She didn’t understand. She’d never understood. And yet for some crazy reason, he still loved her. Still wanted her to be his wife as much as he had that summer they’d met. Despite his foolish lapse when the divorce became final, Maddie was the only woman for him.
“I couldn’t.” He tried to explain. “I was under so much pressure, finishing up my MBA. And at work. Taking a couple of days off would have risked my chances at the promotion I was up for.”
“Winning promotions isn’t all there is to life. I needed you. Jacob did, too. And you weren’t there for us. Ever.” She emerged from behind her armchair barricade and stood facing him, chin raised, hands on hips, eyes narrowed. Color flared in her cheeks.
He stared at her, wordless for once.
This wasn’t an appropriate time for him to notice the way her faded jeans and bright blue sweater hugged her curvy figure.
But he did notice.
Even years later, without a trace of makeup, Maddie was as heart-poundingly beautiful as the night they met. She still wore the same sweet perfume. He’d caught the delicate floral scent as she’d opened the door and hurried him inside. It accelerated his pulse just as much as it used to.
But she seemed different, too. The Maddie he’d married never got angry. She sure looked furious now.
Like a brick hitting the side of his head, he realized.
Maybe she had been angry. She’d just never let it show.
That explained a lot. Like why he’d had no real clue she’d been unhappy in their marriage, let alone unhappy enough to divorce him.
Help me to understand, Lord. Then help me make things right.
The words she spoke now were important. More important than reminders of physical attraction, no matter how much a good marriage needed that.
Maddie was finally telling him why she’d ended things.
Battling the temptation to meet anger with anger, he kept the edge from his voice. “We needed the promotion. As husband, my task was to provide for you and Jacob. It still is. Only the monthly child support I send lets you stay here and care for your gran. A community of less than two hundred can’t offer much in the way of employment opportunities.”
Her eyes flashed, though he’d simply stated a fact, not been accusatory. Surely even a stubborn dreamer like Maddie had to admit he was right.
“I do shifts in the store for the new owners now and then.” Her lips twisted. “I still think of it as ‘our’ store, though it’s years since Pop died and Gran sold it. In the summer, there’s plenty of work waitressing at the resort across the lake.”
Waitressing for three months of the year wouldn’t possibly earn enough to support her and Jacob. But he didn’t intend to argue. Instead, he smiled, as memories surfaced.
“You were working there when we met. You looked so adorable in your blue and white uniform. It matched the color of your eyes. Remember how I kept making excuses to call you back to our table? Then I came back the next night, hoping you’d be there again.”
His heart warmed, remembering that summer he’d stayed with his grandmother at her rented vacation place for a few weeks. She’d been horrified when he fell for a mere waitress.
But he had. He’d fallen hard and fast, so sure it was God’s will for them to be together. The week after he graduated, they’d married, thinking the world was at their feet and they’d live happily ever after. Enrolled in a fast-track MBA and with his new hospital management job, their future seemed bright. Then his marriage went the same way as all of Dad’s. The fairy tale ended fast.
Just like Dad, he hadn’t had a clue about commitment.
Now, he had to convince Maddie he did.
Though what good would it do when his career and her gran’s needs put them so far apart?
Maddie’s face and posture softened, her anger seeming to evaporate as fast as it flared. She dropped into the chair opposite him, eyes distant and dreamy. “Yes. I remember.” Then her shoulders sagged and her gaze dropped. “I’ll need to arrange child care for Jacob before I can waitress next summer. At least at the store, the living quarters are right there. Pat and Susanna don’t mind him coming with me.”
The urge to protect and care for his family swelled in him. “You won’t need to waitress. I promised you’d be able to stay home with our children. Once I get this next promotion, I can increase the monthly check.”
Maddie lifted her head, something he couldn’t quite read shadowing her blue eyes. “Is this the Chicago job? Permanently in head office? You’ll be even further away. Nearly two thousand miles.”
“Still a flight and a car ride.” His lips twisted, and he shrugged. “Anyway, there’s no guarantee I’ll get it. I’m up against some heavy competition. My boss warned me taking time off now was risky.”
“I’m not sure whether to be sorry or glad,” Maddie admitted with a cute rueful grin, much more like the girl he fell in love with. “But I didn’t intend to hurt your chances. I just wanted to make sure Jacob got more time with you.”
“Let’s just say it would have been better for my career if you’d come to L.A. But I missed seeing Jacob at Thanksgiving. I couldn’t miss Christmas, too.”
“When you see Gran, you’ll realize why I can’t leave her. She’s still feisty, but so much frailer. Thankfully our neighbor Hiram is wonderful. He went with her to Jacob’s nativity play rehearsal this morning, so I could stay home to wait for you.”
He smiled, looking forward to seeing his boy. “What role is Jacob playing? I seriously hammed it up one year as Joseph.”
It still stung that Dad was never there to see him. Facelifts and Botox in his plastic surgery practice came first. But he wouldn’t mention that. He and Maddie had never spoken of things like this. So much they still didn’t know about each other.
“I’m sure you did ham it up.” The laughter in Maddie’s eyes belied her dry tone. “I’ve been Mary. And the angel, another year. But far from hamming it up, I was so nervous I forgot my lines. This is Jacob’s first time, so he’s a shepherd. Next year, he might graduate to Joseph. Here, the part with the speaking lines is the angel, and the oldest kid gets that role.” Her antagonism melted as she talked about their son.
Gratitude flooded him, sweet and warm in his chest. He leaned forward in the chair, feeling close to Maddie. “You did right insisting I came here. His first nativity play isn’t something I want to miss. I’ve missed so much else.”
As if he’d pushed a button, the laughter in her eyes vanished. She sat straight up in her chair, arms folded over her chest. “You chose to miss so much. Right from when he was a newborn. You didn’t even take the full paternity leave you were entitled to.”
“Entitlement was one thing,” he jumped to defend himself against her resentment. “Taking it was something else. The hospital corporation’s so-called family friendly policies apply far more on paper than in reality.”
At his words, she bristled even more.
He’d fallen right into the trap. Getting defensive. Those solo, marriage-counseling sessions with his pastor focused on the need to listen.
Not something he’d had a lot of practice at yet.
Before things escalated, he quickly said what he should have said. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.”
And he tried to sound like he meant it. Because he did.
He wouldn’t intentionally have chosen to hurt her, then or now. He just hadn’t realized. Maddie never said anything. If she had, maybe he could have done things differently.
It worked. She sank back into the chair, her anger visibly deflating. “Thank you for acknowledging that.” Raising her hands, she scrubbed them over her face. “Let’s let it go now. You’d better get your bags inside.”
He was only too glad to let go of the topic. Though he’d learned more about Maddie and what she wanted from him in the past ten minutes than in four years of marriage and almost a year of divorce.
This communication stuff wasn’t easy. No wonder Dad was on wife num
ber five.
It didn’t take long to cart most of what he’d brought with him into the house and up the stairs to the guest room Maddie showed him to, overlooking the frozen lake. One bag of clothes. Everything else in the trunk of the SUV, rented at the airport, were Christmas gifts for Jacob, Maddie, and her grandmother.
Apart from one tiny box in his luggage. Praying he’d be successful, he’d packed the wedding and engagement rings she’d returned. God willing, he wouldn’t leave with them still hidden in his bag.
Averting his eyes from the red-and-blue quilt-covered double bed, he forced his mind from thoughts of how different this Christmas would be if they were still married. If they were sharing this room and this bed, rather than being separated by an expanse of hallway.
And an even bigger expanse of misunderstandings and broken dreams.
Maddie swallowed audibly and peered out the window. “More snow on the way. You got here just in time.”
Her overly cheerful voice suggested she’d shared similar thoughts. Satisfaction warmed him. If she had, maybe she still felt the spark he did.
They’d need more than attraction to rebuild their damaged relationship. They’d need faith and prayer and willingness — and a lot more listening skills than he was sure he could muster. Then there was the problem of her gran.
But that spark wasn’t a bad place to start.
Chapter 3
Awareness flooded Maddie, heating her cheeks. When they were still married, she’d hoped they’d share this room. When she’d tried to get Brad to come to the lake for vacations, and again when she asked him to visit after Gran’s first stroke.
Thankfully, Brad had no way of guessing that. Or of knowing how her unwelcome desires bothered her.
Because he’d never visited. They’d never been in this room as man and wife. He’d put his job ahead of his family too many times.
Finally, that triggered the divorce.
The room still stirred unwanted memories. Her foolish daydreams during their engagement, imagining life together while they were still a thousand miles apart. She’d sat in the window seat watching birds dance across sunset waters and the stars come out over the darkening lake, as they spoke on the phone well into the night. Losing those hopes ached like a broken bone.
She’d do her best to ensure they weren’t alone again, especially here.
The sooner they got downstairs, the better. The sooner Gran and Jacob came home, the better.
Where was Gran, anyway? The constant worry chewed at her. Far too independent-minded, Gran refused to accept any limitations. But Hiram would take care of her.
“Maddie, this is for you.” Brad’s voice broke into her pointless anxiety. He held out a beautifully wrapped, ribbon-tied box, eight inches by six inches.
Moving away from him, nearer the door, she eyed the gift as if he offered a bag full of rattlesnakes. “I don’t want presents, Brad. They didn’t make things better when we were married, and they won’t now, either.”
She winced over sounding so bratty and ungrateful, but then straightened. It was true. Too many times, he’d tried to plaster over their problems by spending on her.
He pushed out a tight, hard breath, and his shoulders slumped. “I wish I’d known what you did want from me. I wish I knew now. I can see I messed up, and messed up badly. I still don’t know why, and it isn’t for lack of trying to get it right.”
Pausing with her hand on the doorknob, she shook her head. Sadness rather than anger tightened her throat. “I wanted quiet time together, not expensive gifts. I wanted to linger chatting at the table after a home-cooked meal in the evening, not rushed dress-up dinners in the latest trendy restaurant, where the music was always too loud to talk. I wanted you home with me, and with Jacob.”
This honesty felt too close, too personal.
If even half the rumors she’d heard about him were true, how could she believe or trust him again? Brad didn’t like being alone. That was the only reason he tried to get her back. Being second best to his work was bad enough, being second best to other women… that broke her heart.
Even so, shouldn’t she give him a chance? She believed in a God of forgiveness.
But forgiving Brad wasn’t so easy.
Please, Lord, show me what to do. I really don’t want to forgive him. But if You tell me to, I guess I need to try.
“I’m sorry, Maddie. I didn’t realize.” He swallowed. “When you made excuses to get out of going to dinner, I thought you didn’t want to be with me.”
She shook her head, regret tightening her tummy. How had they got things so wrong?
Brad extended the box to her with both hands. “I hope this present is different to the others. I thought about what you’d truly like. It’s fragile, and it won’t last long.” He smiled ruefully. “A bit like our marriage.”
This was a new Brad, a man she almost didn’t recognize. With his apologies, his honesty, his willingness to take responsibility. They’d strayed into unfamiliar territory.
It felt as wild and potentially dangerous as the snow-covered forest surrounding the lake.
“Could we go downstairs? I’ll make coffee. You must be ready for a cup after your drive from the airport.” Without waiting for him to reply, she headed for the stairs, needing to escape the intimacy of talking this way in the room she’d once hoped they’d share.
Their marriage was over. It had to be. She couldn’t dare permit herself to hope.
Gran’s sunny yellow kitchen felt so much safer. She filled the coffeemaker and set it working. Brad hadn’t forgotten his gift. He set it on the scrubbed pine table in front of her.
“Please, Maddie.”
She couldn’t resist the entreaty in his eyes, though her fingers trembled as they reached for the bow. Then the front door squeaked open, and voices carried from the hall.
Gran, at last. And Hiram’s deeper voice as well as Jacob’s high-pitched chatter.
“Maddie, we’re home!” Gran bustled into the kitchen, rosy-cheeked from the cold, her left leg dragging just a little, and then turned to talk to someone behind her. “Jacob, you take off those boots before you come in here.”
Jacob groaned. “I can’t get them off.”
Maddie stepped toward the door. She hadn’t told the boy his father was coming today, in case Brad didn’t turn up. He’d let Jacob down so many times before. She could tell him now.
“I’ll do it.” Gran raised a hand and returned to the hall. “Hiram, you go through.”
Maddie smiled as the hearty gray-haired man entered the kitchen. She loved their neighbor, Pop’s old school friend, as if he was another grandfather.
“Maddie, you’ll be pleased to know both Jacob and your gran behaved themselves at the rehearsal.”
Before she could introduce Brad to Hiram, Jacob exploded into the kitchen and launched himself at his father. “Daddy, Daddy, Daddy!” The hundred-decibel squeal shook her eardrums.
Brad scooped him up. Their son’s arms wrapped tight around his father’s neck.
Her hands clenched as she suppressed a sharp stab of jealousy. Of course Jacob was pleased to see him. This wasn’t a parenting popularity contest.
Even if it felt that way.
When Brad touched Jacob’s blond hair, his hand shook a little. “I’m so glad to see my little guy again! Though not so little now. You must’ve grown six inches and gained six pounds since I saw you in the fall.”
Something uncertain yet proud in Brad’s voice hit her hard. Maybe he really had changed.
“Daddy, now you’re here, this will be the best Christmas ever!” Jacob’s excitement accentuated his lisp. Christmas, adorably, came out as Cwithmath.
Something yearning and strong haunted Brad’s face for a moment, and her heart compressed. She’d wanted him to prove he valued Jacob more than work, for once. Wanted him to give their son the gift the boy craved most. The gift Jacob deserved.
His father’s time.
Not a fraction of Brad�
�s attention while he fielded business phone calls and emails. Not promises he’d be home by bedtime, always broken.
And now, he was doing it. Here, away from work, with his son.
Thank You, Lord!
But even as silent thanksgiving echoed through her, anxiety niggled. Jacob would miss Brad when he left. Ten days together, then long months without his father.
Gran hurried into the room. “Brad! It’s good to see you again after all these years. You should have visited sooner. Now you know I want you to call me Liz. None of your Mrs. Calder nonsense.” Her wide grin up at him belied her scolding tone. Barely five foot tall, her tiny frame held a heart as big as Idaho. She turned to Hiram. “This is Maddie’s Brad. You and Lucille were away last time he was here, so you didn’t meet him.”
“Not my Brad.” Maddie couldn’t stop the words escaping her. “He’s my ex-husband,” she explained. “Jacob’s father. Though you probably already guessed that.” She forced a chuckle.
Gran pouted. “Oh, I know you’re divorced, but that’s man’s law, not God’s. In my eyes, you’ll always be married. I wish you two would kiss and make up.”
And I wish you’d stop treating our divorce as some childish spat, easily fixed with an apology and a kiss. Maddie tightened her lips to hold back the words. Taking a deep breath then letting it go, she forced her tense muscles to loosen and prayed for calm.
“The coffee is fresh. I’ll pour some for us all. There’s gingerbread, too.” She busied herself getting out mugs, pouring a cup of diluted juice for Jacob, and arranging cookies on a plate.
“Ah, lovely.” Gran sat at the table and released a satisfied sigh. “You know what I say about Christmas. You can never have too many lights on the tree, too much love in the home, or too many cookies.” She touched the unopened ribbon-clad parcel and raised an eyebrow at Maddie. “Or too many gifts, either.”
“That’s something small I picked up for Maddie,” Brad said to Gran. “It won’t wait till Christmas.” He smiled at Jacob, still held tightly in his arms. “I have presents for you, too.”
Come to the Lake Page 2
