Queen of Quarantine

by Caroline Peckham

  His eyes moved somewhere beyond my head as he sighed. “I know that I’m difficult, I know I’m not like other people…”

  “I didn’t mean to upset you. In fact, I want to understand. Explain it to me,” I asked seriously. “Tell me what it’s like.”

  Saint drew in a long breath, regarding me as he brushed a lock of golden hair behind my ear. “There’s a deep, burning need in me for everything to be wholly unchangeable. Sometimes, I can find a single moment that lasts a few seconds where I hold my breath and my entire existence seems worthwhile. Everything is still, clean, perfect. Every error in my past is erased, every blip, tarnish, and stain vanishes until all I can see is a pure, white sea of calm. But I can’t hold onto it. It slips through my fingers like grains of sand, piece by glorious piece until I’m left trying to pick each one of them up off of the ground. It’s…chaos.”

  “That sounds like a nightmare,” I breathed sadly and he nodded, his thumb skimming smoothly across the swell of my throat.

  “With each grain of sand that falls, I face each failure in myself once more, until I remember how disgustingly average I really am. Yet every time, I trick myself into thinking I can find that place of perfection again. That the next time I reach it, I’ll keep it. Next time, it will be here to stay. I hold myself to brutal, savage standards that cut through flesh and bone and demand me to stand atop a mountain as a god. Every decision I make is analysed, criticised, deconstructed then reconstructed all over again. And to make it all worse, I have held you to those standards too, Tatum. I have demanded you to be perfect, yet it took losing you to realise how vile a demon perfection really is. And it was always my demon to bear, never yours. You are beautifully, astoundingly human. And I no longer fear being human too. Because if I am to hold myself to any standard, my siren, my heart, my fucking everything, then there is no greater standard on earth than you.”

  “Saint,” I gasped, leaning upwards, feeling his breath against my lips.

  “I thought for so many years that happiness was a word which belonged to fools and simpletons, to those who had no ambitions of greatness, who would achieve nothing but pointless dreams while living little, irrelevant lives. But now I see it was my life that was small. And that love is not an infantile dream, but the only dream I have ever had that serves a greater purpose than myself. I have fallen for you like those grains of sands that once bound me so completely, slipping one by one, slowly over time, without me ever noticing at all. And somehow, there is no chaos now that the last has fallen, just peace, entire, fucking, peace. So I will let them lie, Tatum Rivers. I will let them lie for you.”

  I captured his lips, my heart expanding, filling up with the beauty of his words and the sacrifice I knew it had taken for him to say them. He held my hips, angling my body for him to claim and my fingers bunched against his shoulders as I anticipated the fullness of him inside me. He reached down to hook my knee under his arm, drawing it up in a slow and deliberate move that made my heart thump unevenly.

  “If you’re going to fuck each other again can you give me a heads up because I’ll find some other couch to sleep on,” Monroe called from downstairs, a note of irritation in his tone.

  Saint was clearly about to fuck me anyway so I slapped his shoulder and gave him a firm look.

  “Don’t be a dick,” I hissed and he smirked. I pushed him back, my heart aching to be close to my other Night Keepers too and Saint’s expression softened like he understood exactly what I wanted.

  He drew away from me, suddenly on his feet, yanking his boxers on as he strode to the edge of the balcony. I leapt after him, grabbing a silken dressing gown and pulling it on, tying it in place as I ran to Saint’s side. I looked down at Monroe on the couch, the dark tigress tattoo on his broad chest looking somehow more monstrous than usual as it gazed back at me.

  “Morning,” I called and Monroe smiled at me before tossing a jealous look at Saint.

  “Good morning, princess,” he said, pushing a hand through his messy blonde hair and my fingers twitched with the urge to do the same. He looked freaking edible in the mornings, all sleepy-eyed and beastly.

  Blake was in the kitchen making coffee and he looked up at me with a longing in his eyes that pricked my heart. I was itching to go to him, to Monroe, to Kyan. Hell, I needed all of them surrounding me. I didn’t know how to explain it or what they thought of it. The idea that I could be in love with four men was insanity, and yet it was true. But I didn’t know how to divide myself between them all. I didn’t know if I would always be enough for them this way either. And I wanted them all to choose this just as I wanted to choose it. Because if they thought I could be enough, then I would make it my life’s mission to be. I would love them all just as deeply, just as fiercely as each other. And I needed them to know that.

  “I don’t know what you’re both staring at,” Saint said curtly. “I claimed our girl just like the rest of you have.”

  “I’m mostly annoyed that you treated us to the gift of hearing it,” Monroe growled, his eyes darkening.

  “Well, I’m not going to apologise for your lack of ingenuity, Nash,” Saint said coolly. “You could have procured yourself some earplugs from any of my drawers, or you could have moved to sleep in with Blake or Kyan. Or even gone back to the Headmaster’s quarters. I’m hardly responsible for where you decide to be while I’m fucking-”

  “Stop it.” I jammed my elbow into Saint’s side and he gave me a psycho’s smile.

  “Just for the record, I heard you too,” Blake added and heat flushed up my cheeks. Holy shit, was I that loud?

  Saint shrugged, his expression faintly smug. “Again, not my issue.”

  Kyan walked into the room, one hand stuffed down his boxers as he openly rearranged his junk and his eyes only half cracked open as he clung to sleep. His eyes widened fully though as he sought me out up on the balcony and a sideways grin pulled at his lips. “So you two finally fucked?”

  “Jesus, Kyan,” I growled. “Don’t tell me even you heard it?”

  “Yup,” he said, his grin growing ravenous. “Oh, I stabbed a pillow fourteen times when I was woken up by the way, so if you could order a new one of those, brother, that would be swell.” He winked at Saint who bristled.

  “Tatum will never sleep in your bed again if those words are true,” Saint warned and Monroe and Blake looked set to agree. I mean, they had a point. I didn’t wanna accidentally wake up Kyan one time and end up gutted by his hunting knife.

  Kyan yawned widely, moving to the fridge to grab out the milk and start chugging from the bottle. “Don’t worry, the only thing Tatum’s in danger of getting skewered by is my cock.”

  “Hilarious,” I deadpanned. “You’re officially not allowed to keep knives in the bed.”

  “I wouldn’t stab you, baby,” he said seriously. “I can sense when you’re close like that kid in that creepy movie who can sense dead people.”

  “That’s not comforting,” I said, wrinkling my nose.

  Blake slammed the coffee pot down, drawing everyone’s attention and my eyes roamed over his golden, muscular body as he gazed directly at me. “No more arguing. Get down here, Cinders, I need to fucking touch you. I’ve been starved of you for too long.”

  “I want her first.” Monroe stood from the couch and I sank my teeth into my lower lip as Kyan looked ready to go to battle for me too, even though he’d had me for two whole weeks. But he hadn’t had me like that. He’d actually kept his word about that, insisting I needed to recover and not so much as using his hands on me this whole freaking time. Honestly, it had been almost as torturous as being locked up in that damn lab. Having him so close and yet refusing to touch me the way I yearned for him to had been a special kind of hell.

  Saint’s fingers brushed up my arm possessively like he was considering whether he was going to allow me to leave his side or not. But it definitely wasn’t up to him.

  “I’m going to take a shower,” I announced. “Then I want to talk to you
all together.”

  Blake’s brows lowered, looking like he was tempted to come up here and grab me. Part of me wanted him to. But I had things I needed to get clear before I fell into my desires again. Even though my body was already humming with the idea of getting Blake’s hands on me. All of their hands on me…

  Oh my god, what would it be like to have them all at once? I nearly moaned with the thought of it alone, then pulled away from Saint and marched pointedly into his bathroom, locking the door behind me and releasing a steadying breath.

  We’d made a fucking mess of this room last night and my eyebrows rose as I found all of the bottles that had been on the shelf above the sink still scattered across the floor. The used towels were strewn haphazardly over the space too and I bit my lip as I remembered the way Saint had dragged me out of the water after he’d finished ruining me against the shower wall, only to pin me to his bed and start devouring me all over again. I’d actually lost track of the amount of times he’d destroyed me last night, but as I caught sight of my ass in the mirror I smirked at the pinkness of my butt cheek and the faint outline of his handprint on my skin.

  I showered quickly, my fingers gliding over my hardened nipples as I couldn’t draw my attention from the thought of my Night Keepers all pressed close to me at once, their skin against mine, their mouths roaming my body.

  I dried quickly, my hair damp around my shoulders as I stepped outside, finding the room empty and the boys talking downstairs. I headed into the closet, dropping my towel and opening one of the drawers, eyeing all of the beautiful underwear Saint had bought for me.

  An idea entered my mind as my finger snagged on a silky white corset. I slipped it from the drawer, putting it on and pairing it with some matching panties before rolling on some sheer tan stockings and using the suspenders on the corset to hook them into place.

  I dried my hair and put my makeup on, taking my sweet time as I preened myself to perfection, wanting to feel like royalty after feeling like hell for so many weeks. I painted on a dark, rose coloured lipstick and pushed my feet into the same shade of pink high heels with black soles, smiling at myself in the mirror as I styled my hair. My gaze hooked on the crown I’d worn when Monroe had been made a Night Keeper and I paused, a breath of amusement escaping me. Would it be totally ridiculous if I put it on..?

  I hooked it onto my finger, placing it on my head just for myself and taking in the effect in the mirror. Well shit, why can’t I wear a crown every day of the week? Social norms are so dull.

  I glanced over my shoulder at the door and figured screw it, exiting and walking to the edge of the balcony. I peered over the edge and found all of them still in their boxers, looking wholly delicious.

  Blake and Kyan were wrestling over the TV remote while Saint and Monroe egged them on, all of that muscular flesh making my thighs clench together with need. I watched them for a while longer before heading downstairs, figuring it would be fun to surprise them. I sat on the dining table, crossing my legs and grinning as Blake snatched the remote and jumped up, howling his victory. But his howl died in his throat as his gaze landed on me and the remote fell from his hand, hitting the coffee table with a clatter, the batteries bursting out of it.

  “Mine,” he snarled like a beast then shoved through Saint and Monroe on the couch, vaulting over it and running towards me. The others twisted around as Kyan jumped up and I swear their jaws actually dropped.

  Blake made it to me, slowing his pace as he dipped his head and his eyes swirled with sinful ideas as he drank in my outfit. He reached out, but I spoke up before he could place his hand on me.

  “No touching. Not yet.”

  He swallowed hard, dropping his hand in disappointment as the others moved to stand either side of him, the four of them gazing at me like stray mutts hungering for scraps.

  “You look incredible,” Nash rasped.

  “Beautiful,” Blake added.

  “Sensational,” Saint clipped.

  “Fucking edible.” Kyan smirked and my toes curled up in my shoes as they all stared and it felt like they were looking directly beneath my flesh.

  I smiled seductively back at them, though my heart was pounding fiercely as I considered what I wanted from them. I swallowed the rising ball in my throat and took a measured breath, a flicker of anxiety running through me at the truth I was about to draw from them all.

  “I need to ask you all something, and I need an honest answer,” I said and they nodded, waiting expectantly. “I know this situation isn’t exactly…normal. The four of you and me, it’s pretty crazy. But the thing is, it doesn’t feel crazy anymore somehow. Being in that lab alone made me miss you all more than I ever could have imagined I’d miss anyone or anything. Not a single one of you means less to me than the other. I need you all. Being without any one of you would break me. But I also understand that, well, I know it’s a lot to ask of you to share me. Only me. When I’m asking to have all of you in return.” My words hung in the air for what felt like an eternity and the four of them exchanged intense looks that made my heart race. But when they turned back to me, there was certainty in their eyes, not a single shadow of doubt.

  “You bound yourself to all of us, baby,” Kyan said darkly. “I understood that from day one. I will share you with my brothers, but no other man or creature on this earth will touch you aside from them and me. And I will never want another woman but you.”

  My heart pounded unevenly, but I didn’t have time to respond as Blake spoke next.

  “I’m yours. You’re mine. And theirs. We’re one unit. Bound by blood and pain and love. There is no other way that makes sense to me, Cinders.”

  “Yes,” Saint agreed, nodding firmly. “Our claims will always be equal. Our souls are irrevocably linked. This is the only path for us. And the only one I want.”

  I looked to Monroe, doubt making my heart crush as I waited for his answer, needing to know he could commit to this too. He hadn’t been bonded to the others for as long, he’d wanted me to himself before now. But if he said he couldn’t do this, I didn’t know what I’d do. It would break me. Without one of them, it couldn’t work. Somehow, this impossibly powerful bond holding us together could only function if the five of us maintained it. If one link was broken, it would break us all.

  “Nash?” I breathed, hope and fear wrapped up in my voice.

  He stepped forward, his knuckles brushing my thigh, running up to my hip and leaving tingles in his wake. He continued to drag them up my body, over my stomach, following the curve of my breasts, along the length of my throat until he propped my chin up on his thumb and tilted my head so I looked him directly in the eyes. His gaze was a well of endless desire and want and adoration, the sight making my heart thrash and kick against my ribs.

  “I have found a home here with these men, and with you. I’ve never felt so seen as I am here. I can be the untamed beast I was born to be without fear of judgement. You make me feel like I have a place in this world. So I want to stand in it and make every single day you have on this Earth the happiest it can be. And if it takes these three men to ensure that too, then there is no doubt in my heart that this is where they should be as well. I won’t lose you again, princess. We’re yours. So do what you want with us.”

  A shaky breath made it through my lips as I savoured the weight of all of their pledges to me. There was no way to solidify this bond with words. It had to be done with flesh. And I was no longer afraid to have them all possess me at once, instead I anticipated it with the thirst of a desert for rain.

  I took hold of Monroe’s hand under my chin and lowered it to my breasts, reaching out to curl my other hand around the back of his neck. He released a deep, carnal noise, his hand sliding beneath my corset and scoring his thumb across my nipple as his mouth clashed with mine in a hungry, fervent kiss that made my head spin.

  He stepped between my thighs and I arched into him, running my hands over his firm shoulders as my core squeezed tightly in expectation of what I
wanted.

  He broke our kiss, his mouth falling to my throat and I tilted my head to give him more access, gazing over his shoulder at my other boys who looked desperate to come closer.

  I reached for them, a demand on my lips which was drowned out by a moan as Monroe’s mouth slid down to suck on my nipple instead of using his thumb. Blake and Kyan strode forward while Saint watched, squeezing the huge bulge in his boxers. Always clinging to control until the final damn second.

  Kyan grabbed my hips, yanking me to my feet and muscling in behind me while Blake claimed a fierce kiss from my mouth. I hummed my pleasure at the burning heat of his lips and the way his tongue moved in a furious pattern against mine, making my body quiver from that singular touch, let alone the way Nash’s mouth was moving on my flesh too.

  Behind me, Kyan grabbed the silk ribbon tying my corset, yanking it free with harsh tugs that nearly pulled me away from the other two. But Monroe held my hips and Blake fisted a hand in my hair, neither of them letting me go as they worked together to destroy me.

  When the corset was loose, the three of them shimmied it off of me and I stepped out of it as my hooded gaze met Saint’s. He dropped his boxers and fisted his thick cock in his hand, slowly running his hand up and down the length of it in taunting strokes.

  “Saint,” I beckoned him in a firm order, but he didn’t move, his eyes dark as he watched.

  “I want to see you come at least once before you’re mine again,” he said, his words sending an electric shiver down my spine.

  Kyan’s palm ran the length of my back as Monroe dropped to his knees and Kyan knelt down too, his breath fanning against the backs of my thighs. Kyan ripped my panties off with a sharp pull while Blake kept my head angled toward him as he kissed me, lowering one hand to my breasts, massaging them in firm, possessive squeezes.

  Monroe’s tongue ran up my centre in one long lick that made me moan into Blake’s mouth. His tongue settled against my clit and started circling in soft, filthy movements that made my whole body shake violently.