Mathieu wiggled his key in the front door lock, the humidity making it stick. He’d have to put a little WD40 in it. He put his key ring on one of the hooks by the front door, beside the key that used to be Nadia’s. He forced himself to look away then headed for the kitchen. A growl in his stomach was supported by the clock on the stove which indicated it was 5:44. He’d have a quick bite to eat before getting to his chores.
The kitchen was spotless. There was a bit of coffee in the carafe but otherwise the granite counters were bare and there were no dirty dishes in the sink. Mathieu cracked the fridge door open and peeked inside. Nothing appealed to him so he settled for scrambled eggs and toast. He took his dinner to the kitchen table and sat down to eat. There was a note tucked under the glass vase sitting in the middle of the table: I’m so sorry about everything.
His fork was halfway to his mouth but he stopped and put it down. He pushed his plate away, his appetite suddenly gone. He took the piece of paper in his hand and read each word. The note made him feel uneasy, like a cold hand around his throat.
He was pretty sure Lori-Anne had gone to her parents. But now he wondered if it was just to clear the air or if she was gone for good?
I’m so sorry about everything.
There was something definitive about those words, almost goodbye-like. He didn’t like it. He had to talk to her, find out what was going on. He knew he’d been difficult, more like impossible, to live with over the last few months, but it had never occurred to him that Lori-Anne would leave.
I’m so sorry about everything.
Mathieu pulled his cell phone out and dialed Lori-Anne’s number. He hesitated before pressing the send button. Maybe he should go over there. No, he couldn’t bear to see his father-in-law, especially after the old man’s visit.
Just then the grandfather clock bonged six times, reminding him of Samuel. Mathieu got off his chair so fast that it toppled over. He grabbed the clock in a bear hug and carried it out to the garage, not noticing the two garbage bags by the door, and dropped it onto the cement floor, shattering the glass.
“Here’s to you, Sammy boy.”
Mathieu went back in the house and picked up the kitchen chair. He grabbed his phone and texted Lori-Anne.
What do you mean by your note?
It took a couple of minutes before he got a text back, long enough that he started to worry about how mad she’d be when she saw the grandfather clock.
About what I did.
The accident could have happened to anyone.
True. But that’s not it.
I don’t understand.
You will. Just know that I thought it would help.
You don’t make sense.
I know.
Are you coming home?
Ask me later.
What does that mean?
You’ll see.
I guess you’re at your parents’?
Yes. How’s Grandpa?
Better than me.
It’s a different loss.
Maybe, but I’m sure it still hurts.
Of course. But I think he might have been expecting it, especially since Grandma’s first stroke.
I guess.
No other text came back right away. He stared at his cold eggs. His stomach grumbled but he was too wound up to eat.
Aren’t you coming home?
Ask me later.
You keep saying that.
I’m sorry. I just don’t think I can right now. I’ve done things I’m not sure you can forgive me for. Bye.
The conversation was over. He stared at his phone but no other text came. She couldn’t come home and kept apologizing, but why?
He got up, threw the eggs in the compost bin and put his glass of milk in the fridge for later. He stared out the kitchen window into the backyard. The play structure had outlived Nadia. It didn’t seem right. He remembered how he and Grandpa had built it over an April weekend when his daughter was just a couple of months old. Lori-Anne and Grandma had made burgers for lunch. He could see Nadia’s smiling face when she was about fifteen months and he’d pushed her on the swing for the first time.
The mood to do yard work was gone. Maybe he’d go up to his office and look at pictures of Nadia for a while. It would be nice to see her beautiful smiling face.
Mathieu laboured up the stairs. When he reached the top, he looked back down. He could partially see into the living room where the grandfather clock had been. He had no idea how he was going to explain that to Lori-Anne. The moment had seized him and before he realized it, the grandfather clock was trashed. She’d be pissed with him for a while. Not much he could do about it now.
He turned and saw that Nadia’s bedroom door was wide open. He was sure he’d left it closed. He always left it closed and Lori-Anne never went in.
I’m so sorry about everything.
He took a couple of steps on liquid legs.
Just know that I thought it would help.
Mathieu stood in the doorway. His jaw muscles twitched and he felt his anger slam hard against his rib cage. “Lori-Anne,” he said between clenched teeth. “Lori-Anne, what have you done?”
He stepped into Nadia’s room and felt nothing. He surveyed her room and there was a sick feeling down in his lower stomach, like someone had kicked him in the balls. Everything that had defined his little girl was gone. There was nothing left. Nadia was completely gone.
Lori-Anne had taken his daughter away a second time.
How could she do that?
Why would she do that?
He could never forgive Lori-Anne now.
Mathieu left the room, closed the door gently, and walked down to his office. He sank into his high-backed leather chair, grabbed the mouse, and started looking at pictures of his daughter. There were thousands on his computer.
That was fine, he had all night.
SIXTEEN
July 2, 2012
6:42 p.m.
Lori-Anne and Victoria were out on the patio, dark clouds chasing away what had been a beautiful summer’s day. The top of the old red maple was bending at a good ten degrees and the lilac bushes shook hard. The water in the pool looked like someone big had just performed the perfect cannonball.
“Everything okay?” Victoria said.
“I don’t know.” Lori-Anne’s focus shifted to the threatening sky. “I might have created the perfect storm at home.”
“Don’t beat yourself with guilt,” Victoria said. “It had to be done at some point.”
“But is three months long enough?”
Victoria made a non-committal gesture. “I really can’t answer that. You felt that you were ready. Mathieu might never be.”
A gust of wind whipped Lori-Anne’s hair into her face. She tried to tuck it behind her ears. “I’m so afraid of that. What if he’s never ready? How long am I supposed to wait?”
“I don’t know.”
“Me either,” Lori-Anne said, feeling a rain drop. She grabbed her glass of iced tea and her phone. “We should head in. It’s getting nasty.”
“I so hate to be chased indoors in the summer,” Victoria said. “Winters are long enough.”
Victoria grabbed the pitcher of iced tea and bowl of nacho chips and the two women settled at the kitchen table just as the rain started to come down in a steady stream. There was a sudden flash in the sky and a low rumble.
“Just in time,” Lori-Anne said. “That seemed to come out of nowhere.” She grabbed her glass but didn’t drink from it. “We never know when it’s going to pour down on us, do we?”
Victoria nodded.
“Oh Mom, I never thought it would get so difficult.” She put the glass down.
“No one does,” Victoria said. “Some have it better and some have it worse. It’s never perfect. How we handle the good and the bad is what matters.”
Another flash followed closely by a loud bang. “Jesus, that was close.” Lori-An
ne stared at the rain blurring the patio door. “I don’t know if Mathieu can forgive me.”
“You know, you might need to forgive yourself first. You’re carrying your guilt like a burden.”
“I killed my daughter.”
“No. No you didn’t. It was an accident.”
Lori-Anne’s eyes met her mother’s, and she knew her mom meant well, but in the pit of her stomach, a pool of acid spun around. She’d let her husband and daughter down. How could she not feel guilty about that?
“Seems too easy to hide behind that.”
“You’re not hiding. You just happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. I’m not trying to make light of it, God knows I miss my lovely granddaughter, but it was an accident.”
“I just wish my husband would tell me that.”
“If you want your husband to forgive you, you need to forgive yourself.”
“Even if I do, what about what I did today? What if it pushed him over the edge? I’m worried. He hasn’t called or texted. I hope he doesn’t do anything stupid.”
“I don’t think he would.”
“Mom, I don’t know what he’s going to do these days. I really don’t. Mathieu’s not the man I married. I don’t know him anymore, what he’s capable of.”
“But to hurt himself?”
“I know it seems crazy, but—I don’ know. Probably not. I’m just being ridiculous. It’s just . . . so much has happened and I guess I expect the worse.”
“Oh, honey, it will get better.”
“When?”
Victoria shook her head. “You have to believe it will.”
“And what if it doesn’t?”
“You must have faith.”
“I used to,” she said. “But lately it just seems really hard. Even a devout Catholic might have her doubts.”
“Possibly,” Victoria said. “Never hurts to say a Hail Mary or two.”
Lori-Anne felt her face tighten as she tried to smile. “I love you Mom. And thanks for trying. I’m just discouraged right now. Can you believe it? Me? Discouraged? You probably never thought you’d hear me say that. I thought I could handle anything, like a good Weatherly. Guess we’re not indestructible like Dad thinks we are.”
“No, we’re not. But we don’t give up.”
“Not even when the war is lost?”
“It’s just a battle. Things will get better.”
“And what if they never do?”
“They will.”
Lori-Anne’s phone buzzed three short times. She looked at the text.
Tell your Dad he’s got his wish.
Lori-Anne stared at the message, looked at her mom, then at her phone again.
What are you talking about?
He didn’t tell you?
Tell me what?
He wanted to buy me out.
I don’t understand.
He came to visit me yesterday.
Why?
To buy me out.
I don’t know what you’re talking about.
He had a proposition for me. He wanted to give me a settlement.
Are you joking?
I’m not in the mood for jokes.
Why would he do that?
He’s never liked me.
That’s not true.
Ask him.
Can’t believe it.
Believe it.
She didn’t know how to respond. He texted her before she could.
Tell him he’s got his wish and it won’t cost him a penny. I didn’t marry you because your family has money. I married you because I loved you.
And you don’t anymore?
It’s complicated now.
So you don’t?
Why did you clean her room?
To save you.
I don’t need saving. I need my daughter.
Yes you do because she’s not coming back. Please, Matt. Don’t do this. It’s time to let her go. For your sanity. For our sanity.
I might have forgiven you for the accident, but for what you did today, I can’t.
So where does that leave us?
There’s no point doing this anymore.
Don’t give up.
Why?
Because I still love you. We can fix this.
I don’t think we can. Sorry.
Matt, I’m coming over. We can talk about this.
It’s too late. I’m tired of this.
So let’s fix it.
Lori-Anne waited, thirty seconds, sixty seconds, ninety seconds. She needed to go, she needed to talk to him, she needed to save them. Her phone buzzed just as she was standing. She read the text, each word burning the retina in her eyes and leaving her short of breath as the last twenty years disappeared into a black hole.
I think we should get a divorce.
Lori-Anne tried to mouth the last word but it was so big and full of spurs that it wouldn’t pass through her throat. She remembered when she was a teaching assistant and he’d show up to ask her questions that were so off topic that it didn’t take long to realize what he was up to. To be fair, she’d kept the charade going for as long as she could, until he finally asked her to go for coffee.
He couldn’t give up. He was the one who had chased her. He had made her fall for him. How could he just give up? They needed to talk. They needed to see a marriage counsellor. They didn’t need a goddamned divorce.
And what was this about her dad buying him out?
“Honey, what’s wrong?” Victoria said.
“Where’s Dad?”
“Probably in his study.”
Lori-Anne barged in. Her father was sitting behind his desk. “Did you offer Mathieu money to leave me? Did you?”
Samuel closed the book he’d been reading and cleared his throat.
“Answer me, Dad.”
“Did he tell you that?”
“Don’t play that game with me,” she said, slapping the top of his desk. “Don’t try to evade the question by asking me questions. You won’t fool me. Remember, I learned it from you. Just answer me.”
He steepled his fingers and held them in front of his mouth. “He probably misunderstood my intent.”
“Come off it, Dad. I’m not stupid.”
Samuel got up and approached his daughter. “I was looking after you.”
“In case you haven’t noticed,” she said, “I’m a grown woman and have been taking care of myself for a long time.”
“Well, maybe if I’d been more involved, you wouldn’t be in this mess.”
“And what mess it that?”
“He was never right for you.”
Lori-Anne stepped away from her father. “You’re back to that. Let it go, Dad. Mathieu is my husband, I love him, you don’t have a say in it.”
“This situation you’re in, if he was the sort of man you need—”
“Stop right there.” She waved off further rebuttal with an authoritative hand gesture. “I need him. Not someone else, him. He’s my husband. He makes me feel alive, loved, and special.”
“Really?” he said. “He’s doing that these days?”
She pinned him with a cold, raw gaze. “Stay out of this.”
“I just want what’s best for you.”
“No you don’t,” she said. “You want what’s best for you. You want me under your thumb, like Jim. Cory and Brad got away and that really bothered you. And because I’m the only girl you thought you could pull that Daddy dearest crap. Want to know why I had an affair? To get away from you.”
“Lori, honey,” he said. “You’re upset. We should talk about this when you’ve calmed down.”
Anger crossed her face. “You’ll never get it. Why you can’t accept Mathieu and be happy for me, I’ll never understand. He’s never done anything but love me. Until recently, we had a really good life together.”
“Lori.”
“You wanted me to succeed you,
because Jim’s unpredictable. It wouldn’t have mattered who I married, you never would have liked him. You wanted me to run your company because I was safe, you thought I’d do it your way.”
“Honey, please—”
“But I didn’t want it. I never will, Dad. I love you but what you’ve done is unforgivable. Mathieu is my husband and I love him. If you can’t accept that, then at least respect it.”
Lori-Anne turned and saw her mother standing in the doorway.
“I’m sorry, sweetheart,” Victoria said.
Lori-Anne hugged her.
“Lori—” Samuel said.
Lori-Anne squared her shoulders. “It’s Lori-Anne, Dad. I never liked just Lori. Apparently, something else about me you don’t know.” She waited a beat to see if he would say anything else but he didn’t. She stormed out of the study. “You better hope I can save my marriage, or else—”
She slammed the front door.
SEVENTEEN
July 2, 2012
8:07 p.m.
Matt? Mathieu?” Lori-Anne called from the foyer, water dripping down her face. It was maybe twenty feet from the driveway to the front door but the rain was coming down hard. “Mathieu?”
She dumped her wet purse on the small table by the front door and took the stairs by two. She made her way down the hall to his office. The door was open. He was sitting at his desk. “Why didn’t you answer?”
He shrugged. “Why are you here?”
“Because we need to talk.” She wiped her face. “We need to fix this.”
“Will it change anything?”
The urge to hit him square in the chin gushed through her veins like hot melted steel. “We won’t know unless we try. Matt, this is nuts. We can’t just give up. You really want to throw away two decades together?”
His gaze drifted to the window.
“Do you love me?” Her voice sounded high and pleading. “Because I still love you.”
“Love doesn’t solve everything,” he said. “Contrary to what John Lennon sang. Sometimes, we need more than love.”
“Then what do we need? What will it take for us to make it work?”
Lori-Anne watched him curl up and shrink into himself. “I don’t know.”
“Where’s the resilient man I know? That young and lovable man who stole my heart? He was romantic and funny and didn’t shy away from going after what he wanted. That man believed in us. That man would fight for us. That man would never give up on us.”
It Happened to Us Page 11
