by Sue Fortin
‘I was just making sure she was okay?’ says Tom sympathetically.
‘Why don’t you go into the living room?’ I suggest, feeling concern for Alice. ‘I’ll close the door and make sure you’re not disturbed.’
‘I don’t want to cause a fuss,’ says Alice. ‘I might just slip quietly up to my room for a while.’
‘Of course. Come on, I’ll take you.’
Holding Alice’s hand, we sweep our way through the kitchen and upstairs to her room. Alice sits on the edge of the bed ‘Sorry.’
‘Don’t be sorry. You have a rest. I’ll let Mum know. Everyone should start to go soon. Is there anything I can get you?’
‘No. Thanks, Clare.’
I go to give Alice a hug, change my mind and then change it back again. It feels awkward, not least because she’s sitting down. As I go back downstairs, I ponder why I find it so difficult feeling genuine warmth towards Alice. I wish it wasn’t like this and I hope she hasn’t picked up on it, especially if she’s feeling a bit out of place.’
Alice spends the rest of the afternoon in her room until everyone has gone. Mum goes up to see her and coaxes her down for some supper.
‘I’m just tired,’ says Alice. ‘I think I’ll have an early night.’
‘Of course, darling. I’m sorry if it was all too much,’ says Mum.
‘That’s what happens when I leave Tom alone with you,’ I joke, in a bid to lighten the mood. Alice smiles but says her goodnights and goes back up to her room.
‘She’ll be okay in the morning,’ says Luke to us both. ‘Best leave her to rest now. Mind you, being stuck with Tom for the afternoon is enough to drive anyone to the brink.’
A remark I choose to ignore.
Chapter 12
I can’t believe how quickly the past couple of weeks have gone since Alice arrived in our lives. I’ve had such a swing of emotions, I feel physically tired from battling with it all. Mum, however, seems to be thriving and going from strength to strength.
She was so happy at the little welcome-home party we threw for Alice and I was pleased that everyone turned up. Mum took great pride in showing Alice off; I’m not sure that Alice was quite so enthused but, to her credit, she smiled graciously and made polite conversation. The only thing that seemed a bit odd was when I found her and Tom talking in the garden. I did try to find out from Alice yesterday, but she just laughed it off and mumbled something about Tom boring her with law talk. I didn’t buy that and made a mental note to ask Tom today.
I wonder how Alice is dealing with being here. I get the impression she is struggling a bit too as some days she seems more upbeat than others. Perhaps this is the one thing we have in common, the uncertainty of our emotions. I don’t say anything to Mum as I don’t want to ruin her new-found happiness. She has a lightness in her step and she practically bounces into the room these days. The darkness behind her eyes has disappeared. Even the lines around her eyes don’t look so deep. It makes me happy to see her like this. It’s been a long time since she has felt any true joy.
It’s an inset day at school for Hannah today, so the breakfast table is a little quieter as I haven’t woken her. Luke is having the day off to look after her and he’s booked Chloe out of nursery too. He’s going to take them to the Sea Life Centre in Brighton. Hannah’s school project this term is Under The Sea, so she’s going to take the camera that Luke and I bought her for her birthday. Hannah loves photography. I think she gets it from Luke. He was always taking pictures when he was younger and was never without his camera, but as he got older, he favoured the paintbrush more. Maybe Hannah will take after him and be the creative type, whereas Chloe is quieter, probably more like me. I was a very placid child. I think it comes from always feeling the need to shrink into the shadows, not to be noticed. I’ve never liked being the centre of attention. As a child, life was easier if my father didn’t notice me. I’m glad Luke doesn’t have the same relationship with his daughters. It’s something we’ve both worked hard to achieve. I want my girls to be in the warm and not only to be loved but to know they are loved. I want the sun to shine on them every day, even when it’s cloudy.
‘Penny for your thoughts,’ says Luke as he sits Chloe on her booster seat and puts a bowl with chopped-up banana for her on the table. Chloe digs her chubby little fingers in eagerly. She chases a slice of banana around the bowl and squishes it slightly as she traps it in her fist. She shoves it rather awkwardly into her mouth and then sets about repeating the whole process.
‘I was just thinking of the girls and how lucky we are to have them,’ I say, placing a circular rubber mat under Chloe’s bowl to stop it sliding across the table. ‘And how lucky it is that you can spend time with them on days like today.’
‘I know, it’s great that at least one of us can be here for them,’ he says. ‘I’ll get Hannah to take lots of photos to show you this evening. By the end of it, you’ll feel like you’ve been there.’ He gives me a grin, as we both know I’ll have to sit and look at dozens and dozens of photographs as Hannah happily clicks away at anything and everything. I appreciate he’s trying to make me feel better and I resolve to stop feeling sorry for myself and to enjoy just having the time with Hannah this evening, regardless of what we do.
I can’t help feeling my mood dip a little as Alice comes into the kitchen. I wish she would put on the dressing gown Mum left her. I then immediately admonish myself for being a prude and sounding like some sort of Victorian maiden aunt. At least today she has a little pair of shorts on under the T-shirt, although I do mean little.
‘Hey, guys,’ she says. We exchange good mornings and how did you sleep niceties while she faffs around getting herself a coffee and toast. I make the most of Mum not being up yet and telling me to make my sister her breakfast. Alice sits down with us. ‘Are you going to work today, Clare?’
‘Yes, no rest for the wicked,’ I say, ignoring the glance at the kitchen clock Luke gives. Yes, I should be going now, but I’m hanging out as long as possible, on the pretext I need to help Chloe with her banana but, deep down, I know it’s because I don’t like Alice being alone with Luke.
‘Oh, Clare, I hope you don’t mind but I used your laptop last night,’ says Alice.
‘My laptop?’ I reply with surprise.
‘Yes. Mum said it would be okay.’ She looks uncertain. ‘Sorry, is that a problem?’
‘Er, no. I just didn’t realise Mum knew how to work it,’ I say.
‘Well, she wasn’t sure, but I know my way around a computer so it wasn’t a problem.’
‘Oh, right. It wasn’t locked or anything, then?’ I try to recall when I last used it and if I had shut it down properly. It’s password-protected and I’m sure Mum doesn’t know it. Then, I remember, I’d flicked it on at the weekend. At the party, to be precise. We’d stuck the memory card from Luke’s camera in to have a look at some of the photos he had taken. We’d put it on slide-show mode and left it running so everyone could have a look.
‘It was just on screensaver,’ says Alice. ‘It didn’t need a password.’
‘Yes, I do remember now. We used it at the party,’ I say. ‘Did you find what you needed?’
‘Sure. I just wanted to check my emails, that sort of stuff.’
‘Facebook and Twitter, I expect?’ says Luke with a rueful smile. He’s never one for social media himself, but he uses it for his work. I’m the same. In my job, I don’t want people knowing too much about me, although I do keep a low-key Facebook account, which I set up in case Alice ever tried to find me.
‘Oh, I don’t do social media,’ says Alice.
‘Well, that’s a first,’ says Luke. ‘Even Clare and I have accounts.’
Alice’s smile drops. ‘It was just something Daddy never approved of. I didn’t go against his wishes.’
‘Was he that bad?’ I ask gently. ‘That controlling? I knew he was like that with Mum, even though she’s never said outright, but I thought maybe he’d be different with you.’<
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‘Why would you think that?’ asks Alice.
‘Because he chose you,’ I say. ‘He chose to take you with him to America. Not me.’ A heavy silence descends the room.
‘Maybe because it was easier to take the younger child,’ suggests Alice. ‘I suppose a four-year-old would have less memories to cling onto than a nine-year-old.’
It’s a logical reason; one that I’ve thought of before but I’ve always felt there’s been more to it than that.
‘Hey, Babe, you’re going to be late,’ says Luke, breaking my thoughts. He gives me a comforting smile, knowing where my mind must be travelling.
I get up reluctantly. The weight of the conversation clings to me and the thought of the day ahead does nothing to cheer me. I have a Skype call with McMillan to discuss the likelihood of the other party dropping their case and settling out of court. Leonard is putting pressure on me to strike a deal with them so we can avoid all the press reporting. Somehow I don’t think it’s going to happen. McMillan needs to meet them halfway and he’s not in the frame of mind to do that. Stubborn fool, who thinks he’s some bloody mafia Don and totally untouchable.
‘What time is your Skype call?’ asks Leonard, popping his head around the door to my office, where Tom has just called in to see if I want anything from the deli across the road.
‘Not until after lunch.’
‘Do you need me to come in on it?’
Part of me wants to say yes, but my professional pride stands in the way. ‘No, not just yet. I’ll see how I get on with him today.’
‘You need to try to convince him to accede to some of the points.’ Leonard fixes me with one of his stares. ‘Remind him that it will do neither him nor us any favours if we end up with egg on our face over a fucking dismissal that has been blown out of proportion.’
‘I take it you don’t want me to quote you on that,’ I say, in a bid to lighten the mood.
I get Leonard’s infamous death stare. ‘Just get on with it.’
I know Tom has shot a look my way, but I avoid eye contact as Leonard leaves.
‘So, when did you become the henchman?’ asks Tom.
‘Take no notice of Leonard,’ I say. ‘He’s in a bad mood and throwing his weight around, as he likes to do from time to time. I’ve known him long enough not to let it bother me.’
‘He’s not been himself lately,’ says Tom.
‘How do you mean?’
‘More stressed than usual. I went in to speak to him the other day about something and I don’t know what he was up to, but he nearly shut his own fingers in the lid of his laptop, he slammed it down so fast and hard when he saw me. And then he shoved a load of papers into a folder and grumbled about not wanting to be disturbed.’
‘Really? That’s not like him. To be honest, I haven’t noticed anything different. He’s just the same as always, sugar one minute, arsenic the next.’
‘How’s things at home with Alice?’
‘Funny you should mention Alice,’ I say. ‘I’ve been meaning to ask you all week about that conversation you had with her at the party. The one in the garden?’
‘What about it?’
‘Just wondered what you two were talking about. It looked very serious. Poor old Alice had to go and have a lie-down afterwards.’
‘Ah, now that would be telling,’ says Tom, with a wink. ‘Anyway, I asked you first. Is this you trying to deflect the question?’
We eye each other for an uneasy few seconds, as an undercurrent of tension ripples between us. I fold first.
‘There’s nothing to tell, really,’ I say. Tom raises his eyebrows and I relent. ‘Okay, I’m still adjusting, that’s all.’
‘How’s everyone else getting on with her?’ Tom sits down in the chair.
‘Good.’ What else can I say?
‘Leonard seems to be making a fuss of her,’ says Tom.
‘Really? In what way?’
‘Didn’t you know? Shit, sorry. I think I may just have put my foot in it.’
‘You’ll have to tell me now.’
‘I saw them having a coffee together, over the road at the deli.’
‘When was that?’ I’m surprised that Leonard hasn’t mentioned it, but even more surprised that Alice herself hasn’t said anything.
‘Erm, last week. Friday, I think. They didn’t see me. I was going to grab a coffee, but they looked so engrossed in their conversation that I detoured to the little café down the road. Didn’t like to disturb them.’
‘Really? Alice never said she’d met Leonard. Wonder what that was all about?’ It seems odd that they would meet up and, not only that, but not to meet at the office either.
‘Maybe it was something to do with the trust fund. Which reminds me, I forgot to say, when I went into Leonard and he was all cagey about those files, I’m sure there was a client’s account statement with your Mum’s name on it amongst those papers.’
‘Well, that’s easily explained,’ I say, feeling the need to put some sort of order and reason behind Leonard’s actions. ‘He’s the trustee for the trust fund; he was probably just checking some figures. Maybe it’s even to do with the meeting he had with Alice.’ My voice reveals a hint of scepticism on my part. Although this is what I want to believe, I can’t help feeling that I’m not seeing the whole picture. It doesn’t explain why the meeting was not at the office or why Leonard, according to Tom, was cagey.
‘I just thought it was a bit odd,’ says Tom.
I sigh and lean back in my chair, tapping my biro on the edge of the desk. ‘I don’t know what that’s all about, but then, that seems par for the course lately,’ I say. ‘Maybe it’s to do with the trust fund. Now she’s back, she’ll be entitled to her share. It’s due to be paid out sometime next year, March I think. Leonard has all the details.’
‘Ah, that’s probably it,’ says Tom.
‘No doubt,’ I say, although I’m not sure either of us is entirely convinced. The secrecy around the meeting is nagging at me. Tom, being the sharp-minded solicitor, is probably struggling with the same point. ‘I really ought to get on.’ I shuffle some papers on my desk, indicating that the conversation has drawn to a close. Tom takes the hint and rises from his seat.
‘So, nothing from the deli, then?’
‘No. I’m good, thanks.’ I don’t look up and busy myself with the papers in front of me. After Tom has gone, I sit back in my chair and let out a sigh.
I know it shouldn’t bother me and technically it’s none of my business, but I’d love to know what Leonard and Alice were discussing. If it was business, I can’t see why they wouldn’t hold the meeting in Leonard’s office. The only reason they’d meet elsewhere would be if they didn’t want anyone to know what they were up to. The thought of those two in cahoots both annoys and unsettles me as once again I feel as if I’m on the outside of something, like I’ve felt from time to time with Mum and Alice.
I glance at the photograph on the windowsill of Luke and the girls, taken on a picnic last summer. Luke is sitting on the ground with Chloe in front of him and Hannah is standing behind, her arms wrapped around his neck, planting a big sloppy kiss on his cheek.
I shake myself from my thoughts. I need to concentrate on work and prepare for this bloody Skype call to McMillan this afternoon. I spend the rest of the day in my office, regularly fending off thoughts of Luke and the girls. The call with McMillan isn’t particularly successful. He’s an arrogant sod and if I wasn’t defending him, I’d relish prosecuting him. How nice would it be to knock him down a peg or two?
I look at my watch and wonder whether Luke and the girls have had a good day at the Sea Life Centre. I’m really missing them today and suddenly, feeling impulsive, I decide to go home early. I just want to be with my family. They can take away my stress. A hug from Luke and a cuddle with the girls can put everything right.
When I pull up in the drive at home forty-five minutes later, I’m pleased to see Luke’s car in the carport. I let myself in
and call a ‘hello’ down the hall, but I’m greeted with silence. I poke my head around the living-room door but it’s empty, so I track down to the kitchen. The bi-fold doors are open to the conservatory and I can see Luke sitting at the table with Mum and Alice. Even Alice being there can’t dampen the feeling of relief and happiness that I’m home. The girls are playing on the climbing frame and swing.
‘Hi, everyone!’ I say as I join them and slip my arms around Luke’s shoulders, kissing the side of his face. ‘Hi, you.’
‘Well, hello.’ Luke returns the kiss and, holding my arms, walks me around the side of the chair and pulls me onto his lap. ‘To what do we owe this honour? You’re home early.’
‘Missed you, that’s all,’ I say. ‘Shit day. Just wanted to be home with you guys.’
‘Hello, darling,’ says Mum. ‘There’s tea in the pot; Alice has just made it. You look like you could do with a cuppa.’
I turn around on Luke’s knee. ‘Thanks, Mum.’ Alice is sitting next to Luke and I smile at her. ‘Hiya. You okay?’
For the briefest of moments, I don’t think Alice is going to return the smile. In fact, the look on her face is practically venomous. Before I can say anything, her mouth moves into a smile, although I can’t say the rest of her facial muscles are in on the sentiment. ‘Hi, Clare. I’m fine, thanks. Here, I’ll pour you a tea.’
‘Mummy! Mummy! Chloe comes running in from the garden and I slip off Luke’s lap and scoop her up into my arms.
‘Hello, sweetie.’ I smother her with kisses and blow raspberries under her chin. Chloe giggles and squeezes her arms tightly around my neck. God, this child can lift my mood within seconds. I’m so blessed to have her. ‘Have you had a nice day out with Daddy? Where did you go?’
‘Sea Life Centre. We saw fish. Big ones. Octa-poos.’
‘Octa-poos? Oh, octopus. You saw an octopus? Did he have lots of long wiggly legs?’ I set Chloe down on the ground and take the seat on the other side of the table, next to Mum. ‘Hey, Hannah!’ I wave over at her.
