I took a deep breath, summoning my courage before I opened my mouth to reply. “Could you… would you make love to me?”
“Is that what you want, sweeting?”
I was too embarrassed by the fact that I’d spoken such desires aloud to retain speech—all I managed was a nod, but it seemed sufficient to Antony. Only moments later, Antony inserted two fingers into my sex and began to flick them in and out in a way that drove me to insanity. I’d never been touched so before and had never thought that it would have felt so wonderful, but as his fingers moved in and out, I found myself moaning and writhing in the most shameful manner, and caring not at all.
“I can’t wait any longer,” he whispered, moments before he withdrew his hand and turned me to face him. He began by kissing each of my cheeks, then my mouth. When I tilted my head back, eyes closed in pleasure, he kissed my eyelids and the nape of my neck. As he kissed me, I felt his member enter my quim, and I nearly wept then and there for the pure joy of it. Then we were moving together, as one being, as God had intended a husband and wife to be. It was an odd thing, knowing that I’d been married before but had not felt one tenth of that same joy until Antony had found me.
Chapter Seven
Six months later
I could hear them talking outside the door and I knew that Julia had come. “She’s inside,” I heard Antony say, and the anxiety in his voice was undeniable. “Please, take care of her for me.”
“You needn’t worry, Mr. Jennings,” she tried to sooth him. “Cecily is going to be just fine. I’ll see to it.”
Yet, I did not know how she could keep her word. My body felt like it was being ripped in two, and it was all I could do to bite back the screams. When Julia swept into the room, all calm self-possession, I managed to smile.
She went to work at once, kneeling between my knees and checking the baby’s position. I knew we must have a long way to go, because she began to talk about the church service I’d missed and fill me in on the scant gossip there was to hear. She didn’t encourage me to talk, and she herself went silent when the pains came close together.
“Really, Cecily,” she scolded, her fondness for me plain in her voice. “You can scream, if you need to. It won’t do to keep all that pain bottled inside.”
“Antony,” I answered weakly.
“Hmph,” she snorted, spreading my legs the slightest bit so that she could get a better look. “I told him to wait outside.”
“He… he won’t be able to bear it…”
“So you must,” she finished with a sigh. “I know, but all the same, I think you should let it out.”
“My mother… my mother never… screamed.”
“Well, my mother nearly yelled her head off, to hear her tell it, and she was no worse a mother for it,” she replied, her brown eyes narrowed at me and her hand on her hip.
“Forgive me,” I replied with a smile. Julia was forever telling me to stop being so hard on myself. What she didn’t realize, even after all this time, was that I was simply doing things in the way that I was raised. For all the callouses on my hands and the simple gowns I wore, a part of me would always be gentry.
“Oh, never mind, I forget that you—Cecily, I see the baby!”
I could have wept in relief, if I’d had the strength for it.
“Push, Cecily, push! That’s it! Yes, harder now… oh, Cecily.”
I hardly heard her last words, because the cry that pierced the air was so loud and beautiful that it drowned everything else out, even the pain that I felt. “My baby?” I rasped.
“Yes, Cecily, he’s beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.”
A son. For one short moment, my heart stopped. So it had been a boy, after all. Wallace had his deepest wish. Then I remembered that it was Antony who would raise my boy, Antony who would be his father. John was such a wonderful boy and I knew he too was eager to help rear the child. Thinking of them helped me to relax, and I held my arms out for my baby. From the moment I first saw him, all other thoughts fled completely. He was still screaming pitifully, his face red and his fists clenched, but I thought that for all the jewels I’d once worn, I’d never seen anything more precious.
“He’s perfect, Cecily,” Antony murmured, stroking the baby’s cheek. I smiled up at him and nodded my agreement. “You’re certain you’re feeling well?”
“Yes, Antony,” I assured him as I stared down at my newborn son. It was a question I’d answered already a dozen times, but I would let him ask it as many times as he needed to satisfy himself.
“What will you call him?”
“I was thinking of George,” I answered, beaming at my sleeping child. “George Antony.”
“Well,” my husband replied after a long pause. “If that is your wish.”
“It is.”
“Hello, George Antony,” he whispered, and there was no mistaking the pride in his voice.
Being a mother was harder and yet more rewarding than I ever would have imagined. I found myself enchanted with this tiny human being that had formed inside of me, and baby George cast a spell that seemed to bewitch everyone. Antony doted on him, snatching him from the floor the moment he came in from the fields and bouncing the baby on his knee until his gurgled laughter filled the house. John was very protective of the baby, and very helpful to me as well, always willing to fetch a fresh blanket or entertain him while I caught my breath.
Of course, it was nothing like it would have been if I’d still been a duchess when he was born. He would have had a wet nurse and his own governess. I still would have been expected to live with the court, as I’d done before. There were moments when I longed for the easy existence I’d taken for granted, idle moments when I thought of Susanna, or my mother. But as a farmer’s wife, idle moments were hard to come by so there wasn’t much time for thinking of the past or what might have been. Besides which, being present when my son laughed for the first time, or to see John play on the floor with him, made all the hard work worth it.
Antony was as patient as he was kind. He showed me how to perform the tasks I needed to learn and remained encouraging no matter how many times I had to ask him to show me the same thing. I’d thrown myself into my new life with abandon, and in time I’d built a name for myself in the small, widespread community that we lived in. It was shocking to me how easy it was to make friends with other wives. They seemed desperate for friendship and all it took was a single kindness to build a relationship. Julia and I visited one another on a weekly basis and while I feared I’d never become accustomed to the easy rapport commoners enjoyed with one another, I had come to value her friendship.
So much so, in fact, that I’d told her my secret. As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I’d gone rigid in my chair, watching closely for her reaction.
“Well, that it explains it,” she’d said as she set her cup of milk down. “I’d thought for some time now that there was something a bit different about you. Now I know.”
I’d been surprised but relieved at how easily she’d taken the news and subsequent meetings had proven that it really didn’t bother her.
“You see?” Antony had said when I’d told him. “I keep telling you that you have to give people a chance.”
How right he’d turned out to be. It seemed that the people around me—the more time went by, the more I stopped thinking of them as commoners and thought of them as friends—were a constant surprise. I was even surprising myself. I’d never imagined that I could live in such an isolated community, doing hard labor day after day. Why, taking care of children without help from a governess was, in and of itself, a monumental task. Yet, somehow I was surviving. To tell it true, I was even thriving.
“Lady mother!”
I turned at the sound of John’s voice, shading my eyes with my hand. “Yes?”
“I’ve got to get something from the house! I’ll be but a moment!”
“Of course! See you shortly, John.” I turned back toward the fence, laughing to myself as I watched for Antony
to come home for the day. He’d gone into town on business and as I was every time he went away, I was anxious to see him safely returned to me. In these times, John took his father’s orders to watch after me and the baby very much to heart and seemed reluctant to take his eyes off us for even a second.
I’d mentioned it to Antony the last time he’d been away, but he’d simply smiled. “You don’t see it, do you, my dove? John’s grown very fond of you. He’s afraid if he gives you the chance, you’ll fly away.”
It had made me feel good to hear that my stepson felt as bonded to me as I did to him. Yet at the same time, I sincerely hoped that it was a fear that he would outgrow.
Just then, George began whining, a sound which I’d learned in the past three months would quickly turn to wails if I didn’t act quickly. He was beginning to cut teeth and had become quite the fussy baby at times.
“Poor George,” I crooned down at him sympathetically. “That mean old tooth will break through soon, I avow. It looks like we need to join your brother in the house and get you something to gnaw on.” I had just turned away, moving the baby to my hip as I walked, when I heard a noise behind me. Before I had a moment to think on it, I heard my name.
“Cecily.”
I knew that voice. I knew that grating, self-important tone all too well. It was one that I’d never expected to hear again, and I was so convinced that I had to be imagining it that I ignored my initial instinct to break into a run—he’d never expect that—and turned around instead. The moment my eyes fell on him, every muscle in my body tensed and I would have fainted if not for the need to protect my son.
It was as though I’d seen the dead come back to life, for while I’d never seen the duke’s lifeless body, in my heart he had been as good as dead for some time now.
“You’ve forgotten your manners,” he remarked, his tone light but clearly reproving.
“Hello.”
“Tsk, tsk. Is that any way to greet your husband?”
“You’re not my husband,” I said, my voice loud and strong despite the tremor within it.
“Ah, yes, I’d heard you chose to remarry rather than to look for me.” He spoke casually, but I knew Wallace well and the look in his eyes told me that he did not appreciate what he considered to be my betrayal. “Does that amuse you?”
I realized then that I was smiling. The thought of Wallace feeling betrayed in spite of everything he’d done to me was rather humorous. “What are you doing here, Wallace?”
He seemed taken aback by my directness, but it only lasted a moment. “Why, I’ve come for you and our son, of course. It is a boy, is it not?”
I felt a frisson of fear crawl up my back, making my entire body go cold despite the blazing sun overhead. “I’m needed in the house. Good day.” I turned away from him and began to walk as fast as my feet would carry me, but I’d only gone a little ways when he darted in front of me, blocking my path.
“Come, now,” he urged, his voice gentle for a change. “Let me see him.”
I held the baby to my chest as I shook my head, my face pinched and tight. “I wouldn’t dream it. He is not your son, Wallace.”
“Oh, but he is.” Though he still spoke softly, there was an underlying threat in his voice that couldn’t be mistaken for anything else. “Why, you have only to look at him. He looks just like me.”
This I could not deny. Though every day I tried to see more of myself in him, when George looked at me I saw Wallace looking back. But nothing, not even that would persuade me to hand him over to such a man as my former husband. “My husband will raise him to be a fine man. You needn’t be concerned for him.”
Wallace’s gray eyes narrowed into slits as he loomed over me. “It is not him I fear for, Cecily, but you. Tell me, did you think me dead? How long did you mourn me? Not the proper amount of time, obviously,” he sneered.
“In truth, I did not mourn you at all, Wallace.” I didn’t know where I’d gotten the strength to speak so freely, but once the words were out I felt a tumult of others like them waiting to spill forth. “Perhaps I mourned the life I used to know, but never you. Now, let me pass.”
“I don’t understand how you could say such things.” His words were mournful and meant to inspire pity, but I couldn’t find any for him. I knew all his tricks. I tried to sidestep him, but he seemed to anticipate it and moved once more to block my path. “I can’t believe you’d forsake your family. What about Hohenzollern?”
I felt a pang of sadness to hear him speak of the place that had once been my home, but I pushed it aside. “Hohenzollern is lost, Wallace. You should know that better than anyone!” My brow furrowed as I contemplated him. “Were you taken as a prisoner of war and released?”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” he chuckled. “A man of my station? I couldn’t risk being captured. Surely even you can see that.”
“I don’t understand,” I said slowly.
“For God’s sake, woman!” he snapped. “Are you daft? I didn’t join the fight, of course!”
“You ran?” I gasped. “But… but Susanna was counting on you! How could you—”
“Don’t be such a simpleton!” He waved my words away. “The best thing we can do now is go back and reclaim Hohenzollern in the name of our son. He might be as near as can be found to Susanna’s rightful heir. Most of Susanna’s kin were dragged off as brides to bastards and common soldiers, after all. And even if he isn’t, we can make a claim good enough to bring allies to our side. I’ll raise an army and—”
I shook my head, drowning out his words. “No. No, I have a life here now. I won’t have any part in your schemes.”
Suddenly, Wallace’s hand shot out and clamped down on my arm. I gasped at the grip, but I couldn’t shake him free. “I think you misunderstand me, wife. I don’t need you. Now, while it would be ideal for you to realize the folly of your ways and come with me, all I need is the boy. And don’t mistake me—I will have him.”
With an anguished cry and a fresh burst of strength, I pulled away from him and broke into a run. Surprise must have slowed Wallace down a bit, but it wasn’t enough. Soon, he was upon me again, grabbing my braid to yank me back to him. I knew that I would do everything in my power to get away from him. He would not drag me back to a place best left forgotten, stuck as a puppet in his damnable plans.
The poor baby, surely feeling the wildly erratic beat of my heart, began to wail, but Wallace ignored him as he grabbed me, one hand on each of my arms griping so tightly that I winced. “I’m ashamed of you,” he spat. “A royal duchess and this is the way you behave? You haven’t just been living with them, out here in this muck! You’ve become one of them, haven’t you?”
I glared at him, his mockery causing me to despise him more than I’d ever done before. “You should be ashamed of yourself! You ran like a coward when Hohenzollern needed you and now, you grasp at something that doesn’t exist!”
Despite the fury that contorted his features, I still didn’t see it coming. When Wallace raised his heavy palm and slapped me across the face, I stumbled. I didn’t even have time enough to scream before his hand cracked down again, this time knocking me to the ground. George was wailing so piteously that it tore at my heart, but I’d been blinded by the explosive pain in my face and all I could do was cling to him.
“St-step away from her.”
My head swiveled around to see John standing behind us, his face pale and frightened and Antony’s dagger held so tightly in his hand that his knuckles were white.
“Ah, who’s this?” Wallace’s voice and smile were light and derisive.
“Don’t… don’t touch her,” he insisted in the terrified voice a child trying to defend his mother. “Go now. Get out of here.”
“Oh, I intend to. And I’ll be taking my wife and son with me,” Wallace replied in the easy, unconcerned manner of a lion being threatened by a cub. “You look to be a good, strapping lad, but you still have some growing to do. Why don’t you put that knife down be
fore someone gets hurt? There’s a good lad.”
My vision was still blurred and my cheek was numb. My heart was beating so quickly that I feared I might faint, but I knew that was not an option. Now I had both of my sons to protect and the only way I could see to do that was to give Wallace what he wanted. “John, please go to the house.”
“But, lady mother, I—”
“Listen to your mother, boy.” Wallace’s voice held too much contempt for my liking, but I knew there was nothing I could do about it.
“Please, John. I need you to obey me.”
John looked at me, his eyes so full of hurt and betrayal that it nearly broke my heart in two. Yet, he did not move, his eyes going to something beyond me.
“She’s right, son—you should listen to your mother. And put that knife back where you got it. You won’t be needing it.”
I spun around so quickly that I nearly toppled over. Yet, the sight of Antony coming to our rescue was enough to quiet me. “You too, Cecily,” he issued, his voice firm and controlled. “I believe it’s time for George’s nap.”
My eyes went between the two men. Antony seemed as calm as I’d ever seen him, yet I knew the signs: his tense shoulders and clenched jaw told me he was ready to do battle, if need be. Wallace was surveying him with narrowed eyes and a sneer on his lips, assured as ever that there was no battle he couldn’t win. Fear rose in my throat and made me indecisive.
“Cecily,” he prompted, his voice growing in authority.
“I’ll… I’ll be waiting for you,” I said, turning away from the two of them and walking to my son. When I reached John, he offered me his hand and I took it, walking with him to the house and resisting the strong urge to look back over my shoulder.
“Do you think father will be alright?” John asked as soon as we’d entered the house.
I closed the door behind us before turning to him. I saw that he was trying to be strong, to be a little man, but there was no mistaking the way his lip trembled. I knelt on the floor and opened my arms to him. “Of course, sweeting,” I murmured when he ran to me. “Of course. Your father will return to us, don’t doubt that.”
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