Her words are preposterous, and yet my next words squeak out. “You wouldn’t do that. You have Del.”
“Luca is a keeper, Del not so much. If Luca’s available, I just might want to test that out.” She shrugs. “I bet I can find someone else to write me a spell that’ll work. You can’t be the only one who can do it. Everyone has a price, after all. Maybe even your new witch friend? I bet if I threw enough money at her she’d write me a spell.”
I scoff. “That doesn’t even sound believable.” And yet my heart is racing and I feel like my head is being squeezed in a vice. What if she can convince someone to write her a spell?
“Luca isn’t your kind of person, Rowan. No makeover in the world can fix that.” Abby gives me a once-over that makes me shrink more in my seat. “What you and him have, it was never meant to be, just like the rest of the relationships.”
Her words are an echo of Lillian’s and they’re also a final roundhouse to the gut. I slump down, certain that I’m going to throw up everywhere. This can’t be happening. Luca knew my name, he told me he always wanted to talk to me. He asked me out. Treated me like I’m special. He’s been so…perfect.
I am so pathetic.
Abby runs her hand over her waist and hips. “But I am his kind of person. And I know just what he needs.”
What does he need? Abby is beautiful. She’s rich. She’s intelligent. She’s popular.
Abby winks at me, then walks away. The group of girls look from her to me, clearly unsure what to do.
I watch her leave the library. I hate her and everything she is. But is she right? Is she the kind of girl that Luca would truly want? Maybe she is, when a spell isn’t interfering with his feelings.
Even though I want to reject the idea of it, I also am envisioning the two of them together and it really sucks because it’s totally believable.
The first spell I wrote was a total joke. Not taken seriously and certainly not with myself in mind. I didn’t even light a candle or anything. Nothing was burned. No names were used. How could it have brought Luca to me?
I pull my notebook from my bag and open it to the page where I wrote that first spell.
There is a love I desperately long for, so vibrant that it makes my heart soar. With love at first sight, we’ll know it’s just right—
It’s not even a real love spell. But as I read it, I feel a deep desire that this is something that I want. Badly. I wasn’t thinking of Luca when I wrote it, but what if it’s true? What if Luca felt compelled to come and talk to me because of what I was thinking when I wrote this spell?
I practically wished for him, didn’t I? I wanted someone who was down to Earth, rooted in reality. I mean, yes, Luca isn’t close-minded to the idea of ghosts and he knew who my mom was before we talked but he’s never made me feel like he’s enamored by her celebrity status. We haven’t had the belly laughs that I so miss having with Ethan but our relationship is still new, that kind of laughter comes with years of friendship and inside jokes. He does make me feel like I’m cherished, though, and we cuddle so much. He knows what I need…
Lillian said there would be side effects, consequences. What if Luca is a consequence?
He hasn’t hurt me. He’s never given me a bruise or treated me awfully. Hope flutters in my belly. He’s kind. He’s funny. And let’s face it, he’s hot. He’s perfect.
Too perfect.
My whole body trembles. That’s the truth of it, isn’t it? I knew it was too good to be true even while it was happening. Tears burn the back of my eyes. And why am I so upset? It’s not like we’re getting married. It’s not like we actually have a future together. Moving into my yet-to-be-built attic apartment together wasn’t ever going to actually happen.
It was good, though. It was so good.
My phone buzzes. I pull it out of my pocket. It’s Ethan.
If you reverse the spell, I will never speak to you again
Abby must have told him.
Can things possibly get any worse?
Somehow, I think the answer is yes.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
I need time to think. My phone dings every two seconds with texts from Abby and from Ethan. Mel, too, has somehow gotten my number. Their threats range from ridiculous to downright frightening. I don’t answer anyone because the thing is, I don’t know if I want the spells to end. Not anymore. Not when there’s so much to lose.
I leave the library and the school. I turn my phone off. Then I turn it back on.
I have to tell Luca. I feel so gross, like I’ve taken advantage of him. Our relationship is a lie.
I don’t want to tell him, though.
I stare at my phone.
I can’t do it.
Ethan calls.
I answer it on reflex.
“Don’t do it, Ro.” He sounds like he’s crying. My heart clenches.
“Your eye—”
“Is fine. Please, you don’t know what it’s like to be so lonely.”
I do, though.
“Abby said you can reverse the spells, that you would lose Luca, too, if you do.”
Crap.
“How can you even think about giving him up? I see you, how happy you are. I haven’t stopped you from that happiness, have I?”
“No.”
“So why would you stop me from having mine? Come on, Ro! You haven’t seen us together. You don’t know how awesome it is.”
“He hit you, Eth!”
“It was an accident. Trust me, I wouldn’t let someone hurt me like that on purpose. You know that, Ro. I’m not that kind of person.”
And the way he says it, it sounds believable. I mean, of course Ethan would never stay with someone who was hurting him.
I nod even though he can’t see it.
“Why don’t we go on a double date? You can get to know Malcolm, see how great we are together. I’m really happy, Ro, I promise. You don’t need to worry. You don’t need to end the spells.”
His voice has changed. He’s not begging. He’s not crying. He’s Ethan, the same Ethan I’ve always known. And I want to believe him with all my heart.
“Okay.”
But it’s not okay really, is it? Because it’s Mom, and Mel and Andrew, and Will and Amanda, and who knows who else is suffering because of a relationship that should never have existed.
The bus pulls up to the curb. Maybe I need to talk to Lillian again.
The line of people waiting for the bus has all gotten on. The bus driver looks at me expectedly. “I have to go, Eth.” I hang up, then I pull my bag closer to my chest and climb aboard.
The more I think about it, the more I know that I have to talk to Lillian. I have to tell her about Luca. I didn’t realize last night what I’d have to give up. There’s got to be another way. Maybe there’s a spell that can make people get along.
My phone dings. Where are u going?
It’s Luca. I look up and see him standing by his truck in the student parking lot. He waves then shrugs, lifting his hand in a what’s-up gesture, as my bus drives by.
Need to do something. Meet me later?
The bus turns the corner, heading to Main Street.
You ok?
I nod. Tears are there again. I don’t stop them this time. I just wipe them away with my sleeve and text back.
Yeah. Just have to go talk to someone
I could have taken you
How am I supposed to tell him that I’m going to talk to a witch lady about how not to end the spell I cast on him because I don’t want to lose him?
I didn’t want to bug you
You never bug me. I always want to hang with you. You know that
The bus stops at the top of Main. It’s a five-minute walk from here to the spell shop. The bus doors open. I clench my bag but I don’t push to my feet.
I close my eyes, take a deep breath, and then text him back.
Come over. Mom probably won’t be home
Because she’s never home lately.
We can hang out all night
I’ll bring food.
The bus isn’t moving and the doors remain open. I look at the driver and he’s texting, seemingly in no hurry to get a move on. The spells shop is right there. I can just make out the symbol of a candle on the hanging sign. Lillian would want me to be happy, wouldn’t she?
My phone dings and I look down to find a heart. From Luca.
A heart!
The bus doors close and it lurches into motion once again.
Kk. I send a heart back.
Because that’s how I feel. I do heart him. And I don’t want to be alone.
I clench the book tighter.
I should burn it. Just get rid of it. Then no one will be angry with me. Then I won’t have to give up Luca. He’ll never know.
I’m not going to do it, I text Abby. I’m getting rid of the book
I wish I’d never even found out about it in the first place.
Good. Abby texts back. She puts a smiley face as if that makes everything all right.
The bus ride home takes about thirty minutes, enough time to really convince myself that I’ve made the right decision. My house is empty when I get home. Luca pulls up before I can get my front door closed. He smiles at me as he pulls the pizza box out of the truck.
Seeing him standing there, looking like there’s nothing wrong, completely oblivious to what is happening. A chill creeps down my spine and a lump of unease settles in my stomach.
I wasn’t expecting him to get here so fast. The book sits heavy in my backpack.
“I didn’t want to miss a chance to check out your room again.” He winks. “I missed you today.”
All of the stress I feel slips away. I shove my bag into the hall closet. I’ll deal with the book later.
Luca bounds up the porch stairs and leans in to kiss me. His lips are so soft. I inhale his scent—soapy—and look up and see that his hair is wet.
“You went running with the team today?” I shut the door and lock it behind him.
He nods. “Yeah, showered and was just putting my stuff in my truck when I saw you getting on the bus.” I follow him to the kitchen. “Everything okay?”
I nod. “I just had an errand to run for my mom.” What’s one more lie?
That uneasy feeling is back.
He opens the pizza and the waft of garlic and cheese makes me want to hurl.
“I need to tell you something.” Shutupshutupshutupshutup. “Important.”
“Uh-oh.” He frowns when he sees my expression, then closes the lid on the pizza box. “Something happen with Abby?”
I flinch. “No.” Then wince. “Yes.”
He waves his hand. “You should just ignore her.” He steps closer and all I want to do is fall into his arms and rest my head against his chest.
“Would you ever date someone like Abby?” I blurt.
His eyes go wide, then he laughs. “No!”
“Even though she’s like Shelley?” My cheeks heat. “I mean, beautiful, popular, not weird.” I wave my hand around.
“You’re beautiful and no, I don’t want you to be like Abby or like Shelley, and I don’t want to be with either of them. I want to be with you.”
He says such wonderful things. How can I give this up?
“I like you just the way you are.”
And he closes the distance between us. I don’t stop him from embracing me. I’m weak. I can’t say no. I wrap my arms around his waist and suck in the smell of him, the feel of him and then we’re kissing and the fire that he always seems to spark rages inside of me and my brain is only thinking about one thing…
“Stop,” I whisper. My voice is hoarse. “Luca, we have to stop.”
Even if I don’t want to believe it, I can’t let this happen, not without him knowing what’s going on.
Luca pulls back but he doesn’t let me go. His eyes are hooded and he looks confused. “You okay?”
I close my eyes briefly and shake my head. “No, I’m really not.”
Chapter Twenty-Eight
I made the right choice.
Even though my heart is tearing up inside and I feel like I want to die.
I have to tell Luca what’s going on. It’s the right thing to do.
That’s what I’m telling myself but I still haven’t spoken. Even though we’re sitting at the kitchen island and Luca’s being so incredibly patient with me, I still haven’t told him why I stopped our kiss.
What if none of this is real?
The sun has set. The book is still in the closet.
I’m not ending the spell. How can I? What if this wasn’t meant to be?
And yet…
There’s a thump against the front door. It’s so loud that we hear it in the kitchen.
“What was that?”
A chill snakes up my body. “Don’t know.”
I get up to go look and Luca stands up, too, because of course he does. Just as we’re entering the front hall, I hear the deadbolt turn. And then the door flings open and Ethan is there. He looks frazzled and for a second my thoughts go to the spell book. Is he here to destroy it?
“Ro, it’s your mom.”
I blink…huh? “She’s not here.”
“I know.” Ethan nods over his shoulder and I see a car in the driveway.
“Is that your dad?” I narrow my eyes into the limited light of the street lamps.
Despite the chill and the fact that I have no shoes or socks on, I rush to the porch because it’s not just Ethan’s dad out there—he’s carrying someone.
Not someone, my mom.
“What happened?”
She’s lying limp, her head hanging, her arms flopping.
“She’ll be okay, Rowan, she just needs a bed.” Ethan’s dad huffs as he struggles to carry her.
Luca comes up behind me, then sidesteps and takes my mom from Ethan’s dad’s arms and hoists her up like she weighs nothing.
“Was she drinking?” I direct Luca upstairs to Mom’s side of the house. Ethan and his dad trail behind me.
She’s totally out of it. Her eyes flutter—I can see them moving under her lids. Like she’s aware of what’s going on, but I don’t know how.
“I went to the pub for a drink with some friends after our shift.” Ethan’s dad pauses at the door to Mom’s bedroom.
Luca and I continued in.
“Maybe turn her on her side in case she throws up.” I feel her forehead. It’s warm. “Is this from the alcohol she had?” Please let it just be alcohol.
“Rowan.”
I look over my shoulder at Ethan’s dad because his tone is low, like a warning.
“She was hysterical. Screaming and crying. They were threatening to call the police when she started attacking people.” He rubs his hand over the back of his neck. “I managed to calm her down, put her in a bear lock to keep her from hitting anyone else. She didn’t smell of booze. I don’t think it was what she was drinking that was doing it to her. She relaxed when she realized it was me.” He clears his throat. “She begged me to put her out of her misery.”
My stomach drops. Now I know it wasn’t the booze.
“She said she’s got something in her that’s making her act this way. I don’t know what’s going on but, Rowan—I’ve never seen her like this before. She didn’t want to go to the hospital. She just asked me to bring her home and then she said she was so damn tired. She passed out when I got her into my car.”
I look over at Mom. She’s pale. She’s lost weight that she couldn’t afford to lose. There are dark circles under her eyes. She’s fighting the spell. It’s making her act out of ch
aracter and she’s fighting it. A wave of dizziness washes over me. I struggle to stay on my feet. Luca is there somehow knowing what’s going on and he props me up, an arm around my waist.
“Thanks for bringing her home,” he says to Ethan’s dad.
“No need for thanks. I’m just glad she’s got you here to watch over her.” He nods. “I gotta get some sleep myself. Call me if you need anything.” He turns to Ethan. “You sticking around here for a while?”
Ethan looks at me and nods slowly. “For a minute. I’ll catch up with you later, Dad.” He gives his dad a hug, then we all walk back downstairs and see him out.
“Where’s the book?” Ethan leans close to me as soon as the door is shut, his words meant for only my ears.
“My mom is fighting a spell,” I say. It comes out as a whisper but Ethan hears me.
His eyes are wide as he pulls back. “You didn’t.”
“I wanted her to be happy.” It sounds so lame as I say it. My throat is thick and the words don’t want to come out.
“So because you screwed up, you’re going to reverse all the spells?” Ethan’s voice is loud enough for Luca to hear. “Do you have any idea what you’ll do to everyone?” He’s leaning into me. Towering over me actually and making me feel like I should be cowering because of the expression on his face. Don’t reverse the spells, his face says, or else.
Luca is by my side in a flash, bulling Ethan back just by his presence. “Back up, bud, you’re looking a little too hostile there.”
Ethan’s eyes flash and I know what he’s going to say before I can even open my mouth to stop him from doing it.
“Rowan told you about her love spells, didn’t she? Did she mention that she cast one on you?”
My mouth drops open. The air leaves my lungs. I want to curl into myself and disappear.
Luca’s grip on me doesn’t waver but I can feel the shock of Ethan’s question roll through him.
“What?”
Ethan nods, a sneer on his lips. This is not the boy I grew up with. This is not the Ethan I know. This Ethan isn’t even my friend. “She didn’t tell you?”
Love Spells and Other Disasters Page 22
