I felt the pressure of his hand as he rubbed lightly on my back.
“I don’t like you in my head like that,” I grumbled into the pillow.
He ran his fingertips down the length of my arm. “Alyssa, I’m sorry.”
“Why didn’t you tell me you could do this? You’re supposed to be teaching me. How long have you been eavesdropping on my private thoughts?”
He took a deep breath. “I see we are already back to arguing. That did not last long.”
“We wouldn’t argue if you weren’t always hiding things from me. And don’t give me any of that crap about it being in my best interest.”
Lysander sighed. “You are right. I should have tried. I wasn’t sure you were strong enough yet. It can take centuries for young vampires to learn the mental arts.” He pulled at me, trying to get me to roll back over and look at him.
“How long have you been poking around in my head?” I asked.
“It comes naturally to me, Alyssa. It is one of our abilities. I don’t intentionally read you, but you speak so clearly in your own head, it is hard not to hear you.”
I rolled over, shooting him an angry look. I wondered how many times he’d read exactly what I was thinking. What embarrassing information had he been able to glean from my thoughts?
“I was going to teach you how to block this when I thought you were strong enough.”
“How do you know my strength if you don’t test it? Quit coddling me!”
“Fine.” He paused for a moment. His brow furrowed and a faint growl rumbled in his chest. “You always have to find something to fight with me about, don’t you?”
I snapped at him, mocking his tone. “Maybe if you treated me like an adult, instead of—”
“Fine, you want to be tested,” he interrupted, sitting up against the headboard.
“Yes.”
“It won’t be easy.”
“I don’t care.”
“I’m not sure you’re ready for this.”
“Quit acting like I’m a baby.” I rolled my eyes.
“Fine, then bite me.”
“What?”
“Just like I showed you before. You are so strong and powerful, try to bite me and make me want it,” he commanded. He crossed his arms, his face suddenly blanked of any emotion.
I closed my eyes and centered myself, calming my nerves. When I opened them, I focused on Lysander, trying to glean his emotional state.
I felt defiance.
Hmm, this is different.
His emotional wall built up again, blocking my read, not allowing me to see what was lying beneath. The hard, cold exterior I’d come to know was back. He returned to the Lysander he’d been before we’d had sex.
I gave him my most determined stare, trying to match the power in his eyes with my own.
You want me as I want you, I thought, calling up the desire I felt for him, willing him to feel the same. Lysander broke my stare. He yawned and stretched, completely unaffected by my attempt.
“You’re not off to a very good start, are you, Alyssa?” His tone mocked me.
What the hell? Why isn’t this working?
I again tried to call up my feelings and regain our connection.
I mounted him, pushing him down to the mattress, and stared down at his face. Again, I tried to will my feelings to him, but Lysander’s face was not placid, it was determined. He was fighting against my efforts, and I could see I was having no effect on him.
Am I doing something wrong? Why isn’t this working?
“Because I do not allow it.”
His eyes remained locked into mine, giving me the full force of his powerful stare. A gray haze rolled into my head and suddenly I felt stricken with unexplainable fear.
Lysander pushed me off him, and I flopped backwards on the bed. He rolled me onto my back and forced my hands above my head. Terror filled me, paralyzing me as he held me to the mattress. He straddled my torso and lowered his head to my face.
“Fight me,” he taunted, showing me his sharp fangs.
Lysander towered over me. His eyes glowed eerily. His face appeared twisted with rage.
“Do you think you’re strong enough now?” he growled. “Is this what you wanted?”
I couldn’t move. My heart raced, pounding in my chest. I gasped for air as he inched his evil face closer to mine. His teeth grazed my skin.
I shouted, “No!”
Lysander retreated, sitting next to me on the bed.
Still panic-stricken from his mental attack, I lay there trembling, wondering why he had done this.
He stroked my hair. “It’s all right, Alyssa, calm down. It was only a test.” His voice became soft and almost melodic. “You asked for this. Remember, it does not pay to be filled with hubris, for Nemesis is always close behind.”
The soothing effect of his voice helped ease me back into reality as the fuzziness left my head. I was able to think clearly again.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I groaned in frustration.
“It means don’t get a big head, or someone might pop it.”
“I thought I was ready. I guess I’m still too weak.”
“You are not weak because you couldn’t defend yourself against me,” Lysander said soothingly. “I have well over two thousand years of experience, and you’re still quite new to this.”
I was only slightly comforted by Lysander’s words. I still felt weak though. Sitting up, I looked at Lysander’s face. Gone was the frightening expression; he had returned to the beautiful Greek god I had found myself falling for.
“Why don’t we try to match you with someone a little closer to your age?” he suggested. “We can ask Jessie to assist us. She will be a better match for you.”
“Okay.”
He pulled me close, wrapping his arms around me. “You are not weak. Stubborn, yes, but not weak.”
Lysander left me alone to compose myself while he went to join the clan in the living room. I sat quietly in the darkness, struggling with my insecurities.
What if I’m unable to stop a young vampire, too? What if Lysander is wrong? What if pairing me with Jessie proves I really am weak?
I knew I couldn’t hide in the bedroom forever. I would have to face Lysander and the clan. In my arrogance, I had demanded this test, and now I would have to take it.
Slowly, I walked out into the living room. As usual, the house was already abuzz; the clan members were all early risers.
Lysander and Nicholas sat in the living room, deep in discussion. I joined them, giving Lysander a meek smile as I sat down.
“Nicholas, I need to test Alyssa’s defenses, but I’m afraid I am too much to handle for one so young.” Lysander winked at me. “Do you think Jessie might assist us?”
“If you can find her, ask her,” Nicholas responded, a hint of irritation in his voice.
“Find her?” I asked.
“She doesn’t stay with the clan much,” said Rozaline, entering the room. “Lately, she’s been a bit of a loner. Out at sunset and back before dawn most nights.”
Rozaline joined us on the couch, taking a seat next to her mate. “Since our last trip to California, she has become more and more reclusive. It’s a little troubling.”
“She is planning to leave us,” Nicholas added. “She seems to enjoy this city.”
“Why would she leave you?” I asked.
“We’ve seen it many times before,” said Rozaline. “The young ones tire of constant travel very quickly. Once we move to a city that they think they will like, they try to set down roots, asking us to leave just before we head out again.”
“We have no need to keep her if she wants to leave us,” said Nicholas.
“What he means is, we don’t force anyone to stay with us if they do not want to,” Rozaline added.
Nicholas gave Lysander a telling look. “Of course, if she is planning to stay here, she may ask to stay with you. That is, until she is settled.”
“We
will discuss that if and when it comes up,” Lysander said sternly.
I doubted Lysander wanted to have a random vampire living in his home. It was one thing to bring in the clan as a group. But a young, single vampire looking to escape her family posed new problems, especially one who constantly disappeared without a word.
I couldn’t put my finger on it, but I didn’t trust Jessie. She wasn’t like the other clan members. I wondered why she was with them. She never wanted to do anything with them as a group.
“I still need some assistance with Alyssa’s training. What about Damon?” Lysander asked, bringing the conversation back on point.
Rozaline perked up. “I’m afraid Crystal took Damon out tonight. I would be happy to help. What do you need me to do?”
A small frown played across Lysander’s face. “I was hoping to match her with someone younger. She had a bit of a struggle with me.”
Embarrassment washed over me again. It felt like Lysander was broadcasting my weakness to the whole world. I lowered my head staring at the carpet, not wanting to face Nicholas or Rozaline.
Rozaline seemed to understand my embarrassment. “She is still very young, Lysander. You can’t expect her to defend against an ancient when she has only been recently turned.”
Rozaline moved, sitting next to me on the loveseat. She placed her arm over my slouching body. “You must learn to walk before you can run,” she whispered.
I sat up slowly, looking at Lysander and then at Rozaline. “Please, teach me,” I said, my voice wavering with a flood of nervousness.
Rozaline’s lips stretched into a smile, reaching all the way to her sparkling eyes. “The first thing you must know is that a vampire need only look at you to glean the information from your mind. To control it, however, a vampire must first have eye contact. The eyes are the window to the soul. Once inside, a vampire can make you feel whatever she wants.”
I nodded, turning my eyes back to the floor. I didn’t want another surprise attack.
“Good, Alyssa.” Rozaline chuckled. “That’s your first defense. Don’t give a vampire the opportunity to attack you. Unless you’re mentally prepared for an attack, avoid eye contact with strangers.”
Anxiety crept into my mind. I suddenly felt like everyone was watching me, hoping to see me fail. I gritted my teeth and kept my focus firmly on the carpet, not wanting to make any eye contact with the others in this room.
Don’t be afraid, Alyssa, Lysander whispered in my mind.
“Please, Alyssa, don’t be afraid. This is how you learn. We won’t mock you,” Rozaline said soothingly. She lightly rubbed my back. “Remember, we want you to learn.”
“Clear your mind, and close your eyes,” Lysander said. “Note the darkness, and focus on it. Think of that darkness surrounding you and your thoughts.”
I did as instructed, closing my eyes. Everything went dark. Following his instructions, I imagined the darkness as a thick curtain between us.
I hope I’m doing this right. I focused on blocking out Lysander and the others, keeping my thoughts shielded behind this dark curtain.
“Now, open your eyes,” Lysander said.
I did it and instantly the curtain faded. My mind opened as my eyes flooded with light.
I can’t do this.
“Keep your mind in the darkness, Alyssa. Don’t let a little light affect you,” Rozaline prompted.
I closed my eyes and focused again, again imagining the darkness like a thick curtain blocking Lysander and the others on the outside. Slowly, I opened my eyes, focusing hard on separating myself from the others. My mind was silent as I looked up to Lysander.
“Good,” he praised me.
I smiled, feeling accomplished. I took a deep, cleansing breath and tried to keep my mind blank.
“Now,” said Lysander. “The same principle applies to defending against a mental attack. You must put up a barrier and break eye contact immediately.”
Drew entered the room. “What’s going on?’ He questioned.
“Drew is younger than we are. Try him. I think he would be a good match.” Nicholas turned towards Drew. “Come here and help us, will you?”
Drew walked over with a puzzled look on his face.
“We’re teaching Alyssa to block her mind,” Nicholas continued.
“This should be fun,” said Drew. “What should I do?”
“Fear,” said Lysander.
“Or lust,” added Nicholas.
“Lust is a fun one to work with.” Drew gave me a small wink.
“No,” Lysander interrupted. My eyes flashed to his face. I saw the slight curl of his lip, revealing a bright, white fang, hinting his annoyance at Drew’s suggestion. “Fear will be fine. She should learn to defend against that first.”
Drew nodded at Lysander, and without a word, his friendly smile faded. Drew’s face wasn’t one I would associate with fear. He seemed a gentle giant, almost always carrying a smile; but at that moment, all that gentleness vanished. He stood rigid in front of me. His hands clasped behind his back. His mouth hardened into a grimace as his eyes narrowed, focusing on me.
“Look at me, Alyssa,” he commanded. His voice was harsh as he ordered me to look into his eyes.
I knew the second my eyes met his, I would feel that dizzying rush. My head would become fuzzy as it filled with terror. Lowering my head, I locked my vision on the grain of the carpet below my feet.
“Look at me,” he commanded again.
I shook my head. “No, I don’t want to.”
“You must try,” urged Rozaline. “This is how you learn.”
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I tried to focus on the darkness, the emptiness, the safety behind the imaginary barrier that would shield me from any outsider.
Slowly opening my eyes, I looked up. Drew’s face was hard. His smile twisted with the horror he wanted me to feel. His eyes pierced mine and forced me backward into the couch. I forgot about protecting my mind. My defenses dropped. The room spun. My mind suddenly felt clouded with irrational fear.
I gasped for air as he inched closer to me.
“Fight him,” Rozaline said. “Block him out. Look away.” She sounded as if she spoke from a great distance, even though she sat next to me.
I couldn’t turn my head. I couldn’t focus on anything else in the room. I couldn’t take my eyes off his.
Drew’s stare pierced into my soul.
Part of me knew I should fight, the same part that heard Rozaline pleading with me to look away, but I was powerless.
My body remained frozen in place as Drew continued to draw closer, bringing himself down to my level. My eyes remained locked in his frightening stare, as the echoes of pleading from Rozaline slowly faded into silence.
A hand waved in front of my face. The cloudiness in my mind faded. The room stopped spinning and I saw Drew on his knees in front of me.
“Are you all right, Alyssa?” he asked. Gone was the harshness. Just as with Lysander, as soon as it was over, he returned back to his friendly and kind appearance.
I breathed a sigh of relief at being released from his frightening gaze.
I nodded, trying to find the strength to answer.
“I’m sorry, I know this is hard,” Drew said. “If it’s any consolation, Crystal still keeps me under her power.” He winked and gave a little chuckle.
I smiled.
“No one gets it the first time, hon,” Rozaline comforted me.
Technically, that would be the second time tonight.
I sat up, breathing slowly, trying to regain composure.
“I want to try it again,” I said weakly. “I need to get this right.”
I was determined not to fail. I didn’t want to be weak and vulnerable. If the others could do it, I would learn to do it as well.
“Give yourself a few moments rest, Alyssa,” said Lysander.
“No! I want to do it again,” I demanded, regaining my will.
“So stubborn,” Lysander sigh
ed, shaking his head.
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes again and called on the dark emptiness to shield me.
“Are you sure you’re ready, Alyssa?” Drew asked, a note of concern in his voice.
I sucked in a deep breath and blew it out slowly. “Ready as I’ll ever be.”
“Okay.” Drew shrugged his shoulders. “You know you don’t get points for determination, right?”
“I have to try.”
I met Drew’s cold stare. His face had regained the horrifying twisted smile. I fought the dizziness as the clouds rolled into my mind. My body pushed back into the couch again as my heart raced in my chest.
Blink, I thought. Blink, break eye contact.
My vision fluttered for a moment. Flashes of black and white light passed before my eyes
“She’s fighting,” I heard Rozaline’s distant voice say.
Drew’s eyes bored further into my head. My mind became foggy. Flashes of darkness and light, as my eyes opened and shut, floated into my consciousness, but I couldn’t break the connection. My head ached as I fought to keep blinking.
“That is enough for now,” Lysander said.
I felt a comforting arm around me. The hazy feeling receded.
Rozaline hugged me. “You’re off to a good start, dear. Please remember, it takes time to master this skill.”
“You’re doing pretty well,” Drew said. “But let’s try not to burn your brain out in one night. Remember, I’ve got a few hundred years on you. The fact that you were able to blink is an achievement. Give it a rest now.”
I accepted the small victory, not wanting to attempt another round. Trying to stop the mental advance of one who was many hundreds of years my senior had taken all my energy.
“We will work on this more later, Alyssa,” Lysander said. Together, his voice whispered in my head. “Let that be enough testing for one night.”
Will I ever be able to hear your mind? I asked in my mind, hoping Lysander would hear me.
Yes, but it takes a long while to develop your skills. We will work together on this, he whispered mentally.
“Yeah, my head is aching. I’d like to go hunt now. Thank you all for your help.” My head pounded and the pangs of hunger nagged at me. It was best I headed out to hunt.
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