by Fiona Lowe
“No, Mom, it’s not a burden,” she said, tears splashing onto her hand. “I loved that you wanted me to succeed, it’s just—”
“It’s my fault,” Todd said, swallowing hard. “I’ve loved watching you flourish, getting the career one part of me always wished I had. I loved talking to you about your plans to become V.P., only now I see they weren’t just your plans, were they?” He picked up her hand. “When I was in Whitetail, Ben told me that you didn’t like to disappoint people and I agreed with him, thinking about how hard you worked. Now I think he was trying to tell me something.”
Ben. Her heart quivered. He understood her but he didn’t love her.
“But Amy,” Todd continued, his eyes moist, “I love you and you’ve never disappointed me.”
“Not even this week?” she asked weakly, feeling battered and bruised from the fallout.
“Especially not this week.” He kissed the back of her hand. “You held your head high, uncovered a crime and won back your job.”
“We love you, darling, and we just want you to be happy,” Lisa said, lines of anxiety bracketing her mouth.
Happy. She wasn’t sure how that was possible when a piece of her heart was missing. Ben had accused her of hiding and as much as it hurt her to admit it, she now realized that part of her had been hiding all her life. Not from work—she was the smart, educated woman there. But the rest of her life. She’d been the geeky, bookish, timid girl who’d never been prepared to show her real self out of fear of disappointing and being rejected. The one time she’d risked it, she’d been rejected anyway.
These past few weeks she’d learned that she owed it to herself to step out into the light and create her own version of happiness. It started with being true to herself for the very first time.
She sucked in a deep breath. “Mom, Dad, in the spirit of painful honesty, I need to tell you something about my job...”
* * *
Ben had flown from Florida to Chicago, not wanting to risk the weather closing in on him and Red in the hilly country of Kentucky and stranding him there. Now, as the streetlamps came on, he’d arrived in the unfamiliar city and it was like having changed countries. Snow was lightly falling as he stood outside Amy’s apartment building at the end of a tree-lined street in Old Town. From the outside, it looked like it had started life as a warehouse. Given the trendy-looking restaurants housed in beautifully restored Victorian buildings that he’d passed in the cab to get here, he got the impression he was in a district of upwardly mobile professionals. He thought of Amy’s black business suit, which had been so out of place in Whitetail but would fit in perfectly here. He’d just stepped into her world. He hoped she’d welcome him in.
Back in the bar in Key West, when he realized he loved her, all he’d wanted to do was call her but he’d worried she’d hang up on him. Decision made, he’d booked a ticket to Chicago but he didn’t know where she lived and her name didn’t show up in the directory. He hadn’t wanted to ring M.M. Enterprises and he’d doubted they’d give him that sort of information anyway. Fortunately, he’d managed to find Cindy’s number and had called her. Unlike Lisa and Todd, he’d got the impression that Cindy approved of him and at this point he needed all the brownie points he could get. Cindy had given him Amy’s address.
So now he stood clutching a bunch of cut flowers he’d bought from a florist down the street who’d charged him half the national debt of a third-world country. Blowing out a breath, he pressed the door bell under Amy’s name. It buzzed loudly.
Be home, be home, be home.
Static sounded followed by, “Hello?”
His heart leaped at the sound of her voice. “Amy, it’s Ben.”
The crackle of the intercom deafened him but she didn’t speak. “Can I come up?”
“I want to say no.” Her voice sounded unusually firm.
“It’s snowing.”
“Welcome to Chicago.”
Only she didn’t sound welcoming at all. “Would you leave an Aussie out in the snow?” he tried to quip against his rising panic. “There might be snow leopards or the North American cousin of drop bears.”
“I hope they’re hungry.”
“Please, Amy.”
There was a long pause, followed by a sigh. “Top floor, apartment six.”
The door started clicking and he pushed it open and then took the stairs two at a time, not wanting to waste even a second waiting for the elevator. He arrived at her door panting, and then he knocked.
She opened the door and he stared at her, soaking her in. She was wearing running pants and a hoodie and she had a green bandanna tied over her hair. He immediately noticed that she’d lost weight, which he didn’t think suited her because it made her usually round and smiling face long. She was pale and her face was filled with strain, and dark smudges ringed her luminous gray eyes. She flicked a derisive look at him and nothing about her demeanor indicated that she was pleased to see him.
He swallowed. “You look good.”
She raised one auburn brow. “I thought you hated lies?”
Touché. If he’d been kidding himself that he hadn’t hurt her that much, he was under no illusions now. She walked away from the open door, leaving him standing in the entrance. It hardly counted as an invitation to enter but he took it anyway. “I brought you some flowers.”
“I’ve packed the vase.”
He pulled his gaze away from her and for the first time noticed the apartment. Packing boxes littered every available space. “You’re moving?”
She nodded and folded her arms across her chest, every part of her vibrating with loathing. “Why are you here, Ben?”
Great. An opening. “I saw the news when I was down in Florida.” He smiled at her proudly. “Good for you, showing that bastard what for.”
“I’m glad you approve.”
Every inch of her said the opposite and a band of sweat broke out on his forehead. “Amy, I’m really sorry.”
“What for?”
The words sounded like a trap and he wanted to wrap his arms around her, but nothing about her said she’d welcome his touch. “For letting you go through all of that alone.”
She picked at lint on her hoodie. “I wasn’t alone. My parents were here.”
“Oh.” He hadn’t expected that. “Well, I’m glad you told them.”
The left side of her mouth tweaked up wryly. “As you told me more than once, I needed to tell them and, yes, I needed to fight Jonathon. You were right. I just didn’t realize you wanted to hear me say it so much that you’d come all the way back from Florida to high-five me. Consider it done. Now you can take your flowers and go.”
This wasn’t part of his plan. Tell her. “Amy,” he blurted, “I love you.”
Her nostrils flared as if the words were a toxic stench. “What happened to, ‘I’m not looking for love and you need to go sort out your life’?” She made an odd choking sound in the back of her throat and then marched to the kitchen, putting the counter firmly between the two of them.
When she looked at him again, her face was ragged with pain. “Oh, my God.” She breathed out the words in horrified bewilderment. “Me taking control of my life was some sort of test, wasn’t it, and now that I’ve passed you’ve come back to claim me.”
“No. God, Amy, no, there was no test.” He willed her to understand, shocked that she thought so little of him.
Wariness edged with flint flashed in her eyes. “So your realization that you loved me happened before you saw me on the news?”
He couldn’t lie. “Actually, it happened at the same time.”
“Ben, you need to go.”
Her pain sliced into him. You’ve got one chance. Don’t fuck this up. “Amy, I swear to you, when I left you I was doing everything you accused me of. The idea of you lovi
ng me had me running scared and I couldn’t even think about the fact I might have fallen in love with you because I was never going to let that happen again.
“And yes, I won’t back down from the fact I thought you should fight for your job, but when I saw you on the news, being brave and taking on that slimy bastard, everything inside of me screamed that I’d thrown you to the lions. I should have been there with you, standing next to you. I hated that you were on your own. As much as I wanted you to fight I wanted to wrap you up in cotton wool and protect you. I’ve never felt the need to protect anyone as strongly as I have with you. I want to keep you safe and close, and the thought of losing you is more terrifying than loving you.”
Amy stared at Ben, trying to make sense of what he was saying. His arrival was so unexpected and he looked haggard and unkempt, as if he’d slept in his clothes and hadn’t shaved in days. A month ago, a declaration of love from him would have sent her into a giddy whirlwind of joy. Only, she wasn’t quite the same person as she’d been then.
She wanted to be loved for herself, not for what she’d done. “And if I hadn’t fought Jonathon? Would you have realized you loved me?”
He looked shamefaced. “I only ever want to tell you the truth, Amy.”
She braced herself for pain. “Go on.”
“It may have taken me a couple more days longer to realize, but it would have happened. I’d ridden two thousand miles to try and outrun you and I’d run out of land. I was in Key West, surrounded by beautiful women and every single one of them paled in comparison to you in your sequined top, shorts and hiking boots. I’d see amazing things and turn to tell you, only to realize you weren’t there. I’d go running and expect you to arrive a couple of minutes later, flop down next to me and say, ‘I’m never doing this again,’ before catching your breath and keeping on going.”
She could scarcely breathe as she tried to absorb his heartfelt words.
“I was on beautiful beaches watching glorious sunrises and sunsets and I was miserable.” His green eyes begged her to understand. “I thought about going home to Australia but it didn’t feel like home anymore and I couldn’t work out why I’d been happier amidst the fall colors in Whitetail than I was on any beach. I thought I was missing Whitetail but I wasn’t. I was missing you.”
He walked around the counter and stood in front of her. “I never wanted to allow myself to fall in love again but then you happened. You hit me with that torch and you hit me with your love. I’m sorry I wasn’t ready to hear you when you told me you loved me, but know this. I love you, Amy Sagar, and I’ll always be here for you.”
The plea in his voice, the earnest expression on his face and the worry in his eyes made her sob but she still needed more. “Be with me here in Chicago?”
“Your job’s here so I’m here.” He gave a hopeful smile. “I’m sure in the home of the skyscraper they need engineers.”
Her heart hammered hard at his offer and she wanted so much to accept it but there was one more thing holding her back. “And what if there are times when I’m not brave and I want to hide behind you?”
His green eyes filled with understanding. “I’ll stand next to you, Amy, and hold your hand.”
He loves me. He really loves me.
She reached out her hand toward him and he grabbed it as if it was a life jacket being thrown to him. Then his arms were around her and his face was buried in her hair and she felt the sob in his chest before she heard it.
“I thought I’d lost you.” His hands cupped her face and he gazed down at her.
She gave him a wobbly smile. “I know how you feel.”
His arms tightened around her. “I’m so sorry for being so idiotically slow to realize that you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
“I love you, Ben.” She smiled up at him, feeling his love wrap around her like a cloak. “But I’d be lying if I didn’t tell you there have been days these last three weeks when I didn’t want to love you, but the thing is, I have no choice. You’re part of my heart.”
“I promise to take great care of it.” His lips came down onto hers in a seal of commitment, his love infusing her with its heady mix of care and unconditional support. She leaned into him, giddy with amazement that she was so fortunate to have this wonderful man in her life.
A few minutes later when they finally came up for air, Amy led Ben to the couch and snuggled into him. “I need to tell you something.”
He frowned. “What?”
She laughed. “Don’t look so worried. If anything I should be the worried one because what I’m about to tell you will probably make your head swell. From time to time in Whitetail, you told me I was hiding from things and as much as I didn’t want to hear it, I now confess you were right. It had become a habit I didn’t even recognize.”
He wound one of her curls around his finger. “It’s always easier for an outsider to have perspective. You had me pegged about being scared to love so I guess we’re good for each other.”
She nodded, sucking in a breath. “And you and I, we’re about the truth, right? Well, the truth is, I didn’t actually fight Jonathon to get my job back. I fought him for the rights of a little girl with cerebral palsy who needed a wheelchair but along the way I learned something about myself.”
“What was that?”
“That I’m in the wrong job.”
He stared at her in surprise. “You don’t want to be a lawyer?”
“Oh, I do. I just don’t want to work in corporate law so I’ve quit my job at M.M. that they had to offer me.” She laughed. “I’m sure they’re secretly relived about it.”
“So the packing boxes are because you’re moving for a new job?”
“Not exactly.” Her fingers fiddled with the zipper on his leather jacket. “My stuff’s going into storage and my plan was to do some traveling before finding a job in disability advocacy. I realized what I loved most about working at M.M. was my work with the Kids Plus Foundation.”
“Good for you.” He dropped a kiss on her forehead. “Have you told your parents?”
She gave him a wry smile. “Yes, Ben, I’ve told my parents and they’re totally on board. Turns out we were all a bit misguided but we’ve talked it out and everything’s good.”
He grinned down at her. “So you want to travel?”
“I do. I’ve worked continuously for years and I deserve some adventure.”
“Where are you planning to go?”
“Australia. I figured if I couldn’t have you, I wanted to see where you came from.”
His heart, already full, overflowed. “My parents are going to be beside themselves with joy when I bring you home.” He paused, struck by a thought. “When you and your folks were having your heart-to-heart did you mention the travel?”
“No.”
“Ah.”
“Ah, what?”
“Your dad’s already told me not to take you away. He’ll have my balls.”
She laughed. “I doubt it. Visiting Australia has always been on Mom and Dad’s wish list.”
“Would they come for a wedding?”
Amy sat up fast, her heart thundering so hard she was sure Ben could hear it. “Is...is that a proposal?”
He blinked at her in surprise as if he couldn’t quite believe he’d said the words. His eyes darkened, overflowing with love. “Yes,” he said firmly.
The next moment he was on his knees, on the floor and holding both her hands. “Amy Sagar, will you have me for better because you already know the worse, for richer although possibly financially poorer if we keep traveling, and in sickness and in health for the rest of our lives?”
She leaned forward, loving him so much. “Given you’re a health freak, I’m guessing it will be more health than sickness.”
“I’m hoping so
. I plan to live to a hundred and you better keep up with me. Marry me, Amy.”
Tears overflowed. “I will.”
“Thank you.” He grinned at her, his handsome face radiating love. “I never thought it was possible to be this happy.”
“Neither did I.” She thought her heart would burst from joy. This amazing and wonderful man had literally ridden into her life and changed it in ways she could never have imagined. She wasn’t naive enough to know there wouldn’t be bumps along the road but she knew down to the tips of her toes she was loved and adored, and she loved and adored him back. This was their insurance. This was what would cushion the road ahead for both of them.
She dropped her head and kissed him, excited to start the rest of her life.
* * *
Melissa rushed into the Monday town meeting, waving photos. “Ben and Amy got married!”
Al grinned and slung his arm around Ella’s shoulders. “Don’t be too disappointed, Ellie. Fortunately, you’ve still got me.”
Ella rolled her eyes. “Don’t you worry. I’m planning on enjoying the view of all the young bikers in their leathers who we meet on our trip,” she said as she leaned into him with a smile.
“Why didn’t they get married in Whitetail?” Nicole said disappointedly. “After all, they met here and we would have thrown them an amazing wedding.”
“Ben wanted something really quiet,” Melissa said softly.
A collective ah of understanding went around the room. No one knew the full story, but they all knew Ben had been jilted once before.
The photos got passed around while Melissa read out a letter from Amy.
“‘Ben and I got married on a beautiful tropical island off the Australian Queensland coast. It was a glorious day, the sky was blue, the sea the most amazing turquoise green and so clear that we could see fish. Apart from Ben and me and the marriage celebrant, the only other people present were my parents and Ben’s. As you can see from the photos, Ben was beyond handsome in a white linen, open-neck shirt and rolled-up chinos. I chose a simple, full-length chiffon sheath.’”
