“Are the girls here?”
I felt like a coward for hoping that they weren’t. I just didn’t think I could bear to look at them yet. While Maddie wouldn’t show grief, I knew that the one-year-old would already be missing her mother. But Hannah, who was five going on thirty, would be devastated. If I were to look at them, all I would think about was all that they’d lost, and I would fall apart all over again.
“No. Caleb’s mother took them for the day so we could finalize the arrangements for the funeral. I hope the people from the funeral home don’t arrive until the afternoon. Caleb has finally allowed himself to fall apart. I don’t want him to have to pull himself together right away.”
Gramps gave Ethan a curt nod. Slipping past us, I assumed that he was going in search of Caleb so Ethan and I could have a few minutes to speak alone.
I waited until Gramps was out of sight, and then gave Ethan’s arm a gentle squeeze.
“What about you? You don’t always have to keep your feelings so close to the vest, either. Please tell me you’ve allowed yourself some time to fall totally apart, as well.”
He nodded. “In private, I have. You know me. I’m not good at letting others in on how I feel. Too many years of practice, I guess.”
I knew the statement was his attempt at self-deprecation. A way of feeling me out to see if I still held any ill feelings toward him.
The truth was, I’d never been angry with him. Even when it had felt like I was, I was really only angry with myself for not seeing what was really so plain to see if only I’d been paying attention. I would never want anyone to deny who they are—especially not for my sake.
“How’s Ben?”
He looked at me hesitantly. “Good. He’s flying down tonight.”
“Ethan…I’m happy for you two. I’ve been happy for you for quite a while now.”
His eyes softened and I knew my words had given him some sense of relief. He pulled me into a hug.
“Thank you. It’s good to see you, Sue. I just wish it wasn’t for this.”
His voice caught, and he quickly pulled away.
“Why don’t you and I slip into the kitchen for a drink while your grandfather spends some time with Caleb. Believe me, you’re going to need something to numb the pain a little when you see Caleb’s face.”
Gramps’ conversation with Caleb lasted long enough for me to get a thoroughly decent buzz going. The moment I walked into the living room and laid eyes on Caleb, I wanted to turn around and personally thank Ethan for getting me a little bit drunk. The sight of him—his face red, his eyes sunken with shock and grief—was one of the worst things I’d ever seen in my life.
Whatever grief I felt, it was nothing compared to the hole that had been blown directly through the center of Caleb’s chest. I moved to the couch where he sat. The moment I lowered myself down next to him, he collapsed into my arms. I held him as he sobbed.
We stayed that way for what seemed like hours until his sobs finally came a little more slowly, and he was ready to talk.
“Can you get me a glass of water, Sue?”
“Absolutely.”
I hurried back into the kitchen where Gramps sat alone.
“This is going to take a while. If you want to take my car back to your house, I’ll Uber over there when I’m done.”
He shook his head. “I’m fine. Take all the time you need with him.”
Getting the water, I quickly made my way back to the living room. Caleb drank the entire glass. When he set it down and looked at me, there was determination in his eyes.
“I’m not going to let this ruin my girls’ lives. I don’t know how I’m going to do it. I certainly don’t have the strength today, but I will find a way to be all that they need.”
“Of course you will. You are the only man I’ve ever known that was worthy of Beth. Your girls adore you. They’re going to be okay.”
“Your grandfather thinks he has the solution for me.”
I looked at him hesitantly. There was no telling what Gramps had told him.
“Oh yeah? What’s that?”
“Running. He said it was the only thing that saved him when your grandmother died. He talked me into training for the Boston Marathon with him.”
There were certainly worse things he could’ve suggested. I shrugged.
“Maybe he’s right. He’s the only one I know that’s been through something like this.”
Caleb nodded solemnly. “Same. I think I’d do anything he told me to right now.”
A brief moment of silence followed, and then Caleb steered our conversation in another direction.
“Hannah wants to go. To the funeral, I mean. Should I let her?”
“Absolutely.” I didn’t hesitate with my answer. I was not an expert in children by any stretch of the imagination, but intuitively this seemed like a no-brainer to me. “She’s young, but if she’s telling you she wants to go, you can’t deny her that. She needs to be able to say goodbye.”
“I don’t think I’ll be able to keep it together during the funeral.”
“You don’t need to. It’s okay for Hannah to see how much you loved her mother, how much you’ll miss her. It will let her know that her own feelings are okay, too.”
He nodded, as he reached for a tissue. “You’re right, I know. It’s going to be the worst day of my life.”
I shook my head. “No. You’ve already survived the worst day of your life. It’s going to be a terrible day, that much is true, but it’s not going to be as terrible as the day you got that call. And if it helps you at all, just remember that you’ve already survived the worst.”
He nodded, but I wasn’t sure he believed me.
“I have to find someone to watch Maddie during the funeral. Everyone there needs to be able to grieve. Their attention doesn’t need to be on caring for a baby. I know it doesn’t make sense, but I don’t want to hire a babysitter. She will never remember Beth. I know that. But I want someone who loves her to be holding her while the rest of us say goodbye to her mother.”
I knew he wasn’t asking, but I knew immediately what I needed to do.
“I’ll watch her, Caleb. I’ll say my private goodbyes to Beth in my own way, and I’ll watch Maddie here, in her home, on Saturday.”
Missing her funeral was the exact thing Beth would want me to do. There was absolutely no question in my mind.
Chapter 3
Ross sat on the end of his couch watching as Sydney rolled a ball across the living room floor. Every time the tiny, obnoxious ball of fluff clumsily ran to fetch the ball for her, it lit some small light of joy inside him despite the overwhelming heaviness of his heart. He couldn’t believe Sydney had dropped everything to fly halfway across the world for him. He didn’t deserve her friendship.
“Ye truly dinna need to come all this way, Sydney. There is nothing ye can do. And ye needn’t play with her. I know ye must be exhausted.”
Sydney waved a dismissive hand at him and rolled the ball once more. “Nonsense. I can be here for you. Sometimes that’s all we need. And I’m not nearly as tired as I should be. I may have overdone the coffee on the way over.”
This time when Tink waddled toward her, Sydney leaned forward to pick the pup up, lifting her and kissing the side of the pup’s face.
“Come on, Ross. Just listen to that little puppy pant. And oh my God, those eyes! You can’t honestly tell me that you don’t find her a little bit adorable?”
“She is not an ugly dog, I’ll admit that. Nothing more.”
Still holding the squirming pup, Sydney pushed herself off the floor and moved to sit by him on the couch.
“Are you hungry? I might be a cook, but I’m also pretty good at navigating a take-out menu. How about I order us some dinner?”
He shook his head. “Please order ye something. I know ye must be hungry, but I’ve no appetite.”
She looked at him and sighed. “I’m going to order two entrees—just in case you change your mind.”
She
left Tink on the couch as she stood to sort through the collection of menus in the kitchen. It took all of two seconds for the pup to launch herself at him, climbing up his chest to lick his face profusely.
He knew it was just his need for comfort that kept him from pushing the dog away. Instead, to his own surprise, he squeezed Tink tightly and allowed her to settle onto his chest.
The grief hit him in waves. For a moment he would feel fine, then the cold disbelief of knowing Beth was gone would hit him, and he would sink into it once more.
He jumped when Sydney’s hand gently touched his shoulder, and Tink let out a short yippy bark as if she meant to protect him.
Sydney laughed and leaned down toward Tink’s face. “Oh, I’m not scared of you. You’d never hurt a fly, would you, Tink?”
He frowned at the baby voice Sydney used every time she talked to the dog. “Do ye think that tone helps her understand ye? I can assure ye, it doesna.”
She shrugged and settled down beside him once again. “Habit, I guess. Come on, Ross. Talk to me. What are you thinking?”
He looked at her squarely and said the first thing that came to his mind. “I’m thinking that I finally understand what I put Silva through. I dinna understand it before. I dinna know true grief myself. Now I do. I will never forgive myself for what I did to her.”
“She’s forgiven you, Ross. You should forgive yourself, too.”
“Mayhap so, but I doubt I ever will.” Mentioning Silva made him think of the others—those in the past who had known Beth.
“Sydney, have ye spoken with Laurel and Kate? They do know, aye?”
Sydney nodded somberly. “Yes. Morna contacted them before I had the chance to reach out to her. I bet she knew about what happened before any of us did. I’d never heard her so upset about anything.”
He’d only been around the old witch a couple of times. He couldn’t imagine why she would’ve had any attachment to Beth.
“I can understand her having some empathy for the rest of us, but why do ye think she seemed so upset?”
Sydney looked at him with an expression that told him he should’ve already guessed the answer to that. “She cares about you, Ross. Just like she cares about pretty much everyone that has ever crossed her path. She’s been watching things from afar since you moved here, probably waiting for the opportune time to meddle in your life, if I were to guess. But Beth stepped in to do that for her. She didn’t see Beth’s death coming. I believe she’s upset with herself for not having stopped it.”
Although his own magic was now gone, he’d had powers long enough to know that there were some things that shouldn’t be changed even if one has the power to do so. Morna bore no responsibility for Beth’s death.
“’Twould have been wrong for Morna to do so. Do ye have a way for me to contact her? Mayhap when things have settled a little and I am not so weepy myself, I can reach out to her.”
“Of course. I’ll leave you with the number we all use before I leave here.”
“And what of Laurel and Kate?”
“Heartbroken, but they have support around them. Ross, would you like me to go to the funeral with you tomorrow? I know I didn’t know her, but I truly wouldn’t mind being there to support you.”
He shook his head. “No. Ye can stay and watch Tink if ye doona mind. The wee pup finds trouble if left alone for more than a few hours.”
A sudden knock on the door interrupted their conversation.
“That can’t be the food already. It’s not been long enough. I guess you should get it.”
He nodded and stood. “’Tis most likely a tenant with some maintenance issue or question.”
Peeking through the peephole, he was shocked to find Caleb standing on the other side of the door. While he’d spoken to him, he’d not seen him since Beth’s death. He’d not wanted to be in the way of the family’s preparations.
Caleb didn’t need to see Tink yet. While he knew he would have to tell Caleb about what Beth had done before Christmas Day, there was no need to burden him with such news right now.
Opening the door, he stepped out into the hall and closed the door to his apartment so Caleb wouldn’t have an opportunity to step inside.
“Caleb…”
Wordlessly, he moved to hug his friend. Caleb clung on to him for a long moment before stepping away.
“I’m sorry to interrupt your evening.”
“Doona apologize, lad. Ye’ve interrupted nothing.”
Silence followed, and Ross didn’t hurry to fill the space between them. There was nothing he could say to help his friend.
Eventually…Caleb spoke again. “I’ve a favor to ask of you, Ross.”
“O’course. Whatever ye need.”
“Will you say a few words at the funeral tomorrow? Beth’s family wants me to speak, but I can’t do it. I’ve spent all afternoon trying to put together some words, and I just can’t. You meant so much to her. I’ve never seen her take to anyone as fast as she did you. I know it would mean so much to her if you did. It would mean so much to me, as well.”
A sinking dread filled him. Talking wasn’t his strong suit. And there would be so many others there who had known Beth much longer than he had. He would feel awkward and out of place, but he knew there was no way he could say no.
“O’course.”
Caleb nodded. “Thank you.” He hesitated briefly before continuing. “I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but I was hesitant when Beth seemed to take you on as her pet project, but I am as grateful for your friendship as she was.”
Ross allowed himself a soft chuckle. He’d always known that Beth had seen him as someone she could fix with her friendship and love. “I will be forever honored to call ye a friend, Caleb.” And so she had.
Caleb pointed at the closed door behind him. “Do you mind if I come in? I just don’t want to go back home right now.”
Caleb would just have to see Tink. There was no getting around it. Of course Caleb didn’t want to go back to the house he and Beth had shared.
“Aye. Come on in.”
Opening the door for his friend, he didn’t miss Sydney’s startled expression as Caleb stepped into the apartment.
He watched as she quickly stood to greet him, extending her hand.
“Hello. I’m Sydney. You must be Caleb, yes? I’m so, so sorry for your loss.”
“Thank you, and yes. Are you…” Caleb paused and turned his head toward Ross. “Do you have a girlfriend you’ve been hiding from us?”
Before he could answer, Sydney interrupted, answering Caleb’s question. “Oh, definitely not. I’m married. Just a friend.”
An odd expression flashed across Caleb’s face as he closed his eyes and nodded. Ross thought he heard Caleb whisper, “Okay, Beth. Okay,” before he spoke more loudly.
“Ross, I can’t believe I’m about to do this, but meeting your friend has reminded me of something that Beth had been trying to arrange for months before…” He trailed off. When he spoke again, his voice was raspy from the tears he struggled to hold back. “She was relentless in trying to convince me to talk you into letting us set you up with someone. I told her over and over that it was something you wouldn’t want to do, but she wanted you to meet our friend so badly. In Beth’s defense, the woman she wanted you to meet really is a jewel. I’ve never met anyone that didn’t like her. Once this weekend is over, will you meet up with her if I can get her to agree to it as well? For Beth?”
Ross suppressed a groan. He didn’t feel like dating right now. In truth, he was quite certain that he never wanted to be in a romantic relationship with anyone again. It would be a waste of both his time and that of the unsuspecting woman who would also be guilt-tripped into meeting him, but how was he supposed to say no when Caleb made it about Beth?
He nodded, hesitantly. “If ’twas truly that important to her, then aye. Though I can assure ye ’twill not go as Beth hoped it would.”
“Probably so, but at least I will have
helped you two meet. I denied Beth the opportunity to arrange that while she was here, the least I can do is see it done now.”
Seemingly annoyed by the lack of attention she was receiving, Tink chose that moment to make her presence known by letting out a high-pitched bark and pouncing on Caleb’s feet.
Caleb looked down in surprise. “Did you get a dog, Ross?”
He ran a hand through his hair as he motioned to the couch to offer Caleb a seat. “Not exactly.”
Caleb pointed to Sydney. “Is it yours?”
Sydney shook her head. “Nope.”
“Then, whose is it?”
Caleb bent to pick Tink up, snuggling her close as he moved to sit down on the couch.
Ross sighed as he readied himself to give away Beth’s secret. “’Tis yers.”
Caleb raised his eyebrows as he looked suspiciously down at the dog in his arms. “Excuse me?”
“Beth gave her to me for safekeeping until Christmas. She intended to surprise yer girls. She thought that once ye saw how pleased they were, ye wouldna put up a fight about keeping her.”
A slow, strange smile spread across Caleb’s face. Much to Ross’ surprise, Caleb began to laugh.
It unnerved him, and he watched on, unsure of how to respond.
After what seemed like forever, Caleb’s laughter slowly turned into a soft sob. When he looked up at Ross, there were tears in his eyes.
“God, how I loved her. She tricked you, Ross. She never intended for this dog to be ours.”
Ross argued with him. “Aye, she did. She told me so.”
Caleb shook his head firmly. “I have no doubt she did, but she lied to you. Hannah is allergic to dogs. Has been since she was a baby. Otherwise, I would’ve gotten us one ages ago. She gave you that dog, knowing that in time you’d fall in love with it, and then you’d have a companion for this big, old apartment. Face it, Ross. This dog is yours.”
Chapter 4
I arrived at Caleb’s house early the morning of Beth’s funeral so I could take care of Maggie while the rest of them readied for what would indisputably be one of the most difficult days of their lives. I watched her in the living room, bouncing her back and forth on my hip while she cried. She was still screaming when Caleb, his mother, Ellen, Beth’s parents, sweet little Hannah, Ethan, and Ben left for the funeral. Four hours later she was still crying. No matter what I did to soothe her, she continued to wail in my arms. Eating, burping, changing her diapers, singing to her, rocking, nothing seemed to help.
Love Beyond Boundaries (A Scottish Time Travel Romance): Book 12 (Morna's Legacy Series) Page 3
