by Jo Raven
I finally break the kiss for some much needed air. I sit back and wrap my fingers around Tyler’s hot, slick cock.
He arches under me, his eyes closing, his head falling back. “Erin,” he moans my name, and his hands fist at his sides when I squeeze him with all my power. “Fuck…”
“What about you?” I don’t even know why I’m asking when I still haven’t told him everything, but fear squeezes my chest. I don’t know what I’ll do if he walks away again. “Will you take me as I am?”
I slide my hand up, all the way to the weeping head of his erection, then back down and am rewarded with a litany of bitten-out curses. Tyler’s muscled stomach tenses, every ab coming into sharp relief. His cock twitches in my hand. He’s about to come, I know it. I know his body, his face that is now locked in a grimace. He’s trying to hold back his orgasm—but he’s literally in my hands now. If I squeeze a tiny fraction harder, if I tease his balls, he’ll lose all control.
I release him, and he lets out a choked sound, caught between frustration and relief. “Do you want me with my past and my baggage?” I raise myself on my knees. “Will you stay this time?”
His breathing is shallow and ragged. His gaze flicks from my breasts to my face, and he reaches for me. He grips my hips. “Erin… It’s you I’ve always wanted, just as you are.”
My heart stutters. If only you knew…
I must tell him. This can’t go on, this uncertainty, this secret between us. I place my hands on either side of him and lean forward, to say the words, to let the secret out into the light, but the head of his cock pokes my wet opening, and we both gasp.
I’m poised over him. We’re frozen in space and time, staring into each other’s eyes, my hair curtaining us, separating us from the rest of the world.
Then he pulls me down, slowly, impaling me on his cock. My mouth falls open as I take him in, feeling him stretch me, filling me up like no one else can. Pressure is building inside me again, so fast I can hardly keep my eyes from rolling back in my head.
Cords are standing out in Tyler’s neck. His teeth are bared, his jaw clenched, but the hands holding my hips, steering my body downward, are firm and steady, tugging me lower still, so that he slips another inch inside me, and another. Until he’s sheathed inside me fully.
The air leaves his lungs in a hiss, and his neck arches. I bow my head, trying to breathe around him. I swear I feel him deeper than ever before. He’s a lot to take in, but if anyone can, I can.
Because I love him. Love everything about him.
His hands urge me to rise, and the friction where I’m burning with my need for him sends stars shooting across my vision. I think I whisper his name as he pulls me back down, and I bend over him, trembling. Bracing my hands on either side of his head, I start moving. I can’t remember ever doing it this way, but my body knows what to do. I rise and fall, excruciatingly slow, needing to feel everything, the delicious torture of the press and glide of his cock against my slick inner walls. I wish this could last forever, this sensation of him in me, this closeness.
His hands slide up my sides and then to my front, stroking my breasts. When he flicks his thumbs over the tips, my insides clench, hard, and his cock jerks, trapped inside me. Tyler shifts beneath me, groaning, and pinches my nipples again.
My orgasm grips my core like a vise, and I clamp around his arousal as my whole body contracts, wracked by burning waves of pleasure.
He snaps his body up, slamming deeper into me, and I distantly hear him cry out as his cock swells and jerks in my still pulsing core, sending another dizzying wave of pleasure through me. His hips buck as he thrusts again and holds, his lower body rising off the sofa, lifting me. I can feel his cock still jolting, drenching my insides with his heat.
I fall forward and he catches me, wrapping his arms securely around me so that I’m lying fully on top of him, my head on his shoulder. Every twitch of his cock, still nestled inside of me, makes me gasp, and Tyler chuckles.
Oh God. Sex with him is getting better and better. It’s mind-blowing. Not to mention that just spending time with him, curled by his side, feels way too good. Like I’ve been on an endless, lonely road trip, and now I’ve come back home.
I don’t want to move, ever. I don’t want to let go even to roll off him, and I especially don’t want to say or do anything to break this moment—like talk about children, when we’ve barely started talking about the past, let alone the present or the future.
“You okay?” Tyler asks, his hands coming to lay, warm, on my bare back. “Have you fallen asleep?”
“No. I’m just comfortable,” I mumble on his muscled shoulder.
“You’re so cute like this,” he whispers, a reverence in his voice I’ve never heard before. “I want…”
He doesn’t say what he wants, and curiosity gets the better of me. I turn my head to look and find myself nose to nose with him. My eyes widen and he laughs quietly.
“I want to protect you.” He nuzzles my cheek. “Keep you warm. Keep you safe. I’ve rarely felt this way before in my life.”
“You’re protective of your brother.”
“Yeah.” He’s silent for a beat, his gaze clouding over. He clasps the pendant I gave to him years back for his birthday. A tree of life. “I came back for Asher, but let’s be honest. I’m a shitty big brother. I never even realize the shit he was going through.”
“Neither did I.” I brace for impact as I confess. I lay my hand on Tyler’s cheek. “I didn’t help him at all. I was so angry with him, thinking he knew where you were and wasn’t telling me. I wasn’t there for him, Tyler.”
A sound rumbles through his chest, and I realize it’s a bitter chuckle.
“You and me both, then,” he mutters. “We let people down, let each other down, and yet here we are.”
It’s not funny. Then again, I don’t think he thinks it is, either. We’re both made mistakes.
“I’m not good at protecting those I love,” he whispers.
“Don’t say that.” I think of Jax. “I bet Asher followed you around like a puppy when he was little.”
“Yeah, he did.” Tyler rolls his eyes. “I suck with kids. He got on my nerves constantly, but always came back when I sent him away. Shit. I shouldn’t be allowed around kids. It’s a wonder Ash still wants to talk to me.”
My chest constricts. I bite my lip, trying to keep myself together. Does this mean he doesn’t like kids?
I lift the pendant of the tree of life off his chest. “Do you know why I chose this gift for you?”
He shakes his head.
“The tree of life symbolizes a crossing. A meeting point. An intersection between life and death, the known and the unknown, the past and the future.”
He looks down at it, then lifts his gaze at me. There’s a question in his dark eyes.
“You are your past, and your present and all the possibilities I saw in you from the start. You’re funny. You’re honest. You’re kind. What you went through hasn’t changed who you are. Asher knows it. I know it.”
He puts his hand over mind. “Asher and you are the two people in the world I’d fight for.”
I stroke his cheek. “I’m sure there are more.” Like Jax.
“I don’t think so. I only have Ash. And you.” He reaches blindly to the side and pulls his wallet out of his jeans. He draws out a photo and gives it to me. It’s a photo of me when I was fifteen.
I stare at it, dumbfounded. “You have this with you?”
“Always.” He gives me a faint smile. “I printed it out before I left Madison. With Uncle Jerry I didn’t have a cell phone or a laptop, and I got used to keeping it with me.”
Oh God, I don’t know what to say. I think I’m going to start bawling. He’s been carrying around my name inked on his arm, my pendant and my photo. All these years I thought he had forgotten all about me, that he’d walked away without a second thought, when in fact he’d never let me go.
“You see,” Tyler says quiet
ly, “I came back to ask Ash’s forgiveness. I never hoped to see you again, much less be with you. I’m already grateful. I never thought…” He takes the photo from me and wipes his thumb over it in a gesture that looks touchingly familiar. “Never thought you’d want to see me ever again.”
I never needed a photo. Whenever I look at Jax, I see Tyler’s eyes looking back at me—although Jax’s are clear and innocent. Tyler’s have a hard layer of pain I want to erase.
He cups my head and touches our foreheads together. I throw my arm around him and hold on tight.
***
The next day, after breakfast, Tyler backs me up against the kitchen counter and kisses me breathless, then reveals he does website design on the side and says he has to go home and finish a work assignment.
So much I don’t know about him. I hope this time we’ll have time to learn about each other more.
The timing is good, because I can’t focus enough to even eat my breakfast when he’s around, and I need to grab a shower and rush off to college. It’s Thursday, which means a hectic day with many classes, including the hated economics. Before I run to my Spanish Literature course, Tessa joins me for a quick lunch at the main cafeteria on campus.
“There’s a glow in your eyes.” She nudges me with her elbow as we stand in line with our trays. “What did I miss? Did you go out with Tyler?”
“Maybe.” Heat floods my face, and I have to bite my lip not to blurt out everything. ‘Going out’ is too mild a term for what’s happening between us.
“Oh my God, I knew it. I just knew it!” Tessa does a funny little jig, silverware rattling on her tray, so that everyone turns to stare at us. “Love lost and found. Star-crossed lovers joined once more.”
“You’re such a romantic,” I mutter but can’t hide a smile.
She stills. “Did you tell him about Jax? How did Tyler take it?”
“I haven’t told him.” I take a step back at her incredulous expression. “I’m going to, okay? I have a plan.”
“You can’t hide this from him any longer, Erin. Or from the others. Everyone thinks Jax is your boyfriend.” She shakes her blond head. “This isn’t good. In the movies, this is—”
“This isn’t the movies!”
The whispers around us cease, and in the thundering silence, I can hear my racing heartbeat.
Tessa grabs my arm and tugs me to one of the tables, where we place our empty trays. She takes my hands.
“Look, girl, I mean this. You must tell Tyler. I know he left and never sent word, and I know you’re mad at him, but this is his kid. He has to know about Jax.”
“I know. You’re right.” I sigh. “And I’m not mad at him anymore. He explained things to me. I’m as much to blame for his silence over the years as he is. When I got pregnant… Well let’s just say my mood swings were horrible, okay? I wasn’t so nice to him.”
Tessa taps her fingers on the table. “And the reason you haven’t told Tyler yet?”
I shrug. “I don’t think he likes kids. I’m scared, Tess. That he’ll turn tail and run.”
She grips my hand and squeezes. Her blue eyes are full of sympathy. “Doesn’t he love you, like I said he does?”
I look away. “Yes, I think he does love me.”
“Then he won’t run.”
“But what if he stays because he feels he has to? I’d expect that of him. He’ll try to do right by me—but will he stay because he wants to? Will he like Jax? Will Jax like him?”
I don’t want to cry, I really don’t. It’s as if my hormones have gone crazy again, just by being with Tyler, and the whole mental turmoil isn’t helping.
“I get it. It’s tough, I’m not saying the contrary. But Erin…”
“I won’t keep it a secret any longer, okay? I plan on letting him know this week.”
She nods. “So what’s your amazing plan?”
Pushing back my shoulders, I get up and grab my tray. “You’ll see.”
***
I’m starting to hate cell phones. All the bad news comes down the line as you’re doing some innocent task, like shopping at Walmart or idling at the traffic lights, planning your evening.
This one comes as I climb the stairs to my apartment that afternoon, around five.
“Hey, hon,” Dad says as I fumble one-handed with the door key, trying to open without dropping the cell. “How are you doing?”
Doesn’t he know the mere fact he’s the one calling me puts me on edge? “I’m fine. What’s going on?”
“Nothing, nothing.” So transparent. So much tension seeping through. “Just checking up on you.”
Yeah, right. I glance down at the dim stairwell. “Spit it out, Dad. What’s up?”
He sighs. “Jax wants to talk to you.”
“Then let him talk to me. What’s the drama about?” I suck a sharp breath. “What aren’t you telling me? I want to talk to Mom.”
“Baby girl…”
Oh God. “Please.” Everything is going upside down in my life right now, with Tyler here and my worry about Mom. “Where is she?”
“She’s fine,” he rushes to say. “Much better. Didn’t mean to freak you out.”
I slide down the wall and sit on the welcome mat, my bag thumping on the floor. Mom needs her rest, and her worry about the medical debts from Jax’s birth and now college isn’t helping.
“I’m quitting college, Dad.”
It’s been on my mind. This is madness. I can’t accumulate more debt. The lessons I give barely cover rent, and my loan for college will crush us all.
“No, baby girl, you don’t have to do that. You need to get out of this rut and do something you like with your life.”
“I have time. I’m only nineteen. Besides, Jax needs me. And Mom can’t keep worrying about me. I can go back to college later, after I’ve paid off the debts.”
He’s silent for a moment. “Are you sure?”
No, I’m not. I don’t know. All I know is that I need my parents to be healthy and carefree. I need Jax with me, and I need Tyler.
I bite a fingernail absently. “I’m going to come and pick up Jax for a few days, Daddy, okay?”
“Are you sure?
“I’m his mother. He needs me. I need him.” I close my eyes and lean my head back against the wall. “And Mom needs her rest. She shouldn’t have to take care of all of us. Neither of you should.”
“Oh, honey… We love you.”
I smile. “Love you thousand times more. I’m coming over tonight.”
“But there’s no hurry—”
“Love you,” I say and disconnect.
This feels right. This is my amazing plan. God, I hope it works out.
When I open the door, another surprise awaits me. The lights in the living room are on. Someone is sitting on the couch. The tall Mohawk is hard to miss.
“Zane!” I drop my bag and sink on the sofa next to him. “Are you all right? You haven’t answered a single call or text I sent you.”
He looks like he hasn’t slept in the whole week he was away. The rings under his eyes are black like bruises, and his jaw is dark with stubble. He cradles a glass with amber liquid. Whiskey.
“Zane.” I’m not even sure he’s noticed me yet. “Has something happened? Anything I can do?”
His slanted eyes are shot with red when he turns to look at me, but a side of his mouth curls up. He leans toward me. “Hey, girl.” The whiskey sloshes in his glass and I make a grab for it.
“You’re wasted.”
He snorts and wrestles the glass back from me. “I deserve it. It’s been a fucking long week.”
“Is your sis okay?”
“Better now.” He gulps down more of his drink and hisses. “But she has three kids. One is still a baby. I had to take care of them. I like kids. I fucking do, but babies with colic are a killer.”
“I know.”
“You do?” He frowns at me.
I wince. Yeah, Jax had colic for months. It was terrible, p
oor baby. “Have you eaten? Shall I make dinner?”
“Nah, I’m good.” He waves a hand at me and leans back, resting his head on the backrest and closing his eyes. His voice slurs when he asks, “Is everything okay here?”
“Yes, no problems.” Images of Tyler and myself right here, on this sofa, hit me, and I get up hastily.
“And Jax?” His eyes open and some of the haze lifts from them. “You and he okay?”
“Yeah. Yeah, we’re fine. In fact, I’m thinking of bringing him over for you guys to meet him.”
His eyes narrow until they’re black slits. “Sure. That would be cool. Erin, are you sure…?”
He doesn’t finish. He lifts his glass instead and stares into it. I want to tell him everything, but I don’t want Tyler to know just yet.
“You’ll meet Jax and you’ll see,” I say instead. “I’m planning on driving home right now and bringing him back with me tonight. Don’t tell anyone yet, okay?”
Zane nods, his Mohawk drooping, looking as exhausted as the rest of him. “Then you do that, girl. Whatever makes you happy.”
Chapter Twenty-One
Tyler
Time has slowed since I left Erin this morning, looking cute and hot as hell in her tiny shorts and white blouse. She made breakfast for me again, and my appetite is returning the more time I spend with her. Plus, I slept fine with her in my arms.
No nightmares. No panic attacks. I feel damn good for the first time in years, and I can’t stop grinning for no reason, like a lunatic.
I send her a quick text as I walk toward Damage Control for my evening shift. ‘How’s it going?’
She doesn’t reply for a long while, making me worry for a thousand different reasons—is she regretting this? Is she pulling away? Did I do something?
This is driving me nuts.
But a text from her makes my phone ping just before I enter the tattoo shop. ‘I’m fine. What’s up?’
