by T L Osborn
I shake my head. “I didn’t see the point.”
“You should. James, what you’ve gone through is horrendous and I can’t imagine leading a man on with thoughts of love, family and a happily ever after, then turning around and stealing his sperm. That’s fucking bullshit. You’re a decent guy and you deserve to be happy, to find love. I believe you have that with Riley, but if you don’t sort your shit out, you will lose her,” Lara says, patting me on the shoulder.
“See, that’s why you’re an awesome PA, you get me.”
She smiles. “James, I’ve worked for you for six years and I haven’t seen you as stupidly happy and in love as you have been in the last few months. I half-expected you to pull a Tom Cruise and jump all over the office furniture, professing your love for her.”
I laugh softly, then take a sip of my drink. “What do you think I should do?”
“I’d start with some counselling, then maybe a memorial somewhere special to you. Let some balloons fly into the air, something like that, but just something to say he will be loved and never forgotten. You can’t fix things with Riley until you’ve begun to fix yourself.”
“Can you clear some time in my schedule this week and organise an appointment for me to see someone?” I ask.
“Already done,” she says with a smile. “I expect a raise, this working on a weekend stuff is hard.”
I chuckle as she walks away from me.
After finishing my coffee, I slip out of Mel’s place, leaving her and Lara alone.
She’s right though, I can’t begin to fix Riley and me until I fix myself, and that starts today.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Riley
“So are you going to tell me what was wrong last night before we were rudely interrupted by me going into labour?” Torrie asks as she cradles the latest addition to her family.
She’s absolutely over the moon because the sonographer got it wrong and it turns out she had a girl. They’re thrilled and I think still in shock. They haven’t even told our parents yet.
“James was a douche and I learned a few things about him that I thought I knew. His ex-cheated on him and filled his mind with thoughts of marriage and love, all while planning on getting pregnant, then leaving him to raise the baby with her lesbian lover.”
Torrie screws her face up. “Bitch! What happened to the baby?”
“Sadly, he was stillborn and I say that genuinely. I wouldn’t wish losing a child on my worst enemy and that includes douchebag Dylan. Kids are innocent.”
“Poor James.”
“So last night, I’d imagined this perfect night of dancing and dinner and that he’d finally tell me he loved me back and it simply didn’t happen. I’m such a fool. How do I pick these stupid men who fool me into believing them?”
“Well, Dylan was a dick, and James is a genuinely nice guy who obviously has a few issues to work through, but I don’t believe he’d cheat on you, or go behind your back like Dylan did.”
“You’re right. He promised me the world, white picket fence and babies. James never made those promises. I tried to understand his way of thinking when he got jealous over my friends. I invited him around, so he could get to know them and know I wasn’t hiding anything from him. Have I ruined this between us because I didn’t stand my ground last night and left him alone?”
“No, you haven’t. You’re not some crazy bitch who steals sperm.” Torrie laughs. “Sometimes leaving a man to brood and be miserable is just what they need. I do it with Ed all the time. Most of the time he sees the logic in what I’m saying, and other times, well… Let’s just say a tremendous amount of penis logic is used and I let him do it until he realises I was right all along.”
We don’t get to talk much more as we hear the door open and my mother scream, “Where is she?”
I roll my eyes. “I’m going to head home. I need to change, shower and relax, but I’ll come see you when you’re settled in at home.”
“Wait, don’t you want to know her name,” Torrie asks.
“Did you name her Blanche after your great aunt? Oh, I always imagined calling one of you girls by that name, but your father thought it was too old-fashioned.”
Torrie’s face says it all as her eyes widen, her mouth drops open and her face contorts like someone just told her she’s pregnant again. Clearly, she doesn’t think our mum’s suggestion is good enough.
“Actually, we’ve named her Cheyenne Eva.”
“You gave her your sister’s middle name,” my mother baulks, rounding on me. “But why in heavens would you do that?”
“Because, Mum, Riley’s her godmother and was here for the birth. Ed and I want to make her name something special.”
Me?
A godmother?
I wasn’t expecting it.
“We’re going to have a proper naming ceremony and everything. We’ll also throw a welcome home party, but I’ll still be putting all the boys clothing to good use.”
“But she’s a girl.”
“Then you go out and buy her pretty pink and purple clothing because frankly, Mum, neither Ed nor I care so long as she’s warm, fed and well-cared for. Clothes are clothes, it doesn’t matter what colour they are.”
I slip from the room before I get dragged into their argument any further and make my way home.
Slipping into the house quietly and unnoticed, I walk to my room and grab my towel and some clothing, then head for the bathroom.
James
“Hey,” I say as I step into Simon’s home office.
“Ugh! It lives.” He chuckles, leaning back in his chair.
“Oh…ha-ha. I wasn’t that drunk.”
He arches an eyebrow at me. “Really? You called me pretty and tried flirting.”
“Not my finest moment.”
“You can say that again.”
“I’ve come here to apologise. My behaviour last night was appalling, uncalled for and disrespectful to you, Aria and Charlotte. I treated you all so poorly when I should’ve appreciated everything you’ve done for me.”
“I appreciate that. Are you feeling okay?” he asks.
I shake my head. “No. Actually, that’s the other reason I’m here. I was wondering if I could be placed on stress leave. I think I might go away for a few days, clear my head and start trying to find a way through all of this.”
He nods. “Yes, of course. You have six months’ annual leave, so take an entire month if you need to.”
“I also booked myself in to see a counsellor, hoping it might help to start some sort of healing on my part. I don’t hold out much hope, but I’m willing to try if it means I might have a shot at getting Riley back some day.”
“I saw one. After Clarissa’s death I mean. I was grieving and still had a child to raise. I felt completely out of it. My vision was cloudy, I couldn’t concentrate and my thoughts were a mess. I went and saw one to get some clarity. It wasn’t a bad thing and I’m grateful now that I did, because I became a better father to Charlotte,” Simon admits.
“Did you find it difficult to talk?”
“At first, yeah, but once I got used to it, you couldn’t shut me up.”
I smile. “I thought that was just your personality.”
“Yours is hiding behind your humour. It masks a lot of your pain, brother, but I’m here if you want to talk. I want to see you after the first session.”
“I’ve asked Lara to book one for me on Thursday; we don’t have any important meetings then and I thought I’d wrap things up before I start my leave.”
“Sure. Are you staying for dinner? Aria is making cheesy, chicken pasta bake.”
“Do you want me to stay?” I ask, unsure how they feel about having me around for a meal after the way I acted.
“James, you’re my brother and just because you’re a dick sometimes I’ll never not support you. Even when you gave me this scar, I was the one holding you down as you lost your shit because you were hurting.”
“I
’m still sorry that I did it,” I say, shaking my head.
“All is forgiven.”
“You’re a better man than I will ever be, do you know that?” I tell him.
He shakes his head. “Where do you think I learned how to be a good man? It wasn’t just dad.”
“What are you talking about? I’m a playboy…root-then-run kinda guy, never leaving a number and usually giving a false name.”
“I’m not talking about that side of things. You’re a prick with women and sex. I’m talking about drive and determination to succeed and win. That’s what I learned from you.” He chuckles as we exit his office.
“You feel up for a game of pool?” I ask.
“I bet you I’ll win.” He chuckles.
“Twenty bucks?”
“Done.” We shake on it.
“You’re going to be sorry and twenty dollars poorer,” I say as he lines up the balls.
This is what today should’ve been like. Relaxing with my family and girl after a wild night of partying the night away. Instead, I’m standing with my brother playing pool as a way to distract myself from all my heartache and misery; because, when I stop and think of Riley, it’s like someone has punched me in the gut, twisting me from the inside out. I feel breathless and achy, almost like there’s a part of me missing—a hole in my soul—that only she can fill.
I only hope I can win her back. Being without her fucking sucks.
Riley
I emerge from my room, finding Courtney in the kitchen cooking up something and Gavin laying on the couch, searching through the television channels for something to watch.
I’m numb, all cried out and all I feel is empty.
“Hey, want a coffee?” Courtney asks.
“Please,” I say as I sit on a dining table chair, tucking one leg beneath my butt and hugging the other while leaning my chin on my knee.
“How are you doing?” Court asks as she brings my coffee over and sits next to me.
“I think I’m finally all cried out.” I pick up the mug, cupping it in my hands.
She smiles. “I’m here when you’re ready to talk.”
“I think I’ll spend today sorting out my schedule for the next week, throw myself back into work. I can’t mope here all my life.”
“You know the best way to get over someone, is to get under someone else,” Gavin chimes in.
“Oh, and are you suggesting she does that with you?” Courtney asks.
“No… I was just suggesting.”
“Ugh! That’s such penis logic, Gavin. Riley needs to heal in her own way and no one says she has to get over James at all. How do you even know they’re over?” Courtney asks.
“Because he would’ve been here banging our front door down, demanding to see her by now.”
“Gavin, he has some things he needs to work through. Perhaps he’s starting to work through them before he comes here knocking on our door. He lost a baby; a son to stillbirth. He wasn’t even told that it had happened, so I’m going to give him the space he needs to heal and when he’s ready, I’ll let him talk and I’ll listen.”
Gavin huffs, obviously unimpressed that I’m going to be giving him the time of day at all.
“That’s a great idea. He probably just needs some time.”
“Yeah.”
“In the meantime, I have a hen’s party tonight. Want to give me a quick hand stuffing all the loot bags I’ve got to make up for the guests?”
“You’re doing up sex toy bags?” I ask.
She winks at me. “For something fun.”
“Sure, I’ll help.” I might as well do something fun and spend much needed time with my friends. Gavin doesn’t stick around as Courtney brings out her box filled with all sorts of items: small vibrators, chocolate penises, penis-shaped bottles of bubbles and penis straws. It looks like it’ll be a fun hen’s night. “How’d you come up with this idea?” I ask.
“Well, actually it wasn’t my idea, it’s my sister’s. She thought of gifting her guests with something.”
“When is the wedding?”
“A couple of weeks, so I’ll be out next weekend and the weekend after.”
“How about a girls’ night out the weekend after the wedding?” I ask.
“Sounds fun,” she replies as she starts labelling the bags.
“I’ve got some work to do, a photo schedule to sort and then I’m off to see Torrie later,” I say, standing and taking my mug over to the kitchen bench.
“I know. I’m here if you want to talk some more later,” Courtney says as I head towards my room.
I close the door behind me, then slide down it, tears streaming down my face. Helping Courtney had been fun; just not enough of a distraction.
Taking a deep breath, I stand and shakily move over to my desk, not looking at my phone, knowing there’s a photo of James and Poppy on the background screen.
I throw myself into my work, making myself ultra-busy over the next week. I really want to go to James and talk to him. I want to tell him I’ll stand beside him no matter what he needs. I just wish he’d shared more and not hidden anything from me. I know I wouldn’t have loved him any less.
Chapter Twenty-Four
James
I’m staring at all the notes, which are full of character names, details, places, clothing and even layouts of house interiors. I realise how much work actually goes into writing a book, probably why I’ve never attempted it, too much spelling and reading involved. It’s why I love my job with numbers and equations. Let’s face it, I can’t spell. I take a sip of my coffee as I come across a Post-it note. Scribbled on it is a heart shape with ‘I love JB’ written on it.
I smile. It’s like the notes my teenage crushes used to scribble all over their notebooks in high school, only this one means something and not just a crush. I tug it from the pin, ripping the top of the paper and rub my thumb over the picture. I’ll take this with me today, like some weird trophy to my counselling session. I’m hoping the note will give me the strength I need to talk and get things out in the open.
Thinking of Riley over the last few days has furthered my drive to fix myself and then I can begin to fix us. Though, I don’t do well talking feelings and mushy crap. I’m willing to do it for her. Draining my coffee mug, I head over into the kitchen and place my cup on the bench. Tucking the paper into the inside of my jacket pocket, I’ll keep it close and hope she’s going to help give me the strength I need to get through today. I grab my keys and head out the door to meet my counsellor. Lucky for me, their office is in Billington Tower and Simon has asked to see me once the session is complete.
Upon arriving at Billington, I make my way up to the twelfth floor and step into a luscious green reception area. I find it to be warm and inviting.
I step towards the reception desk. “I’m here to see Chase Flowers,” I say politely, though I really want to revert to being a child and pick on his name. Inwardly, I snigger to myself.
Does he like to chase flowers, or is that his actual name?
“Chase won’t be a moment, take a seat.” I spin around and sit on a couch behind me. Glancing over at some magazines, which are scattered on a table, I’m struck with an idea. One I’ve never had before, but one I sure as hell want.
“James?” a man’s voice says and I turn to look at him. I’m expecting a gruff sort of man, someone who doesn’t think men should talk about their feelings however, he’s nothing like I imagined. He’s tall, wearing a plaid shirt and jeans. He looks like he should be on a farm rather than in an office. “I’m Chase. Please follow me to my office.” I step after him, down a hallway and into a room. “Take a seat. Can I offer you a drink?”
“No, thank you.” I really just want to get this session over with.
He takes a seat opposite me and leans back. “Let’s start by you telling me why you’ve come to see me today and I’ll listen to everything before we talk more.” I inhale, listening before launching full force into my story.
<
br /> Chase listens intently and true to his word, doesn’t interrupt me once. He has a few suggestions for me to try and asks that I see him the following week and then we’ll make our session fortnightly until I feel I’m done.
Upon exiting Chase’s office, I head up to Simon’s. I’m going to tell him I need to take the entire month off. I need the time to grieve, heal and reflect. If I’m going to have shot of winning Riley back, then I need to do this.
A few more counselling sessions isn’t going to be a bad thing.
Riley
I’m sitting on the couch, reading a book, enjoying the sunshine streaming through the windows of the lounge as Gavin enters.
“Hey,” he says.
“Hey,” I reply, flipping over the page.
“What are you up to tonight?” he asks.
“Just reading, why?”
“I was wondering if you’d like to go get a drink with me?”
“Actually, I think I’ll just sit here and finish my book.”
“Aww…come on. One drink, some dancing and then we’ll leave. You must be sick of these four walls by now and you can’t sit around waiting for him to call.”
“I’m not waiting around for James to call. I was going to ring him later and see how he’s doing.”
“Come out, have some fun, then ring him in the morning. Besides, he’s probably already gone out with some other woman.”
“Why are you so pushy tonight?”
He shrugs. “Just thought I’d distract you from thinking about him.”
“If I agree to one drink, you’ll leave me in peace once we get home?” I ask.
He nods and I get out of my seat and head into my room to change. Changing into a pair of plain black pants and a light blouse, I grab some heels and head back to the lounge.
Gavin smiles. “I just rung for a taxi, it’ll be here shortly.”
