by Jack Parker
Hannah was quite tempted to put the diary away. Just like she'd told Greg, her life now was clearly better. Since everything she read was negative, she now even had proof to back her claim up! The more she read, the more she saw that she was a mean little brat, which she didn't want to think of herself as at all. Even Jake was looking cruel, and he'd been nothing but nice to her!
Actually…in a way, that made Hannah want to read more. Maybe she and Jake had fought as children, but they must have made up and become friends as they matured. Otherwise, Jake wouldn't be so nice to her now. With that thought to cling to, Hannah accepted that the past was addictive, turned the page of the diary, and came across an entry from when she was eleven.
We had a class picnic at our old elementary school today. It was supposed to be at Helke Park, but you try keeping a bunch of us from running across the field to our old school—it's impossible. It was pretty funny because Ethan Sharpe got a pebble stuck in his ear. He was making fun of the time he got one stuck up his nose in third grade, and it backfired. I've never laughed so hard before in my life. But then I got mad because Jake pushed me off the teeter-totter, so I tackled him, and we both got detention. We agreed not to tell our moms though, since we're on probation after Jake climbed the tree to my bedroom window, egged it, and then fell from one of the lower branches. I don't know why I'm in trouble for that though. Sure, I put some slugs in Jake's bed, but I didn't make him get revenge on me! And it's sure not my fault that Jake got caught doing it. Idiot.
The next diary entry came from seventh grade, and she again had to agree with Isaac about her randomly-timed diary entries. It sort of seemed like she only wrote when she was in a bad mood, and that thought comforted Hannah. Maybe she and Jake had an inside joke where they would prank each other from time to time. Or maybe they were really good friends, and these entries were only written when Hannah was fighting with her best friend, Jake.
For some reason, she doubted that.
I am a total flipping genius! Yeah, yeah, yeah, Tisha's already told me that I'm probably not as smart as I'm making myself out to be, but I think I'm a genius! I should probably note that this realization came to me even after I caught Isaac and Jake reading my diary. It's a good thing that I don't write in this thing too often, since I would have been royally screwed if they'd found out something they didn't already know. Well, Isaac did, since he told Mom about my detention way back then, but it's not like she cared. Anyway! On to me being a genius! It recently came to my attention that Jake had a huge, huge crush on Lori Randolph. Seeing him all gentlemanly cracked me up because he's usually just a big ass. After biding my time, I put my attack into motion, and just when I figured he was about to tell Lori about his feelings for her, I kissed him. Yup, right in front of Lori. He was so, so, so pissed! Now Tisha's mad because I used my first kiss to give Jake his, but I don't care so much about that. What's a first kiss compared to the best act of hatred ever? Compared to me, Jake's an amateur. He might as well go ahead and admit defeat. Oh, and that I'm the better between us.
Torn between pride that she'd rightly guessed something and confusion that she'd been in a hateful war with Jake, Hannah had nothing to do but keep reading. When she turned the page, an entry from two years later, in ninth grade, came to her attention.
Someone should kill me. Kill me now! I've done lots of bad things in my life, I'll admit to that, especially since I'm rather proud of most of them, but this really takes the cake. This is worse than the time I poured a whole bottle of cinnamon on Mom's prized barbeque chicken when Jake was over for dinner, which…wouldn't have been so bad if he wasn't allergic to cinnamon. And it's worse than the time I let my neighbor's dog lick Jake's toothbrush. Heck, this is worse than the time Jake put laxatives in chocolate chip cookies and planted them in my kitchen! Oh yeah, even worse than that. You see, I realized something, and just writing it down on paper condemns my very existence if it's ever discovered. What's so bad? Well…I realized that Jake is really, really, really cute. I'm in love with his eyes.
Hannah read the entry twice and began to smile. So she was right yet again! Even though she and Jake clearly had a messed up childhood, Hannah's feelings had changed. That had to mean that they'd become friends or…maybe even more than that? Maybe they'd dated and—no. Jake would have told her about that. Hannah sighed and read on, finding an entry from the summer before sophomore year.
I officially hate myself. If I could do it, I'd send myself to hell right now—that's how terrible I am. Not to mention that I'm incredibly stupid for writing this down and recording evidence (though I do have the world's best hiding place). But terrible. That's what I am. Today, we went swimming—at the local pool. Isaac, Tisha, Jake, Ethan, and I walked over there, and that's when I noticed that more than just Jake's eyes are gorgeous. His whole freaking body is gorgeous! If I had a calendar of sexy bodies in my room, I'd want him to represent every month. And for that, I deserve to die.
A fond smile appeared on Hannah's face. It was true that Jake was gorgeous, and just thinking about him made Hannah feel all lusty. The brightness of his green eyes, the softness of his brown hair, the firmness of his beautiful body…oh, it made Hannah wish she could remember her first kiss. A follow-up kiss would be great too though, and she hoped she'd find one in the next entry, which was from the beginning of her junior year.
I'm in hell now. No, not a literal burning hell, but it might as well be. Yesterday was the first day back at school, and I can't believe it. Jake is in all of my classes except for one. All but one! But it gets worse. Half of my teachers seat us alphabetically, and, of course, that means that I'm sitting behind or beside Jake. Not only am I forced to bask in his beauty, but I can smell him too! Our arms have even touched a few times. My God, it's pure torture! It takes every ounce of self restraint I have to keep from jumping him. Naturally, he acts like he's tormented by my presence too, but, you know, I'm keeping the faith that he's faking it. Even though I know he's not; he really does hate me. But maybe our close quarters can change that. Here's to hoping for a miracle, anyway.
Some more truth—Jake really did smell incredible. Now, Hannah hadn't had too much trouble keeping her hands off of him, but her eyes were a different story. She just simply wasn't content unless she was looking at him, and after reading her diary, her hands were itching to touch him too.
Maybe she shouldn't have read her diary, after all.
Still, Hannah went on reading, finding an entry from only two weeks later.
I'm completely miserable, and it's not only because of Jake and his body anymore. No, it's partially because of our Health teacher—who is a big joke. There's a policy about head coaches having to be teachers, and since Coach Stratton is our head football coach this year, he needed a teaching position. How lucky I am to be in his class. Not! First of all, there are only two other girls in my class; one of them is pretty emo and always listen to her iPod, and the other one rarely comes to class. So I'm forced to endure a bunch of sexist remarks from all of the guys. Stratton is so male chauvinistic that it makes me sick! No one could expect me to keep my mouth shut about it, so of course I go off on him every single day about how unfair he is.
So far, I'm booked in detention for the next five weeks, and it's not even regular detention! No, after the first seven detentions, Stratton started making me stay in his room or going up to the football field during practice. I've done the stupidest 'punishments' too—from cleaning the entire classroom floor with a rag and floor cleaner (since he 'didn't have a mop') to mopping (yeah, apparently he found a mop two days later!) the field house, which reeks after a bunch of guys leave their dirty football practice clothes in it. Stratton's already approached me about complaining about him too; if I do, all of the detentions, as well as a personal note, will go on my permanent record, and I really don't think colleges would like to see anything he'd write about me. Or the detentions, but whatever. The only good thing is getting to admire Jake when he's practicing. I'm so fed up!
&n
bsp; Hannah's brow furrowed, and she began to frown. This was a prime example of a past circumstance that should be left in the past. But she still kept reading and came across an entry dated three weeks after that.
Stratton is still giving me a hard time. Pretty much the only thing he teaches on is the reproductive system, and that's only because he knows I hate it. Yeah, yeah, it's a natural part of life and all of that, and I wouldn't mind it if Stratton didn't let the guys ask as many perverted, stupid questions as they want. Day after day, the guys make stupid jokes and ask dumb questions. It's so degrading! And it makes me hate football players. Since Stratton's got me doing some kind of anything in the field house every day for 'detention,' it gives all of the football guys from class—which means about half the class—the opportunity to talk about the reproductive system in front of me. Maybe if I didn't yell and show my annoyance they'd have stopped by now, but…my temper really does get the better of me.
Now, there are a few nice guys in class and in the field house. Jake's not nice to me or anything, but he doesn't make stupid remarks or ask idiotic questions; he does laugh at some of his buddies, but he's extremely tame in comparison. Ethan isn't mean to me, but he is perverted. At least Scott, Philip, Corey, and A.J. are polite and very nice to me. They're the only ones. And Stratton encourages the guys! He'll chuckle at their perverted comments and make up crazy answers to their sexual questions, and he's always got what I call a sexist smirk on his face. I wish I could transfer out of his class, but it's a required one, and there are too many scheduling conflicts to change teachers. At least the class only lasts for first semester. I'm counting down the days.
As far as Hannah was concerned, there was nothing to even think about her clearly heinous Health class. She truly didn't even find it that interesting. Whatever mental stress had happened then was free from her mind now, so reading about it was like reading about someone else entirely going through it. That was sort of sad in a way, but Hannah dismissed that thought and read the next entry, from almost a month later.
Everyone was shocked when Jake quit the football team. They kept asking him why, but, as far as I know, Jake never told them. I'm glad of that, since it'd put attention on me. Hopefully, they'll just start to believe what I heard him tell some guys—that basketball was more important to him and he wanted to focus on that. He did tell Diane that he didn't like Stratton, but if he'd told her the whole story, she would have told my mom, and then the school board would know about Stratton.
It all started when Stratton yelled at me for not turning in a homework assignment. I did turn it in, and, since I didn't feel like taking his crap that day, I was determined to prove it. So after I'd sat through ten miserable minutes of watching him coach for detention, I snuck away and went to his classroom to look through the papers on his desk. Sure enough, I found the missing assignment. Unfortunately, I guess Stratton noticed I'd left, and I'll admit that was a mistake on my part. But anyway, he showed up in his classroom and caught me by surprise. He screamed at me for leaving and then for 'trespassing through his personal belongings' and even tried to accuse me of stealing stuff from his desk. I screamed back at him, and, out of frustration, I was nearing tears. Of course, since I was weakening, Stratton pounced on that and yelled at me more.
Then Jake showed up. I have never been so grateful to see him in my entire life. I could tell by his scowl that he was pissed beyond belief—I've seen that scowl many times, after all. Surprisingly, he took my side and stood up for me against his coach. He yelled and cussed about how unfairly I was treated and how Stratton could and should be fired for the way he's acted all year. I don't think either of us was surprised when Stratton told Jake that he could either quit the team or be kicked off. Personally, I think Stratton only offered Jake the choice because if he kicked him off, Jake would have probably told everybody who would have listened about what happened.
Actually, Jake wanted to tell people anyway, but I refused. I know it's stupid of me, but I just don't want to deal with all the drama of reporting Stratton to the principal. Besides, when Jake quit, Stratton told me I didn't have to serve any more detention, and that's all that really matters to me right now. Now I can get back to giving piano lessons after school. Of course, I don't get to see Jake practicing every day now, but I do have the memory of him defending my honor, if you want to call it that.
By the end of the entry, Hannah was positively beaming. That was the Jake that she knew and admired so much! He'd come through for her and acted as her hero, and now, when she was unable to remember anything, he was doing the same thing.
Clearly, Jake was doing it in an understated way, but he'd been there for Hannah. The way she saw it, he'd done everything she could have ever asked him to do. He'd stopped by to see her in the hospital, he'd been her chauffer to school and back, he'd showed her around school, he'd walked and talked with her, he'd been there when she was breaking down, he'd offered to let her call him whenever she wanted to… Jake was unbelievable.
Turning the page, Hannah saw that only one lone paragraph remained in her diary, and she eagerly read it.
Jake and I don't talk about what happened, but sometimes…when football or Stratton is mentioned, I'll look over at him, and he'll be looking at me, and I know that our secret is still something he thinks about. I love those looks. They remind me of how Jake really did a good thing for me. They remind me of how much I love him. You know, I don't really like to admit this, but the truth needs to come out. I really am in love with that boy.
Chapter 12
Dumpster Diving
Jake backed his black Ford Ranger out of his driveway and couldn't help but notice that Hannah's Jeep was not in the driveway across the street. He was initially surprised but then recalled that she'd gone to visit Greg that day. Well, that was grand because he had his own visits to make, and if Hannah was with Greg, that ensured that Jake wouldn't be running into her, since he had absolutely no intentions of getting anywhere near Greg's house.
Blasting his radio to an old Lynyrd Skynyrd song, Jake drove down the street, trying to plan out what he was going to say to Hannah's friends. The idea was to follow Shirley's advice and talk to Tisha, Libby, and Morgan about who she'd always been; once Jake knew, he'd know how to guide her and maybe even find something to trigger her memory, and he really was the best candidate for the job, since he spent the most time with Hannah.
He came up with no kind of speech and decided to wing it when he parked in the driveway of Morgan Owens. Even if she wasn't the best friend, Jake figured he'd start with the friend of Hannah's that was the most intelligent, especially since Morgan was the one that Jake could tolerate most easily. Maybe he could get enough information from the brainy one to let him skip going to see the others altogether.
One could only hope.
Jake had called ahead, so he wasn't surprised when Morgan didn't look surprised when she opened the door; he was, however, vaguely surprised that she looked so grumpy. Morgan stepped back to let him in, but Jake hesitated because of her coldness. "Well, come on in," she pressed, sounding rather agitated.
Frowning a little, Jake did as he was told and followed Morgan to the kitchen. Her house appeared empty, and for that, Jake was relieved. "Look, if you had something else to do, you could have just told me."
"No, I didn't." Morgan sat down and nodded at a nearby chair, so Jake took the hint and sat down as well. Her eyes went up to the clock on the wall. "The other girls should be here in a few minutes." Morgan must have seen that Jake was shocked because she shrugged and explained, "When you called, I figured it had something to do with Hannah. It's not like you talk to me regularly. So I called Tish and Lib, since they're as much Hannah's friends as I am."
Jake blinked slowly. He had no trouble understanding Morgan's words, but he did have some trouble understanding her tone. He'd always thought that Libby was the hateful one, but Morgan sounded like she'd rather be doing anything but talking to him. As far as he knew, Jake had never done an
ything to offend the girl, so he felt confused. "Uh-huh…" he murmured slowly, studying Morgan's face closely. "If you didn't have something else to do, what's with the attitude?"
"I just don't like you. But go ahead. You had something to say, so go ahead and say it. Unless you'd rather wait for the girls."
A thousand insults flew into Jake's mind, but he held them back. He'd never thought that Morgan could be so hateful, but now that he did, he couldn't help asking, "Why don't you like me? Because of Hannah or what?"
"Don't you call her Ayers?" Morgan crossed her arms and stared Jake down through brown eyes. He shrugged in response. "You do, and you always have. I never really liked you that much, but now I have a reason not to. You're playing around with Hannah, and since she's my friend, I don't—"
"I'm not playing around with her," Jake interrupted firmly, immediately put on edge. "I never even thought about doing that, so you're going to need a better reason for not liking me."
Morgan sighed and shook her head full of straight blonde hair. "It's very hard for me to believe that when you're suddenly being nice to her."
"I haven't been that nice to her," Jake replied, feeling uncomfortable. He squirmed a little in the wooden chair and sized Morgan up. Yeah, he figured she could probably hold her own in a screaming match, but he didn't want to go there. "And if it wasn't for our families being good friends, I wouldn't have changed at all."
"Okay. Use that excuse, but—"
"It's not an excuse," Jake scowled. He was starting to believe that he'd gotten himself into something that wasn't worth it. "That's actually why I'm here. Hannah's grandma asked me to help Hannah get her memory back. I guess that means I have to learn about her and teach her…whatever."
