by Dara Girard
“I had to keep myself busy while I was away. It’s all part of my strategy. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, you know. I thought if I gave Desmond some distance after he saw me, he would miss me a bit. Now I’m going to put my strategy into action.”
“Tracie, there’s something I have to tell you.”
Her sister’s face fell. “You don’t like the outfit I bought you. Don’t worry, I can get you something else.”
“No, it’s not that.”
“Good, because I think you have a scarf that will match it.”
“It’s about Desmond.”
“Don’t tell me, I know.” She opened a drawer in search of the scarf. “He’s seeing someone else, but that doesn’t bother me. He might be seeing another woman, but he married me.” She closed the drawer. “That’s the difference.”
“Yes, well the woman he’s seeing is—”
Tracie opened another drawer, then stopped. “Oh, my goodness! Where did you get these?”
“They were gifts,” Anna Marie said quickly, wishing she’d hidden them.
“Who sent them?”
“A friend,” she said, uneasy.
Tracie pulled out Anna Marie’s last pair of stockings. “Oh, it’s a full-body one! This will look great on me. Can I borrow it?”
“No.”
Tracie turned to her, surprised. Anna Marie had never denied her anything. “What?”
“No, you can’t borrow them. Those are very special to me.” She reached for them, but Tracie moved them out of her grasp.
She held them to her chest, affronted. “But we’re sisters. You think I’ll tear them or something?”
Anna Marie rubbed her hands, trying to find the right words to explain. But she couldn’t tell her about the society. “No, it’s just—”
“It’s not like you to be selfish.”
“I could help you find a similar pair.”
Tracie thinned her lips. “I don’t want a similar pair.” She waved the stockings at her. “I want these.”
“Well, I’m sorry, but you can’t have them.”
“Fine.” She balled them up, shoved them back in the drawer then slammed the drawer shut.
“Let’s get something to eat.”
“I’m not hungry.”
“Tracie, stop it. We’re not going to fight over a simple pair of stockings. You know that I would let you have anything, but I want you to respect what I can’t give you. There are so few things in my life that have been completely mine. Those stockings are one of those things.” She took a deep breath. “And there’s something else.”
“Oh, no, bad news.”
“In a sense. It’s about Desmond—and me.”
Tracie sniffed. “It’s funny the way you say that, as though you were a couple or something.” She giggled. “But that would never happen. You’re not his type at all.”
“You don’t sound sure about that.” Anna Marie folded her arms. “You’re not as ditzy as you like to appear. You know what I’ve been trying to say.”
“I’ve been trying to give you a chance to change your mind. I don’t want you to make a fool of yourself.”
“I’ve been able to handle myself without your help before.”
“This isn’t a pair of stockings, Anna Marie. Don’t stand in my way.”
“I don’t plan to move.”
“You don’t have to because I know Desmond. He’ll move on and leave you behind.”
Anna Marie opened her mouth to respond, but someone knocked on the door and interrupted. She opened it and saw Leona.
“You’d better come. There’s something wrong with Jane,” she said.
Anna Marie ran downstairs and saw Jane lying on the couch. Gerald hovered over her.
“I’m fine,” she said. “I had a fainting spell. That’s all.”
“Perhaps you should see a doctor,” Anna Marie said.
“No, please. No doctors. I just felt light-headed. You’ve been so good to us. I think there’s something you should know. We—”
“Jane,” Leona said. “You need to rest.”
“But—”
“Just sleep, then you’ll feel better.” She sent Gerald a nervous look.
Anna Marie noticed the glance. Something more was going on, but she didn’t want to pry.
“I’ll take her to her room,” Gerald said.
“It’s okay if she stays here,” Anna Marie said.
“Fine,” Leona agreed. “I’ll stay with her.”
Anna Marie left the room. Secrets. They were all keeping secrets. She more than most. She was hiding so much—from the residents, from Desmond, from Tracie. No, that was wrong. Tracie knew about her and Desmond, but didn’t care because she wanted Desmond and she always got what she wanted.
Anna Marie returned to her room, only to find that Tracie was gone. Minutes later she discovered the pair of stockings were gone, too.
Chapter 15
Her sister and the missing pair of stockings showed up three days later at an outdoor concert. Desmond and Anna Marie were enjoying a jazz band, food, wine and each other when Tracie showed up wearing full-body black silk stockings, which were clearly displayed through the cutouts in her dress.
“Isn’t this a surprise?” Tracie said, coming over to them.
Desmond frowned. “What are you doing here? You hate these concerts.”
“I didn’t hate them. Is there any space on that blanket? I don’t want to ruin my dress.”
“No, there’s no space.”
Tracie looked at her sister. “You haven’t said anything.”
“I don’t know what to say.”
“You certainly don’t have trouble with words at other times.”
“Tracie,” Anna Marie said in a tired voice. “Please don’t do this.”
“I’m not doing anything.”
Desmond began to pack up their things. “Let’s go.”
“Oh, no. Don’t do that. Anna Marie loves music. Especially music she can dance to.”
Anna Marie seized her arm. “Don’t—”
“Don’t what?” Tracie asked in a cool voice. “Don’t tell Desmond what you like to do?”
Desmond shook his head. “I don’t know what you’re trying to hint at, but I know a lot about Anna Marie. I know she loves music and dancing.”
“And you know where she likes to do it?”
“Yes, we’ve gone to lots of clubs.”
“So, I guess you know everything about her.”
Anna Marie knew Tracie was getting ready to expose her. She stood and said, “Okay, let’s talk.” She grabbed her sister’s arm and led her away.
“Where are you going?” Desmond asked as Anna Marie walked away.
“I’ll be back. Tracie and I need to talk in private.”
Tracie shrugged. “Okay.”
Once they were a good distance away from Desmond, Anna Marie stopped and turned to her sister. “Why are you doing this?”
“You know why. I think it’s very low of you to continue with this relationship when you know how I feel.”
“Yes, I know how you feel, but I also know how he feels. If he gave me any indication that he wanted you back, I’d end the relationship.”
“No, you wouldn’t. You’re only thinking about yourself.”
“And that’s why you stole my stockings? To punish me?”
“Hey, if you can take my husband, I can have your stupid stockings.”
“He’s not your husband anymore.”
Tracie shook her head in pity. “Don’t kid yourself, Anna Marie. How long have you had him? For a couple months? You’ve had your fun, but you can’t keep him.”
“I can try,” Anna Marie said, although some doubt touched her heart.
Tracie scratched her side. “Have you met his father?”
“Yes.”
Tracie paused, surprised, then recovered herself. “Then you know he’s demanding.”
“Yes, I know but—”
&n
bsp; “Do you know that Desmond has always felt guilty that he cost his father a prime position at another church? He had gotten in trouble with the law and the council passed over his father because of it. Desmond’s been trying to make up for that ever since. And his father loves me. Despite everything.”
“What happened?”
Tracie rolled her eyes and rubbed her arm. “It was a minor indiscretion. I was feeling lonely and it happened. Only once. I told Desmond, but he can be so stubborn. I mean, so I slept with a colleague. We all make mistakes.”
“That’s a big one.”
Tracie’s voice hardened. “Don’t you dare judge me. You’re far from perfect. I got Desmond’s father to understand my failure and that I was very sorry. Just imagine if he ever found out about you.”
“I told you what I did in confidence.”
“Yes, but things can slip out. Yes, I wonder how Pastor Rockwell will feel knowing that you were an exotic dancer for ten years. That you’d once dated a guy who was arrested for burglary. What if I tell him about Mrs. Bell? Who she really was before she changed her identity. Better yet, what if he found out that she was the one who taught you how to dance?
“Oh, and then there are your residents. I did a little background check to find out more. Gerald spent eighteen years in prison for armed robbery. Jane was a call girl and Leona dealt in the illegal prescription trade.” She scratched the back of her neck. “What would he think then? He wants his son to interact with the right sort of people.”
Tracie was right. Anna Marie knew she probably couldn’t win this fight. Desmond loved his father and she wouldn’t want to force him to choose. She knew the choice he would make. “Fine. It’s over.”
Tracie suddenly looked contrite. “I hope you understand why I had to do this. You only have a crush, which you’ll get over. I love him.”
Anna Marie paused. “What do you mean, I just have a crush?”
“You always have. You’ve had it for years and now you’re living out a fantasy.”
“Wait. I never told you about my crush on Desmond. How did you know?”
“You must have told me.”
“I never told anyone.”
Tracie held up her hands in surrender. “Okay. I found out about it. Years ago, when I visited you in Arlington before you met Bruno, I found your yearbook and read some of your notes. I thought it was so cute and I wanted to surprise you. I thought it’d be fun to see your face when you saw him again, so I looked him up. And when I found him, I met with him and he was wonderful. I didn’t mean to fall in love with him, but that’s what happened.”
“I see.”
“You’ll find someone else, Anna Marie. It’s only been a few months, you’ll get over him. Can you forgive me?”
Anna Marie nearly laughed. How like Tracie. She’d taken her stockings and now Desmond, and she expected Anna Marie to forgive and forget. “Little sister, I don’t even like you. But I realize that doesn’t mean anything to you because you have a family and I’ve only been a footnote in your life. Now I’m going on with mine and I don’t want you to be a part of it.” She turned.
“But we’re sisters.”
“I know. But we’re not friends.”
Anna Marie pretended that she’d settled everything with Tracie as she rode back with Desmond to her house. But as he walked her to the front door she said, “There’s something I have to tell you.”
He swore. “I knew it. I felt that you were strangely quiet on the way back. What is it?”
“I can’t see you anymore.”
“Why not?”
“I think things have run their course.” When he didn’t say anything, she added, “Tracie really loves you.”
“You know, it’s funny, because somehow I’d convinced myself that you loved me.”
“I do. I think I always have, but there are things about me that—”
“I can handle them. Do you really think that if we break up I’ll go crawling back to Tracie? It won’t happen. I’m not a toy or a pet that you can pass between the two of you.”
“I know, but I have a past that’s—”
He grabbed her shoulders. “I don’t care.”
“But what about your father?” she shot back. “You’ve worked so hard to get him to respect you. Do you want to start arguing with him again? I don’t want you to ruin the relationship you have. It’s very special. I know because I’ve never had one and I won’t force you to choose.”
“You mean you’re afraid to.” He released his hold. “It’s okay, Anna Marie. You don’t have to run away from me. You don’t have to hide anything from me anymore. I’ll let you go. You’re free.” His voice rose. “That’s all you’ve ever wanted, right? To be free. Go ahead and run away. I won’t stop you and I won’t look for you,” he said, then turned and left.
Anna Marie watched him go, her heart cracking. She went inside and saw her housemates’ worried faces. They’d probably heard the shouting. She shook her head. “I can’t talk right now.” She started for the stairs, then stopped. She took a deep breath, turned around and went into the basement. She turned on the lights and saw the mirrors and the dance floor where Mrs. Bell had taught her how to dance and had given her all the tools to become Malika.
She saw an old radio and turned it on and began to dance. She moved and spun, her sorrow, the feeling of loss growing. She let her tears stream down her face and didn’t care. After a long while she fell to the floor and wept.
In her bedroom Anna Marie phoned Sonia, but couldn’t reach her so she called Rania instead. “I wanted to let you know that I’ve broken the oath and lost a pair of stockings. I know it’s over for me now.”
“You lost a pair? That’s a first. How did you do it?”
“I left them in a place in my bedroom where my sister found them and took them.”
“Did she wear them?”
“Yes.”
Rania laughed. “She won’t wear them again, poor thing.” Rania continued before Anna Marie could ask what she meant. “But that’s not your problem. Do you consider your sister taking the stockings breaking the oath? Don’t worry. We’ll send you another pair.”
“There’s no point. I’ve had my dream come true and now I’ve woken up. I wanted to thank you and the society for my membership and for all that you’ve done. Besides, the magic is in the stockings, right? And I don’t have my last pair.”
“There’s no magic, Anna Marie, and I think you’re breaking the oath again. You’re settling for less.”
“No, I’m facing reality.”
“And to you reality is always painful. People leave, dreams die.”
“Yes.”
“Do you think Sonia lives that way?”
“No, but—”
“She’s no different than you. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to live with the man you love, but you have to decide that. We’ll send you your last pair of stockings, but the rest is up to you.”
The next day Anna Marie sat at the breakfast table dry-eyed and watched everyone eat. She was used to sadness, but never let it linger, because as a survivor, it had never done her any good.
She ate a few bites before setting her fork down. “I have something I want to say to you. I know who you really are. My sister told me about your past, but that doesn’t matter to me. You don’t need to worry about renewing your leases. As I promised, I will sign over the house to all three of you once the six months are completed.”
“But we don’t want the house,” Gerald said.
“Yes, it’s a big responsibility,” Jane said.
“So you’re leaving?” Leona said.
Anna Marie nodded. “If you don’t want it, I’ll have someone manage the place and yes, I’m leaving. I think it’s time I go out on my own and see the world.”
“You’re not here by mistake,” Gerald said. “Mrs. Bell knows things about people. Years ago I made a mistake. I’d been unemployed over a year and I needed money to take care of my family.
I got a crazy idea with a friend of mine to rob a wealthy couple his wife worked for. They weren’t supposed to be home when we got there, but they’d had a change of plans and everything went wrong from there. My friend always blamed me for leaving witnesses, but I’m not a killer at heart. I served my time and lost everything I’d tried to save—my family and my home. I met Mrs. Bell while working as a janitor in a club. I was living in a homeless shelter at the time and she gave me a place to stay.”
“I thought you were retired.”
“Mrs. Bell left us all some money to live on,” Jane said. “That’s the kind of woman she was. Her only stipulation was that we help others. So we go into town several times a week and volunteer with different organizations.” Jane pulled a strand of her hair. “Mrs. Bell and I were friends from way back. I even knew her real name. She was older than I was, but we clicked instantly. I’d left my family to come to the city to be a star.” She laughed with irony. “I ended up being on stage, but not the kind of stage I’d envisioned. However, it paid the bills and a drug habit I’d developed. I kicked it with her help. She saved my life. She took me in and made me feel whole again.”
“Me, too,” Leona said. “My husband was a bastard, but I depended on him. I wanted to make extra money so I got into the prescription drug trade. I got probation and instead of running back to my husband, I ran with nothing but the clothes on my back. I met Mrs. Bell at a bus stop. It was raining, I had nowhere else to go, she took me in and I never left.”
“She knew we needed each other,” Jane said. “You needed us as much as we needed you.”
Gerald nodded. “And we thought you were happy here.”
“I am,” Anna Marie said in a quiet voice.
“What happened last night?” Jane said. “Did you and Desmond have a fight?”
“Of course, they had a fight,” Gerald said. “We could hear them.”
“I was just making sure.”
“Yes, we had a fight,” Anna Marie said. “You see, his father means a lot to him and his father would definitely not approve of me once he found out my history.”
