I haven’t seen Luca at all. Then again, I’ve been avoiding all the places that I’d likely run into him. I’m a coward, I know, but I just can’t face him. My heart is constantly throbbing from the loss of both him and Ethan. It’s almost too much so I just focus on my mission to help people and that distracts me, mostly.
Ethan’s eye is all healed and he appears to be his usual self. Well, except he won’t even look at me. He’s made new friends, a bunch of people who know Malcolm. He’s always joking and laughing with them and that makes me feel even more lonely. I miss him so much but I guess if he’s happy then I should be happy for him, right? He’s moved on and even though it breaks my heart, I have to try to move on, too.
When I’m not trying to repair the damage I’ve done, I spend a lot of time sitting in a little alcove in the library. It’s peaceful here and it gives me time to think. I’ve started journaling. Writing down my thoughts, the lessons I’m learning, and sorting through feelings really help center me. I write about my impact on others, both good and bad. I reflect on how my magic hurt people and that helps put things into perspective every day for me. Mr. Tremmel might have been joking about writing a book but it’s gotten me thinking, especially now that I’m writing things down. He might be on to something. At the very least, journaling helps me focus on what I want to do next, and generates new ideas to pay it forward.
Sometimes I devote time to learning more about magic in general, reading some books that Lillian gave me and exploring what abilities I have so that I can use them responsibly. I find that it really is engaging to research all the world’s beliefs about power and mystic things and have even helped my mom on a few new ideas for her work. Maybe I’m finally starting to find a focus for my life and it aligns really well with my mom’s so that makes me happy. Her, too.
I’m sitting in the alcove now, taking a break from writing and indulging for a few minutes with a book I’ve been meaning to read from one of my favorite authors. It’s a thriller and I can tell already that Luca would like it, too.
“What did you do?” Abby catches me totally off guard, storming up to me so quickly that I nearly topple backward in my chair and drop my book.
I frown, open my mouth to ask what she means when she cuts me off.
“I was just talking to Mr. Tremmel.”
I hold my breath because even though I’ve been working on Mr. Tremmel to give Abby another chance, I really don’t know if I’ve been successful. He’s softened toward me, marginally, but there’s still tension there that may not ever go away.
“He lectured me about business ethics,” she says. “Then he told me that he’s giving me a reference. I’ve seen you talking to him every day when you help with the breakfast program.” She folds her arms and looks at me expectedly.
“I’m sorry, Abby. I know you wanted the internship, but I thought I could maybe help you get the reference letter. What we did was wrong but it was my magic, so it was my fault and I’m trying to make things right.” I shrug. “I know a reference letter is probably not good enough anymore but I tried.”
Abby’s expression is unreadable so I’m not sure if I’m about to get blasted or what.
“I owed you one anyway, didn’t I?” I add.
She taps her nails along her arm and purses her lips before speaking. “Don’t think I don’t know what you’re up to. I’ve been watching you. All your random acts of kindness. You think I haven’t noticed? I’m the chair of the social committee. I notice these things. The vibe is changing around here. People aren’t as angry anymore. Mel is speaking to me again.”
Her irritation surprises me. She’s been working on helping the school, too, so I just thought she felt compelled to fix things like I do. Maybe Abby’s been feeling some fallout from the spells, too. “Okay. So…?”
“So, I’ve been thinking about that,” she says. “I thought, after we figured out those spells were working, that we’d be doing something that would make people happy, but in the end we hurt people. My friends stopped talking to me. Everyone was really angry. But then you started to do your acts of kindness and now things are feeling like normal. Or at least, closer to it.”
She shakes her head. “I wanted the internship, badly. I thought maybe it would make my dad proud of me or something. He really isn’t around much, you know? Just before all of this started, he got a new girlfriend and I knew that I’d lose him for good. I needed him and Mom to reconcile so he wouldn’t leave me. Nothing I seem to do lately impresses him but when I told him about the internship opportunity, he took notice, gave me tips on how to succeed. And your spell started to work, Mom and Dad started to get along again so I thought everything would be okay.”
Her smile falters. “I guess I got carried away. I owe you an apology. I used you and that was crappy. It wasn’t your fault that my parents got divorced even though I made it seem like it was. I always felt like it was on me because my STEM project failed but it wasn’t me, either. They just hate each other and magic won’t fix that. Not forever anyway. I get that now.”
This time I nearly fall off my chair from shock. My face must show it clearly because Abby laughs.
“Don’t look so surprised. I do have a conscience.” She tilts her head to the side. “So, thanks for helping me get the reference letter. You’re right, it’s not the same as the internship but it’s probably more than I deserve.”
I nod. “I hope it helps you get what you want.” I see Ethan come into the library and I know he sees me, but he looks away quickly and heads in the other direction. I flinch. Gosh, that stings.
Abby watches Ethan, a frown on her face. “You two still aren’t talking?”
“No.” I sigh. “I don’t think he’ll ever forgive me.”
“Have you tried to do something nice for him yet?” Abby turns back to me.
“I have ideas, but I’m not sure how to make them happen.” I watch Ethan walk out of the library with some books under his arms. He doesn’t even glance my way this time. “But I kind of need him to talk to me, and so far he’s ignoring my attempts.”
“Well, I could help you with that.” Abby shrugs. “You have to admit, we worked well together.”
I cock an eyebrow.
“Okay, okay, sure, the partnership was a little unbalanced.” She laughs. “But your acts of kindness have inspired me and I want to help you. I told you before, I like to help when I see potential and your actions so far are making a difference.”
“What do you have in mind?”
Chapter Thirty-Three
Abby has her plans to help me with Ethan but I have mine as well.
With the help of Mom, we’ve convinced Ethan and his dad to come over for dinner as a thank-you for helping get her home when she was not herself.
My hands are clammy and I’m jittery as I set the dining room table for our guests. Mr. Columbus and Samuel finished working on the room just a couple of days ago so we can finally use it again. For the first time since we moved here, we’re actually going to eat a meal at the giant oak table. Mom even got the fireplace roaring so the room feels cozy.
“It looks beautiful, Ro,” Mom says as she carries in a tray of glasses.
The doorbell rings, which is jarring because I don’t think Ethan has ever rung the doorbell once in all the time I’ve known him. My heart sinks a little. Even though he’s agreed to come and eat, I know it’s because his dad is making him, not because he wants to be here. I hope to change that tonight but there’s a voice of doubt whispering in my ear that what I did is unforgivable.
“Do you want me to go?” Mom looks up from her task.
“No. I’ll let them in.”
“Okay, sweetie, thanks. The caterers say dinner will be ready in about twenty minutes so maybe take them into the sitting room and I’ll bring some refreshments?”
I’m already heading out the dining room door but I pause
. “In Dad’s room?”
“Yeah. Let’s include him tonight. Okay?” She smiles.
I smile back. “Okay.”
My hands shake as I open the door. Ethan’s dad stands there with a bouquet of flowers. “Hi Ro! These are for your mom.” Ethan stands a little behind him. His hands are in his pockets and he’s looking down.
I accept the gift and motion for them to come in. “Thank you. She’s just getting a few things ready. Dinner will be served in a bit so why don’t we sit in the front room so you can meet my dad.”
Ethan looks up. I hold his gaze.
“We like to include him in our conversations even though he’s passed,” I explain to Ethan’s dad. “Mom believes his spirit is the strongest in that room.”
“Oh really?” Ethan’s dad looks over at Ethan. “You always said that this house was unique.” He looks back at me. “I’ve had a few experiences here and there. With ghosts I mean.”
“Edward, Ethan, thanks for coming!” My mom swoops into the foyer. “Did I hear someone talking about ghosts?”
“Ethan’s dad has had experiences,” I say as I take Edward’s jacket and move to hang it up.
“Oh…do tell…” My mom hooks her arm around Edward’s and leads him into the front room.
“Thank you for coming tonight,” I say. Even though my back is turned, I know Ethan is still standing there. “I really appreciate it.”
“Well, your mom said she hired a caterer and you know how much I like good food.”
I turn to face him. He’s looking at me still. His makeup is very subtle tonight, just a bit of eye shadow and some mascara. A little lip gloss. He’s not his usual self, that’s obvious, but neither am I.
“So you’re talking to your dad too now, huh?” He nods over his shoulder toward the front room. “Has he said anything back yet?” There’s a quirk of a smile, there and gone but it lightens my heart just a bit.
“Not yet, no.” I shrug. “Mom and I have been taking photographs when I cast, just to see if the magic shows up on camera.”
Ethan’s eyes widen.
“There are these giant orbs in a lot of them. They kind of look like a face sometimes.”
“Oh yeah? That’s kinda cool.”
We both get silent for a minute. Ethan shuffles his feet again.
I reach out and tug on his shirtsleeve. “I miss you, Eth.” I can’t help myself—I start to cry. Nothing dramatic, just a few tears that kind of slip out. I hastily wipe them away. “It’s really good to talk to you.”
Ethan is still looking at me. I can see a war raging in his eyes.
“I know I hurt you. I’m so sorry for that.”
Ethan lowers his head and shuffles his feet a bit. “I knew those love spells were a bad idea.”
I nod. “You tried to warn me.”
“But it’s not your fault that things got carried away.” He looks at me again. “I mean, the spells were all you but we sort of pushed you to do them. It isn’t fair that you’re taking all the blame.”
A weight lifts from my body and it’s like I can breathe for the first time in forever.
“I miss you, too, Ro.” He closes the space between us and wraps me up in an Ethan-sized bear hug.
And one more piece of my life falls back into place.
…
“Ro, you’re never going to believe what happened!” Ethan is waiting for me when my mom drops me off at school the following Monday. “Hi Mrs. Marshall, love your hair color!” he adds as he briefly leans into the car.
I smile at Mom. She does look good with silver streaks. “I’ll see you at four, ’kay?”
Fan mail is pouring in now that it’s May. Another turn of season and everyone is thinking spring means something in the paranormal world. The letters are definitely more upbeat but there’s still plenty of people who need consoling and guidance. It’s hard work responding but I kind of like that I’m able to have an impact on the people who are reaching out. Plus, I’m helping Mom, too, which keeps me in the realm of acts of kindness even at home. It’s all helping to pay the massive debt I owe in the Karma department.
She leans over and kisses my cheek. “Yep, I’ll see you then.” She smiles at Ethan as she touches her hair. “I thought it was a little risky but my stylist says it looks super cool. And sadly, it’s really more in line with my natural color.”
“Well, I think it looks amazing.” Ethan yanks me out of the car. “I’ve got something to show you.”
I laugh to cover up my nerves because even though we’ve made up, I still feel like there’s a cloud hanging over us. I know it’s going to take more time to really get Ethan’s forgiveness.
He doesn’t say anything more, just drags me up the stairs to the school. He’s vibrating, clearly excited. As soon as we step inside the building, I realize what he’s happy about and that makes me happy…and also relieved because I know this is so important.
The tension I’m carrying slides off of my shoulders.
I catch sight of Amanda and she’s wearing yoga pants and a bulky sweater. She looks comfortable and happy. Will is nowhere to be seen. Things with her appear to be as they were. She waves at me as Ethan pulls me down the side hall toward the restroom we always used to go to.
My racing heart starts to calm a bit more when I see Mel and she actually smiles at me. It’s not a snarky smile, either. “Hey Rowan,” she says, then turns back to talk to her friends.
I’m lighter, practically floating around like a balloon. Sure, I’m barely off the ground but it’s a start. It makes me wonder if things have finally settled to a new normal. Have my acts of kindness finally hit critical mass?
A twinge of a smile starts to pull at my lips and I’m hopeful once again. Could we be turning a corner here?
Abby stands just in front of the restroom door and when she catches sight of Ethan and me, a smile lights up her face in a way that makes me think we might actually be friends now.
“Look, Ro!” Ethan points to the sign on the door just as Abby steps aside and she lifts her arms up to showcase what’s there.
It’s a universal restroom sign.
My heart swells. I’m proud of Abby. She convinced Student Council to put the funding into buying the signs and also convinced Parent Council and Admin to accept that all genders should feel safe and comfortable when using the restroom.
There are now six designated gender-neutral restrooms for everyone in the school.
“She did it!” Ethan says. “Isn’t that the most awesome thing you’ve ever seen?”
“It was only a matter of convincing Parent Council and the signs didn’t cost anything really.” Abby shrugs like it was no big deal.
“This is what we’ve always talked about.” Ethan wraps me in a side hug. “It means everything to me, though. Thank you,” he says to Abby.
And the way Abby looks at me, I know that we’re even. I definitely owed her one and after I fulfilled that obligation, she paid it forward. Everything else, all the trouble from the past, it’s behind us now. My balloon of hope rises a little higher.
Ethan shifts our bodies so we’re standing front to front, his arms are still around me and his face is super close. He touches his nose to mine, presses our foreheads together. “This is a new beginning.”
“I hope so,” I say and I mean it. Change might be hard, but it’s good to grow and learn from the things that happen to us and around us.
“You’re special, Ro. I always knew that.” He squeezes me tighter. “Thanks for looking out for me. I shouldn’t have forced a relationship to happen with Malcolm no matter how lonely or desperate I was.”
“And I shouldn’t have gone along with it.”
“No, but you ended it, even with all my threats and temper tantrums.” Ethan laughs awkwardly. “You’re a good friend.”
“I’m just
glad you’re okay.”
“I am okay.” He grabs my arm again and drags me into the restroom. “I got some pictures of these hot guys yesterday…”
Just before the door of the restroom closes, I see a flash of Luca. He’s standing down the hall, leaning against the wall, staring at me…and he’s smiling.
Chapter Thirty-Four
It’s the night of the Spring Fling. Ethan has me dressed up like a 1980s Barbie doll complete with fluorescent fishnet fingerless gloves. Everything is right with the world.
Well, almost everything.
It’s been almost two months without Luca in my life. I’ve accepted it, but his absence still makes me sad. He even stopped working at my house even though Mr. Columbus still comes with his crew to do other projects. I feel even worse about that because I know how much Luca loves the mansion. I hate that I took that away from him.
“Hey girl,” Ethan says as he sashays toward me in his own ’80s outfit. He’s got on a white tails coat with white satin-looking dress pants. His shirt is vibrant pink and he’s got a bowtie on that’s neon yellow. He’s also wearing black cowboy boots. I don’t get it but it works.
“You look incredible!” He wouldn’t let me see what his outfit was going to be, he just handed me mine in a garment bag and told me to be ready to go by six. I knew not to argue.
“Let me take a picture of you two!” Mom drove me, of course. She’s been giddy ever since she saw what I was wearing. “I love this retro look, Ethan, you’ve done such a great job with these outfits. Totally rad!”
I snort.
Ethan covers his mouth. “That means cool, right?”
“Totally,” Mom agrees.
Ethan’s dad dropped him off after their weekly scheduled dinner together. It wasn’t something Ethan wanted to skip. I found out after Ethan and I made up that he and his dad have been scheduling time together ever since the crap hit the fan. His dad wants to make sure they stay connected and I totally get that. Mom and I have been doing the same. I’ve even accepted a few invitations to attend some of her dad conversations. It still feels a little bit weird to be there, part of her intimate thoughts and words to Dad, but I know it’s important to her. It makes a difference now that I believe he’s around.
Love Spells and Other Disasters Page 26
