by London Hale
But what if I was right?
I spun and hurried to the gym so I could grab my bag, confusion muddling my thoughts. All but one—I was done here. Temperance Falls, as much as I loved it, would never be home again. I needed to face that. To move forward with the life I’d chosen. And to find someone willing to move forward with me.
“Where have you been?” Jessica asked when I reached the table. She was sitting on Aaron’s lap, looking happy and more than a little tipsy. “We’ve been looking for you.”
“I’m not feeling well.” I was an asshole, but I could hate myself for lying later. “I’m taking off.”
“Want me to pick up some ginger ale on the way back home?”
“No, I won’t be there. I’m going back to the city.”
Her smile fell, and she suddenly looked a little more sober. “What about Luke?”
And wasn’t that the question of the night? What about him? I shrugged, trying to play like my heart wasn’t breaking. “Luke’s a big boy. He’ll be okay.”
“Hannah,” Jessica said, but I didn’t let her finish. I grabbed her and Aaron in a hug instead.
“Thank you for your hospitality. I’m going to pack up my stuff and get out of your hair.”
And with that, I walked out of the high school where everything had started so long ago. It was time to be done with childish things.
The drive home seemed endless, taking so much longer since I had to keep pulling over to give myself time to stop crying. Still, I made it back to my little apartment with its boring tan rug and walls, its tiny kitchen only meant for one person. The place was silent and cold, and I hated it. There was no Luke there. I hated it, but it was where my life resided. Too exhausted to do anything else, I turned off the lights and headed to my bedroom, ready to put the weekend behind me. Ready to sleep away the painful rock that had wedged itself in my chest and refused to let me breathe.
On Sunday, I went to work. I wasn’t scheduled and probably needed the time off to put my head back on straight, but when the charge nurse called that she needed help, I jumped. The beigeness of my place had started to suffocate me. Fuck sitting home alone and wallowing—work would keep my mind off of things.
Or so I thought.
Instead, I spent eight hours on my feet, my heart aching, and my mind constantly drifting to Luke. What was he doing? Did he miss me at all? Was he glad I’d left, or had I hurt him with my disappearing act? What had I been thinking? Luke wasn’t Barry—he wasn’t the type of guy who would cheat on his girl. At least, I didn’t think so. There had to be a good reason for why he hadn’t told me about Barry and the other woman. It wasn’t his way to be dishonest. Or was that my crush overriding what my brain was trying to tell me? Was this like when Barry was cheating and I’d started to see the signs of it but chose to ignore them? If I called Luke and told him I missed him, would I regret it later when something went wrong?
It was all too much, too overwhelming. I needed a break from my own mind.
“Just keep nursing. Just keep nursing—”
“You okay, Hannah?” The admin behind the front desk gave me a funny look, her eyes seeming to take in every detail. Wonderful. I’d ripped a hole in my life the likes of which I wasn’t sure I could fix, and now my coworkers were going to think I had lost my mind.
I dropped the pen I’d been holding, the one that hadn’t made a single note on the chart I’d laid out probably fifteen minutes ago. No wonder I was being questioned. “I’m fine, just tired. I chant to myself to keep going when I’m tired.”
“Like that fish from the movie.”
Okay, then. “Yeah, exactly. Like that.”
She smiled and turned back around. “Whatever works to get you through the day. You do look tired.”
Which meant I looked like shit. Of course. “I’m fine. Really.”
“It’s not my business,” she said, sneaking a peek over her shoulder at me. “But you look like your heart’s been ripped out and stomped on.”
My breath caught, and I wasn’t sure what to say. Not at first. Not until I stopped thinking and just let the words come. “He didn’t mean to.”
“That’s good. That means things can get put back together.” She rose to her feet, a stack of old charts in her arms. “I need to get these back down to storage. You take it easy on yourself.”
Her words echoed in my head for the rest of the day. Things can get put back together. I wasn’t sure if I believed them, but they wouldn’t let me go. Wouldn’t let me refuse them and go back into a neat little box where I could ignore the possibility.
Things can get put back together…but only if we both wanted to do the work. He’d let me make the choice to walk away, which meant I was probably going to have to be the first one to reach out if I wanted to fix things. I wasn’t sure if I was ready for that just yet.
After my shift ended, I trudged home and crawled into the shower. I needed to wash the day off me. To wash the confusion down the drain. It didn’t seem to work. All I could think about as I stared at my bathroom vanity was Luke bending me over the counter back at Aaron and Jessica’s place. How he’d whispered filthy things to me. How he’d held me so tight, as if he hadn’t wanted to let me go. I’d never felt as safe as I had in his arms, never felt as loved as I did when he wrapped me up in his body and held on. How could I walk away from that?
How could he let me?
After so long without Hannah in my bed, a single day should’ve been a cakewalk. I should’ve been able to give her the space she clearly needed. Should’ve been able to go about my day as usual like all the days prior to this weekend, not thinking about her but in the barest sense I’d allowed myself.
But things were different now.
All those years had gone by because I hadn’t known the taste of her lips or the feel of her tight little body under mine. I hadn’t known the sweetness of her whispering my name as she came around me. Hadn’t known the sound of her hushed laughter at three in the morning as I discovered all her ticklish spots.
And I wanted it back. More than anything, I wanted her. I needed to reassure her that she was my number one priority now, and I’d never keep anything from her again. The real kicker about this whole situation was that my asshole brother was still keeping us apart, this time with just his words. And it pissed me off.
Now, she was two hours away from me, and I had no fucking idea how long I should wait before going after her and fighting for us, just like I told her I would. I’d wanted to give her an hour and then follow her over the bridge and into the city. Wanted to show up at her door at midnight and tell her all the reasons we were perfect together, all the reasons she shouldn’t turn her back on us. But I’d promised I’d let her go. I just didn’t know how long was long enough. It’d been twenty hours since I’d last seen her, and already it felt like my heart was eating itself.
“Whoa, dude,” AJ said, taking away a glass I was drying. “You remember how much time we spent painstakingly picking and choosing the perfect mugs to carry?”
“What?” I asked, having no idea what he was talking about.
“These.” He waved a hand at the line of mugs I’d placed on the counter. “These glorious specimens of beer-toting goodness do not deserve your anger, asshole. Slamming them down on the bartop like they’re fucking rubber balls, Jesus Christ.” He shook his head. “Take it out on something a little less breakable, huh?”
“Shit, sorry.” I scrubbed a hand down my face and sagged against the bar, tossing the drying towel over my shoulder. It wasn’t quite four in the afternoon, which meant I had little time to get my shit together before our doors opened for the night. Not enough time.
“You gonna tell me what’s got your panties in a twist? You’ve been cranky as hell all day.” AJ raised an eyebrow. “With your texts over the weekend, I assumed you’d met up with a hottie and were passing the storm with some good old-fashioned fucking. And now you’re all mopey and shit. Since when does Luke Markos get mopey?”
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br /> “Since I did meet up with a hottie, and that hottie was Hannah.”
AJ whipped his head around to stare at me, mouth agape. “Hannah? As in, the Hannah? Your asshole of a stepbrother’s girlfriend, Hannah?”
“Ex-girlfriend. And, yes, idiot. How many fucking Hannahs have I talked about?”
“Just the one, but I had to be sure.”
“Yeah, well. Now you are.”
He whistled low. “So you got with Hannah. You said ex-girlfriend, so Barry’s not the problem—”
“Barry’s always the problem.”
“What’d the fucknut do this time?”
Blowing out a deep sigh, I tossed the towel onto the bartop and crossed my arms over my chest. “He caught us, and everything went to shit after that.”
“Caught you? Doing what?”
I raised an eyebrow. “What do you think?”
“No shit? Where?”
“Janitor’s closet at the high school.”
He gave an appreciative nod. “Nice.”
“Not the time, man.”
“Right, sorry.”
“He told her about when I found him with that other woman. Made it out like I’d purposely kept something from her.”
“God, I hate that fucker. Always have.”
“I’m finally starting to understand why.”
“It’s about damn time.”
“Yeah, well.” I shook my head, running a hand through my hair in frustration. “He’s still working his games. Keeping Hannah and me apart, even without him in the picture anymore.”
“How’s that? Why aren’t you at her place right now?”
“He told her all that shit, and then she said she didn’t know if she could trust me. Said she wanted to leave. Without me.”
“So you let her leave. Good call, but that was last night. What’re you still doing here?”
“What do you mean, what am I still doing here? Did you listen to the story?”
“Did you?”
I glanced at the clock on the wall, hoping, miraculously, it’d somehow fast-forwarded hours. Nope. “It hasn’t even been twenty-four hours yet.”
“Who gives a fuck?”
“I do. I don’t want to mess this up before I’ve even gotten her.”
“Dude.” AJ sighed, shaking his head and looking at me like I was a toddler. “I don’t know why I have to dole out the relationship advice, but here we are.” He gripped me by the shoulders and shook me a little. “You’re an idiot. Go.”
“Go where?”
“Her house. Jesus Christ, Luke, did you literally fuck your brains out this weekend?” He smacked me upside the head, then danced away before I could retaliate. “Get in your car, drive over the bridge, find her place, and knock on her door. It’s not rocket science, man.”
“What if I haven’t given her enough time?”
He shot his brows up. “Ever think she might be as miserable as you?”
I sure as hell hoped not. “But Hops—”
“Isn’t hoppin’ yet, and when it is, we’ll handle it. Been picking up for your slack-ass all weekend, anyway. What’s another day?” And with that, he shoved me toward the back, tossing my keys at me before pushing me outside and slamming the door in my face. “You can thank me later,” he shouted through the closed door.
I stared down at my keys, then glanced at my watch—again. But who cared what time it was? The only time I knew was too fucking long away from Hannah. I didn’t know if there was some rule I was supposed to follow, if I should’ve called first or warned her I was coming. But the beginning of our…whatever this was…hadn’t been conventional. Why should I start now?
Without another thought, I hopped in my Jeep and took off toward the bridge and then to her place, thankful I had her address stored in my phone. Hitting rush hour once on the mainland made the trip longer than it should’ve been, which only added to my frustration.
After too fucking long, I pulled up in front of her apartment, luckily finding a spot close, even on the busy street. The five-story brick building looked like it’d seen better days, but I’d passed the hospital only a couple blocks down, so I assumed that was why she’d picked it. I headed inside, scowling over the fact that there wasn’t any security, and took the stairs two at a time to get to her floor.
I didn’t stop before I knocked on her door. Didn’t take a minute to figure out what the fuck I was going to say, or how I was going to approach this. I just knew I was there, within a few feet of her, and I couldn’t wait a second more to see her face.
She answered without questioning who was there, just opened the door, her head down as she dug through her wallet. Wet hair framed her makeup-free face, and she wore nothing but a short robe, the front dipping down into a V. Jesus fucking Christ.
Finally, she glanced up at me as she extended a handful of cash, a polite and bland smile on her face. At least until her eyes connected with mine—until she realized who was on the other side of her door. The smile dropped, the cash and her wallet fell to the floor, and she stared, slack-jawed.
“Luke—”
“You always answer your door in a robe without checking to see who’s on the other side?”
“I ordered a pizza.”
Scowling at her probably wasn’t the best way to start this conversation, but nobody else needed to see her like this, especially considering she was probably completely bare underneath. “You’re wearing a robe, Hannah.”
“I…” She straightened, tightening said robe around her. “What are you doing here?”
I reached for her, ran my finger down her cheek. “I came for you. I told you I’d fight for us, didn’t I?”
A throat cleared to my right. “Uh…sorry to interrupt.”
I glanced over my shoulder to see a young guy in a red baseball hat, holding a pizza warmer.
“I have a Hawaiian pizza for”—the red-faced delivery guy glanced at the receipt—“Hannah Fedele?”
“That’s me.” Hannah bent down to grab her money, the front of her robe gaping open. If I’d been behind her, I had no doubt I’d have gotten a glimpse of her pussy, too.
As fast as I could, I slid in front of her, blocking the pimply faced teenager’s view and shooting him a glare. “You want a tip?” I snapped. “Keep your eyes up here.”
“Jesus, Luke. Give the guy a break.” She passed the delivery guy a handful of cash. “Sorry. He’s territorial, apparently.”
“N-no problem, thanks.” He stuffed the money into his pocket and rushed toward the stairwell.
I turned back to Hannah, gripping her by the elbow and leaning in until my mouth was against her ear. “Your tits were on full view when you bent over, so how about next time you don’t answer the door in your robe unless you know it’s me.”
A shiver racked her body before she straightened her spine and pulled away, holding the door open for me. “Next time, huh? Pretty presumptuous considering how we left things yesterday.”
I stepped inside, locking her door behind me and following her into her small galley kitchen. “Not presumptuous…hopeful. I don’t take on fights unless I think I can win, and I’m fighting for this.”
She pulled down two plates from the cabinet by the sink, then grabbed a couple cans of pop from the fridge, hip checking it to close the door. Acting like my being in her space was an everyday occurrence. She wanted to play normal? I could do that.
“Maybe I’m tired of fighting,” she said. “Maybe I just want things to be easy for once.”
I followed her lead, placing a couple slices of pizza on the plates and following her into the living room. It was…not at all what I expected. No color, no life. Not at all Hannah.
Settling next to her on the couch, I handed her a plate. “Then how about you sit there and look pretty, and I’ll do all the fighting?”
She shot me an unamused smile. “Be serious.”
“I am being serious. If I have to spend hours, days, weeks, fighting for this, then I will.” I
took a bite of the pizza. It was no supreme, but this was her favorite and always had been, so I sucked it up. “Do you know why?”
She shrugged and took a sip of her pop. “Because you love beating Barry at everything?”
Was that really what she thought this was? Time to clear that up real quick. “Because I love you. And because you deserve someone who thinks you’re important enough to be willing to do anything to keep you.” I polished off my first piece and started in on the second.
Rolling her eyes, she set her slice of pizza on her plate. If I weren’t paying such close attention, I would’ve missed how her hand shook. “So now you think you love me?”
“I don’t think, I know.” I reached out, swiping my thumb over the corner of her mouth where she had a bit of pizza sauce. “And if you believe you’re going to find someone who’ll love you harder than I will, you’re wrong. I’ve loved you for more than a decade, sunshine. I’m not stopping anytime soon.”
She bit her lip, glancing down before meeting my eyes. “If you loved me, then why did you lie to me? Why did you let Barry get away with what he did?”
I blew out a breath, hating that my asshole of a stepbrother was still fucking this up. “I didn’t let him get away with it. I caught him and told him he’d tell you or I would. I sometimes wish it had come from me, but I gave him the chance to make amends.”
“He never told me he was cheating, Luke. I found him with another woman in our bed.”
“What? No, he called me and told me he’d come clean, that you guys were going to counseling—even gave me the fucking counselor’s name. He said you were upset but wanted to try to make it work…”
She’d started shaking her head before I’d even finished. “Never happened. I found them, and two days later, I moved in to this place. There was no counseling.” She laughed. “Though, can you imagine Barry in a counseling session? I have no idea how you believed that one.”
I ground my teeth together. Once again, I’d let my loyalty to him cloud my judgment.
