!
Panic seizes me and I begin to thrash wildly in James’ grip. He digs his fingers harder into my face as his free hand grabs a handful of my hair and pulls. “I can do whatever I want with you, Sasha. Nobody cares,” he hisses into my face. I stare into James’ eyes, they’re mocking me with his power.
“James,” Dominic’s authoritative voice breaks the battle waging between James and I.
For whatever horrible thing Dominic is, he’s not James. Dominic might be powerful and dangerous; of this I am certain. But James is an evil, vile, cold hearted bastard.
I don’t dare look at Dominic, I can’t. I’m afraid to see what he wants, what he has planned. I can’t see any pleasure he might have with James’ degradation of me, of my humiliation.
I can’t bear to see my worthlessness in his eyes.
I can’t stand seeing the truth.
Because he saw I’m a whore who loves to get her ass whipped and sucks cock like a porn star in front of another man.
He saw it all.
I can hear Dominic approaching from behind, but I refuse to turn and meet his gaze.
No, no, NO!
If he says yes, I can’t trust myself. I’m not sure I wouldn’t come screaming like a banshee. Not because I want to have sex with Dominic, NO, but because I would fuck him in front of James. And I’d make sure I’d enjoy it.
Because I hate James.
I would fuck Dominic with every filthy trick I’ve learned with Gringo, and I’d blow Dominic’s mind.
With my eyes downcast, I can see Dominic now standing in front of James. The silence is deafening as I wait for Dominic’s decision, not sure of how I’ll react if he says yes.
What happens next shocks the hell out of me.
Dominic punches James in his face. Hard. The crack of fist on bone splits the air, it’s sickening and gruesome. And absolutely perfect.
“WHAT THE FUCK!” James sputters as his hands drop their grip on me and he falls back on his ass. Exactly where he belongs.
My face jerks up and my eyes snap back and forth between the two men.
“The next time you offer a gift,” Dominic’s voice is quiet and eerily cold, the sound of it sends shivers travelling all over my body, “make certain the recipient realizes how valuable the gift is.” He takes a long breath. “Do I make myself clear?”
WHAT just happened here?!
I don’t dare move, I don’t even breathe, I want to slink into the floor and disappear until they’re both long gone.
After a long pause, James hisses, “Yes.”
“Good,” Dominic straightens his perfect tie. “Leave us, Sasha,” Dominic commands without breaking his glare from James.
James jerks his gaze to me. “Get out of my face,” he snarls.
It’s not his words that cut me to the bone. It’s the hate dripping from them, it’s the loathing shooting at me from his eyes. It’s the truth now finally laid bare.
I slide my eyes from James to Dominic. I don’t know why, maybe it’s because it’s obvious that Dominic is the one who is truly in control. Maybe I’m waiting for his instruction.
Maybe I’m waiting for him to let me go.
“Go to your room,” Dominic finally turns to me. “Be ready at eight a.m. tomorrow morning. I’m picking you up. Do not make me wait.”
I do what Dominic says. I run out of the room while I still can. Because I’m grateful to have the opportunity to escape.
I’m already thinking about how I can use him to get free.
The wound in my soul from Gringo’s words leaves a trail of blood behind me.
CHAPTER 17
Gringo
I’d have to be alive in order to be dead.
I’m neither.
My heart is still beating, I’m walking, talking, and functioning, but I’m a living fucking corpse. Existing in purgatory while still roaming the earth.
I deserve nothing less.
Sasha was absolutely right. I am a special kind of monster. The fucking best.
I hate myself for it.
Nothing new there.
Easing myself into the chair across from Rock’s desk in the tattoo shop, I’m ready to be briefed on the latest information that has just come in about our assignment.
I’m a soldier, it’s what I do. Fuck the casualties and the innocent victims. Fuck me. And fuck Sasha. We are obviously dispensable.
Didn’t I just prove that?
“I’m sorry,” two words from Rock. That’s all it takes for the agony to kill me all over again.
“Stop being a pussy and just tell me what the orders are.” Because fuck him.
“Gringo,” Rock leans forward and rests his forearms against the edge of the desk.
“Don’t,” I cut him right the fuck off because I’m not doing this shit with him. Not now. Not ever.
It’s just me and him. Bull’s in the coffee shop for his shift. He’s already been briefed, and by the look on his face when he’d arrived to relieve me, it appeared as if it’s about damn time the information came in.
“Shut the fuck up.” Rock does not take no for an answer. “When this shit is done…”
“Is this ever going to be finished? Are we ever going to be done with this shit?” I snap at him, because, son of a bitch, this is our fucking life.
“Yes,” my suck ass attitude does not faze him. “Because we’ve all found the one thing that shuts the goddamn demons up inside of us. So when this is finished,” he continues despite the snarl I have on my face, “you will go to Sasha and you will make her understand.” I shoot him a glare. “Any way you’ve got to.”
I don’t reply. There’s nothing to say. He’s got Summer, she practically ran into his arms.
With me and Sasha, half of that was based on a goddamn lie.
The other half was too much truth.
He straightens. It’s back to business. “We received our orders. We’re going into the mill first thing in the morning…”
I nod my head, happy to finally be getting into something where I just might be able to fuck some shit up.
“And I’m coming with you because I know you boys can’t do this without me,” my head snaps to look over my shoulder.
Snake.
It’s goddamn Snake! He’s finally out of the hospital.
The gunshot wound wasn’t fatal, but the situation was scary for too damn long. He needed to stay behind so they could monitor him and be sure there was no long term internal damages. Raven, the demon woman, never left his side. I heard she’d threatened to cut anyone, doctors included, she thought were not taking care of him.
Crazy bitch.
Damn, I missed the arrogant prick.
I push from my seat and grab him in a hug.
“Fuck dude,” Snake winces, hugging me back.
I drop my arms. “Sorry man, I didn’t mean…,” my eyes trail over his body to be sure I haven’t opened any wounds.
“I’m fine. But if you need to get laid, I’m sure we can help you out,” he looks over my shoulder to Rock grinning at us. “Right?”
“Fuck you,” I laugh.
It’s the first genuine smile I’ve cracked in I don’t know how long.
Snake and I take the chairs across from Rock. “But what about someone staying back here?” I ask as I sit back.
We don’t leave anyone behind. Including the women.
“That’s taken care of,” Rock replies.
“Bull?” I ask.
“No,” fucking Rock and his vagueness.
I raise an eyebrow at him. “Not those pigs, the Steel Brothers.”
Snake’s got a Cheshire grin spread across his pretty boy face.
“No,” one-word Rock.
Getting completely annoyed by his stupid games, I drawl, “Care to share this piece of information?”
“Me,” comes another man from behind me at the door.
Fucking Hawk.
Hawk, one of the most ruthles
s, cold ass bastards I’ve ever met.
If I needed anyone at my back other than my brothers, it would be Hawk.
I turn to face him. “Decided to crawl from the bowels of hell to join us?”
Hawk shrugs his shoulders as he leans casually against the door frame. “You boys need someone who knows what the fuck he’s doing,” he smirks at us.
I shrug my chin at him. “You’re right. Mrs. Merriweather will teach you how to...whatever the fuck she does with those knitting needles. Then you and the other girls can trade recipes while we go get the bad guys.”
He doesn’t crack a smile, or quirk a brow. Nothing. Not a damn trace of any emotion, good or bad. The fucking guy is not human.
“Seems like all you little pussies are leaving me to watch the most valuable assets.” He pauses, letting the truth of his words bitch slap us in the face. “Interesting.”
Rock lets out a snort of laughter. “Alright, if you girls have finished?” His glare lands on each one of our faces. “Good, then we can continue.” He lets out a heavy breath. “This is what we know: James has organized the sale of the massive tract of land that houses the abandoned mill. We also know that the buyer is indicated as being a European bank, and that the use of the property after the sale hasn’t been revealed. Meaning that the only paper trail is the deed.”
“Does Dominic Fellini show up on any documentation?” Just saying his name is like chewing on cut glass.
“No. Not even the fucking rental car agreement,” Rock replies.
“Stay away from him.” Hawk’s words are dark.
We all turn to face him.
“What the fuck do you know about him?” I ask, it sounds sarcastic as hell, but what the fuck?
“I don’t. Neither do you. That should tell you enough.” He comments matter of fact.
Again, just what in the actual fuck?
“He’s right,” Rock agrees.
“Oh no, come on!” I turn to face Rock.
“I’m going to have to place my vote with theirs. Again, because of what we know,” Snake adds.
“And what the fuck exactly is that?” I snap at him. This shit is pissing me off.
“I forgive you your addled mind, you’re pussy whipped,” Snake smirks.
“Fuck you,” because he has no goddamn clue what I did to Sasha.
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