by Carol James
But they had all ended the same: he would declare his love for her, and she’d realize he wasn’t The One and break it off. Even with Clark she’d eventually said no.
How could she have been so cruel? She’d placed more importance on ink blotches on a piece of paper than a person’s feelings. Her priorities had been so misplaced. These were people, not business proposals that were open to scrutiny and revision. But now she understood, because she was no longer the person in control.
Sam was.
Today’s fears returned, darkening every inch of her heart.
As he dropped the phone in his pocket and turned toward the car, she pushed her head back against the seat. She needed to deal with this but not now when her emotions were all over the place. A few seconds ago she’d been ready to set caution aside and tell him her feelings. But the phone call had changed everything. Before she said anything she’d regret, she needed time to compose herself, to go home and think...and pray.
He dropped into the driver’s seat, reached over, and squeezed her hand. “Sorry about that, Katy Beth.”
“Please don’t, Sam. Not right now.”
As he drew his hand back and shut the door, his words were short. “Sorry. I apologize for overstepping the boundaries. I guess I didn’t see them.” He pushed back against the driver’s door. “Sometimes you’re a little hard to read, Katherine.”
A heavy silence hung in the car like an invisible curtain separating them until he turned his keys and the engine rumbled to life to began the trip back to her house.
She couldn’t wait any longer. “Who’s Lizzie?”
“What?”
The light from the dashboard was just bright enough for her to see the surprise on his face. Yeah, he didn’t know she’d seen his phone. “Lizzie. Who’s Lizzie?”
The surprise melted away, and a grin took its place. “Lizzie? Now I get it. A bit jealous, are we?” His eyes sparkled. “Well, she’s sure not one of my sisters.”
“Cut it out, Sam. Can’t you just give me a straight answer for once?” Her earlier hurt was quickly morphing into anger.
“Well, of course I can. The question is, ‘Will I?’”
He was playing with her again, and she’d had enough of his smugness. She’d get out and call Dad to come get her. “Enough.” As she reached over to open the door, he hit the “lock” button.
“And the answer is, ‘Of course, I will.’ Lizzie is my coach’s daughter, and she’s also his administrative assistant. And she’s married—with two kids. She was calling me because the team has a job for me to do tomorrow.”
“Really? A business call, at this hour?” Surely, he didn’t think she was gullible enough to believe that. “Must be pretty early over there—like six o’clock in the morning.”
“Actually, it’s four. She’d tried to get me earlier, but my phone wasn’t working...as you may remember...so when her baby woke her up, she thought she’d give it one more try. They want me to go to Austin tomorrow to scout out a possible recruit.” A self-satisfied grin covered his face as he sat in silence, obviously waiting.
Relief mixed with embarrassment flooded over her. “Sorry, Sam. I don’t know what’s going on with me.”
“Whatever it is, it’s quite flattering.”
As he reached over, grasped her hand, and lifted it to his lips, every bit of insecurity from today melted away. She’d never acted this way about a man before. Because she’d never really loved a man before. The urgency to tell him was gone, though. The place and time needed to be special, and her words needed to be well-planned and not some sort of disorganized ramblings.
“Hey, Katy Beth, I want to ask you something, and I want you to know up front either way you answer is OK with me. It’s kind of short notice, so I know you’ll want to think it over. Plus, I don’t want you to do anything you’d be uncomfortable with.” His free hand gently brushed against her cheek. “Come with me to Austin tomorrow. It’ll be fun. We’d have to leave early in the morning, and we’d need to stay the night in a hotel—separate rooms, of course. Then we could come back the next day.” He gently placed his forefinger against her lips. “No need to answer right now. Just think about it, and you can let me know when we get to your house. Or any time before six tomorrow morning.”
More than anything she wanted to go, but she wasn’t sure she could trust him. But even worse than that, she wasn’t sure she could trust herself. When she and Clark had taken a few similar trips, trust had never been an issue because desire had never been an issue. But in the cave yesterday, Sam’s kiss had stirred a longing in her that could only be satisfied one way, and that scared her—not the longing, but her desire to surrender to it.
As he turned back toward the front of the car, his knee brushed against his keys and, in the dim light of the dashboard, a metallic glint flashed from a silver ring she had never noticed before—a band with a cross engraved in it. He had a purity ring very similar to the one at home in the box on her closet shelf.
She loved him even more, because she could trust him. “Yes.”
He turned toward her. “Yes? That was quick.”
She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. “I’d love to go.”
17
Like a satin ribbon, the Colorado River unfurled itself golden, as it meandered through the Balcones Canyonlands below. Painting long cooling shadows over the sultry Texas hill country, the setting sun slipped behind rolling hills covered with live oaks and cedars.
Sam wound his car along the two-lane road northwest of Austin.
Mom had insisted the scraggly trees were some sort of juniper, but everyone Katherine knew called them cedars.
“Sure you don’t want to drive? This would be a great road for you to practice your skills on.”
“You’re kidding, right?”
“Maybe there’s another policeman around here. You could try again for a ticket.”
“Hey, you’re the one who insisted I drive last night. If I’d have gotten a ticket, it would have been your fault.”
He chuckled, and a warm smile covered his face. He reached over and squeezed her hand. “I’m glad you came.”
“Me, too.” She squeezed back. “So, how many autographs do you think you signed?” After today, she knew how girlfriends of celebrities felt. All the players and coaches from both teams had presented whatever they could find for him to sign. When paper wasn’t available, T-shirts, sports bags, balls—anything large enough to write on—was substituted.
“Oh, I don’t know. I didn’t exactly count. Just smiled and signed.”
Yes, and he’d looked so cute doing it. “Guess.”
“Forty-two?”
“Wrong. Seventy-eight.”
“Really? You counted?” His eyes never left the road as he nodded his head. “Not too long ago, I would have thought that was totally awesome. But lately...” His words ended in a sigh. “You know, it’s not all it’s cracked up to be.”
The playful, smug part of him that she had a love-hate relationship with had faded to reveal the sincerity she’d rarely seen. “What isn’t?”
“Fame. I’m pretty well-known—in small, specific circles. But very few people really know me. They think they do. But all they know is the me my football club wants them to know. And that’s it. I’ve spent my life working hard to be who I thought I should be and who other people wanted and expected me to be, but now I’m realizing I’m not who I want to be and maybe not even who I was meant to be.” The car slowed as he glanced her direction. “I’m rambling. I just want people to know me and like me for who I really am rather than who they think I am.” He paused for a few seconds. “Sorry. Didn’t mean for the conversation to turn so heavy. I’m just tired of pretending.”
As his words died away, the only sound in the car was a country song on the radio accompanied by the revving of the engine as he downshifted into a hairpin turn. The first star of the evening sparkled in the gray-blue dusk.
None of the other men s
he’d dated had ever been this vulnerable and honest with her. They’d always seemed to need to have everything under control. He was right. He wasn’t like them. “Sam, I don’t know who you were meant to be, but I like the you I’ve come to know. A lot.”
“Thanks, Katy Beth. I don’t think I can fully express how much that means to me. But one of these days, I’ll try.”
When he said no more, she pushed her head back against the seat and closed her eyes. This morning had begun well before sunrise, and the motion of the car along with the encroaching darkness was lulling her to sleep.
~*~
Katherine took one final look in the full-length mirror tucked in the corner of the dressing area off her bathroom. Not knowing exactly where they’d be staying or what they’d be doing, she’d packed a sleeveless black dress with a variety of accessories so she’d be prepared for anything.
The hotel was really more of a spa-like resort. The contemporary elegance of the fresh white linens and leather upholstery combined with the massive oak furniture and stucco walls produced a sophisticated Texas ranch look. Her room had a corner balcony that jutted out over the tree-covered hills surrounding the resort—the perfect setting for tomorrow morning’s quiet time.
She smiled at the image in the mirror. The dress hung perfectly, accentuating all her assets and diminishing the areas that needed work due to a lack of time spent at the gym. The silver and turquoise necklace, bracelet, and earrings, in combination with her cowboy boots, were the perfect look for tonight. “Texas chic” Mom would have called it. She especially wanted to look good for Sam. And she did. She looked really good.
The clock read eight fifty-eight as she took one last look around the room. Everything was in place. Her current notebook was on the nightstand by her bed, ready for her to check off today’s list and plan for tomorrow before she went to sleep tonight—although, for the first time in years, the list was almost nonexistent. She had nothing planned, no agenda other than to be with Sam tonight and tomorrow. Thus far, this letting-someone-else-do-the-planning thing was working out better than she would have ever imagined possible.
She closed the door and walked down the hall toward the elevator to meet Sam in the lobby. Their rooms were on different floors as Sam had requested, a small gesture for some people, perhaps, but one that, for her, was huge—a sign of his respect for her. Of course, it could have been a way to ensure they both exercised self-control and remained true to their promises.
Their arrival had been a replay of the Cattlemen’s Hotel. The valet called Sam by name, liked his car, welcomed him back. The desk clerk was friendly and welcoming, without the blatantly suggestive invitation. Their dinner in the private dining room Sam had reserved would be ready at nine.
The dropping of the elevator only intensified the excited fluttering in her stomach. She must have been living in some sort of vacuum these last few years. Everyone seemed to know who he was—except her. And if Dad and Sam’s aunt hadn’t set up the blind date, their paths might never have crossed.
As the elevator doors slowly drew apart, everything in the scene before her faded into the background except this incredibly handsome man. Dressed in gray pants, a white button-down shirt, and cowboy boots, Sam stood leaning against a wooden column—a single yellow rose in his hand. His short, blond hair was neatly combed, and his eyes sparkled the same color as the stones on her bracelet.
Breathe, Katherine, breathe.
Grinning as he stepped forward, he offered her the flower and then his arm. “They didn’t have any tulips.” As he leaned close, the spicy fragrance of his cologne enticed her while his words tickled her ear. “You look amazingly lovely tonight.”
Her heart raced as warmth washed over her. “Thank you, Sam. So do you.”
“Well, I can’t say that lovely was the exact look I was going for, but it’ll do.”
“You know what I mean.”
He laughed. “Yeah, I think maybe I do. Thanks.”
They turned left and walked in silence toward the room at the end of the hallway. The plaque beside the double doors read “Canyon Overlook.” As Sam held open one of the doors for her, she stepped into the huge, dimly lit room. Taking her hand, he led her toward the far wall of windows and out onto a balcony which overlooked the canyon below. Above them the onyx sky was covered from horizon to horizon with more twinkling stars than she could possibly have ever counted, the absence of any city lights enhancing their visibility.
The night earlier this week when she and Dad sat together under the same heavenly canopy replayed in her mind. And He knows their names...
~*~
Sam peered out at the night sky and the stars above.
Katherine actually gasped. “Oh, Sam, it’s so beautiful.”
“Yes, but not as beautiful as you.”
She leaned into him.
He placed his arm around her and drew her closer. Everything in him yearned to kiss her. But not now. Instead, he slowly turned her toward a table covered with a white cloth at the far end of the balcony. In the center a single candle flickered, shielded from the evening wind by a cylinder of glass in a wrought-iron stand. He had something similar on the mantel in his flat in London—a hurricane, the decorator had said. Why something that protected a candle from the wind was called a hurricane was beyond him. Anyway, the one on the table was doing its job, and that was all that mattered. “I ordered us some dinner. It should be here in a few minutes.”
“Thank you.”
Her arms encircled his waist as she leaned even deeper into him. Something was different tonight. The always-present tension was gone. As difficult as it was not to, he still wouldn’t kiss her now. The servers should be here with the food any minute, and he wouldn’t risk putting her in a potentially embarrassing situation.
She gently swayed to the soft ballad sounding in the background. “My mom loved this song. One night when I was about six, I had a bad dream and went out to the den looking for my mother. This song was playing, and she and Daddy were slow dancing. I still remember how I could feel their love for each other and the sense of peace that brought me. I just turned around and went back to bed. They never even knew.”
“Yeah, my folks liked this, too. It’s a old song.” Turning to face her, he held out his hands in invitation. “Shall we continue the tradition?”
Her voice was barely more than a whisper. “I’d love to, Sam.”
She smelled great—sugar cookies and lemonade again. As she leaned her head on his shoulder they began to move in time with the music. “As I said earlier, I’m so glad you came.”
Her eyes found his. “And as I said earlier, I am too. Very glad.”
“You know, when I asked you I was surprised you agreed. It’s great that you did—don’t get me wrong—but I totally expected you to turn me down.”
“Really? Why?”
Choosing his words carefully, he waited for a few seconds before he replied. “Well, let’s just say you’re different from most of the girls I’ve dated in the past. I wasn’t sure you’d be willing to go away—just the two of us—if you know what I mean.”
She nodded slightly. “I know exactly what you mean. In today’s world, there aren’t many of us out there. Especially at our age.”
In his world, attractive, single women were everywhere, regardless of their ages. But she had always been the yardstick against which none of them had ever measured up.
As she stopped dancing, she drew away and smiled up at him. “When I saw it, I knew I could trust you, so that made agreeing to come easy.”
What? “I don’t know...Saw what?”
“The ring...on your keychain. I’ve still got mine, too. But it’s at home in a box.” Her eyes sparkled in the candlelight as she placed her head back on his shoulder and began moving to the music.
Way too soon. He wasn’t ready to have this conversation. Especially not here, not now. He would have it at the proper time and place, but before then he needed more time for their c
ommitment to each other to deepen.
If he told her now, he stood the chance of destroying everything he’d been working on the last year or so. But then...if he didn’t tell her, she might feel as if he’d been lying to her when he finally did, and he’d destroy it anyway. Neither option was a good choice at this time, but he had to decide.
As the pounding of his heart rocked his entire body, she peacefully hummed along to the song. That was it. That’s what was different. She believed she could trust him, so she did. And that trust had erased the tension between them.
But by not telling her the truth and letting her believe a lie, he would betray her newly-placed trust. He would be lying to her. He turned them so he was facing the canyon. The river below was white, purified by the reflection of the sliver-moon and glistening stars above. Not too long ago, the choice would have been easy. He would have done what was best for him, but the morning studies with Brad were changing him. Life wasn’t all about him and fulfilling his desires.
He had no other choice. He’d do it. “Katy Beth, I need to tell you something. I...”
A gentle but insistent tapping interrupted his words, and then the door from the hallway slowly opened. “Room Service, Mr. Tucker. Your dinner is ready.”
~*~
The part of the dinner Katherine had eaten was delicious, but she hadn’t been hungry enough to eat much. Love had stolen her appetite.
Sam signed the check and then closed the leather case. He’d been quieter than usual during the meal, but maybe that was a good sign. He was comfortable enough with their relationship that he didn’t feel the need to be “on” all the time and could relax. Today had begun early, and he had to be tired. She’d been able to sleep some in the car, but he’d been up since before dawn this morning.
Katherine reached across the table and grasped his hand. “Tired?”
He raised her hand to his lips and then winked. “Maybe a little.”
