Connection lost.
The words blind me as they illuminate the inside of my visor.
‘What happened?’ I blast, holding my thumb and little finger together to speak directly to Hartman, in case Eve can still hear me.
Eve. Our lips touched for the briefest moment, my first kiss with a female, her first kiss ever, and it was over almost before it had begun.
‘Hartman? What’s happening? Are we disconnected?’ I ask, growing more frustrated at losing the moment. Eve chose me. I know she wasn’t kissing Holly. It was me she was reaching out to, the real me.
I slip off my visor, half expecting to have it ripped from my hands and smashed around my head again. Instead I’m greeted with a far more concerning sight.
‘Miss Silva,’ I say, dipping my head in respect as her unmistakable silhouette catches my eye while my vision adjusts to the darkness of the room. I’ve never seen her in the studio before. Something moves in my peripheral vision. I take a quick glance and see Hartman being escorted by security out through the door and into the locker room.
‘That’s mine. It’s got, er, sensitive data on it,’ he cries, as the guard rips his drive from the terminal and drops it into a black plastic bag.
‘I think we need to have a talk, Bram, don’t you?’ Vivian says calmly, hands behind her back, her cold face catching the dimmed lights of the studio.
Hartman is shoved out of the room and the door hisses shut. It’s just me and Vivian now.
I’m suddenly cold and very aware of how exposed I feel, wearing nothing but a Lycra bodysuit in front of her.
She says nothing but instead lets my brain do the work for her. The silence is intimidating. She emits power so effortlessly that I’m defeated already.
‘Hartman had nothing to do with that. It was all me,’ I say.
‘That may be so, but you are a team and the actions of one impact on the other. He could have asked you to stop. He could have made us aware if he was troubled by your recent behaviour.’
‘You mean report me?’ I ask.
‘Precisely. He is the only one of your team not to have done so.’ She pauses to let those words sink in.
The entire squad have reported me? Have I been that reckless? Have my actions been so obviously selfish? Have I actually put in jeopardy what we’re trying to achieve? The future of humanity? My heart is beating almost as fast as it was a few moments ago, when my lips were millimetres away from Eve’s.
Almost.
‘You’re suspended, Bram,’ Vivian says. ‘You and Hartman.’
‘No, you can’t. Not now. We’re so close. This is what we’ve been working towards our entire lives. She needs me right now,’ I beg, realizing I won’t be able to see Eve. I’ll never get that moment back.
‘Have you forgotten your place?’ Vivian says calmly, almost as though she revels in my panic. ‘Eve doesn’t need you . Eve does not need Bram Wells. Eve needs Holly.’ She corrects my obvious blunder. ‘Eve will get her scheduled time with Holly as she always does, except the person behind the eyes will not be you until you have proven to us that you are once again up to the standard we require of our pilots.’
I can’t look at her. There’s so much history between us. I’ve grown up here. I’ve stood in front of her as a boy, being given my orders for what she wanted me to get Eve to do. Now I’m eighteen, a man, but I feel like that little boy again.
‘You’re to take a week to retrain yourself. To get your head back into shape. We need you, Bram, now more than ever, but I cannot allow you to be with Eve until you remember why we’re all here. We need you, but you’re still replaceable.’ Vivian stares at me and I bow my head to let her know that I’ve heard her words, that I have absorbed and understood them.
She turns to leave and waits for the door to slide open. Before she goes she glances back at me.
‘Oh, and, Bram, it’s not just your career on the line. If you don’t get back into shape you’ll be escorted from the Tower and off base for good. Out into the world down there. You and Hartman. Don’t forget that.’
‘You idiot !’ I scream at myself as I punch the locker. I pull my fist out of the dent that has formed around my knuckles and thrust it back in, making the dent twice as deep. ‘What were you thinking, you complete moron?’
I slam my head into the sheet metal and hold it there, trying to calm the raging thoughts in my brain.
‘Yeah, exactly. What were you thinking?’ Hartman interrupts my moment of self-punishment as he enters the locker room carrying the black bin liner containing his hard drive.
‘I’m so sorry, man. I just got carried away. She leant in for the kiss and I …’
‘Okay, okay, I get it,’ he says, and I can’t help but notice his concerned frown. ‘Dude, are you all right?’ He places his hard drive on the bench and approaches me. It’s only as watery droplets frame my vision and blur the edges of the room that I realize I’m crying.
‘Yeah. Yeah. I’m fine.’ I laugh it off, wiping away the tears before they fall. ‘It’s just a bit overwhelming, all this.’
‘I know it’s hard for you, Bram. You’ve grown up with Eve. You’ve spent your whole life working towards what’s about to happen in the next few weeks, and it’s natural that you’re going to feel more emotional about it than the rest of us.’ Hartman tries his best to console me. If he weren’t so off the mark it would probably have had some impact.
Sure, everything he’s saying is correct. It is more emotional for me than the others. I’ve been here from the start and we’re approaching the moment we’ve all been working so hard for. But the truth is, I don’t think I’m upset about that. As I search my brain, the thing that keeps coming back to me is that somehow I have to finish that kiss.
25
Eve
The kiss. The kiss. The kiss .
I sit there with my eyes closed for what feels like hours. Every little hair is standing on end. My whole body feels alive, wanted and wanton. Heat gathers at the spot where our lips met, then disperses, touching every inch of me, even my toes.
I breathe into it, loving the silent buzz that surrounds us, numbing any rational thought that might be urging me to stop. I won’t. I don’t want to hear it. Not now.
Nothing else matters.
Just.
That.
Kiss.
When I feel him leaving, when I know they’ve taken him from me, I stay there, kissing the air, still able to feel the energy we’ve created, thanks to the burning sensation on my lips.
My body is relaxed, and I’m the happiest and most content I’ve felt in ages. Possibly ever.
Who’d have thought one of the Hollys could make me feel like this? Perhaps I should feel foolish for not having spotted the potential spark between us sooner.
Potential spark.
Potential.
Could Bram be a Potential? Would they allow it?
The butterflies swirling in my tummy tell me it has to be a possibility. I don’t know why I didn’t think of it sooner. Whatever hoops they made Connor, Diego and Koa run through to get into that meeting room, whatever tests they completed, whatever special DNA they carry to have made it as a Potential can’t be compared to the natural chemistry between Bram and me. It’s the same as what happened with my mother and father. Like them, what we share is real. It’s magical. And they allowed me to make a decision about the last meeting with a Potential. That must mean my own opinions and desires have some weight finally – so they’ll listen.
Suddenly my mouth curls into the biggest grin my face has ever cracked and a giggle spills out of me, forcing me to cover my mouth with both hands as the laughter grows. The cold metal of the Drop is beneath me as my back collapses against the floor.
I was blind before to the oppression and control, even if that’s not the intention of those who lovingly care for me, like the Mothers. I’ve always known the direction my life is heading, my purpose, but as I look at the blue skies above me I am hit by an overwhelmin
g sense of hope. For once the future holds something special for me. I finally care about it and the life I may be able to live that would fill me with happiness.
I wonder how they could change the current arrangements to accommodate Bram and whether there would be a proper meeting, like I had with Connor and Diego. It would be awkward with everyone surrounding us, and I know I wasn’t keen on having one with Koa, but this is different. I know Bram to some extent, and he certainly knows me. This meeting wouldn’t be for us to confirm what we already know about our connection, but to highlight the strength of our feelings to them, so that they couldn’t dispute them. They would have to support us.
I don’t see how they couldn’t.
Minutes and hours pass while I dream, wondering what the next stages might be. I even think of our wedding. They probably don’t happen very often now, with the numbers dwindling outside, but it would give the people a surge of hope that the old life is returning for future generations.
Then there are the living arrangements to think about. I wonder if he’d move up here into the Dome with me. It would make sense for my life partner to be at my side, not living out there with everyone else. How wonderful it would be to wake up in the morning and have another person sleeping next to me. A constant companion, not just someone they send in to see me when they’re after something.
Most importantly, I think about our children. I wonder what they would look like. Would they have his dark brown eyes or my bright blue ones? My curly brown hair or something more like his? Would their faces be square or round, like mine?
I’m lost in the possibilities that lie ahead. Each question leads to another, and before I know it, the sun is nearing the horizon. Darkness is seeping in to engulf the Drop.
It’s only when I notice day turning into night that I realize something isn’t quite right. No one has been sent in Holly’s place – not another Holly, not a Mother, not even Vivian. I’ve been allowed out here alone. It’s possible that the incident has caused commotion among the Hollys, but even if that were so, no Mother has been sent to usher me inside, and Vivian hasn’t been out to reprimand me for earlier and banish me to my room.
There’s been nothing.
I’ve just been left here to dream. They’ve allowed me to spend longer than ever before out on the Drop on my own. And not just by a few minutes, but by hours.
A small part of me wants to believe that it’s because they witnessed what Bram and I did and are busy hatching new plans that involve us both. But a larger part of me is worried it means something more sinister.
A chill creeps over my shoulders and I shiver. Slowly I bring my feet up from their dangling position and pull my knees protectively into my chest. Suddenly I don’t feel so free and light. With my heart full of apprehension, I stand and start back along the walkway into the Dome.
Wandering through the garden zones, which are usually scattered with a few of the Mothers tending the plants, I pass no one.
I am alone.
Moving on to the cafeteria, where I usually have my evening meal, there is nothing and no one. No food, no people. Nothing.
As a last resort I find myself walking to the last place I ever want to go: Vivian’s room. Knocking on her closed door, I’m greeted by nothing. There is no answer. She’s either not there or is ignoring me. Either way, I’m surrounded by nothing but an eerie silence.
This is how I am being punished.
I bow my head.
Loneliness speaks louder than any words of discouragement or disappointment. It hurts more too. Words of annoyance or disbelief I could have shrugged off, but the desolation they’ve left me with is deflating and cruel. Why would they let me fall so far from such a high?
I fear I already know the answer. It’s to remind me that without them I am completely alone.
26
Eve
I don’t sleep much. Instead the events of the day play over and over in my mind. A moment of total bliss followed by the crushing despair of knowing I’m being punished for experiencing a forbidden joy.
However naïve, I still hold on to the hope that they’ll see sense in my thinking. After all, we’d be working with Mother Nature, not fighting against her. Likewise they’d have my full cooperation and I’d be happy, not acting like the sulky teenager they’ve turned me into with their bullying.
Even though there’s so much to think about, I must have drifted into sleep at some point during the night, because when I wake up it’s morning and the sun is shining through my window as usual. For a nanosecond I find myself wondering whether everything has returned to normal. Perhaps they’ve decided they’ve made their point and that I needn’t continue my exile. Maybe they even want to talk through my ideas.
I soon realize I’m wrong.
Silence fills my ears and my bedroom door remains closed, no Mother sent in with my breakfast or to get me ready for the day.
Nothing.
My stomach grumbles. After missing dinner last night I’m hungry. It’s quite an alien sensation for me.
I wait a few minutes to be sure no one’s coming, but when my door fails to open I decide to get myself ready. It’s a ridiculous notion, my having to rely on the Mothers for everything anyway. It’s not as though they can do it for the rest of my life.
I walk into my bathroom and undress myself. While I’m removing my nightdress I catch a glimpse of my naked flesh in the mirror. I stop and walk towards it. I rarely get a chance to look at myself in this way. There’s always someone watching, eager to move me along and get me ready for the day ahead, but now they’re not here I have the freedom to study myself.
My eyes trace the pertness of my lopsided breasts, my small waist and the curve of my hips – all covered with smooth pale skin. Is this what a woman’s body is supposed to look like? Having nothing to compare it to, I find myself wondering if it would be pleasing for others to look at. Does it matter? Yes, because of Bram. I want him to see me like this and enjoy what he sees.
The thought fills me with an unexpected sadness.
The fact that I’m standing here alone does not bode well for my dreams. I choke back my tears as I go into the shower. The only place I can cry without being seen.
27
Bram
So, day one of my suspension sucked. I killed time mainly by pacing the dorm, cursing the situation, trying not to think of Eve but mostly failing. I was glad to get into bed and looked forward to sleep giving my mind a rest. Sleep that appeared briefly, then disappeared.
I’ve been awake now for three hours and twenty-two minutes. I guess day two of my suspension has begun. Day two of pacing the slick floors of our small room. Not that I can’t leave and kill time in other areas of this vast, city-sized building, but without any idea of what’s happening up in the Dome, without knowing when I’ll see Eve again, I’ve lost my purpose.
Hartman is still sleeping. He’s taking it well, considering none of it is his fault, but I feel stabs of guilt deep in my gut when I think of how I’ve risked our futures. His snoring is reassuring, though, even comforting. I roll over and peep out from my bunk up at his and see a few wisps of curly brown hair poking out, flapping in the breeze of his breath. Despite all that’s happening, he can still sleep so soundly.
We are of the lucky elite who live their lives behind the protective walls of this tower. We’re not equipped for life out there any more and if we were to lose this … I can’t even think about it. What am I doing, playing with his life like this?
I’ve had enough of rolling around in my sweat-soaked sheets. I pull them off and slide quietly out of my bunk. I slip on my casuals, still emblazoned with the EPO logo, still uniform, but comfortable. If I can find anything to be happy about today, it’s that I don’t have to wear the compulsory navy blue jumpsuit and boots.
I walk barefoot to my glass desk, which illuminates as I sit. The paper notes and heaps of files glow from underneath as the system recognizes my face and the holo-screen projects my welc
ome image, a photograph of a tree.
I’ve always loved this photo. I don’t know who took it or where the tree is. I reach out and run my hand across the projected leaves and remember the first time I saw it as a boy in my father’s office.
‘Are you lonely?’ I ask.
‘No!’ he snaps. ‘Holly would not say that.’
He pulls the visor from his face and rubs his eyes.
Then something catches my attention. Something shimmering on his desk to my right. My mother’s silver cross on its broken chain. It lies among his files and pieces of broken circuit board, like some strange souvenir of his past.
‘Let’s try this again,’ he mutters, not looking at me as he slips the glowing visor back on his face.
I don’t think. The second his eyes are covered I reach out and take back the small cross, not for its connection with any god but for its connection with my mother.
As the chain slips across the table into my hands the movement awakens my father’s holo-display.
‘When you’re ready … Holly!’ he barks, waiting for me to begin the rehearsal for Holly’s new assignment, but I can’t take my eyes off his desk, which is now alive in incredible greens and yellows as this tree of light floats over his work.
I’ve never seen any real trees, not in Central. Its streets were flooded and the ground was way below the waterline when I was born. There was no green, just concrete and clouds. Grey.
I begin muttering Holly’s lines, while my father studies the image of Holly, tweaking her programming with magical waves of his gloved hands in the air.
I reach out to his holo-display and clone the file. The tree is mine.
It’s been my holo-homescreen ever since. There for me to look at, to study whenever I please, both as a reminder of the world we destroyed and a promise of what could be again. This giant plant towering triumphantly over a grand brick building in the distance, the natural claiming victory over man-made. The sun glistens on the leaves in a way I’ve never seen. It’s real. Not like the sun in the Dome.
I’ve still never seen a real tree. The ones in the Dome don’t count – they’ve been fiddled with, artificially grown to what we consider perfection, but all I see are mutations of their far superior relations. Mother Nature is always one step ahead when it comes to beauty. She’s quite the artist.
Eve of Man: Eve of Man Trilogy Page 15
