“I’m not feeling it right now. I’m only feeling…” I cut the words off lest I burst into tears.
Magicka reaches over and pats my hand. “There, there, girly girl. Dean and M are here for you.”
“Thanks.” I cast my eyes over the patrons below. The room is jam-packed. People line up in the entrance waiting for tables. Waiters and waitresses practically run from table to table. The kitchen is barely visible from where I sit, through a wide rectangle in the wall. Two men in white uniforms are tossing, sautéing, chopping, and hustling their butts off to get the food out. The front door opens and a familiar couple steps inside. My heart slowly slides to my feet and lands with a thud on the floor. It rolls to the edge of the balcony and hurls itself off the edge.
At that very moment, Jonas looks up and spies me. Our eyes lock and for the briefest of moments I think everything is going to be okay. Heat and longing flood my insides. I know he feels it, too. His perfect girlfriend Jenner yanks on his arm to get his attention and the moment is lost, sucked into in the din of the room.
Magicka looks at me, pivots to see what I’m looking at, and exclaims, “Oh no, girlfriend. Huh uh. That man does not get to come in here and destroy our day. He does not get to mess with your head and your heart. Not today. No, sir. Not on Magicka and Dean’s watch. Isn’t that right, Dean?”
Dean smiles indulgently at him. “You’ve got the softest heart. Doesn’t he look all badass and bitching?” Dean says to me. “Inside he’s a pussycat.”
“Uh huh.” I pick up my napkin and wipe my eyes.
“Talk about a good friend.” He leans over and kisses Magicka on the cheek. “We’ve been friends for a long time, too, haven’t we, honey?”
Magicka fans his face with his hand. “Oh, my, yes, longer than time itself.”
“Did you two ever…you know…try it as a couple?”
Magicka spurts out a laugh. “Did we ever! I thought we were going to kill each other.”
“See? That’s what would happen with Jonas and me. If we ever tried that, it would end our perfect friendship. Not that it hasn’t already ended. But that’s what I mean. He told me he wanted to be with me, that he thought he was with the wrong woman. But I know it would be a mess.” I realize I’m talking in one long breathless stream but I can’t stop myself. “You get it, right? It’s better to merely be friends.” I regard each of them and snap my mouth tight, shutting off the babble stream.
“Just listen to you, girl. You’ll never know unless you try.”
“But now we don’t even have a friendship! We have…we have…we have nothing!” I fear a whole tempestuous flood scene about to happen, thanks to my betraying eyes—betrayed heart is more like it. I grab my napkin and press it against them, willing them to hold back the floodgates.
“Let it out,” Magicka soothes. “Just let out the pain. We’re here for you.”
“But I’m in a public place,” I sob. “I don’t like to be seen this way.” I glance down to see Jonas seated at a table. My vision of Jenner is obscured by the balcony. I can only see Jonas. He’s staring at me and he looks miserable. He knows, he has to know, he did this to me. He has to know he broke my heart. He has to know that by staying with Jenner he’s destroying any possibility of happiness. For us, I think and I quickly lob that thought across the room.
“It’s his decision,” Deans says softly. “A man has to make his own choices.”
“Yeah, but it’s wrong,” I wail and the floodgates burst open. Wouldn’t you know it, at this very moment, that damn waitress Chantel makes an appearance? I flash a hot, huffy glare.
“Boy trouble?” she asks.
Now everyone is up in my business. “Uh huh,” I say, sniffling.
“Get a vibrator. They’re easier to manage,” she advises.
Everyone’s full of super suggestions right now, I think with a scowl.
“We’re only trying to help,” Magicka says, as if plucking that thought from my brain.
“I know. But right now the only person who can help me is sitting right below me with his demon girlfriend. I want to carve her eyes right out of her head.”
“I’ll hold her head,” Dean says.
“Not me, I’d break a nail,” Magicka adds, looking shocked.
“And I’ll take your order,” Chantel says. “You’ll need food first.” She taps the menus.
“We’ll all have your famous burgers,” Magicka declares. “And make sure to bring that girl something stiff.”
“No, thanks, just ice tea.”
“I wasn’t offering you a drink. I was suggesting something a little warmer, taller, and more delicious. Chantel can probably find you a little ‘something-something.’”
Right. Like I need another random sexual encounter, virtual or real. The avatar Himeros flashes before my eyes. Maybe I will have to let him call me again. I’ll take the block off his number. He did make me pretty horny. So I don’t know anything about him. It’s all a fantasy in the end.
Chapter 12
AFTER WE’RE DONE with our brunch, I decide to visit Grammy. Magicka and Dean drop me off amidst plenty of air kisses and wishes for me to either kick Jonas’s ass or find someone new. I don’t say this but it’s hard to replace so many years of friendship just like that. And all that sharing and connection? Irreplaceable. Jonas and I click in all the right ways.
I knock on Grammy’s door and wait for her to answer. I knock again. Finally, I hear movement inside and she shuffles to the door, appearing as if she’s been asleep.
“Vienna!” she exclaims and wipes her eyes. “What a nice surprise. Come in.”
I stand in the doorway, hesitant. “Did I wake you?”
“Oh, merely dozing. Come in. Please.”
I enter and immediately burst into tears.
“Oh my, dear, what’s the matter?” She searches her tiny room for a tissue. She finds a box and brings it to me, extracting a tissue for me to blot my eyes and nose.
“Thanks, Grammy.”
She perches on her sofa, patiently allowing me to finish with the waterworks display. Her eyes drift about her small room, landing on the crystal vase of flowers…the knickknacks and curios she’s collected over the years…the holo-screen viewing device embedded in the wall…the window that overlooks the neighborhood and the city in the distance…and finally, me. “You can talk to me, you know. Who am I going to tell?” She reaches a wrinkled hand over to take my hand. The embrace is soothing, like being enveloped in marshmallows and chocolate milk. I feel as if I am twelve years old and I scraped my knee and Grammy is soothing me, like she’s done my whole life.
“You’ve got friends in this joint,” I joke. “They’ll talk.” I blow my nose noisily.
She shakes her head. “No. I think I’ve earned your trust over the years.” She picks up the small waste receptacle and holds it out for the tissue. It lands and immediately begins decomposing. “Here.” She extends another tissue to me.
“Thanks.” I dab at my eyes. “So, it’s Jonas.” Just saying his name causes another tidal wave to erupt. “He scratched me off his friend list,” I wail. “Me! Vienna! His longtime friend!”
“Oh my, that must hurt.” She gives my hand a squeeze. “You’ve been friends a long time. Your heart must feel as if it’s in a vise-grip!”
“It does. Like it’s in your waste receptacle, more like it.” I glance at where the tissue used to be. “And the enzymes are eating it, posthaste.”
“How do you know you’re off the friend list?”
“He told me as much. He said he couldn’t go to lunch with me today and not tomorrow and that he and Jenner are working things out…they’re working things out! What’s to work? He caught her with another man and this is how they work things out?” I sniffle some more.
“He’s a man, honey, and men have to sort things out in their own way.”
“Yeah? Well, their way is stupid. I saw him in a restaurant earlier and he looked miserable.”
“I imagine
he’s not happy with his decision either. Just be patient.”
I splutter. “Be patient? Be patient? Why should I be patient? He’s the one who’s being an asshole.”
“Oh, honey.” Grammy leans over and folds me in her slender, frail arms.
I’m lovingly swallowed in cologne, wise thoughts, and buckets of love. That’s when I really lose it. That’s when my lungs fling their remorse about, trying to cast away all hurt and anger and sorrow. When I’ve finished, a feeling of peace quietly beams from my insides. It’s a small beam of peace, more like a penlight than a sun, but it’s what I’ve got finally, and I’m grateful.
“Thank you,” I say, easing away from her. I look at her now moist shoulder. “We’re going to have to get you another shirt. This one’s soaked.”
“It’s warm today. I needed the moisture.” She smiles. “Feeling better?”
“Yes.”
She glances away and then faces me square. “Vienna, I know Jonas has been your friend for years but all these feelings point to something more. Are you in love with him?”
“No!” I protest. “I love him, but I’m not in love with him.”
“Okay.”
“What? I’m not.”
“I heard you.”
“And anyway, even if I was, it would never work.”
“Okay.”
“You don’t believe me.”
“I’m just listening.”
I sigh. Glance at her wise face. Her light blue eyes peer from underneath folds of skin. I’ve always loved her eyes. Her skin is soft. Not as wrinkled as her peers. She’s got a warm smile. One chipped tooth, right in the front. She says it happened a long time ago but never told me what happened. Her curly salt-and-pepper hair is short. I adore her. She’s always been my safe haven. I decide to take a risk. “I’ve got this…this problem, Grammy.”
“What is it?” Her eyes are like searchlight beams probing my skull with gentle persistence.
“It’s…well, I’ve never…” My eyes cast about wildly for something to land on. Finally they land on Grammy’s kind face. “I’ve never had an orgasm. I don’t know how.”
“Not even with Liam?”
I shudder before my eyes meet hers with defiance. “I don’t want to talk about him—ever.” Liam was my high school sweetheart. I loved the guy and I mean loved, body, mind, soul. He was my first sexual partner, too.
We snuck away one night. I’d waited in my bedroom listening to the rattling hum and snore from my parents room next door. When it reached the right pitch and intensity, I slipped out the window. I met Liam down at the boat dock where his father ran a boat recovery and rebuild business. He jingled the keys at me when he saw me. Then, he whisked me into his arms and kissed me breathless. Because of my uniquely fucked up sensibilities, I began to tremble. Freak that I am, I used to shake like an earthquake when I became overwhelmed by another’s energy. Liam thought I was just scared. I was. I could sense every thought, every sex-crazed desire in his head. And in my youthful inexperience, I didn’t know what to do with it or how to deal with it.
“I know you loved him, honey,” Grammy says, patting my hand.
“So what!” I say, as if I’m still a teenage girl. “A lot of good it did to love someone!”
Liam took my hand and led me inside the warehouse filled with boats in various states of repair. We climbed into a yacht. “Are you sure we should do it in this one?” I was so shaky I could barely walk.
“This one’s the best. Wait until you see the inside.”
We explored this opulent craft using the ray of his flashlight.
“What if someone hears us?”
“Who will hear us? It’s two a.m. and the harbor’s quiet.” He turned to me, grinning impishly. “You’re not going to back out of this, are you?” His eyebrows knit together when he saw me shaking. “Vienna! What’s going on?”
“I’ll….b-b-be…..o-k-k-k-ay in a m-m-minute,” I said through chattery teeth. At least I hoped I would. I’d gotten shaky at times before but never like this. I’d been learning to put a wall between me and whoever’s headspace I encountered. I couldn’t do that with Liam. I loved him too much. I was too vulnerable.
“Did he do something to hurt you?” Grammy keeps up with her probing questions.
“No! He…I…I don’t want to talk about it. It’s just that…that’s when I…when he…I couldn’t do it then, Grammy, and I loved Liam.”
He led me into the master suite, all slick and white and crystal and metallic luxury. The bedroom was a palace of love, or that’s what my teenage mind thought.
Liam tugged all my clothes from my body, tossed his to the floor, and pressed me against him. I shuddered and shook. Images from his mind flooded me. I could feel his lust, his love, his kinky desires. I knew what he wanted and I could make him feel as if he was getting it, even if I just lay there, curled in a ball. I couldn’t control it, though, couldn’t control my own response. He lay me down and stroked my skin.
“You’re sure different, V,” he said, smiling down at me.
“Different how?” I managed to say without teeth clattering. I gazed at his muscular form through tear-filled eyes.
A baseball player, his body was lean and solid. He wore his dark hair short which only emphasized his blue eyes. He kissed away my tears before sliding a hand down between my legs and urging them to part. “Different awesome,” he replied.
He placed his fingers between my legs and moved them tentatively, gliding up and down my wet, tender folds. “Does this feel good?”
“Uh huh,” I said. “A little too good.” Flooded with his thoughts and mine, they got all tangled up into one mess of want, desire, need, and commitment. I wanted new experiences. I wanted to be accepted as I am, freak or not. Liam wanted marriage. He wanted babies. He wanted me.
He pulled a foil packet out of his pants pocket, tore it open, and rolled it on. He eased between my legs and grabbed his erection.
“Let me see that before you put it inside of me.” I’d never seen a boy’s cock hard like that. It was a curious thing. I’d seen my brothers’ when we’d gone to the lake and they’d gone skinny-dipping. But those were just shriveled up “pee funnels,” as they called them.
Liam’s was long and sturdy, eager to get the job done. It pulsed with excitement as he held it up as an offering…as a gift.
“Okay,” I breathed. “I’m ready.”
“It might hurt.”
“How do you know?”
“I read about it.”
“Oh.”
“Are you ready?”
“Are you?”
“You tell me.”
“Okay, then; I’m ready.” I squeezed my eyes shut.
“Open your eyes. Watch.”
I shook my head.
“Come on, V, I want you to see me inside of you.”
I cracked one eyelid and peeked at him. “My parents would kill me if they knew what I was doing.”
“That’s your parents’ job. They’re mean. My dad would just pat me on the shoulder and say, ‘Good job, Lee.’ He’s cool that way. And he knows I love you.” Liam pressed the head of his heat against my flesh. “Ready?”
“I told you I was ready.”
He inched into the opening. I clenched and gasped. “Ouch!”
“Too much?”
“A little. Give me a minute.” Filled with a mix of pleasure, want, and torment, I could sense everything inside of Liam’s head. All his pride at being a baseball player. All his pride at being my boyfriend. He was a good guy. A really, really good, decent guy. And I was nothing but a worthless female. My mom and dad went out of their way to inform me of that, every day. They were abusive and unkind. Mean and manipulative. I couldn’t wait to leave home. “Okay, more,” I said.
Liam obliged, urging his cock inside of me.
He gave a little shove and I yelped with pain.
“Shhh, sweetheart.” He put the flat of his thumb between my legs and made tiny circ
les against me.
“That feels good, Liam. That feels really good.”
He smiled and it was like the sun had risen. He looked at me with joy and happiness scribed all over his face. He pressed deeper inside of me, still stroking my little bud with his thumb.
The tense sensation didn’t feel so good but his thumb felt wonderful.
“I don’t think I’ll last very long,” he gasped. “I’ve been practicing but you…you feel too damn good, V. I had no idea you were going to feel this good.”
His hips started to pump. His heart poured a stream of sensation into me. His thoughts went wild, like an out of control forest fire. They battered my fortified walls. They bashed against my chest. His love, it wanted in. The pleasure he evoked in me wanted release. The shame I felt over who and what I was—this freak with these stupid empathic mind-stalker abilities—rose up like a warrior with a sturdy axe, determined to conquer any positive thing I might be feeling. I wondered if I was going to just split apart from the intensity. I couldn’t control my spasming body. I shook like a never-ending earthquake. Pleasure built inside of me. My body writhed and trembled. I was just about to let go into something incredibly pleasurable, I knew it.
Liam let out a strangled yell. His head arched back as he thrust inside of me.
Wait. Was he outside of me?
“Vienna! Oh, God, Vienna!” He collapsed on top of me, his face contorted in anguish.
“Are you okay? Liam?”
“You broke it. You broke it!” He yelled and cursed, his body racked with pain.
“What did I break? What?” I shoved him off of me and scanned his arms and legs.
“My dick! You broke my dick!” His hands were shoved between his legs trying to quench the pain.
I pulled his hands away and stared, slack jawed, as angry, bruised, red and purple welts started to swell on his suddenly limp, tender flesh.
“Jesus, V, help me. Help me! I’m in agony here.”
“I don’t know what to do! I don’t know what to do! How did I do this?”
“When you were in convulsion mode,” he said through clenched teeth. “Shit. I couldn’t keep it in. It slammed against your hip and broke.”
Paranormal After Dark Page 118
