“Don’t worry.” Julie hurried to keep up with his long strides. “If worse comes to worst, I’ll protect you.”
He nodded. “It’s a deal…Lambchop.”
Chapter Fifteen
There wasn’t one detail about Ryan’s amazing kiss that Julie couldn’t vividly recall. She relived the experience constantly and was still awed when they finally bid each other good-night, after coffee at a gas station quick stop, and started for their respective homes.
Home. The thought echoed in her mind as if it were bouncing off solid walls. She loved her little cottage and the life she’d made for herself. What would she do if her father actually did withdraw his support? Surely it had been his anger speaking when he’d made the threat, not his true heart. He’d always insisted he wanted each of his offspring living nearby, preferably on Shaw land, and sharing both his life and his ranch. The boys all worked for him, in one capacity or another, and even Faith put in some hours there.
Faith had her music, of course. And Cord was involved in local politics. But all the Shaw siblings listened to what Jackson wanted and tried to comply with his wishes, even as adults. So what was wrong with her? Julie wondered. Why did she seem so intent on bucking his authority?
“Because he’s wrong this time,” she whispered to herself. “There’s a lot more to Ryan Travers than his choice of career.”
In her deepest heart she knew Ryan needed her. It wasn’t a sensible conclusion, it was simply true. She knew it as well as she knew her own name. It didn’t matter why he had entered her life. All she cared about was him, as a person, as a man who had been suffering and desperately needed emotional healing.
Beyond that, there were her own tender feelings, of course. She didn’t intend to deny those. She had already made up her mind that Ryan came first. Once he made his peace with the Lord and with his traumatic past, she would begin to consider whether or not he should be a part of her future. However, Hannah was at least partially right. Julie might be falling head over heels for this cowboy, but she needed to back off and bide her time. Easier said than done.
Driving onto the ranch and pulling up in front of her cozy house, Julie spotted a figure waiting on her porch. Her pulse jumped. Not Dad, she prayed silently. Please, God, don’t let it be Dad.
The comforting answer came when Nadine stood and paused at the top of the wooden steps.
Dan galloped off the porch and began to circle Julie the moment she stepped from her truck. She gave his head a pat and his ears a quick ruffle as she headed for her waiting visitor.
“Hi, Mom. Is everything okay?”
“No. We need to talk.”
Shivers of anticipation and alarm shot up Julie’s spine and prickled on the back of her neck. There had only been a few times in recent memory that her mother had chosen to intercede between father and offspring. The fact that she was asking for a discussion tonight did not bode well. Not well at all.
“Sure. Come on in. I’ll put on a pot of decaf and it can brew while I check my email so I don’t overlook any rush orders. Then we’ll sit down, relax and talk.”
Nadine didn’t argue. Julie would have taken that as a good sign if the older woman had not started wringing her hands and pacing. “I shouldn’t be here.”
“Nonsense. You’re my mother and this is my house. Of course you’re welcome.”
“You know what I mean. Your father wouldn’t like it.”
“Do you always follow his orders?”
“Mostly.” She plopped into a chair at the kitchen table as if someone had just shoved her into place. “Read Proverbs 31.”
“The perfect-wife chapter. I know. I don’t recall anything about being your husband’s doormat, though.”
“Your father means well. You must know that. He just has your well-being and future happiness in mind.”
“Don’t you think I should be the judge of that?” Julie took care to keep her voice as neutral as possible and avoid provoking more anger.
“Yes, I do,” Nadine said. “And I believe he’ll eventually come around if Ryan is the man you choose to marry. Just don’t be foolish and rush into anything.”
“I’m not. Ryan and I happen to get along really well. He makes me laugh and I do the same for him.”
“There’s a lot more to marriage than a few laughs.”
“Don’t I know it.” She switched on her laptop and let it retrieve her email while she watched the slow drip of coffee into the glass pot. “Here’s the thing. Ryan has no intention of settling down and I won’t consider leaving all this and hitting the road, so you can tell Dad to stop worrying.”
“You might change your mind.”
“I might. Or Ryan might. But it doesn’t look promising. There’s a lot in his past that’s driving him, and I’m afraid until he comes to terms with that, there’s no hope for us.”
“You’d like it to be otherwise.” It was not a question.
Julie sighed and pressed her lips together, recalling the kiss that had begun in jest and ended all too seriously. “Yes,” she said softly, contemplatively. “I would very much like it to be different.”
* * *
Ryan had not been too surprised when Julie began to avoid him. After all, he had literally swept her off her feet in public. She had seemed unduly nervous in the short time they’d spent together right afterward, even though he’d done his best to tease her out of it, and now it looked as if she might be pulling even further away. Sunday was fast disappearing and he’d seen no sign of her.
“I should have known better,” he muttered to himself as he gathered up his gear. “I never should have let her goad me into another kiss.”
Yeah, as if you didn’t want to kiss her, his conscience argued. He’d let his personal desires overwhelm logic and scare her away.
Disgusted with himself, he gritted his teeth and contemplatively shook his head. So now what? He supposed he could merely wait until she came to watch him ride again and try to catch her after each event. That was what a normal person would do. But the final rodeo weekend was five days away. Could he stand to wait that long? He doubted it.
Besides, he argued to himself, climbing into his truck, I don’t want her to stay upset for a whole week.
That wasn’t the real reason, of course. Ryan wasn’t fooling himself. He knew full well that his main reason for seeking her out was that he yearned to see her again, to hear her laugh, to see the sparkle in her eyes when she smiled at him. If she ever smiled at him again.
Checking the time on his dashboard clock, he noticed it wasn’t all that late. Julie had said she’d skipped Sunday-night services in order to watch him ride the previous weekend. Since he hadn’t spotted her tonight, there was a fair chance she’d gone to church instead.
And if she is there, then what? he asked himself. What are you going to say to her?
I’ll apologize for embarrassing her, he assured himself.
And then what?
He had no idea. None at all. He certainly wasn’t in a position to get serious about her, nor was he foolish enough to suggest otherwise. Julie knew who and what he was. She’d been attracted to him because of her love of the sport of rodeo, so she already knew he was a rover by profession. Even if they did decide to conduct a long-distance romance, how long would it be before she got tired of missing him and moved on to a more stable relationship?
The notion of being away from a loved one for months at a time needled Ryan’s conscience until he had to admit again that it was high time to pay his mother a visit. Yes, it was hard to do. And yes, he hurt worse after each time he saw her. But this time he’d go. This time he would muster the same kind of courage it took to step onto the back of a bucking bull and do what was right, even if facing his mother and knowing how much she blamed him for Kirk’s death nearly killed him.
Ryan wheeled in, saw Julie’s truck, parked nearby and forced himself to wait until she appeared.
It wasn’t easy.
* * *
Julie saw her mother grab her father’s arm and stop him. Following their line of sight, she immediately understood who they were staring at. Ryan was here.
Adding to Nadine’s urging, Julie raised her arm to block him. “No, Dad. Just take Mom home. I want to talk to Ryan in private.”
“What are you going to say that we shouldn’t hear?” Jackson demanded. “After that incident I heard about at the rodeo grounds, I can just imagine.”
It was all she could do to contain her rising temper. “Look, Dad, I know you only have my welfare in mind, but I’m a grown woman. I can take care of myself.” Observing the rancor in his stare, she added, “And don’t bother threatening to disown me or kick me off Shaw land again. You and I both know that’s the last thing you want.”
Julie could see his jaw muscles clenching before he nodded and heaved a noisy sigh. “Okay. Go. Just remember what I’ve always told you.”
“There are a thousand things you’ve warned me about,” Julie replied with a tender smile. “Trust me. I’m not planning to elope with a wandering cowboy and abandon everything I love here in Jasper Gulch.”
The moment the word elope was out of her mouth, she rued even thinking of it. Life on the road with Ryan would be so foreign to her she’d probably weep all the time from homesickness, so why did the notion of spending every day with him continually tug at her heart?
Waving, she approached the truck he was leaning against. He made no move to go to her.
“Hi,” Julie said, hoping she didn’t sound half as breathless as she felt. “Is the rodeo over already?”
“Yes.”
“So tell me. How did you do?”
“Okay.”
“Just okay?” She started to reach for his arm, then stopped short of touching him. “Who’s high-point man in rough stock now?”
“I guess I am.”
“Wonderful!” Although she was excited by Ryan’s success, she was puzzled by his nonchalant reporting of it. “That’s good day money, too. Right?”
He merely nodded.
“Why are you here? I get the idea there’s something on your mind.”
“I figure I owe you an apology.”
“For what?”
“That kiss in public. It got you into trouble, right?”
“Nothing I can’t handle.”
“Then why haven’t you been watching me ride the way you were before?” He glanced over her shoulder. “Trouble with the family?”
“Actually, not much, considering,” Julie said, smiling. “I chose to come to church tonight because I knew I needed it.”
“Needed it how?”
“It’s a long story. Too bad you didn’t get here a little earlier. Pastor Ethan delivered a great sermon.”
“It’s not like when we went Wednesday evening?”
“No. Sunday night’s service is similar, but more casual than the one on Sunday morning, except when we have communion.”
“It’s all Greek to me.” Ryan shoved his hands into his pockets and lounged against the closed door of his truck. “I wanted to tell you I’m going to be leaving town tomorrow.”
Julie could barely speak. “You—you are? I thought you said you had good scores.”
“I did. I’ll be back long before the last weekend’s competition. I’m going to run up to Bozeman and see my mom.”
Again, she started to reach for him, desperate to impart approval. “I’m so glad.”
“Yeah, well, I’m not. But I’m going anyway.”
“Don’t you two get along at all?” It seemed improbable that anybody would fail to appreciate Ryan’s uplifting presence until she compared his home situation to her own. Sometimes those who were dearest were the hardest to understand and empathize with.
“We haven’t been close since Kirk died,” Ryan said quietly. “I doubt we ever will be again.”
This time, Julie did touch his arm briefly. “I’m so sorry. Maybe there’s been enough healing time that you two can talk it out.” Pausing, she gazed into his eyes, hoping and praying he’d take her advice to heart.
Ryan merely shrugged and backed away. “Yeah, well, don’t hold your breath. I just didn’t want to disappear without telling you. And I wanted to make sure you weren’t mad at me.”
“I’m not mad.” Her smile broadened and she rolled her eyes to indicate her parents lingering in the distance. “There may be a certain mayor who’s not pleased with either of us, but I’m fine. I held my ground.”
The lighthearted comment seemed to have the desired effect, because Ryan finally smiled back at her. “I wish I’d been there to hear you standing up to him.”
“No, you don’t,” Julie said quickly. “Believe me, it wasn’t pretty.”
“It would have had to be pretty if you were there.”
Her cheeks warmed. “Thanks. So take care, okay?”
“I will. Look for me sometime before next weekend.”
“Is that a promise? Because it’s going to be the best three days of all. We have lots of previous champions entered—besides you, I mean.”
“Yeah, I know. It’s going to be a pleasure outriding all of them.”
Julie beamed. “I see your humility is as strong as ever.”
“I’ll mostly be showing off for my favorite sheep rancher.”
“So how many of us do you know?” Julie drawled.
“Only one, Lambchop,” he replied, finally breaking into a full grin. “That’s way more than enough.”
* * *
The urge to take off for Bozeman that very night was so strong Ryan had to talk himself out of leaving immediately.
Common sense prevailed, and he waited until the following morning. He’d thought about phoning first to make sure his mother was home, then decided it would be easier on both of them if he showed up unannounced.
By the time he completed the drive, however, he was as emotionally worn out as if he’d just ridden ten broncs in a row.
The old neighborhood seemed the same, as shabby and depressing as ever. Young men who should have been at work on a Monday morning lolled along the sidewalk and gathered at the occasional bus-stop bench. It didn’t matter how they dressed or the color of their skin. They were as much alike as if they were wearing a sloppy uniform.
He slowed, then stopped in front of the brownstone his mother had moved into shortly after he’d hit the road for keeps. Her excuse had been that she had no more need for a bigger place. Ryan wasn’t fooled. She was clearly having as much trouble getting past Kirk’s absence in their former home as he had.
An older, gray-haired woman was sweeping the steps. She smiled at him. “Morning. Who you lookin’ for, cowboy?”
“Carla Travers. She’s my mother.”
As he started past the woman, she touched his arm. “You’re Ryan?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Praise the Lord!” There were unshed tears in her eyes. “I been prayin’ you’d come home.”
“I was competing in Jasper Gulch. It was close,” he alibied. “I’m not staying long.”
“Doesn’t matter.” Cupping a hand around her mouth, she lowered her voice. “Your mama’s been powerful lonesome, ’specially since a close friend of hers passed on. I tried to help her, but she keeps blamin’ herself for everything.”
Ryan backed off, scowling. “I don’t understand.”
“You will. You just talk to her for a little wh
ile and she’s bound to open up to you like she has to me, you bein’ her kin and all. If she clams up, you stop at my place before you go. I’m in number two, bottom floor, same as Carla.”
“Okay.” He was deep in thought and frowning when he knocked on his mother’s apartment door. No one responded. He knocked again, harder.
“All right, all right, keep your shirt on. I’m comin’.”
He was taking his hat off when the door swung open and he was faced with a person he hardly recognized. Instead of the orangey-dyed hair he remembered, this woman was totally gray. Her eyes were reddened and puffy.
If she hadn’t been crying before, she certainly was now. Her jaw sagged. Her eyes widened, then seemed to sparkle as she reached for him.
Touched beyond imagining, Ryan opened his arms and she promptly hugged the breath out of him. Could he have caused this? Wasn’t it bad enough that he’d been responsible for his brother’s death without inadvertently hurting his mother, too?
With an arm around her shoulders, he ushered her into the apartment and kicked the door shut with his boot. What could he say? How could he hope to make this up to her?
“I’m sorry I haven’t been by more often,” he began. “It was selfish of me. I am so, so sorry.”
Carla grabbed a handful of tissues and blew her nose before answering. “Nonsense. This is my fault, not yours. I should get out more, make new friends. It’s just been so hard lately. I did find a nice church, though. Those folks have been wonderful to me.”
“Church? You go to church?”
“Of course I do.” She plopped herself down on the sagging sofa.
He joined her. “But…you never used to.”
“I hardly had time to sleep when you were a boy, let alone go anywhere,” she explained. “I was working two jobs to make ends meet.”
“I knew that, I guess, just never thought of it that way. Kirk and I were alone so much it seemed unfair.”
“That it was,” she said, blotting the last of her happy tears. “Can I get you a soda? Coffee? Tea?”
“I’d rather you relaxed and sat here with me.”
“My pleasure. You’re looking wonderful, Ryan. The rodeo agrees with you. I was kind of afraid for you at first. I’ve been keeping up with your scores on the internet and I see you’re doing very well.”
Her Montana Cowboy Page 15
