Because no matter how deeply involved this kiss was he would hate her in the morning. She would hate herself.
He broke away from her, his chest heaving, his breaths heavy. “That’s all you get from me until you talk. I won’t let you belittle yourself. Demean yourself. You’re not acting like yourself. Stop it.”
“This is who I am. I’m a slut. I sleep with any man, for any reason.”
♡
He stared at her in disbelief. Did she actually believe what she was saying? Because he didn’t believe it for a second. None of it.
This was the sorrow talking. Why wouldn’t she just tell him what happened today?
He wanted her so badly his resistance was slowly withering to pieces.
But no. Not like this. He couldn’t. He wanted her to want him for him. No other reason.
Emmett rubbed his thumbs over her hands, trying to soothe, to erase the pain in increments. This could take him a long time to ease whatever was torturing her. Because he could see the truth reflected in her crystal blue eyes. She believed every word she said.
“I don’t believe you. I’ve known you for almost a year. I’ve never even seen you date. Not once.”
She tried to remove her hands from his, but he held on tight. He wouldn’t let her pull away. They needed to sort this out. Now that he tasted her, he wanted more, but only after she squashed her demons. He’d never take her this way.
“I don’t date. I just screw ‘em and leave ‘em,” Deja said with a nasty smirk.
Moving closer, his lips brushed her ear as he whispered, “You’re lying.” He rubbed his thumbs across her hands some more as she trembled in his arms. “Talk to me, Deja. Really talk. Just tell me what happened today.”
He kissed her neck below her ear and pulled away. Her eyes would tell him everything he needed to know. And they did. Desire reflected in the depths, as did the awe. He had the distinct feeling she never felt true passion before. He’d be more than happy to show her—after she told him what happened.
Just as swiftly, the desire disappeared. “Don’t, Emmett. Just don’t.” Her features turned hard as she stared him down with the evil eye he knew so well.
Deflection. That’s what that look was. He had learned the ins and outs of her so well. The last nine months had given him plenty of time to learn her quirks. She was truly a soft-hearted person inside. Her hard persona was an act. So much anguish she held inside.
“Don’t what, Deja? Don’t try to be a friend? Don’t hold you like you matter to me? Don’t let you see how much I care about you? Don’t make you talk? I don’t listen very well sometimes. Get used to it.”
“Excuse me?” One brow rose as she pursed her lips.
He leaned closer, brushing his lips against hers. She trembled at the touch. He didn’t mind giving her little tastes of how good they could be together. She’d give in eventually. She’d talk and then he would show her how much he cared about her.
“I said get used to it.” His lips made one more light sweep across her delectable mouth. “I can see you’re hurting. Something bad happened today—besides the car accident—and I want to help. I’ll show you real desire as soon as you talk to me. I’ve wanted you for a long time. It’s nice to know you want me, too. So, get used to it. Get used to me. I’m not going anywhere.”
“I don’t want you. I just want sex,” she scoffed, as if she were trying to make it sound believable. He knew better.
“You’re so cute when you lie.”
“I’m not lying.”
“Did I ever tell you that you have such gorgeous eyes? They sparkle like the deep blue ocean.” He smiled. “When you lie, they flash a shade of purple. It’s the strangest thing I’ve ever seen. It’s so damn beautiful.”
“Let me go, Emmett.”
He didn’t release his hold. If anything, he held her hands tighter. “Did I ever tell you that I love how you say my name? The nickname you gave me just doesn’t have the same ring to it.”
“Stop it.”
“Did I ever tell you that you look so adorable when you’re trying to look hard and tough? But you know what? You’re a softie. So sweet and delicate.”
“Knock it off.”
“Did I ever tell you—”
“Shut up, Emmett!”
“Did I ever tell you—”
She let out a mangled cry that cut his words right off. Burying her head into his chest, her tears soaked right through him. They were fast and rough. So much pain it broke his heart.
He let go of her hands and wrapped her as tightly as he possibly could. “You don’t have to do things alone anymore, Deja. You have so many people who care about you. It’s okay to let us help once in a while.”
“Sophie cares. I know this. She’s the best friend I never had. But the rest of you…it’s probably just for her sake,” she said between muffled tears.
“Shit, Deja. Do you honestly believe that?”
Silence met his question. She did believe that. How could she think they didn’t care about her? That he didn’t care? He cared too much. Did he hide his feelings too well from her? He never meant to make her feel like that.
He doubted that was the case. She had too much pain inside, too much hidden. She believed that for another reason. A reason he needed to know.
“Believe it or not, I care. Austin cares. Ava and Zane care. Ethan and Gabe care. It’s not just Sophie. You’re part of our family. Why would you think we don’t care?”
Her tears became quieter, as if she had stopped crying, but she refused to answer his question or lift her head. He couldn’t believe she was crying. She never showed this sort of weakness. Not that he saw it as weakness, but he knew damn well she thought that. Whatever she was hiding was bad. He wasn’t leaving until she told him. He’d sleep on the couch if he had to. Hell, the porch if she kicked him out of the house.
“I’m not leaving. You’ll have to grab your tire iron and forcibly remove me before I leave. Talk to me.” He’d let her hit him repeatedly with her tire iron if it made her feel better. But he refused to leave.
That’s all she had to her name when she met Sophie. He could still remember what Sophie told him that Deja said. All I have is my tire iron and my wits. What sort of hard life did she have before she waltzed into their lives? He wanted to know so badly.
“I should beat you with my tire iron.” She said it so softly, yet laced with humor, it made him chuckle.
“If it’ll make you feel better. Deja, please, talk to me.”
She lifted her head, her eyes red-rimmed and so sad looking it tore his heart into pieces. He’d do anything for her. Anything to put a little happiness in her eyes. “You’ll hate me, Emmett. You all will.”
“I could never hate you. It can’t be that bad.” He brushed a hand across her cheek, wiping a few stray tears away.
“I’m not worthy of your kindness. Just stop it.”
“I’ve never seen you put yourself down like this before. Who made you feel this way? It’s not true.”
Her eyes were hard as steel, blazing like a fire, an icy fire. “Everyone. My whole life I’ve been unworthy.”
“Your parents—”
“Are dead.” She said it with such heartache he wanted to cloak her with love. Drown out all her sorrows with love.
She tensed. The ringing in the kitchen should’ve broken the stress developing between them. Instead, it increased.
“I should get that. Can you let me go now, Emmett?”
He nodded. “Sure. But I’m not leaving.”
She rolled her eyes as she stepped out of his arms and bee-lined it for the kitchen. Did she think running away from him would work? He wouldn’t be that easily swayed. He wanted her for so long. Her body. Her thoughts. Her sweet smiles directed his way. Just her. The complete package. He was ready to stop hiding his feelings.
Emmett leaned against the wall near the opening of the kitchen as she said hello to Ava. Maybe she thought he’d leave. Not gonna happen.
/>
“Shit. You’re kidding me. What did he do?” She paused as all the blood drained from her face. Then her voice dropped to a whisper. “Did he ask you to call me?”
Emmett stood up, his body taut with tension. Who was he? Was she dating someone? Did he just make a complete fool of himself? Would Deja try to sleep with him knowing she was with someone else? What the hell was going on?
“I’ll be right there. Thanks for calling, Ava. I appreciate it.”
She ended the call and clutched the phone, refusing to meet his gaze.
“What happened? What did Ava call about?” Emmett waited a few moments, the silence starting to get on his damn nerves. “Damn it, Deja, just talk to me.”
She lifted her eyes, the life in them, gone. “You want to hear it all? Fine, Emmett. You asked for it. Don’t tell me I didn’t warn you.” She smirked suddenly. “You sure you don’t want some hot sweaty sex before I do? You won’t want me after this.”
“Your attempt at jokes isn’t funny. You also didn’t listen to a damn word I said earlier.” He pressed his lips together firmly before he said something he’d regret. She was starting to truly piss him off. He hated how she put herself down.
“Screw you, Emmett.” She snatched her purse from the counter and shuffled past him with quick footsteps.
“I thought you were going to tell me. Now you’re walking away. Running again. How many times have you ran?”
“I have somewhere to be.” She grabbed her coat from the hallway closet and slammed the closet door shut.
“How are you going to get there? You don’t have a car. I’ll drive you. Where do you need to go?”
Shoving her coat on, she looked at him. Her blue eyes scorched him to the bone. “The precinct. My brother was arrested.”
Not what he was expecting. He had no idea she had a brother. Why would he? She never talked about herself. Never revealed anything remotely personal.
“I’ll drive you. We’ll take care of this. Hopefully, we can get him out tonight. I know I wouldn’t want my brothers spending a night in jail. I imagine, neither do you.”
Deja laughed, although, there was no humor laced within it. “This is nothing new. He couldn’t even survive an entire day without going back. He’s not getting out tonight.”
“What?”
She pulled open the door. The cold night air seeped in. That wasn’t the only thing chilling him to the core. “That’s where I went today, Emmett. To pick my brother up from prison. They finally released him and just like that, he’s back behind bars. Our reunion didn’t go as well as I had hoped. He probably doesn’t want to see me tonight, just as he didn’t want to see me this afternoon. Well, screw him. I’m going. And screw you.”
“You keep saying that to me, but it just doesn’t sound believable. What was he in prison for?”
“Murder.”
Chapter 3
Why did she act that way?
Throwing herself at Emmett like a two-cent whore. Of course he didn’t want her. All those times she swore she saw desire in his eyes had been a delusion on her part. He didn’t want her.
Well, good. She wasn’t a slut. No matter how many times people called her that. She wasn’t a whore. There had been a few times in her life where things got to be so low she had no choice but to resort to things she didn’t wish she had to do. Breaking and entering was a fine example. But no matter how hard life had gotten she had never sold her body to a soul. Never. Still wouldn’t. God, Emmett would laugh at her if he knew the truth about her.
Stripping. Now that was different. She had been a stripper for two months. Worst two months of her life. Just another low she suffered. She decided breaking and entering to find cash for food was so much better than letting disgusting men ogle her. She felt dirty just thinking about it.
Why did she open her mouth? Why didn’t she fight him a little?
The silence in Emmett’s truck skewed her to the bone.
Murder.
One word. That shut Emmett’s mouth up pretty quickly. His face turned expressionless and almost cold-like. The kindness in his eyes had vanished. Just the reaction she expected. Did she still have a job? Who would want to employ a woman whose brother killed two people?
Walking out of the house without another word, intending on getting far enough away from him before calling a cab, she barely made it two feet before he gently grabbed her arm, his warm touch soothing, yet his eyes still cold, and said three simple words. “I’ll drive you.”
The drive was silent. All that talk from him about wanting to hear her problems, wanting to comfort her, wanting to be her friend—lies. Nothing but lies. Another typical man saying things just to shove it all in her face.
She honestly thought Emmett was a better man than that. She should’ve told him to go screw himself—again. He didn’t listen the first few times she said it. He probably wouldn’t have listened again and forcibly put her in his truck.
A sigh released when the precinct came into view. She needed air. Lots of it. Emmett pulled into the parking lot and shut the truck off.
“Thanks, E-man.” She scrambled out of the vehicle before he could utter one word. Not that he had anything left to say. His silence the entire ride said enough.
Her hand trembled as she grabbed for the door to the precinct. “Get your shit together, Deja. You can do this.” The shaking stopped. She wouldn’t—couldn’t—be afraid.
It wasn’t that she was afraid of her brother in a physical sense. She just didn’t know how much more she could take of him pushing her away. More tears wanted to fall thinking about it.
No more crying. She refused to shed another tear, especially after how dumb she looked crying on Emmett’s chest. Talk about looking pathetic. She hadn’t cried this much since her parents died and the police hauled Dare away.
Yanking open the door, she shuffled all of that away. That stuff didn’t matter. Trying to get Dare out of this horrible situation mattered.
She approached the front counter where a stern looking man with gray hair sat. She knew Ava well only because of Sophie. Besides that, she avoided anyone in law enforcement. That task could be difficult, especially since Ava worked in the crime lab, and whenever she had a party, she liked to invite people from her work. Deja rarely attended those parties. She wasn’t a fan of cops. Never had been. Not since the day two cops tore her world to pieces.
“Can I help you?” the officer asked with a slight annoyance in his tone.
Another good reason she didn’t like cops. Did he have to speak to her like that? Was it the way she looked? She was dressed decently, like a respectable citizen. That wasn’t always the case in her life.
Clenching her fists, a smart retort was on the tip of her tongue when a rough hand smoothed one of her fists out and laced his fingers with hers. She looked up into Emmett’s eyes. He still showed no expression. Why was he holding her hand?
“Hey, Greg, how’s your wife? She’s due any day now, isn’t she?” Emmett flashed a bright smile, to her surprise.
Of course, Emmett knew who he was. The entire McCord family knew every single cop in town. Hell, the chief of police was like their honorary uncle.
“She’s hanging in there. Stopped working about a week ago and pretty much keeps her feet up. Her back hurts a lot and it’s difficult to walk at times. I don’t know how Ava worked until she had the baby. I’m worried about Jan and she’s not even working now. I can’t imagine how Zane felt.” He laughed, yet the smile didn’t reach his eyes.
Deja studied him harder, finally noticing the tired wrinkles around his eyes, the worry lines creasing his forehead. Is that why he was so short with her? Because his mind was preoccupied with concern for his wife? It didn’t excuse his behavior, but it did make him a little more likable in her eyes. As long as his abruptness wasn’t because of her.
“What can I do for you?” Greg looked back and forth between the two.
“Ava called me. My brother…was arrested.” Deja couldn’t
believe she hesitated. Where was her toughness? How come she didn’t sound brave? She didn’t need Emmett to see any more weakness from her.
He squeezed her hand. She refused to look at him. Was he honestly trying to comfort her? Why didn’t he do that in the truck?
Fake. His behavior was all fake. He was only offering her comfort now because they had an audience.
Trying not to make a scene, she yanked her hand out of his unobtrusively. She didn’t want his fake sympathy.
“She’s in the back. Let me give her a ring.” Greg suddenly eyed her warily, the distrust forming in his eyes.
There we go. That look appeared much more normal. Now he was back to judging her.
Less than a minute later, Ava rounded the corner, not even looking like she had a baby two months ago. Although, when it came to Ava, she didn’t slow down for anything. Deja learned that early on.
“Emmett, I didn’t expect to see you,” Ava said as a sly smile emerged. What was with the smile?
“I was having pie with Deja when you called. I offered to drive her.”
Deja wanted to snort. Offered? More like, gave her no choice when he grabbed her arm. His touch had been soft and gentle. She could’ve pulled away at any point. Just like she did here when he was holding her hand. So why didn’t she? Why did she let him drive?
“Thanks for the ride, E-man. You can go now.” She didn’t need—want—him here. She stepped around him and walked closer to Ava. “Where is he?”
Ava glanced behind her shoulder to the obstinate man, who obviously wasn’t going to leave, then looked at her. “No paperwork has been filed yet.”
Deja frowned. “What do you mean?”
“Come on.” Ava waved her hand for her to follow.
Deja listened obediently, large footsteps trailing behind her. Damn him! Why couldn’t he just leave? Ava stopped in the middle of the hallway. Emmett stood right next to her. Too close for her comfort. What was he trying to prove? He didn’t care in the car. Why was he acting like he cared now?
Deserving You Page 3
