by Jane Linfoot
It turns out that’s another one of those questions that don’t need an answer. What happens next turns out to be the most fun I’ve had since … well, who knows?
My mum and dad come in with Malcolm and Aunty Jo. As he takes her hand and leads her off to a space on the dance floor I can’t help thinking that I’m actually watching her walk into her new beginning. It’s not that she’ll ever stop missing Uncle Harry, but she and Malcolm both have too much to give to be on their own. Now they’ve found each other, they deserve to enjoy life together. But there’s no time to get teary because There’s a Ghost in My House comes on and everyone in the barn literally goes bonkers and starts to leap around. Malcolm and Aunty Jo are shouting the words, and punching the air along with everyone else.
It’s one of those nights where all I do is dance and grin and bounce around, where everyone I look around at is someone I know, and they’re all smiling too. The kids are all going wild, and every time a track comes to an end my legs feel so tired I know I’ll have to sit down. Then the next tune begins and I know I have to dance this one too. And we’re all just in this kind of never-ending bubble of dancing euphoria. Okay, I’ll admit it. It could be the best time I’ve had, ever. Just please don’t tell anyone.
All the time – well not quite all the time (I’m not that sad) – I’m keeping an eye out for Barney. By the time I’ve hit the point of exhaustion plus a huge amount, I’ve decided not everyone loves the dance floor as much as we do. The crowd outside around the barbie wouldn’t be anything like as big if they did. He’s obviously not a dancer. End of. I’m scraping the sweat out of my eyes, peeling my hair off my dripping forehead, gasping for breath after Smells Like Teen Spirit ends, when I realise the dance floor has emptied, and Cam’s tapping me on the elbow.
‘You’ve got to come outside now – it’s time for your surprise.’
Barney wanders in behind him. ‘We’ve all put something together we’d like you to watch, although, with the latest news, I’ve had to update it. That’s where I’ve been.’
‘What …?’ I’m frantically blowing sideways to cool my cheeks because they have to be crimson, and running my fingers through my sweat-streaked hair to try to give it a lift.
Then, as we step back into the pale light outside the barn, the music fades to nothing and I forget all about fluffing my hair. In the centre of the field there’s a screen. Aunty Jo and Mum and Dad are sitting in front of it on one of her garden benches, surrounded by people either standing or sitting on the grass on rugs, or in deckchairs. As we reach the bench she smiles up at me and pats the space beside her.
‘Come on, Sweetpea, time to sit down.’
As Cam slides in beside me, and Dustin sidles in to jam his body up against my leg and rest his head on my knee, Barney steps to the front and clears his throat.
‘So, Edie B, you turned up here a few months ago, and you made an instant impression. Let’s face it, no one else has given the headmaster a nosebleed by booting him in the face with a football before.’
He stops and everyone laughs, and Loella and Beth give a few whoops, and across the field Mr Wagstaff does a mock dive.
Then Barney begins again. ‘You’ve changed a lot since you arrived, Edie, but thanks to those legendary brainwaves of yours, you’ve shaken us up too. The barn yard has given a lot of us the chance to spread our wings, and dare to take those leaps we might not have done otherwise. And it’s wonderful news that the barn yard will be carrying on.’ He’s staring straight at me now. ‘You transformed my shepherd’s huts and filled my order book to bursting point, Edie. But most of all, you’ve touched us all with your love and laughter and that amazing smile.
‘So, to remind you of what you’ve been doing these last few months, and as our way of saying “thank you”, we’ve made you a little montage of your best bits.’ He pauses to raise an eyebrow. ‘And Beth has insisted it might be worth mentioning before we begin – the photos are from everyone, but the backing track is all down to Malcolm.’
As Freddie Mercury starts to sing Good Old Fashioned Lover Boy Beth catches my eye and shakes her head. Then as the titles come up on the screen, Aunty Jo’s hand finds mine and squeezes me hard.
EDIE BROWNE (with an ‘e’) and her EPIC ACHIEVEMENTS in ST AIDAN
Then suddenly there I am, up on the screen, with much shorter hair, wearing so much lippy, getting blown away on the beach. And that cuts to me sitting on Aunty Jo’s sofa in front of her jungle-print walls, watching Swan Lake on the TV.
‘Jeez, I’d forgotten how awful that paper was.’ Loella’s behind us, saying what we’re all thinking. Then we cut to a picture of Aunty Jo and me tucking into huge muffins behind the ink pots at the calligraphy class, and so it goes on. It’s like every moment of our time here is up there, good and bad. I’m wiping mud out of my eyes on the football pitch, we’re running around the barn yard in our Easter rabbit suits, drinking strawberry punch that first day we saw Barney’s barns. We’re looking at the climbing plants at Rosehill with the garden club, stripping wallpaper in our Tyvek suits. When we come to one of Cam and me poring over our reading books, eating our Unicorn cakes, he digs me in the ribs and grins at me. Then we all laugh as there’s a picture of Loella pulling a face eating my awful cupcakes. And did I really look that dreamy, watching Barney playing his guitar by the campfire on the beach? As the music changes to I Love to Boogie, there’s Aunty Jo and me with our easels at the life drawing class, then we’re in the garden room with all the kids. And as the pictures flick past, the first mix of shock and surprise moves onto an awe that people have got together to share so many of their pictures. And overlaid with that, there’s this feeling of being wrapped up in so much love and warmth it makes me want to burst.
There’s what feels like so many more photos, then Aunty Jo’s car jammed up against the house, with Aunty Jo looking like a model perched on the bonnet in her shimmery pumps. Then the stables in the barn yard, summer barbecues, dog walks with the kids around the bay. Somewhere along the line the music changes, to Razorlite and America, and Beth pulls a face at me again. And then we’re looking at the shepherd’s huts, the lovely spaces in the orchard, shiny new bathrooms, the kitchen at Periwinkle, with Malcolm watering the flowers in the garden. Mary and Jim in front of their shepherd’s hut in their garden at home, Barney and me on the steps of the Beside the Seaside hut, me looking at furniture at The Junkyard, me grinning as I put the final touches to the showroom displays. And still they’re going on. Cam and me on Cameron’s Star, at the Surf Shack with sundaes as big as we are, then there’s another dig in the ribs and a grin from Cam as Cam, me and Barney flash onto the screen on the beach when we wrote our names and did our selfie. Then we cut to Aunty Jo and me with very sad faces, out on the lane, looking at the Sold sign, then me dangling from the cliff, lots of shots of the Festival and, as the music finally ends, Dustin and I are sitting together on the screen in a slice of sunlight on the steps of the shepherd’s hut. Then someone must have pressed reset, because it starts all over again.
‘So, when you look at it like that, it turns out your time here’s been pretty epic for everyone.’ Barney’s grinning. As he walks around in front of us and drops a bottle of Goofy Foot alcohol-free beer into my lap, Aunty Jo squeezes my hand, then gives me a half wink, and whisks my mum and dad away.
Loella leans in from behind. ‘I’ll go and get you some hot dogs.’
As I scrape away my tears and try to get some words together, my heart feels like it’s going to explode. But something else is shifting too. Watching those pictures, I know – this is my place now, this is where I’m happy. But much more importantly, I have to screw up my courage and tell Barney how I feel. If Aunty Jo did it for herself, I can too.
‘I need a word, Barney barn person.’
‘Here, have my jacket.’ As he slides it round my shoulders it’s soft and warm, and as his hip lands next to mine I hear him draw in a breath. ‘And?’
‘So, you don’t dance?’ I hav
e to start somewhere.
‘That would be telling.’ He glances at the photos, still flipping across the screen, then he sends me a wicked grin. ‘I was loading up the slide show earlier, but I’m saving myself for the slow tunes. They play them at the end.’
‘Got you.’ I swallow so hard I can hear the gulp.
‘So, what’s new?’
I draw in a huge breath, think of my Never or now sign, and fire. ‘I know you don’t do girlfriends, and I know I forced you to sleep with me …’ I also know I’m blurting, but I can’t stop. ‘But I told Aunty Jo if we accidentally find something good we have to grab it by the balls and not let go, and it’s worked for her, so it would be completely hypocritical of me to wuss out and not man up …’
His hand lands on my leg. ‘Slow down …’
‘And I know I’m supposed to be leaving …’
‘Hang on. As I remember, I wasn’t forced, I was more than willing. And who said I don’t do girlfriends?’
‘But you don’t.’
‘I could make an exception for the right person.’
‘So you’re telling me this now?’
He’s got those slices in his cheeks. ‘It’s as good a time as any, you never seemed available before.’
‘But I jumped you. At the glamping – you haven’t forgotten that?’
He shrugs. ‘I’m not sure that’s how I remember it. But whoever did what, you said it was a one-off.’
‘The thing is …’ Getting back to the job in hand. ‘Watching your lovely slide show, the pictures showed me more than ever that I belong here. And in case there’s any chance you feel the same way, I need to seize the happiness with two hands before it disappears.’ And I still haven’t come out with it.
‘Edie B …’
‘If it’s the last thing I do before I go, I have to tell you – I’m not sure when, and I’m not sure how, but I’ve fallen in love with you, Barney.’
He lets out a sigh. ‘I can’t tell you how pleased I am to hear that.’
‘You are?’
‘You just made my wildest, most impossible dream come true.’ He pulls down the corners of his mouth. ‘If this is confession time, it’s my turn – I’ve loved you since the first day I saw you on the lane.’
Shit. ‘Really?’
‘Whatever you think, I don’t rush up ladders to help everyone when they’re stuck in windows, or gatecrash their wallpaper stripping, or whisk them off across the bay in boats. But I couldn’t help it. However much I thought I should, I couldn’t stay away from you.’ His arm’s sliding around my shoulder, pulling me against his chest. ‘I have to say, when it comes to women friends, Cam’s got excellent taste. And the more I got to know you, the more time I wanted to spend with you.’
‘So you and Cam might have space for me in your life?’
‘We could give it a try.’ He lets out a low laugh, then he sounds more serious. ‘Truly, Edie, Cam and I would love you to be with us, but it has to be right for you too.’
‘But the whole thing is … it hit me while I was watching the slide show … St Aidan is absolutely where I want to be. It’s beautiful here, especially seen from halfway up a cliff …’ I stop to grin up at him, and end up rubbing my hand on his cheek.
‘I’m pleased you appreciated that.’ He returns the grin, then leans in and kisses my palm.
‘But it’s more than the pretty cottages and the wonderful sea and the walks on the beach. I love the people here. They get me, I get them – I have no idea how I didn’t see that until now. But most of all, I want to be with you and Cam.’ As I’m looking up into his eyes, they’re turning my insides to syrup. ‘So if you’re looking for a girlfriend after all, I’d like to apply for the position.’
His lips are twitching, and he’s rubbing his cheek on my temple. ‘Edie B, you are the most amazing woman, and I love you to pieces.’
‘Not half as amazing as you.’
As he takes in a breath I feel his ribs expand against me. ‘But … and there is a big but here … you’ve spent the last six months reaching for the impossible and achieved it, and now you’ve got the promise of a brilliant job. What kind of a guy would want to stop you doing that?’
‘One who loved me and wanted to be with me?’ It was meant to come out all strong, and ballsy, but instead it’s embarrassingly weedy.
He’s shaking his head again. ‘You’re amazing Edie, I already said that – that’s why you earned your chance to shine. The least you deserve is to go back to your job, and Bath, and see how you like it. Anything less is selling yourself short.’
My voice is high, because I can’t believe what I’m hearing. ‘So you’re telling me to go back to Zinc Inc?’
However irate I sound, Barney’s staying patient. ‘You used to love your life at Zinc Inc. Staying here now might seem like a choice, but it’s more like a default. Ducking out now would be like catching the train to London and getting off at Reading. Years down the line you might regret taking the easy option. To be fair to all of us, you must go back to Bath, see how you like it – and then make your choice.’
I blow out a sigh. ‘That’s harsh, Guy Barnaby, but I can see where you’re coming from. It’s wise advice.’ Who the hell would get off at Reading?
‘Cam and I will be here waiting. But if you don’t choose us in the end, it’s fine. It only means it wouldn’t have been right for any of us.’
‘So I suppose you’re going to say you won’t sleep with me again either.’
That makes him laugh loudly. ‘I didn’t say I wouldn’t use everything in my power to sway your choice. Including my body.’
‘So in that case …?’
‘Maybe we should have that dance?’ He’s dipping towards me. ‘But there’s something more important I want to do first.’
Fleetingly I’m wondering if he’s talking about whatever food Loella’s bringing. Then his mouth hits mine, and his tongue is feathering my lips apart, and as the world stops spinning time stands still.
It’s a long time later when we come up for air and he breathes into my ear. ‘I’m treading a fine line here between being discreet in front of your parents and wanting to rip your clothes off.’
So in a way when Loella turns up with the hot dogs it’s not bad timing. Although, for once, I do manage to eat mine without throwing it all over Barney, and afterwards I slide my hand over that delicious bare bit of skin between his jeans and his T-shirt and into his back pocket. When I’ve secretly lusted after something for so long, now I’ve got the go-ahead to get my hands on the goods I’m very reluctant to let go.
And then we hear the tempo change in the barn, as the slow tracks begin. Okay, if I was hoping for something quirky like Prince’s Purple Rain, or cool like Adele’s Someone Like You, or heartfelt like All by Myself, I was never going to get it. This is St Aidan, it had to be kitsch, loud and a little bit over-the-top. I mean, Lady in Red would have been so much worse. So really if Aerosmith’s I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing ends up being our forever song, I’m okay with that.
We’re kind of nervous, and holding each other at arm’s length at first, tripping over Dustin – who somehow is still here – smiling at Beth beyond Malcolm’s shoulder, laughing down at Cam. I mean, waving at my dad is not what I expected to be doing in any first dance of mine. There are a few stumbling, self-conscious seconds, then the fluttering fizz I felt at life drawing turns into the turbo charge of lust from the glamping, and next thing I know I’m clamped against the most beautiful body in the south-west, if not the world.
I remember one time around freshers’ week, Marcus and I stopped in a village in his open-top car to find a sign to tell us where we were, and there was a fully packed car in a drive, and a teenager by the front door howling because they didn’t want to be taken away to uni. Afterwards I often wondered if they got to stay at home, or if they went and a day later were having a whale of a time at drunken parties in hall.
I think about that day as Barney and I sway around
the dance floor in the soft apricot light, and I stand on tiptoe and try out talking into his ear. ‘I don’t want to go …’ It’s so quiet the words are almost not there, but in my head I’m howling as loudly as that unhappy fresher.
His answer is like the wind off the sea. ‘Make sure you choose us and come back soon, then.’
*
As it turns out, I’ve had my last night at Periwinkle Cottage without even realising. I spend Saturday night with Barney in his wide double bed, with his battleship grey sheets, in his lofty battleship grey bedroom. And in the morning Cam comes in to read me a story, then we have a long, late, lazy breakfast by the open kitchen doors, looking down to the sea, listening to the cries of the seagulls wheeling far below. And then we load my yellow and purple bags into Barney’s truck, say our last few goodbyes and set off for Bath.
47
Day 360: Saturday, 27th October
Five miles east of Salisbury
Epic Achievement: Another skydive.
‘It’s official, we have to be crazy to do this again,’ Bella’s muttering, rolling her eyes at me as we bump our way backwards along the fuselage floor.
I let out a groan. ‘At least we got carpet this time.’ Twenty quid extra for the deluxe version seemed like a good idea, but it doesn’t make it any less scary.
‘Just close your eyes and think of your dogs.’
Bella’s the only person who can put on a flying helmet and still look gorgeous. And this time it’s not just for us. We’ve both got our Just Giving pages – Bella’s jumping for young people who have strokes and I’m jumping for assistance dogs. There can never be too many Dustins in the world, even if right now I wish I was anywhere else.
Dan’s tapping me on the shoulder. ‘C’mon, Edie, let’s do this.’
Whatever’s on the floor, when I look around the space where the door used to be is like a yawning chasm. Then the backdraught hits us and we’re sucked out into a vortex.
The air rush is wrenching my cheeks off my face, and the blow is so hard I can’t breathe. I’m just falling and screaming. Screaming and falling. Somehow I get to stick my arms and legs out, but it’s even more freezing then I remember and I’m screaming harder and harder. And choking. And the patchwork of fields below are hurtling towards us at a million miles an hour and we have to stop soon or we’re going to die.
