Tumi had no idea what to think. It was all very sudden. Only a short while before Mohale seemed so sure that his marriage was over, and now he was changing jobs and they were expecting a child. Tumi merely smiled and said, “Congratulations.”
“Oh, Tumi, don't look so worried. Things are wonderful right now. I want us all to be happy. I want you to be happy too. It's better to make the best of what we have than to risk losing it all. I want that for you, too. I want you to have a great life that you can be proud of. That's what we always work towards in our family, right? Appreciate the things you have. Don't risk any of it just for the chance that it could be different.”
Tumi sat in silence for a few seconds, watching his brother's desperate attempts to pretend like everything was okay, and feeling the jab of his subtle message that Tumi had to let the search for his birth parents go. Tumi felt betrayed. He had always looked up to his brother, but he wasn't prepared to simply live his life in a way that didn’t rock the boat. “You're wrong, Mohale,” Tumi said, feeling his frustration rising. “I can't just go through life doing the right thing and trying to keep up appearances. You might be willing to do that, but I want something else.”
Mohale seemed shocked. His voice was louder than usual as he said: “You think I'm just doing the right thing? I made a decision to save my marriage, to save us from the embarrassment of a failure. And we are bringing a child into the world. This is what I want.”
“It might be what you want, but it's not what I want. I always wanted to follow in your footsteps, but there are just some places I can't follow you. You're ignoring everything I said at dinner the other night, and trying to make me feel like I'm causing other people problems by going after what I want. I won't be afraid anymore, Mohale.”
“I don't know you like this, Tumi. We've never been raised to be selfish and hurtful. Don't you see how you're hurting our parents, and hurting this family? You have a name to uphold. I take things seriously. One day, when you grow up, I hope you do the same.”
Mohale stormed out of the room, not even looking at Tumi as he slammed the door behind him, and Tumi sat on his bed, shell-shocked. He had never had such a blowout with his brother. It was completely new terrain for him. But hearing that Mohale had done everything Victoria wanted when she had treated him so badly had Tumi riled up. Was it really worth it to sacrifice so much just to make her happy? Tumi had never understood Mohale's attraction to Victoria. She was spoiled and superficial. But Mohale loved to show her off and brag about the fact that she had been a model until they had gotten married. It was all for show, and Tumi couldn't stand it anymore.
Just as Tumi walked out of the door to get some air, he heard footsteps rushing up the staircase. A figure was running towards Tumi, and as the shadowy figure stepped into the light, Tumi saw the flustered face of Edgar looking up at him. Edgar was out of breath and sweaty. “I can explain,” Edgar said. Tumi stared at Edgar, perplexed.
“Explain what?” Tumi asked. And just as he said the words, he received a message on his cellphone.
Chapter 31
Edgar held his breath as he stood on the stairs looking up at Tumi. The hallway was dimly lit, but as Tumi stood checking his phone and slowly looked up to once again stare at Edgar, Edgar knew that he had been sent the picture of Hein kissing him. It would be so easy to misinterpret what the picture was about. It was Hein's final revenge to be able to ruin things between Tumi and Edgar, even though Edgar had done such a good job of ruining things already. But he couldn't have Tumi thinking that he might have had something going on with Hein, or even to misinterpret the fact that Edgar was hanging out with them again when he had specifically promised Tumi that he wouldn't. Edgar had to rush over to try and explain himself when he realized that Tumi wasn't answering his phone.
Hein said, in a low voice, “I know this sounds so cliché, but it's really not what it looks like.”
“It looks like you're kissing Hein. Am I missing something?” Tumi's eyes were fiery with anger. “If you wanted to make sure that I'll be over you, this is a good way to do it, Edgar. You really made your point about how little I mean to you.”
“They tricked me, Tumi. Hein just jumped at me and before I knew it Leo had taken a picture. I rushed over here as soon as I could to explain myself. You weren't answering your phone, so I had to come and explain it to you in person.”
“Why?” Tumi asked, his voice cold and accusatory. “What do you want to accomplish by coming to talk to me? You're leaving in two days. You only came back for the exam, and you probably wouldn't even have made an effort to speak with me unless I called you, right? I've been fooling myself all along.”
Edgar felt the words hit him like a freight train. Was Tumi right? Edgar had been too afraid to let him know that he was back in South Africa, even though Tumi had been on his mind the entire time. “I wanted to see you,” Edgar said awkwardly. “I did all of this so that I wouldn't hurt you.”
Tumi held his phone's screen up to Edgar's face, the picture of Hein kissing him on full display. “You did this so you wouldn't hurt me? Even if they did trap you into a kiss, why were you even hanging out with them? Did they force you to be around them? You said that you were nothing like them. That you didn't want to be around people like that. So why would you do it now, with only a few days left in South Africa, when you didn't even want to let me know you were in town until you were ready to leave?”
The question left Edgar speechless. At the time, he had been able to justify hanging out with them. He had seen it as no big deal. But in that moment, the realization of what had happened hung heavily over him. What Tumi was saying was absolutely true. Even though Edgar didn't want to kiss Hein and didn't want that picture taken, he had put himself in that position with guys who had proven themselves to be spiteful and petty. Why had he done it? Was he really just the reckless, irresponsible person everyone made him out to be? Was he really the child who needed to be constantly scolded like his brothers had always made him feel?
Edgar felt completely ashamed of himself, and said, “Can we go inside and talk about this, Tumi? I feel terrible about everything. I don't know why I've been acting this way. The truth is that I'm hurting a lot at the thought that I have to leave you. I don't want to leave you. I've never felt this way about a guy before. I want to stay here with you. But I've done so much wrong already. I've disappointed my family and disappointed you. I just don't know if I can have what I want. I don't know if I'll be able to live up to your expectations.” Edgar felt extremely vulnerable in front of Tumi. He knew that this was the moment to lay all his cards on the table. He was confused about a lot of things, but one thing was certain: Tumi meant a lot to him, and he didn't want to lose that.
Tumi said, “The only thing I expected was for you to be honest with me. You were so charming with me at the start when I wanted nothing to do with you, when I thought that you were just a spoiled, selfish guy like those dicks you used to hang out with. And then, when I gave you a chance and let you in, you started to keep things from me, and pull away, and you became so reluctant about being with me. You act like you're the victim of your life, and like you don't know what you want, and then you say you want me... You could've had me. I gave you a million chances. I was even ready to forget about everything yesterday when I went to meet you for coffee. I thought that hearing about the scholarship would mean that you didn't have any more excuses, like you could finally stand on your own two feet and make things work here, with me. But I've realized something: you're a coward. You hide behind what your family tells you to do because you're too afraid to make any decisions for yourself. You act like you're so cocky and confident, but you only want what you can't have. When the chance to be happy is staring you right in the face, you're ready to pack your bags and leave.
“How am I supposed to trust you? It's not about the kiss with Hein. I don't give a crap about that! It's about you acting like a child again and doing things that are self-destructive just because it seem
s like a good idea at the time. Maybe your brothers were right about you.”
Edgar saw Tumi's face change quickly. He had realized that he went too far. But it was too late. Edgar was reeling. Tumi had seen how painful it was for Edgar to be treated like an incompetent burden by his brothers, and he had been so supportive afterwards. Why would he bring up something so painful? The sad part was that Edgar felt like Tumi was right. Edgar had acted exactly the way that his brothers had always accused him of acting. He had only thought about himself. There was no excuse. “You didn't have to say that,” Edgar said. His voice was shaking.
Tumi seemed unfazed. “Maybe I should've said it a long time ago. Maybe it's better that you're going back to England. You're clearly still a child and you need your dad to tell you what to do. I can't believe I wasted my time on you.” Tumi’s words cut deep into Edgar. As Tumi towered over him at the top of the stairs, Edgar felt himself harden towards Tumi. Even though a lot of what Tumi was saying might have been true, Tumi was only saying it to hurt Edgar.
“You know what,” Edgar said, realizing that he was about to step over a line that he couldn't come back from, but going there anyway, “I don't think you should be so quick to judge other people. You might think that you're better than a lot of the people here at Ridgemont, that because you're so serious and hardworking it means you're a better person than the rest of us. But you're not so different from guys like Hein. You're willing to hurt people just because it suits you. You're willing to stand here and bring up things that you know are painful to me, and still act like you're superior somehow. You should take a hard look in the mirror. Even though you think your money and status hasn't affected you, that you're still this saint who can look down on the rest of us, you're just as blind to what other people are going through. Not everyone can be as perfect as you are.”
The two of them stood in a silent showdown, neither willing to back down. Edgar had been through enough trying to please Tumi. All he had ever done was jump through hoops to try and live up to what Tumi wanted from him, and every step of the way he had felt like he was screwing everything up. All Edgar had tried to do was be better. He had changed so much, made such an effort to grow up and be his own man. But all Tumi saw, through it all, was someone who wasn't good enough. Edgar couldn't stand by and let Tumi treat him like that.
Finally, with a resolve he had never felt before, Edgar said: “I don't think we should talk to each other again. I'll just do the exam and leave.”
“Good,” Tumi responded, and he walked back into his room, shutting the door behind him. Edgar turned around to leave Nova, eager to get through his final days at Ridgemont. He had to be free of that place and everything that it had meant to him.
Chapter 32
It was the morning of the final Constitutional Law exam, and Tumi sat at the Bean Happy coffee shop doing some last-minute revision before the exam. He had spent the previous day immersing himself in work and trying not to think about Edgar Boatwright at all. Of course, he hadn't been successful, and thoughts of Edgar flashed in his mind throughout the day. He even awoke from a dream about Edgar in the middle of the night, picturing the guy who had meant so much to him finally getting on a plane to leave. In the dream, Edgar had his back to Tumi, not caring about the pain he was putting him through. Tumi looked on helplessly.
He shook his head as he remembered the dream, and took another sip of the coffee that was set in front of him on the table. He had a slight headache from the sleeplessness and constant studying, and felt worried that he wouldn't be alert enough to do well in the exam. His semester hadn't gone at all the way he had envisioned it would go. As Tumi sifted through a stack of notes to find a particularly important case, he felt a finger tap him on the shoulder.
“Hello, stranger,” a voice said mellowly at Tumi's shoulder. Tumi turned around slowly, and was blown away by who he saw.
“Neville!” Tumi called out. In front of him was his ex-roommate, whom he hadn’t seen in months. Neville was smiling broadly, and Tumi felt a rush of emotion as he stood up to hug his friend. Neville laughed at Tumi's enthusiasm and patted him on the back as they embraced.
“It's good to see you too, Tumi,” Neville said, flashing a smile as they broke their hug. Neville hadn't changed a bit since he left Ridgemont, still wearing the faded crew cut and a loose, open shirt over a black t-shirt. Tumi felt almost choked up at seeing his good friend again. He hadn't realized how much he missed Neville. The past few months had been especially hard, and Tumi realized that Neville's absence was a big part of that.
Tumi's words tumbled out of his mouth: “How are you? How did you find me here? I thought you were only visiting tomorrow.”
“I'm doing great!” Neville said, his hands in his pockets. “I managed to get away a bit earlier. I saw Judy this morning and she said that you'd be doing your last-minute studying at Bean Happy, so I thought I'd come find you. I wanted to surprise you.”
“You definitely did!” Tumi said, and without thinking he hugged his friend again. He felt slightly embarrassed that he was being so affectionate, but it was overwhelming to see his friend again after so long.
Neville joined Tumi at the table outside of the coffee shop, and they chatted about Neville's engagement and about living in Johannesburg. Neville seemed genuinely happy living with his fiancée Kelly, and he was slowly adjusting to studying at his new university. Tumi was happy to hear that his friend was doing so well, but he still wished that they would have been able to finish their studies as roommates.
After they had caught up on Neville’s life for a while, Neville asked Tumi, “What about you? You told me that Edgar was your roommate. How is that going? Did he make his move yet?” Neville smiled, but Tumi's serious expression quickly wiped away his smile.
Tumi shook his head, giving an exasperated expression. “It was a bit of a disaster. We started to get closer. There was even some kissing. But there was also a lot of fighting. He's decided to go back to England. He moved out of the room a few weeks ago already. Today is his last day at Ridgemont. After the exam, he's heading back to Cambridge for his final semester. I’m trying not to think about it too much, but it’s been a rough few weeks. My life feels upside-down right now.” Tumi could feel the sense of defeat in explaining the situation to Neville. He hadn't really said it all in so many words to anyone else before, and the realization hit him hard: Edgar would be gone in a matter of hours.
“You look really broken up about it, Tumi. I'm sorry to hear that things have been so rough. Why was there so much fighting? I thought he was really into you. That night after the law ball, when the two of you disappeared together, it seemed like a big turning point. You started to light up when talking about him. You even sounded happy after sharing the room for a while, even though you seemed so upset about it at the start. This is a big change. Am I missing something?”
Tumi thought about the question for a few seconds, and said, “It's hard to say. We just met each other at the wrong time, I think. There were definitely strong feelings between us. But there were things about the two of us that just couldn't… work. He has a lot to figure out in his life, and so do I… But I'm still sad that he's leaving.”
Neville looked at Tumi with his eyebrow raised. “Have you told him the way you feel about him? Did he say that he doesn't feel the same way? And does he know how much you want him to stay?”
Tumi turned his face away from Neville, feeling his cheeks burn slightly. He knew that he hadn’t been dealing with everything in the most mature way. Neville had always been the voice of reason in his life, and Tumi was embarrassed that he had simply lashed out in anger two nights before without really talking to Edgar. “Not exactly,” he said, averting his eyes. “We’ve tried to make sense of it all, but I just couldn’t really tell him how I feel about him. Especially not if he’s so determined to leave. He even won the award top student at mock court and Prof. Nkuna offered him a partial scholarship to do his master’s, but that didn’t seem to
change anything for him. Why should I bother putting myself out there for a guy who’s so eager to leave?”
“Has he said that he’s eager to leave? You really think he doesn’t have feelings for you? It seems weird that he would be so keen on you in the start and then just cool off completely.”
Tumi thought back to their last conversation on the stairs outside of his room, how Edgar had said that he had feelings for Tumi, and how he wanted to stay. Tumi cleared his throat, and said to Neville, “He told me that he’s never felt this way about a guy before, but he’s scared of disappointing me. He told me that I’ve been hard on him, judging him and making him feel small. I have no idea what he was on about. He said I’m just like Hein and the other snobbish guys at Ridgemont. I think he was just trying to be an ass.” Tumi waited for Neville’s response. Neville sat in silence for a few seconds, folding his arms and looking at Tumi with a curious expression. “What?” Tumi asked, confused with Neville’s reaction.
The next words out of Neville’s mouth shocked Tumi to the core: “He might have a point, you know…”
“Are you serious?” Tumi said, outraged. “You’re supposed to be my friend. I’m nothing like those guys!”
“Well, I’m not saying you’re a spoiled brat like those guys, or that you’re heartless and inconsiderate like they are. But in a way, I can understand where Edgar’s coming from. You have a way of making up your mind about people, not giving them the benefit of the doubt. You think that everyone who has some money and status is necessarily an ass. You were even a bit cold towards me at the start until you got to know me a bit better, and I had to make an extra effort to win you over with green tea. All I’m saying is, the way you treated Edgar at the start wasn’t completely fair, and maybe there’s still some of those feelings at the back of your mind. Maybe that’s why you feel so justified in lumping him in with the guys who are genuinely not great people. Even after you got to know him a bit.
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