by Alice Raine
Spinning away from her I walked into the en-suite and felt around in the dark until I discovered the sink. Turning the tap on ever so slightly, I filled my palms with the cool water and splashed it onto my cheeks and back of my neck until I began to feel more normal again.
Tomorrow. I’d speak to her tomorrow. Satisfying myself with that intention I turned and crept from the bungalow, leaving my girl to sleep.
Chapter Twenty-one
Allie
The first thing I did when I woke up was to pull the duvet over myself and shiver, because the room this morning was really chilly. As I felt my nipples harden and the hairs on my arms stand up from the temperature, I readjusted my earlier estimate – it wasn’t chilly, it was flipping freezing.
Frowning, I registered a soft hum in the room that hadn’t been there on any previous days and looked around until I saw the small red light glowing on the air conditioner. Huh. That was weird. I knew I hadn’t turned it on last night because I hated breathing in recycled air. I’d much rather open a window or use a ceiling fan to cool myself down. Blinking several times, I finally braved the cool room and threw back the covers before going to the unit and switching it off. How the heck had it switched on? Shrugging in confusion at the vast array of buttons, I decided it must be automatic and set to switch on when the room got to a certain heat.
Darting back to bed, I pulled the duvet around myself like a cocoon and tried to warm up. I’d had some really vivid dreams about Sean again last night. I licked my lips and blew out a long breath. I still felt aroused, and my breasts and clitoris actually felt sensitive and achy as if they had really been touched by him. A miserable sigh slipped from my lungs – I wished he had been here last night.
My mind was distracted from my potent dreams and longing for Sean when I turned for a drink of water and saw my phone on the bedside table. I was fairly sure it hadn’t rung in the night, but I picked it up to check again, and then screwed my face up when I saw there were still no calls or messages from him. Pushing my lower lip out, I blew my bed hair out of my face and shook my head with a scowl. A huge sigh deflated my lungs.
I couldn’t believe it. With everything that was going on, our relationship was fragile at best, and I had thought Sean would be keener to sort out our issues.
The fact that he hadn’t even lifted his hand to call me yesterday was very telling about just how little Sean valued our relationship, which left me with some tricky decisions to make – did I stay and fight for us, or did I take his disinterest at face value and head back to the UK? I suppose I had a third option to consider, of going off travelling with Cait if she didn’t manage to get a job.
It was all a bit much to consider at this time in the morning without a clearer head and significant levels of caffeine in my system, so delaying the horrible task I pulled on a baggy T-shirt and went in search of Cait.
I might be feeling pretty down about the state of my love life, but after her late arrival home last night I was incredibly intrigued by hers.
Since the Greg incident four years ago, Cait had staunchly avoided spending any time with men, and hadn’t even entertained the idea of dating, so last night when she had mysteriously hinted that she may have spent the evening in the company of a male, my curiosity had been well and truly piqued. As soon as I’d seen the flush in her cheeks and clouded confusion swirling in her eyes I’d been desperate to get her alone so I could find out more, but the late night talk of Sean, and the job at the film studios had side-tracked me. I felt awful that I’d forgotten it so easily, but I could blame that upon the stress my brain was currently under. Now that I was up and about I desperately wanted to find out where the heck she’d been last night, and more importantly, with whom.
Much to my disappointment, I found the suite empty, and a note on the counter saying that she had headed over to the hostel early to help Julie with the preparation for the meet and greet event. My sceptical side suspected she might be avoiding spilling the beans about last night for some reason – perhaps nerves or confusion – but I supposed I wouldn’t know for sure until we spoke about it.
Standing in the centre of the living room, I tipped my head back and stared at the ceiling, feeling a small sting of unshed tears start at the backs of my eyes. Letting out a low, frustrated growl, I swiped at my cheeks with the back of my hand and found myself stamping my foot like a toddler. Damn it, I could really have done with some gossip to distract me from my troubles.
Seeing as that wasn’t an option, I blew out a long breath and headed to the bathroom to get ready.
The frustration I felt at Sean’s lack of contact yesterday caused me to rub at my hair particularly hard in the shower until my scalp became a little sore. Infuriating man. Not to mention totally out of order. Our entire relationship was on the line and he couldn’t even be bothered to call me? Mind you, I was just as mad at myself for letting him affect me like this.
By the time I re-entered the bedroom after my shower I looked down at my phone screen and saw a text message from Sean. So he was finally getting in touch? I knew I was being overly touchy – perhaps it was nearly my time of the month – but for whatever reason I was particularly grouchy today. Gritting my teeth, I felt anger bubbling in my stomach at his belated effort. I swear on all things holy that if his message had been on paper, not my phone, then I would have ripped it up without even reading it. The message alert kept blinking while I dressed though, and curiosity eventually got the better of me as I swiped it to open it.
From: Sean
Please can we meet, Allie? I need to see you. I miss you. S x
Clenching my teeth until I winced from the pressure I shook my head in disbelief at his cheek. If he missed me so bloody badly he could have called me when he was supposed to. Chewing on a fingernail I grimaced when it broke off far too low and started to bleed. Bugger, that hurt. Feeling bitchy and irksome I typed out a challenging reply, being deliberately difficult just to spite him.
To: Sean P
I’ll be at the hostel all day helping Cait prepare for a social event. Come on over.
I missed off my usual kiss from the end, suspecting that it might annoy him, and spitefully hoping that it did. According to Sean he’d been to the hostel on my first night in LA but it seemed unlikely that a Hollywood actor could just walk in there in the middle of the day without causing a riot, so I knew I was goading him, challenging him to do something impossible, but I was feeling so bitterly disappointed that I didn’t seem able to help myself.
Predictably, barely a second after my message had sent, my phone began ringing, flashing up Sean’s name. I could ignore it and further delay the expected confrontation, but that would only make me as bad as him. Exhaling noisily as I answered, I lifted the handset to my ear and was met by an equally large sigh from Sean.
‘Be reasonable, Allie, you know I can’t do that.’ His husky, almost smoke-roughened voice washed over me and had the same impact on me as it usually did, causing my knees to weaken and my eyes to flutter shut as I tried to soak it into my memory.
Regardless of how much I missed him, how much I craved him, I saw a red mist rise up in front of my eyes at his words. Me be reasonable? He hadn’t contacted me yesterday while I’d sat like a sad sack waiting for his call, so I had every right to be touchy.
Besides, he was the one who was suddenly engaged and asking me to hide away like his secret floozy! Reasonable was the very last thing I felt at the moment. Furious, disillusioned, and murderous, perhaps, but reasonable? No.
‘Why can’t you meet me at the hostel? Because you’re famous? Or because you don’t want anyone to catch you out cheating on your fiancée?’ I retorted, hating the vicious tone resonating through my own voice.
‘For God’s sake, Allie. She’s not my fucking fiancée. It’s just a stupid PR stunt until the end of the season. If you’d hear me out you’d understand.’
I didn’t even pause for a second, my reply rolling immediately from my tongue. ‘Understand w
hat, exactly? That in the eyes of the world you’re engaged to her?’ I half demanded, half stated. ‘Which I assume means you can’t be seen in public with me without causing a huge outcry? I’m guessing that’s what you meant when you said we’d need to be careful and keep things quiet?’
There was a moment of shocked silence before I heard Sean clear his throat. ‘I … uh … yes. But if you’d just let me explain, Allie.’
I barely ever lost my temper, but the depth of my emotions where this man was concerned was leading me to be a seething wreck. ‘You had the chance to explain yesterday, but you didn’t bother to call, which showed me just how desperate you are to explain.’
There was a splutter of shock down the line, and then a second of silence. ‘What? I called you endlessly, but your phone was off so I sent you a message explaining that I couldn’t get through. I thought you were ignoring me.’ His reply threw me. I hadn’t expected him to say that, I’d just assumed that he hadn’t bothered to call. There was a scratchy sound down the line as Sean seemed to be moving the phone around in his hand, and I hesitated, suddenly unsure.
Thinking logically, I knew my phone hadn’t rung yesterday, so I was about to dismiss his words as more lies, when a loud curse exploded down the line. ‘Fucking hell!’ I moved the phone away from my head in case further eardrum bursting expletives were about to follow, but instead, Sean’s voice slid down the line, low and panicked. ‘I just checked my call list. I was phoning your English number by mistake, not your US one. I’m so sorry, I called you endlessly, I swear to God.’
‘Whatever, Sean,’ I said dismissively, although his obvious panic was allowing doubts to creep in, making my voice a little wobbly. What if he was telling the truth? God, all this emotion was starting to get the better of me and I could feel tears building in my eyes. I needed to stay strong. Thinking back to his earlier words, a question popped into my head, which I promptly threw at him.
‘You said this is just until the end of the season. When exactly is that?’ I demanded, hoping he might say something short-term, like, oh, I don’t know … next week?
‘It depends how smoothly filming goes and if we have any extensions, but probably just a few months. Six-ish.’
Six-ish? Six months? Two months apart had just about killed me, but another six? That was half a year! I didn’t really absorb his words fully, my brain too wound up to even pause in its train of thought.
‘So basically we can’t go on dates for at least half a year? Can’t hold hands in a coffee shop? Heck, we probably couldn’t even go to a coffee shop in the first place, could we? God forbid I should be seen in public with my boyfriend.’ I was in full rant mode now, not waiting for his response – I had so many things running around my mind and they needed to come out. ‘If I’m understanding your words correctly, Sean, you and I can’t do anything together, which makes a relationship between us impossible and officially makes me being in Los Angeles completely pointless.’
What an utterly wretched but accurate summary.
There was a scratchy movement on the other end, as if Sean were pacing restlessly, which given his cool and calm persona was decidedly out of character. ‘I’m trying to sort it all out, OK? You’re right, we can’t meet in public, not yet, but can we meet at your hotel suite later to talk?’ There was another wheezy breath followed by several clattering noises. Perhaps he was pacing restlessly. It might be one of his nervous habits. I didn’t know him well enough to be sure.
At his mention of my hotel another horrible thought began to occur to me, forming in my mind with greater clarity as each second passed. ‘You said I’d have to stay in a hotel because the production team have moved you to a house nearer the set …’
The noises on the phone stopped as Sean stilled, and I could almost picture the look of poised intensity on his handsome face. ‘That’s right,’ he answered, sounding wary.
‘Why couldn’t I stay with you? I mean I could have stayed hidden so no one knew I was there,’ I asked, knowing the answer that he’d told me in the car, but suspecting that there was a whole other reason he didn’t want me going there.
‘Um … it’s for, ah … crew members only.’ His hesitation made it immediately clear that I was onto something, and I was beginning to suspect that that something was tall, pouty, brunette, and stick-like.
‘Do you live there alone?’ My fingernails were digging into my palm by now, the pain only dulled by the fierce hammering of my heart as I waited for his response.
‘Why?’ he replied, his tone clipped and edgy.
‘I just want to know, that’s all.’
‘No, I share the house, Allie. That’s pretty common amongst crew members on long shoots.’
My eyes closed, knowing my suspicions were about to be proven correct. ‘You share it with her, don’t you?’ I whispered, somehow knowing that I was right. He was living with Savannah. I just knew it.
There was a very long pause, so long, in fact, that I pulled my phone away from my ear to check we hadn’t been cut off. ‘Allie …’ He hadn’t answered me directly, but it was clear from his strangled, hesitant voice that my suspicions were correct.
So not only was Sean supposedly engaged to Savannah Hilton, but he had dated her in the past, and now he was living with her too. Fabulous. In my books that all stacked up to waaaay too much baggage for me to try and contend with.
‘I thought so. Right, well, there isn’t really anything else to talk about then.’ With that, I hung up, threw my phone on the bed, and then practically ran from the room as it immediately began to ring.
Fleeing to the peace of the private garden I slammed the patio door to close off the incessant ringing and walked to stand beside the pool. I stared at the gently rippling water and realised that my entire body was covered in goose pimples.
He was living with her. It really couldn’t get any worse than that, could it? So somehow, against my knowledge I had officially found myself as ‘the other woman’. Jesus.
I ran a hand through my hair and scratched at my scalp in agitation. I could really do with talking this over with Cait, but seeing as she wasn’t here I’d have to share this new development in the Sean drama with her later. I was well and truly on my own. I don’t think I’d ever felt isolation quite so intensely as I did then, and to top it all off I was thousands of miles away from home.
Wrapping my arms around myself I rubbed at my cold skin and tipped my head back toward the sun as I ran through the conversation with Sean. Was I being irrational? Overreacting? Perhaps I had been slightly rash in my decision not to see him sooner, but now that I knew he was living with Savannah I felt completely justified in my actions. I still couldn’t quite believe it all.
Swallowing down a lump that rose in my throat, I tried to steady my erratic breathing, but my pulse was hammering so quickly that I felt like it might burst from my chest. I felt on the verge of a panic attack and quickly found a sun lounger that I could fall into as my legs failed me.
Over the next ten minutes, the sun warmed my chilled body and I began to feel more human again. I would recover from this, but being away from home certainly wasn’t helping. Perhaps I should try and get a return flight to the UK, but that was something to consider once I’d talked things through with Cait. Sitting myself up, I glanced at my watch and saw that I needed to be heading to the hostel to help with the event. Maybe we’d be able to grab a few minutes there to talk.
I felt so raw that I genuinely thought I might have had a breakdown if I’d had an entire empty day stretching out ahead of me, so it really was a blessing that I had offered to help as it would prove to be a good distraction from my shitty situation and jumbled emotions.
Chapter Twenty-two
Allie
After leaving my phone at the hotel – it hadn’t stopped ringing and I didn’t want the constant reminder of Sean looming over me all day – I had jumped in a cab for the fifteen minute journey to the hostel and was now standing on the sunny pavement outside be
ing handed a shopping list by a very flustered Cait.
She looked far from my composed, calm best friend, and I had to hold back a smile as I picked several Rice Krispies from the strands of her long hair. ‘Ugh. Thank you. Julie wanted me to make cupcakes, but there’s no way my cakes could compare with hers so I thought I’d opt for the easy option of chocolate crispy cakes. The bloody mixture is so sticky that it’s getting everywhere.’ Running her hands through her hair she blew her fringe from her face and gave me a panicked smile as she glanced at the list in my hand. ‘I can’t believe we missed so many things when we went shopping yesterday!’ she exclaimed, ‘Thank you so much, Allie. There’s a convenience store on the corner of the next block. Keep the receipt and the hostel will pay you back.’
Barely forty minutes later I was done with the shopping and was now loaded down with bags containing kitchen roll, plastic forks, and various other party stuff that was needed. Even with the Sean situation hanging over me I found that I was actually looking forward to a fun afternoon with Cait at the party, not to mention the prospect of meeting new people.
Just as they had been on the day I checked in, the hostel steps were busy with smokers hanging out and chatting, but as I mounted the top step the handle on one of my plastic bags broke, spewing a tumbling mass of kitchen rolls which cascaded and bumped their way down the steps.
Grimacing, I let out a heavy sigh. As stupid as it was, when I added this little mishap to my problems with Sean, it was almost enough to send tears to my eyes. Before I could bend to begin retrieving my spilt load, a scruffily-dressed man jumped from his perch on the wall and collected them for me.
Surprised by his kind gesture I felt my shoulders sag in gratitude; a knight in shining armour was just what I needed today. ‘Thanks. I think I’m overloaded,’ I joked lamely, but the laugh died as my saviour straightened up so I could get a closer look at him. He might be hidden below a baseball cap, and several days’ worth of stubble, but that jaw and those lips looked all too temptingly familiar.
