by Alice Raine
Sean seemed to agree with my sentiment, but after a second shook his head, apparently intent on finishing his confessions first. ‘He wasn’t thrilled, but he could see what a state I was in and finally agreed that the engagement farce needed to end. Apparently the man does have a heart after all,’ Sean joked mildly before sobering again. ‘His acceptance comes with two stipulations – I have to wait until after the new season premiere to make the announcement, and until then Savannah and I have to continue to live together in the same house. He wants the fans hooked in before we “split up”. Plus, he thinks that it might cause some extra publicity for the show that way.’
My jaw clenched as I grimaced at his mention of living with Savannah, but there seemed to be an end in sight, which was all I was clinging to right now.
I still couldn’t believe people lived like this. How was this make-believe world his reality? It made me feel well and truly boring. ‘We have separate rooms, Allie, there is nothing between us.’ After finishing his confession, Sean sat still and stared right at me, his eyes large and almost childlike as he awaited my judgement. When I didn’t say anything – I couldn’t, I’d been stunned into silence – he let out an almighty sigh. ‘You probably think I'm a total jerk now.’
I quietly pondered what he'd told me for a second, finding myself totally lost for what to say. My bottom lip took a battering as I chewed on it and thought through all he had told me. Technically, when he’d agreed to the fake relationship, he’d been single, so there was really no harm to that element, and money certainly had a way of making people do crazy things. I dreaded to think what sums of cash had been exchanged for this farce – probably more than my bank account had ever seen in its lifetime.
Nodding to myself, I got to the real crux of the issue – Savannah. She sounded like a grade A bitch, had forced the engagement thing into the public eye, and from what I’d seen of her in pictures, looked more than keen to make fantasy into reality with Sean.
It was a lot to consider so I asked a question that sprang into my head. ‘After I left you on Monday, Cait and I did a bit of digging. There were a couple of photographs of you and Savannah out with your families. Have you deceived them too?’ I asked, aware that my voice was most disapproving and also wavering from the jealousy still burning inside me.
Sean unfurled his tall frame from his position on the floor and moved to sit back next to me again, his posture decidedly more slumped than earlier.
‘Those photos are really old, back when Finlay first asked us to continue the pretence, but no, of course I didn’t lie to my family. I told them all the truth.’ Running a hand through his hair, Sean shrugged. ‘Actually, in the end, it was my parents who convinced me it was the right thing to do. They said the money was too much to turn down. My mum has wanted me to settle down for years so I think secretly she hoped things would work out between Savannah and me and we would end up together for real.’ He raised an eyebrow ironically, shaking his head and his eyes sought mine as he searched my face for an indication of my feelings.
I was still basically in stunned silence, but Sean’s face crumpled at my continued hesitation. ‘Do you think I'm an awful person?’ he asked quietly, anxiety written across his handsome face and making him look far older than his years.
Honestly I wasn't really sure what I thought. On one hand I was overjoyed at his proclamation about just how important I was to him, but then on the other I didn't approve of the lie he was living – even though it was supposedly for the good of the show. Fiddling with the hem on my shorts I pondered for a few more seconds. Could I continue to hold it against him? After all, it sounded like he had sort of been forced into the whole thing by Savannah's impulsive public announcement and his director’s blackmail.
Beside all of the crappy details, there were also the small facts to consider, such as I was totally in love with him, he was unreservedly gorgeous, and apparently also still deeply in love with me too.
Knowing I had been silent for quite a long time and understanding that my pause must be eating him up with nerves, I finally reconnected our gaze and cleared my throat. ‘I don't agree with the lies, Sean,’ I stated, giving him a firm look, ‘but it seems that you were somewhat forced into a corner.’ His face remained impassive as he watched me, but he allowed me more time to form my conclusions.
‘And I don't think you're an awful person,’ I finished out loud. The relief that flooded his handsome face was immeasurable. In my opinion, Sean Phillips was as far from ‘awful’ as you could get, a ‘caring, delicious hottie with a body to die for’, perhaps, but awful? No. Not that I said any of that out loud.
‘It seems nobody really got hurt and you turned an incredibly odd situation to your advantage. I wasn’t even in the picture until recently, and you couldn’t have known that Savannah was going to announce a pack of lies to the press.’ Sitting back, I took a few deep breaths to try and calm my reeling brain; I was well and truly overloaded by the bizarre information I had learnt in the last half an hour and needed another moment of quiet. After several minutes, I pursed my lips and gave a marginal nod of my head, actually quite impressed with how calm I was, considering all I had just taken in.
From beside me, I saw Sean shift in his seat as he tentatively placed a hand over one of mine. Heat coursed through me and a shiver of awareness ran from our joined hands right to the tips of my toes and the top of my hairline. The touch shocked me – not the actual contact, but the response that my body had to his warm skin. It seemed even more explosive than usual. When I didn't pull away, he closed his fingers around mine and smiled hopefully.
‘Say you believe me, Allie?’ he asked hopefully, giving my hand an encouraging squeeze.
‘Well, I think so … but you gotta admit it’s all pretty far-fetched, Sean.’
He let out a chuckle. ‘This is Hollywood, Allie, what did you expect? You wouldn't believe the number of fake weddings I've heard about, not to mention fake divorces, and they are all tangled up with fame or ratings or viewer popularity. It’s unreal; actors living in an entirely false world.’ His laugh was soft and warming and I found myself chuckling along as my body relaxed back against the sofa.
Suddenly, Sean straightened up and looked me directly in the eyes. The determined look on his face told me he was about to say or do something important, but what? Because secretly, now that the tension had eased between us, I was hoping it might involve another searing kiss.
‘Look, let me lay it on the line. This isn’t exactly going to be easy for the next few weeks, but I love you. I know I’ve told you before, but how I feel about you goes way beyond just love. I feel things for you I’ve never felt before … Can we pick up where we left off? We’ll have to be secretive for a while until everything is sorted with the press, so it won’t be smooth running, but what do you think?’ As he tilted his head, a flicker of tension crossed his face. ‘Visiting my house might be a bit tricky when Savannah is home, but I’ll speak to her and see what I can sort out.’
His mention of Savannah made my lip curl with distaste. I wasn’t looking forward to meeting her at all. Firstly, I had convinced myself that she still wanted Sean, and secondly, after hearing the levels she’d sunk to recently in deceiving not only Sean but the fans too, I wasn’t exactly a supporter of the way she lived her life.
Watching me carefully, Sean must have seen my grimace and his shoulders slumped as disappointment flooded his features. ‘You still don't believe me, do you?’
I blinked, and decided to be completely honest with him. ‘Actually, I do. But I think Savannah is going to cause us problems. I know you said she went to the press with the engagement story because she’s greedy, but I can’t help but think there’s more to it than that. I’ve seen the pictures in the papers, she’s always got her hands all over you. Are you sure she doesn’t want you back?’
Tilting his head thoughtfully, Sean considered my question as if it hadn’t even crossed his mind before. ‘I don’t think so. She flirts wit
h me, but then she flirts with any man that has a pulse. I’m almost positive it’s nothing more than that,’ he said confidently.
Hmm. We’d have to agree to disagree on that for now, because from the body language she’d displayed in the various pictures I’d seen I’d place money on the fact that she still held a torch for him. Shaking his head, Sean frowned, tilting his chin to give me an assessing look. ‘It’s more than that, isn’t it? What else is on your mind?’
I met his gaze and hesitated, not wanting to share yet more doubts with him after the already emotional revelations of the last fifteen minutes. ‘If I’m being honest, I’m still not entirely convinced that a relationship between you and me will ever really work.’ Seeing his brow lower defiantly I quickly continued before he could interrupt me. ‘A film star and a teacher doesn’t seem the most practical in the long run, does it? We live in totally different worlds, not to mention different countries for half the time.’
To my surprise, and bitter disappointment, Sean didn’t immediately argue with me, instead choosing to chew on the inside of his cheek while still staring at me. After an age where he simply sat there, he licked his lips and drew in a long breath. ‘We can make it work, Allie,’ he said quietly, but not as forcefully as I’d hoped. Seeing my continued hesitation he gave my hands a tighter squeeze, sending warmth rushing around my body. ‘Besides, you’ve finished teaching; all you need to do is make a go of your writing and you could live anywhere you wanted.’ Licking his lips, he gave a tentative smile. ‘You could live wherever I was. If you wanted to, that is. We both need to want this to work though, Allie.’
There were no long, drawn out pauses or thinking time required this time – my answer literally rolled from my tongue. ‘I want it, Sean, of course I do,’ I whispered keenly, and I really did. When I recalled the four weeks we’d spent together in the UK, I thought of nothing but how blissfully happy we’d been. I couldn’t think of anything in the world I wanted more.
His shoulders sagged in relief, his lips curling into that roguish smile that I so loved. ‘Me too, my gorgeous girl. I understand your concerns, of course I do, but will you at least give me a chance? We have to be careful for the next few weeks anyway, which will limit the amount we can see each other so maybe we could call it a trial of sorts?’ Raising a hand he gently brushed some loose strands of hair behind my ear, his expression softening and melting my heart along with it.
‘Actually, given how we met, we sort of skipped the proper dating phase, so maybe we can do that now. I’ll court you properly, win you over again. We’ll take it slow …’ Narrowing his eyes, he pursed his lips and slid a hand down, flicking his thumb across one of my nipples and causing it to instantly harden against his touch. ‘Well, slow-ish …’ he conceded with a cheeky grin. ‘I’m not a saint.’ If he felt even one tenth as horny as I currently did, then we weren’t going to manage to take it slow for long, but as I gasped my pleasure, I gave an accepting nod of my head.
I met his gaze and saw the hope and desperation there that I had also heard reflected in his voice. He was still waiting patiently for me, and as I saw the love and longing in his expression I realised that my brain, and body, were fast moving away from his phoney engagement and mass deception and towards a much more selfish destination. We could still be together. Maybe. If we could find a solution to the other issues that seemed to loom over our relationship, but I’d grab this moment and go with it. I could always worry about the issues later.
Sean Phillips, the man I loved and basically the man of my dreams, could once again be my boyfriend.
My wandering thoughts must have caused my smile to broaden considerably, because Sean looked at me quizzically, a confused smile twitching at the corners of his lips.
‘What?’ he asked with a slightly nervous lilt.
Nodding my head frantically, I smiled. ‘Deal. A trial it is. I think I can cope with you “courting me” while we keep it quiet until you sort things out.’ Giving in to the urge to be closer to him, I leant toward him and buried my face into the warmth of his neck. ‘Please don’t think my hesitation was because I don’t love you, Sean, because I do …’ as good as it felt to be snuggled against him, I needed him to see how serious I was about this, so I leant back and connected our gazes, ‘… more than you could ever know. It’s just quite a bit to take in and I wasn’t sure how I’d deal with it … I’m still not, but if you’re willing to fight for us, then so am I.’
Saying it out loud suddenly made me feel quite overwhelmed again, and extremely, well … ordinary, especially sitting here next to Sean with his exquisite tan, beautiful body, and tousled good looks as his face began to dip towards mine for a kiss.
Suddenly the library door burst open, causing us to jump apart as I practically had a coronary on the spot. Within a split second I’d instinctively grabbed Sean’s tatty baseball cap from the sofa between us and rammed it on his head, causing him to jerk forward sharply. Looking at the offending door, I watched as two young guys entered with laptops in their hands, apparently heading to the desks that held the hostel’s Wi-Fi hotspot. The first gave us a cursory glance and a nod by way of greeting, but the second looked so sleepy, or perhaps hungover, that he didn’t even bother to look at us.
My heart was hammering in my chest at our near escape and I flashed Sean a concerned glance. ‘We should go,’ I whispered. ‘I need to get back and help Cait, the event starts soon and I’ve basically abandoned her.’
Lifting up a hand, Sean winced dramatically and rubbed at his neck. ‘I think you gave me whiplash,’ he murmured, causing me to blush. I may have been a little over exuberant when I’d put his hat on him. He flashed me a wink to show he was joking, donned his dark glasses, and stood up before offering me a hand.
Placing my palm in his, I stood and followed him from the room, feeling like I was breaking some invisible law just by holding Sean’s hand. Once we were in the empty corridor he stopped, removed his sunglasses, and turned to face me. I wasn’t sure if he saw the way I was staring at our joined hands, or perhaps just feeling it too, but he chuckled and squeezed my palm before leaning in to whisper in my ear. ‘Exciting, isn’t it?’
When I raised my eyes to meet his gaze I saw he was grinning at me with a very naughty twinkle in his eyes. ‘Sneaking around, the risk of being caught, the almost illicit feeling of all this … it’s quite a turn on, wouldn’t you agree?’ he murmured, inching even closer as his hot breath fanned across my cheek and made me draw in a shaky gasp. As wrong as it was, I couldn’t deny his words. My heart was still thundering in my veins and from the way my body was tingling at his closeness and thrumming in all the right places, I knew I was most definitely aroused.
Adjusting my stance, I pressed my thighs together and found myself biting on my lower lip at the pleasant sensation in my groin. Nodding slowly at Sean, I stood rooted to the spot as he shifted his hips forward so his lower body was pressed against mine. As his very obvious excitement pressed against my belly I couldn’t help but let out a low moan and slide my hands around his waist to yank him more firmly against me, which immediately had the desired response when he growled and dipped his head for a desperate kiss.
Our lips met frantically, warm skin moving against warm skin as my mouth instinctively parted to allow his probing tongue to explore. The narrow hallway soon became filled with our breathy sighs as our hands joined in and groped through our clothing, but Sean suddenly pulled back before I’d even managed to get my hand down his shorts.
Reaching for me, Sean took hold of my wrists and guided me one step backwards so I was pressed against the wall with his body caging me in. His face was mere centimetres from mine, his breaths ragged and short and I found myself pinned by his desire-laden stare. ‘I want to fuck you against this wall right now,’ he muttered, giving a hard accompanying thrust to prove his point.
That sounded so wrong and so dirty, but God, did I want him to follow through. Before meeting Sean I’d never been one for dirty talk or
public sex acts, but when Sean swore or suggested illicit activities, they immediately sent a jolt of lust straight to my throbbing core. A huge sigh escaped his lips and Sean gave me a rueful smile before reluctantly shaking his head. ‘But we can’t. It’s way too public, and even I’m not that much of an exhibitionist.’
Disappointment and frustration pounded in my core, but he was right. To be honest, we were lucky we hadn’t already been caught: this was the main corridor running through the hostel and always seemed to be busy with people. Seeing as we’d been at it like a couple of horny teenagers, it was a frigging miracle no one had come past. ‘Besides, I’m not sure that fucking you against a wall exactly fits with my quest to take it slow and date you properly,’ he murmured with a dark chuckle that made me sputter out a shocked giggle.
Pulling in several steadying breaths, I couldn’t help but join him in smiling as he gradually pulled himself away from me and rearranged things inside his shorts with a wince. ‘I’m going to have one serious case of blue balls after all this waiting,’ he muttered, before grinning at me boyishly. ‘Soon though, my gorgeous girl, I promise I’ll find a way for us to be together. Good luck with the event. Message me tonight before bed, OK?’ And as soon as he’d seen my answering nod, Sean replaced his glasses, landed one quick kiss on my lips, and murmured the words, ‘Message. Bed time. Don’t forget,’ into my mouth, before disappearing down the corridor and leaving me feeling breathless, wobbly-legged, and horny as hell.
