Gab came after all….
Bill was there to pick her up. They had to wheelchair her to the car she was so weak. The sedative harder on her being so exhausted. Bill helped her to bed, brought her soup in a cup and left her water and she slept through the night.
Sunday, Dillon started parking outside the house.
From Monday, he started leaving notes on her car, on her desk, sticking out her locker and stared at her throughout each lesson they were both in. Then hovered by her desk until the teach came in, much to Candice’s annoyance or until she walked out. She threw each note away without looking at them, making sure he saw her do it. When he stalked her car, she Ubered.
And every night his truck sat outside her house. She knew Bill took pity on him and took him food and drink, even asked him to come in as she had stuck to her room but Dillon had declined so they chatted for a bit and she couldn’t be upset with Bill. They’d got on and he liked Dillon.
Whatever. Bill was a good guy.
Saturday came around again and they knocked her out. Bill picked her up and they seemed to settle in to a new routine.
The week passed much the same into the next. She spent more time in her room resting. She seemed to need it. Saturday came around again and passed in another blur of being passed out and Sunday recovering.
The following Monday, it was clear that Dillon had decided to make some changes too. How he stalked her. Followed her everywhere. Tried to take her bag for her. Sometimes he’d win, sometimes he wouldn’t. Whatever, she didn’t respond or acknowledge him. He was waiting for her when she pulled up at the carpark. Talked to her as if they were still together not waiting or expecting answers.
Trent, Dale and Cosmo appeared to be in on it too, cos they followed her around just like he did. Talking as if she was part of the crew. Surprising her when they talked to her small group of friends who were often with her much to Julie, Kim’s and Laraine’s delight and at lunch, they’d find her and carry on like nothing had happened.
The only difference, Dillon didn’t touch her. Sat at least a foot away. Didn’t wait for her to acknowledge him or anything he said. Didn’t ask questions that he knew she wouldn’t answer. And he seemed to know that if he tried to touch her, she’d fight him, and he clearly didn’t want that.
She did her best to ignore him. Kept to her plan. Joined the girls on homework and dinner on occasion. Each day dragging on working on her projects.
Saturday came and went having been knocked out again and by the following week on Friday she was exhausted mentally and physically drained. She checked that he wasn’t out there waiting on her before leaving. Shaking so much by the time she got to her bench in the car park that she could only slump down in gratitude.
Only he wasn’t gone, and she never saw him until she felt his heat at her back, and it was too late, she didn’t have the energy to ignore him.
“You’re making yourself ill. For fuck sake stop it.”
She closed her eyes hoping he’d just go away and concentrated on her breathing, taking back her control.
“You’ll kill our kid if you carry on.”
She froze.
He did not just say that…
“Is that what you want Sam. To kill our kid?” His voice was quiet and o so very sad. She felt the prickle of tears behind her lids.
He had no right to talk to her like that.
“Fuck. I don’t have the right to be angry with you right now but I am. I can see how fucking tired you are. How badly you’re pushing yourself. Please just… give me 5 minutes, can you do that? Just 5 minutes Sam and I won’t bother you again if that’s want you want.”
She gripped her fists. This wasn’t right. He was using her lack of energy against her. He’d picked his battle knowing he’d have the advantage against her. It was a clever move. She’d been avoiding this for weeks now.
She heard him walk around her. And then he was right there. She was so fucking tired. So sick and tired of it all. Annoyed with herself that she’d allowed this to happen. And opened her eyes. He was crouched in front of her. His gaze all on her. She shifted from those intense beautiful blue eyes longing for something she didn’t know and looked beyond him.
She didn’t want this.
She gave a sharp nod. She didn’t trust her voice.
“Can you look at me?” She didn’t move her eyes from beyond him.
“Okay.” She heard him swallow. “That day,” she flinched. She couldn’t help it and hadn’t meant to, it just happened. She went to get up, but he caught her hand, she yanked it away sitting back down again.
“Don’t ever fucking touch me again.”
He stopped, putting both his hands up in surrender, breathed for a bit then started again.
“Sorry. I…. won’t touch you again. I just need you to hear me out and you can’t do that if you leave before I get this out. That day……. I lost my mind and everything that was important to me. I lost you.”
No. No. No. NO! She wasn’t ready for this… She bit her cheek to stop the tears.
“I was crazy for you. Still am Sam. You are the fieriest person I know. Hot and gorgeous. A fighter. Intelligent and so much sass it makes me smile. I didn’t smile before you Sam, not since my mom anyway. And I haven’t smiled since you. Those moments with you are the best times in my life. And in the park that day, I messed that all up in my greed to have you. I wanted you so badly, it was a fire I couldn’t extinguish, didn’t want to if I’m being honest. And when you said you wanted me too, I ……couldn’t believe how lucky I was, and all my control vanished. I had no conscious thought, not really. And I should have. I should have talked to you more. I should have known you were a virgin. I should have prepared you better, taken precautions and not assume you were like everyone else and on contraception. I should have had a fucking condom. I should have made it special, taken you somewhere special, flowers, chocolates, wine and dined you, protected us both and failed. And in that moment of truth, when I saw the blood… I understood what you’d given to me so freely and I freaked out at the reality of it. It all came crashing in.”
She didn’t say anything.
What was there to say?
All those things were partly true, some spot on.
“I’m a fuck up Sam. Dirty and used. I don’t have the right to good and clean or someone so fucking glorious as you. So I freaked and treated you like a leaper. A situation I had created and in some stupid crazy mixed up way, blamed you for it happening. What a fucking cunt. I panicked big time. Was hit with the enormity of it all. I’d taken something precious without consideration. I’d hurt you. Damaged you. Ruined you if you like. And I’d done it to the one thing that mattered in my life. You. When I think of my reaction and how I treated you I want to throw up. I can’t stand myself. I went to Da of all people and told him what I’d done asking him to bring the pain.
“The beating I got from Da, Tom and Paul still wasn’t enough. I deserved so much more, far worse. I needed to hurt. But nothing hurt more than seeing you in that clinic when they dragged me in there on that Saturday stinking drunk. I knew, knew, you didn’t want me to see you like that or want me to see you at all. And I didn’t fight hard enough to stop it because deep down, I wanted to be there so badly. I didn’t fight back just endured all the fighting, welcoming the pain. I hardly believed all the chat that you were pregnant. It was only a few days, how could that be possible right? Thought it was some motherfucking joke. Until I saw your pain, heard you tell me to leave. Then it registered.
“I’d made you so desperate to see me gone that you called security on me. The one person in my life who didn’t care about all the shit, was rightfully bailing on me. It’s what I deserved and then hearing you tell the doctors that you’d had to ask Bill to take you to the pharmacy to get the morning after pill, that… nearly did me in. I apologised to him for having to do that. Just so you know. It should have been me supporting you through that if that was your decision. Me. I should have done tha
t. And where was I? Getting shit faced, hanging around the women and picking fights. I’m raised Catholic Sam. I went home and struggled with that, but I know it’s your choice. And yet again I’d let you down. Left you to deal with it while I was acting like the fucked-up asshole I am, drinking myself into oblivion.”
He sighed and shook his head. The honesty in his words rolling off him.
“Christ, when you shouted at me about being so drunk you could smell it and the women, it was like you’d punched me in the gut. One I needed. It made me pull my shit together but then you wouldn’t speak with me, talk to me, see me and I reverted to what I knew best. Being a fuck up. Acting like a fuck up. I even let Candice have a crack at you saying shit that wasn’t true. I’m not fucking her or anyone else. You can ask the boys. They’re pissed at me for letting that shit happen too. I’ve not been with anyone else. But I let her say it anyway. I don’t have an excuse for that other than I was so fucking desperate to get a reaction from you. Anything. Something. That I let her do it. I let her hurt you. And that’s all wrong too isn’t it. If you love someone you don’t let others hurt them. And that says more about me than you. Just more of the fucked-up Dillon show.”
He was quiet for a bit. She couldn’t stand much more.
“I’m not sure I’ll be anything other than a fuck up Sam. Not much scares me but that does and loosing you. That I won’t ever be a good man, a good…. Father.”
She could feel and see him staring at her. Waiting.
“I’m in love with you Sam. Think I was from the moment you gave Candice a piece of your mind and that first day and when you gave it to me. Damn, it blew me away. I loved your spirit. I don’t want to be with anyone but you. I’ll take you anyway I can get you. I want our child too Sam. So fucking much that it burns. I want to cuddle it in your stomach, talk to it, kiss it, let it know who I am, I want to hold you, love you, take care of you, help you bring our child into the world and cherish it but I want you more than anything. If you choose not to have it…. I want to support you through that and be there for you. I know that won’t be easy on you and I’ll probably fuck that up too, but I want and need you. Everything else, is gravy. I don’t ever think I’ll stop feeling like I stole your virginity or that I’m damaged goods and not good enough for you, but I hope you can forgive me and let me show you I can be a better man. I didn’t mean for that to happen that day. I didn’t plan or intend to be so careless and carefree with your body and get you pregnant. I’m not trying to hold you to me because you are either, or make you do something you don’t want to do. And, I know you’re in an impossible position now because of me. That there are complications to it that no one knows the answers to or how this will turn out. The risks are high, I know that too. But, please for god’s sake, don’t shut me out. I can’t bear it Sam. Please baby let me in. I’ll take anything. Even if it’s just you screaming at me every day.”
He stayed there, looking at her. Waiting. She was thinking of all the words that had flowed out his mouth. Dillon wasn’t a talker. But he’d bared his soul right now. That was how desperate he was for her to hear him.
And she had.
Even not looking in his face she could still see him frown.
Doubt lived there. She could see the uncertainty. Not his normal look that was for sure. Usually so confident, smug and normally a little angry. Unless he was looking at her that is.
He was right before all this, once they’d known each other he’d worn a smile. Now he looked worried, anxious and not bothering to hide it from her.
Maybe she’d been too harsh? They were both flawed.
“Are you keeping our child Sam?”
She knew the answer to that.
“Yes.” She answered quietly. “If the child survives the treatment, survives me. I’m keeping it. Don’t ask me how, I’ve no clue what I’m doing right now, and I still have my plans post treatment but, if it sur…… I’m sure I can make it work.”
“Can I sit next to you?”
It was all too much. She wasn’t ready. “I…. thank you for telling me. You shouldn’t beat yourself up so much. What’s done is done, there’s no taking it back and we have to move forward but in all honesty, I’m not ready for anything or anyone Dillon. Not sure I ever will be right now. You broke my confidence several times. I can’t trust you.”
She engaged her scooter and got on it. He didn’t stop her.
“I could help you know.” He sounded so broken. Just how she was. But she was also right. She wasn’t ready to let it go.
“I think you’ve helped enough don’t you?” She rode off to her car. There was nothing left to say.
How could she be around him when seeing him just killed her too much.
Chapter Six
Saturday passed in a blur of treatment and sleep. She thought she’d heard Gab at one point but couldn’t muster the energy to lift the fog and remained under.
Sunday Dillon was back to parking outside the house. On Monday he was waiting for her in the carpark. Shadowing her into school. Grabbing her bag again when she wasn’t paying attention. Talked to her continually about what he was doing with practice and the scholarship and games coming up. He barely left her side.
People noticed. The girls noticed and wanted to know what was with the stalker. She told them honestly, she had no idea and just left it that stating they were staying friends. They didn’t buy it and she couldn’t blame them. He wasn’t acting like a friend.
It was annoying and caring in equal measures.
She did her schoolwork with her friends. They came over for sleep overs. She went to theirs. They did dinner at the mall, the movies.
And she found herself the following Friday night with Bill at the Obstetrician office looking at her first scan. She’d never been so scared in her life.
The baby was real. That fluttering was a baby. It was alive and well and showed no complications due to her treatment. She’d been holding everything back, trying not to get too involved in case it all fell apart when in fact, the baby was thriving. She’d been so shocked seeing it on the screen that she’d been lost for words. And suddenly she felt very alone.
She cried and kept on crying. The emotion just too much. Having left her alone to take it all in, she didn’t notice when Bill left, or the door open again. All her attention was on the image in her shaking hands.
“Sam? Is the baby okay?”
She heard his voice and looked up surprised to see Dillon standing there hesitantly. His hands in his pockets, uncertain, unsure. “Bill told me you were coming here tonight. I was hanging around hoping you’d let me in but didn’t come in until Bill came out to get me. He said you were upset and needed me.”
She shakily handed the picture out to him. He took it, his own hands shaking. “I would have given you a copy Monday. It’s real Dillon. The baby is real.”
She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. She could see how rocked he was. “Is she okay?” he murmured reverently looking at the picture in awe.
She hiccupped. “I don’t know if it’s a she but yes, it’s doing well. Must be your genes it’s a fighter.” She hiccupped and smiled sadly up at him.
He looked broken, beaten. “Jesus Sam. Look what you did. She’s fucking gorgeous just like her moma. Can I sit?”
“Yeah. Sure.” She was too tired to argue, to make him go away. The walls she had were gone. She didn’t have the energy to build them back up. More so since she believed every word, he’d spoken to her weeks ago. She’d struggled to find reasons to keep him at arm’s length, but her sense of self-preservation just wouldn’t let it go. But Dillon had never lied to her.
He sat down almost touching her. His focus on the picture. He shrugged. “She sounds nice, but I don’t care as long as you’re both okay. As long as you’re okay.”
She saw him look determined. “I can help with this you know. I can help you with your treatment. Work with you, ensure that you’re as healthy as you can be. Take on some of the respon
sibility. Give you both the best chance. See you through it however it plays out. And if there is a child, I’d like to be a proper dad. I know we didn’t plan this or anything and I’m sure you’d wish for it to be later in life and maybe with someone else but, we’ll be young parents, we could give a child a lot of love and make it work.” She shook her head. “Don’t say no straight off, I’m asking you to think about it.”
“I don’t know Dillon, it’s too much to think about right now. You need to go to College and what if I pass this on to a child? What if the child is damaged by my treatment? I have to live with that. What if I’m damaged more by the treatment and the child and I can’t care for it?” She shook her head. “I was meant to go back to the UK in September. Hell, I don’t know. I really don’t have the energy to think about it all.”
“You’re tired.”
“Yes. So bloody tired.” She closed her eyes letting her head rest back on the pillow and felt her energy slipping.
“Let me pick you up and take you home.”
She sighed. “Okay. Can you take the envelope? It has more scans in there.”
She felt his arms under her legs and around her shoulders. His scent surrounding her, making her feel whole. She felt him kiss her head and breath her in as they walked out the room. They thanked the doc and made her next appointment and he carried her out to the truck. His presence soothing, a reminder of who he’d been to her. She wallowed in it even if it was only for a moment as he opened the truck door helped her buckle up closing the door quietly and coming round to his own starting the engine.
Dillon: Bad Boys Series High School Hot Love Hate Relationship Page 14
