Groggily, I pushed myself up in the bed. “I just got back today, Georgie. I just needed some time alone.”
She stared at me hard and her expression slowly softened. “What happened? What’s wrong?”
With my head in her lap, she stroked my hair. I spilled everything to her, my tears returning as I vented.
When I finished, she lifted my head and stood from the bed before looking down at me, her brows raised and her eyes furious.
“Screw him, Sue. Seriously. I’m going to kick his ass when he shows back up here.”
I sniffled and reached for a tissue. “I think I might let you.”
“I’m going to order a pizza, and then I’m going to run to the store for some wine and ice cream. I know how to set you right, ASAP.”
A drunken night of pizza and ice cream didn’t work the wonders that Georgie had hoped it would. Rather than a healed heart, all I ended up with was an upset stomach and a migraine.
Gramps seemed certain that time would heal things, but as days turned into weeks, and weeks into a month, I wasn’t so sure.
I couldn’t focus on anything. I wasn’t eating well. Even work wasn’t enough to pull me out of my funk.
One month and three days after I left him, Caleb showed up at my door with crossed arms and a frown.
He got after me the minute I opened the door, taking me aback. “Enough of this. Do you hear me? It’s been enough.”
I stared at him, blankly, unsure of what to say to him.
He pushed me aside and stepped into the apartment. “I’ve been listening to Georgie worry about you for weeks now. You haven’t been to see the girls since you’ve been back, and you’re not responding to my text messages or answering your phone. You have got to pull it together.”
Guilt immediately flooded me, and tears flooded my eyes for the millionth time that week.
“I…I couldn’t go and see the girls, Caleb. I knew Hannah would ask me about Ross, and I didn’t want to cry in front of them.”
“Ah, hell.”
Caleb’s shoulders slumped as he wrapped his arms around me.
“Don’t cry, Sue. I’m sorry. Gosh, I’m an idiot. I thought I would try the tough love approach. I see now that wasn’t the best course of action. Look...” He pulled away so I would look up at him. As I did so, he gently brushed away my tears. “I’m never going to tell anyone how long they should or shouldn’t grieve over anything, but I do know that nothing gets better with inaction.”
He paused and I noticed him staring at something on the table behind me. Frowning, he returned his attention to me.
“How long has it been since you’ve been through your mail?”
I shrugged. I was well aware of the mounting pile that had accumulated on my kitchen table. I just didn’t care.
“That’s not you, Sue. You can wallow and cry, but you can’t just stop taking care of stuff. Come here, let’s go through this mess together.”
Knowing I had no other option, I followed him to the table as he sat down and began to rifle through my mail.
“Junk. Junk. Junk. Bill. Bill. Junk.” He stilled on an envelope and regarded it skeptically.
“You might want to open this one, Sue. It looks like a letter.”
“Who is it from?”
“No idea. There’s no return address. There’s not even postage from what I can tell. Weird.”
Magic. It had to be. If the letter was from Ross, I had no desire to read it.
Cautiously, I reached for the envelope and turned it over. The handwriting of my address seemed too feminine to be Ross’. Curious, I opened it.
A small note, no larger than a Post-It, fell onto the table in front of me.
“Please remember what I said: His stupid mistakes are not a testament to his lack of love for you. They are a result of the self-hatred he carries for himself.”
Silva.
Caleb was staring at me, curiously. “So?”
I crumpled up the note and threw it in the trash.
“It was nothing. Let’s carry on.”
It didn’t matter what the cause was. How could I ever truly love someone who didn’t love himself? The same problems, the same mistakes, would plague us over and over.
Ross was in the past.
It was time for me to move toward my future.
Chapter 43
Cagair Castle, Scotland
One Month Later
* * *
Six weeks after Allanah left him, his mother did too. There’d been no sadness on the day she passed, only relief that her misery had finally come to an end.
Griffith helped him bury his mother. And one day later, he set off for Cagair Castle.
The weeks apart from Allanah had given him time to think—time to sort through the ways things always turned out wrong. He’d had to stay for his mother. But now, he would return home to fight for her.
It was his mother who saved him. Perhaps she’d always carried a little bit of magic within her too. For even though her mind no longer knew him, her soul most assuredly did. And on the night before she passed, she’d come to him in a dream.
They sat in the room where she lay dying, but no ailment plagued her. He could smell the sweetness of honey bread rising from the fire behind them. Her eyes were no longer frightened, and her figure was more than just skin and bones. She looked happy and healthy, and peace radiated from her.
“Ross.” She’d reached out to him, and he’d dutifully taken her hand.
“What is the one thing ye’ve desired yer whole life, son?”
“Love.”
The answer slipped effortlessly from his lips, surprising him. Was that truly what he wanted more than anything? He knew he wanted Allanah now—he wanted her love—but had that always been his desire? He’d truly never given it much thought.
His mother smiled at him, nodding knowingly. “Then ye must learn to give yerself that which ye wish to share with others. ’Tis as simple and as difficult as that.”
With a start he woke in the chair next to her bed. As he gazed down at her, he knew she was moments away from taking her last breath. With tears in his eyes, he crawled into bed beside her, wrapping his arms around her frail frame as he held her until her chest no longer rose and fell in sync with his. He thought about the dream every moment of the ride back to Cagair. With each moment, the truth in it slowly worked its way into his soul. He was not a stupid man. He was not inherently selfish or evil. He was not cursed to make decisions that ruined him and everyone he loved. Instead, he was a man who’d simply denied himself the one thing every living creature needs in order to thrive.
Love of one’s self.
No more.
Allanah deserved better from him.
He deserved better from him.
It would take time, he knew. But no matter what, he would win her back.
He simply wouldn’t be moving through life without her by his side.
Chapter 44
Ross was back. He’d been back for a while.
I wasn’t sure what I thought was going to happen once he returned. While I knew where I stood—there was no coming back from what happened—I honestly expected him to reach out in some way. I expected him to want to explain.
The lack of contact from him cemented my suspicions. I’d always been second fiddle—someone to distract him from the one woman he truly wanted and couldn’t have. He didn’t love me. He’d only said it because I’d whispered it in my sleep, and it’s hard to keep up an illusion if you don’t play along.
It still hurt so much. I was embarrassed to even mention Ross’ name to anyone I loved. I didn’t want them to know how much I still struggled. I didn’t want anyone to see that a man I’d not been dating for all that long had upended my life so completely.
Unfortunately, after Caleb’s mini mail intervention, I did too good of a job at pretending I was okay.
So good in fact, that Caleb had taken it upon himself to take over the job Beth had tried to do be
fore her death—match me with someone.
I couldn’t say no. If I did, everyone would just assume that I wasn’t over Ross, and all of my energy was going into making believe that I was.
The first one was undoubtedly the worst date I’d ever been on in my life. The man was much too old for me, and his dentures literally came loose halfway through dinner.
The second wasn’t much better. An hour into the evening, he asked me my opinion on swinging.
And finally, to tie it all up into one big crappy bow, the third man didn’t even show up.
When I finally gave up and returned to my apartment, I walked in to find Caleb and Georgie watching a movie on the couch.
“How’d it go?”
I stared blankly at him. “He didn’t show up, Caleb.”
“Awe.” He made a sad face and waved me over. “I’m sorry. That sucks.”
“Caleb, who are these losers that you keep setting me up with? Do you actually know any of these guys? And if you do, why?”
He laughed and lifted his palms nonchalantly. “I’m sorry, Sue. I do know them, but I guess I’m just not nearly as good at this as Beth was. Will you let me make it up to you? Let me set you up with one more guy. If it’s not good, I promise to never try to set you up again.”
I pointed at him. “You promise?”
He held out his pinky and I swatted it away. “It’s the last time, Caleb. I’m not doing this again.”
“Fine. This one will be better. I have a really good feeling about it.”
Three days later, I found myself standing in front of the same Indian restaurant where Ross and I had our first date. Had I known this was where the date was going to take place, I’m sure I would’ve said no, but Caleb didn’t text me the location until an hour before, and no matter how certain I was that this man would be no less of a loser than the others, I still wasn’t willing to stand someone up after finding out firsthand how much that sucked.
Sighing, I braced myself and walked inside. The restaurant was empty, which was unusual for this time of evening. I was quickly shown to a booth and offered a glass of water.
As the waiter walked away, I felt the weight of a hand on my shoulder.
I twisted around and looked into the eyes of the one man that was still almost always on my mind.
“Ross. What are you doing here?”
He shrugged. “I…I was supposed to have a blind date.”
Anger boiled up in me as I surged from my seat. “You have got to be freaking kidding me. Caleb tried to set us up again? I’m out.”
I tried to storm around him, but he grabbed my arm and spun me, his grip too tight for me to pull away.
“No, lass. Please stay. ’Twas not Caleb’s doing.” He paused. “Well, he helped, but ’twas my idea. We’ve the restaurant to ourselves. And I swear to ye, I shall block the door if I must. Ye left before we could speak so many months ago. Ye must hear me out now.”
I didn’t want to listen to him. Whatever his explanation, I knew it would rip me wide open again, and the last thing I wanted was for him to see me cry. “No, Ross. I can’t do this.”
He didn’t release his grip on my wrist. “Please, lass.”
His tone was so desperate, and there were tears in his eyes.
Reluctantly, I nodded, and he released me as I moved to return to my seat.
He sat down across from me and began almost immediately. “We doona have a meal coming our way, lass. The kitchen is closed. I just needed ye here to talk.”
“Great.” I mumbled the response under my breath. The one good thing about finding out my supposed blind date was going to be here was that I at least knew I was going to get a fantastic meal.
“Lass, I have made so many mistakes in my life, but none so great as not giving ye the trust and honesty ye deserved. There is no good reason for why I lied to ye about Silva. The only explanation I can give is this…”
“I know why you lied, Ross.” I’d not intended to interrupt him, but the words had slipped out before I could stop them.
He crossed his arms and leaned back, surprised. “Ye do?”
I nodded. “You’re still in love with her, Ross. You didn’t want me to know about her, because you didn’t want me to know that she was the one you really wanted.”
He shook his head and reached to grab my hand across the table. “No, lass. That is not why I lied to ye. Not at all. I loved Silva, aye. But I doona anymore, and I havena for a long time. The only one I love is ye, Allanah. I love ye so much that being apart from ye has caused my heart to ache in a way I dinna know was possible. And trust me, lass, I’ve ached much in my life.”
My lips began to tremble. I expected an excuse, but I never anticipated another confession of his love.
“If that’s true, then why did you lie?”
“Allanah, I faked my own death and left Silva in the past because I was frightened of my destiny on The Isle of Eight Lairds. I abandoned and broke the heart of the woman I’d sworn to love and protect for my entire life. Is that the behavior of someone ye deserve to be with? Is that the action of someone ye want to be with?”
“You what?”
“Aye. I was married to Silva when I was meant to join the men at The Isle. I couldna do it, so I left. I left without explanation. ’Twas the most horrid thing I’ve ever done. I couldna tell ye the night that ye asked me, lass. I couldna bear the thought of ye thinking of me the way I thought of myself.”
Silva was right. I could see that now, looking into the pained expression in his eyes. He’d not meant to hurt me. He just didn’t know how to keep from hurting himself.
“Do you still think that way about yourself, Ross?”
He shook his head. “No, lass. My mother had one last lesson for me before she died.”
I gave the hand that held mine a gentle squeeze. “I’m so sorry, Ross.”
He shook his head again.
“No, lass. Ye were right. There was naught but relief felt that day. For me and for her.”
He paused and stood, walking around the table to scoot into my side of the booth. I turned to face him.
“Allanah, please forgive me. Please take me back. I will never lie to ye again. I doona wish to move forward without ye. All those dreams we spoke of on the road to my hometown—I want all of them, lass. And I doona want them with anyone but ye.”
I kissed him, my lips pressing hard against his with months of repressed yearning.
“I love you, Ross.”
“And I ye, lass. Ye will never know how much.”
He was wrong. I knew how much because it was the same love I had for him.
Consuming. Healing. Whole.
Chapter 45
Two weeks after we got back together, I told Caleb he could rent my apartment to someone else since Georgie was moving in with him, and I was moving in with Ross. He’d squealed with delight and happily confessed his part in Ross’ plan. While the idea of bringing me to the Indian restaurant had been Ross’ idea, the horrid dates leading up to that had been Caleb’s—a hope that I’d be so worn down after three terrible dates, that I would at least give Ross the opportunity to talk.
I suppose it worked. And God, I was glad it had.
A year later, Ross compromised—booking a vacation to one of the places on my list that was certainly not on his—Las Vegas. Two days into the trip, we married. Tink carried our rings down the aisle on a pillow.
I called Gramps an hour before the ceremony, and a Cher impersonator held my phone up so Gramps, Gladys, Georgie, Caleb, and his girls could watch our wedding via video chat.
Tired of Vegas after the second night, we booked a last minute honeymoon trip to the one place that no longer held any ghosts for either of us.
Scotland.
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Love Beyond Boundaries (A Scottish Time Travel Romance): Book 12 (Morna's Legacy Series) Page 22
