Later Finn learned that Cross had slipped into Derone’s subconscious. He had known the kid was about to fry both of them. In that single instant before Derone turned the interview room into a frying pan, Cross took all that lethal energy and contained it in a ball of white hot compressed energy. He pushed it, all of it, back inside the kid.
Cross had taken a portion of that energy and surrounded them with a protective bubble. Derone and everything in that room evaporated in a superheated firestorm. Cross emerged relatively unscathed. Finn suffered second and third degree burns on his arms and a concussion from when Cross had knocked him to the floor. He would’ve been dead if not for Cross. Derone was dead, the interview room was toast and Coben had a lot of explaining to do to the NYPD.
Everything changed after that day. Cross refused to talk about what he had done. It was as if it never happened. Tanya and Coben took a heated interest in Cross. They grilled him mercilessly. Cross answered all their questions as honestly and thoroughly as he could. When they realized they weren’t going to get more from him, Finn was told to press his partner, to throw him into the deep end to see what other secrets he might be hiding.
But Finn took a different approach. Cross had outed himself to save his life. That was a debt Finn took seriously. Weeks later, after a quiet, uneventful night, Finn offered to drive Cross home. But instead Finn turned toward his loft. Cross picked up on the change in direction immediately.
“Ah, my apartment’s two blocks back.”
“Yeah, I know. I was wondering, maybe you might want to have a drink or three with me. I mean, if you want. You freaking saved my life man and I hardly know you. It’s just, partners should know each other.” Finn shrugged and realized Cross couldn’t see him.
When his partner said nothing, Finn felt stupid about asking. “Yeah, okay, it was just a thought.” He was about to turn around when Cross spoke up. “You got any decent scotch?”
Finn grunted. “My mother is Scottish and my father is Irish. What do you think?”
It was the first time Finn had been with Cross anywhere outside of work. It was as if he was meeting an entirely different person. When they got inside Finn’s loft, Cross looked up toward the ceiling, twenty feet above them.
“Feels open in here.”
Finn went to the bar and cracked open a fifth. “The views are killer. From the loft you can see clear across the harbor. It used to be a firehouse. They were going to tear it down and I bought it for a song. Did most of the work myself. Straight up or on the rocks?” Finn asked.
“Straight,” Cross accepted the glass and Finn waited for his reaction. Cross sipped the whisky and then stopped and turned his head in Finn’s direction. “Wow.”
“Yeah, I know. My grand-da got this for me last time he was in Scotland. This, my friend, is eighteen-year-old Bunnahabhain single malt. Perfect balance of smoke and peat- in my not so humble opinion.”
“If I knew you had this I would have insisted on saving your life a lot sooner.”
Finn clinked glasses with him and Cross lifted his drink in solute, then sipped the scotch again. “So, why am I really here, Finn?”
“Really? Are you ever not suspicious? Seriously, I’m not allowed to invite my partner over for a drink? Does there have to be ulterior motives involved?”
Cross sipped again and seemed to consider that. “Which question do you want me to answer first?”
“Come on, I don’t know about you, but this job takes up every aspect of my life. I have no friends outside the Department. If you thought I had ulterior motives, why’d you come?”
Cross leaned on the bar, and rolled his drink between his hands. “I’m sorry, but I get this weird nervous vibe from you every time we’re together. Almost like you’re afraid of me.”
That put Finn on the defensive. “You promised me you wouldn’t, you know, get in my head.”
Cross raised his brows. “And I didn’t. Jesus Finn I didn’t have too. Hell, Coben could have picked up on the vibes you give out, and Coben is pretty much clueless. I don’t know, maybe it’s the psychic thing,” He motioned to his eyes. “Or the blind thing. Sometimes I freak people out.” He shrugged and finished the scotch. “I guess I expect it. I’m used to it.”
“Really, you get that from me?” Finn had no idea he was that transparent. “No, man, it’s not the psychic thing. Well, okay, maybe a little bit the psychic thing. It is kind of unnerving to have your own personal bullshit detector as a partner. I always feel I have to watch every word out of my mouth. It gets a little exhausting after a while, but no, that’s not it.”
“So, the blind thing then.”
“Why the hell would that bother me.” Finn was frustrated. How could he explain it to Cross when he couldn’t even explain it to himself.
If Cross never took a look in his head than Finn knew he didn’t realize what Finn’s real job was. But that sure wasn’t the reason for his edginess when he was around Cross. He stopped thinking about that when he realized Cross wasn’t a threat.
“Okay, so maybe it was the glowing ball of death and destruction.”
“Yeah, that was definitely a little unsettling, but I see weird every day, so again, no.”
“Then what?”
“It’s you, man. You know?” Finn sighed and filled both their glasses again. The scotch was tasting good and left a nice warm trail down his throat. It also gave him the courage to say what he wanted to say. “We’re supposed to be partners, right? That means we’re supposed to trust each other- with our lives.
“I don’t even know you, not even a little. How am I supposed to trust someone I don’t even know? You come into the office, you do the time, then you either grab a cab or occasionally let me or Vic drive you home. That’s it. I know nothing about you personally. You don’t say one word about what’s going on in your head. It might have escaped your attention but I am not psychic. I actually need people to talk to me on occasion so I can understand what they’re thinking.”
“Well, you could’ve asked,” Cross said.
Although he couldn’t have seen the eye roll, Cross seemed to realize he’d earned it. “You are way obvious, Finn. I don’t have to see to know half of what you want to say is written all over your face. You’re an expressive guy, an extravert who gets his energy from external sources, people, places.”
Cross sipped more of the scotch. “And for the last six months you have had to put up with me. I don’t like people. I’m not big on talking or sharing my feelings, and you take that and turn it around to make it all about you. It isn’t.”
“I thought you said you weren’t in my head.” Finn didn’t intend to sound defensive but it came out that way.
“I wasn’t.”
“Right. Then how’d you know all that?”
“Coben pays me good money to be a profiler. I happen to be very good at it and you’re ridiculously easy to read.”
Finn let out a long breath. “Now I feel like an ass.”
“If the shoe fits and all that,” Cross grinned. “But I could have opened up more. You’re right, though, I guess I have ‘trust issues’.” He made quote marks with his fingers when he said it.
“You saved my life. I’m not sure if I thanked you for that,” Finn said. “In some cultures that means you own me.”
“I think we can forgo that,” Cross took off the ever-present dark glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose and then his eyes.
“Headache?”
Cross grinned. “Always, it’s okay. It only bothers me at night. When it’s quiet and there’s nothing else to think about.”
“I get that. Not the headache thing, but the too quiet at night thing.”
“Night’s suck.”
“Yeah,” Finn agreed. He wondered what kept Cross awake in the night. He wanted to ask but didn’t feel he had the right.
He had never seen his partner without the glasses before. He looked disarmingly young and innocent without them. “Do you remember what is was lik
e to see?” He realized how personal the question was and regretted it almost the moment it was out of his mouth. “And crap, I really didn’t mean to ask that. I am an idiot.”
Cross downed the last of the scotch and shrugged. “It’s okay. Give me a refill and I’ll tell you you’re not an idiot.”
Finn poured him another hit. He was feeling the alcohol and thought maybe Cross was a bit buzzed as well. “Yes, but will you mean it?”
“Ah, that would require a degree of drunken debauchery I’m not prepared for and one I’m sure you don’t have enough scotch to reach.”
“And you have a sense of humor, that’s something I wouldn’t have guessed.”
Cross downed the shot fast and Finn topped him off. His partner was definitely feeling the scotch. Alcohol was a wonderful equalizer.
“There’s a lot you probably wouldn’t guess about me, but yes, I remember what it was like. Not a lot, but yeah some things.”
Finn was seeing an amazing thing : Cross Delancey sharing a part of himself. There was no way in hell he was writing a report up on this. Coben and Tanya could go fuck themselves- or each other, for all Finn cared.
“What things?” Finn said.
“Colors, I think. I’ve been blind nearly as long as I could see so sometimes I’m not sure if what I remember is real or just my imagination. I see people as different amplitudes of energy. Not colors but in my head I always give them names. The higher the energy frequency, the hotter the color I give them.” He shrugged. “Sounds stupid saying it out loud”
“Not at all. So what am I? What kind of energy am I?”
Cross raised his brows and the corner of his mouth lifted in an amused lilt. “You’re easy. I see you as non-stop movement. Your energy is vibrant, but hot. You are how I remember red. Warm but unpredictable. Red can burn you if you’re not careful.”
Finn laughed softly. “That’s kind of cool, I think.”
“I don’t remember much more. Faces of people I knew, places, it’s all one big blur in my memory. But there is one thing I remember for a fact. Kale. I remember Kale clearly.”
Finn almost choked on his drink. Coben and Tanya had told him they were never sure what Cross remembered about Kale. “Your brother?”
“Yeah. I know we were identical twins, but I never saw it, you know? Kale never cared how he looked. His hair was always too long, but yet he somehow always managed to pull off cool without any effort.” Cross smiled warmly at the memory. “And he had this half-cocked grin thing going for him. I never could duplicate that grin.”
Cross lowered his head and seemed lost in his past. “I miss that stupid grin. I miss my brother. I always felt as if half of me was lost without Kale.” He shrugged and put the dark glasses on once more, hiding his eyes, and his memories at the same time.
Finn raised his glass. “A toast,” he said. “To brothers,” He waited for Cross to lift his own glass and then they clinked and downed the shot.
“I didn’t know you had a brother,” Cross said.
Finn filled their glasses again. “I don’t. It seemed like such a perfect salute, I didn’t want to kill the moment.”
Cross nearly inhaled his scotch. “You’re an ass.”
“Well then, to asses.”
Cross clinked glasses with Finn once more.
They finished that bottle of his grand-da’s fine scotch that night and began a friendship that had spanned nearly a decade. Until Cross found out it was all a lie.
Except that it wasn’t.
Not for Finn, not really. He never put everything in those reports to Coben and Tanya. Just enough to keep them happy. But in truth there hadn’t been much more to report. The psychic thing and the one-time ability to channel ambient energy seemed to be Cross’s only talents. He had honed them both over the years, but Finn had downplayed that as well.
In his own way, Finn tried to protect Cross as much as he could. He’d shielded him from Tanya and Coben every chance he got. Didn’t matter though, Cross still believed Finn had lied to him, betrayed him. Sold him out.
Maybe he had. He hadn’t told Cross the truth, was that the same as lying? Finn thought maybe it was.
What truly ate at him though was the look on Cross’s face as Coben told him all Finn ever was, was his babysitter. That look of hurt and betrayal is what kept Finn awake at night. The truths they had shared, the secrets, the past. The doubts that clawed away at the back of his brain, Cross had told Finn all of these things. Not all at once. Cross did not trust easily, but Finn had worn him down. Finn had made Cross trust him.
It was fully dark now and the harbor lights filled his windows. It always amazed Finn how beautiful this city could be at night. The darkness could hide the ugly things that existed in the light. At night all Finn ever saw was the beauty. That was the illusion.
He wondered if Cross saw beauty in his darkness. Or if his friend understood that sometimes the illusion was all you ever got.
Chapter 18
HIS CELL PHONE woke Finn. The buzzing aggravated the headache and his mouth tasted like he’d licked an ashtray. He grabbed the phone and put it to his ear. With his eyes still closed he put one hand to his temple to appease the pounding there. “What?” his voice was a whisper.
“Rough night?” Vic’s voice was annoyingly chipper. Finn turned over to look at the clock, thinking he had missed something for work. Then he remembered he didn’t have to worry about work.
“What do you want, Vic?”
“You weren’t answering your door. I wanted to make sure you didn’t die or anything.”
“Wait. What? Where are you?” Finn sat up on the edge of the bed still holding his head. If he didn’t it might fall off his shoulders.
“Standing outside your loft. I come bearing caffeine and sugar.”
“You’re here?” Finn tried to process that but all he got was caffeine. “Okay, uhh, hold on. Right there.” He threw his phone into the tangle of covers, pulled on a pair of jeans and stumbled down the spiral staircase. Appalling sunlight stabbed at Finn’s eyes and brain.
As promised Vic was waiting outside. “You better have coffee or I will have to kill you.”
Vic held out a Starbucks Venti. “Double shot of espresso.”
Finn cracked the lid and took a cautious sip. He leaned against the doorframe and sighed in ecstasy. “You can live.” He turned around and walked back inside, knowing Vic would follow him.
He sat down cautiously at the bar. Vic propped one hip against the opposite side of the counter. “I was going to ask how the time off has been treating you, but I can see.”
“Don’t judge. There better be something in that bag that is mostly sugar.”
Vic tossed him the bag and Finn caught it. Inside were two massive bear claws. “Oh, God. I knew there was a reason I kept you around.”
Vic wandered around the loft picking up empties and dumping them in the trash. “I’m not sure a double shot is going to help.”
“Shut it. I’ll take some ibuprofen and down some water. I’ll be fine.”
“Uh huh. So what has you binge drinking, when I know for a fact that you are supposed to be somewhere warm and far away.”
“Coben might have the power to take my badge and lock me out but he cannot tell me what to do on my own time.” Finn downed four Motrin with the coffee.
“You sure about that?” Vic said. He motioned to the window overlooking the street. “Brown Honda, four or five spaces down.”
Finn leaned forward just enough to see what Vic was talking about.
“Been there all night. Just changed shifts as I was pulling up.”
“Watching me? Son-of-a-bitch. Why?” Finn rubbed a hand over his face.
“Cross got out.”
Finn lowered the cup he was about to sip from, certain he misheard Vic. “What?”
“Cross is out, as in he is in the wind. The entire department at her disposal and Tanya could not hold one blind guy in a secured building. It would be fair to say she i
s pissed.”
“Holy shit. Cross got out.” Finn grunted out a laugh. “That’s awesome. But why is she having me watched, I had nothing to do with it.”
“Well as far as they know, Cross has no resources, no place to go for help. He is alone and blind in a city he doesn’t know how to navigate without help.”
“Again, why watch me? I’m the last person Cross would come to for help.”
“Maybe. Maybe they think you might want to appease that guilt a little and try to find him.” Vic seemed to coolly appraise Finn.
Finn didn’t like that at all. “So, what? You’re here to feel me out? What makes you think I care what happens to Cross one way or another?”
Vic pulled an empty out of the trash. “This does. How long have we known each other? In all that time how many times have I seen you get plastered? I’ll tell you. Never. The Finn Doyle I know doesn’t like to lose control.”
“Bullshit.”
“Truth. I’ve seen you put a few away, have a good time, nothing wrong with that at all. But this Finn? Sitting in the dark alone, drinking until you pass out? That’s not the Finn I know. That’s guilt, pure and simple.”
Finn narrowed his eyes. “Then I guess you don’t know me as well as you think. Thanks for the info and the pick-me-up, Vic, but you need to go now.”
“So you can try to lose your tail and put out feelers for Cross? Tanya’s got your ass, my friend. She’s got your front door covered, your phone tapped and a GPS on your wheels. You’re not going anywhere she won’t know about ten seconds after you leave.”
“If that’s true then she knows you’re here, too. How’re you going to explain that you warned me about her guard dogs?” Finn was trying like hell to figure out Vic’s angle but he kept coming up blank. “What’s this all about Vic? Why are you here?”
Vic pursed his lips and silently regarded Finn for a long while. The man looked like he had something to say, so Finn let him have the time to figure it out. He wasn’t going anywhere.
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