by Daniel Caet
“Surprised?” she asked, staring at me. “You should not be. The day I became immortal I used a power that I had learned in the temple as part of my training with a single premise, I should never use it. A thousand years later I understand why,” she said with a small sigh. “Humans are not made for immortality, Helel. We are temporary beings, everything in us is prepared to be temporary, our bodies, our minds, our hearts. No one has taught us to be immortal, nobody has ever told us how painful eternity can become. And yet, here I am. Eternal as the sands of the desert.”
“Do you regret it?”
“I will regret it every day of my life and every day of my life I would do it again for those I love,” she said with infinite seriousness. “Do you think I'm crazy?”
“I think you're the most coherent human I've ever met,” I answered sincerely. “And the bravest.”
Her laughter filled the room again and helped break the cold that had settled in a moment.
“Thanks, Helel, but I'm afraid that my situation is more the result of despair than courage.”
“Desperate situations often require a lot of courage,” I answered smiling.
“Whatever it is, the truth is that no one can explain how difficult it is to live forever because, as I say, it is something that is not supposed to happen; so I spent all this time looking for something to help me coping with this state. And the worst thing is that it has not helped me, and I have come to understand that, at this point, I am probably the only one who can write something about immortality. However, my search has led me to read some very old texts.” Her hands searched through the rolls on the table. “This one in particular comes from a small temple in the city of Babylonia and talks about something that may be familiar to you, the wars between the celestial beings and those of the underworld.”
That did not totally surprise me. Just as the heavenly armies were absolutely forbidden to involve humans in the war against the demons, and when one was caught between the two sides immediately his mind was erased from all memory about it, I knew that the demons did not have those scruples and that they were the way by which some humans were aware of our confrontation. The fact that this knowledge had been put in writing was something much more surprising.”
“We humans are like this, Helel, if we do not write things we forget them,” she said, reading my mind again to my discomfort. “These other two scrolls are a copy of a Hebrew text and a Hittite one. Both contain the same story as the Babylonian text with small differences, and the three speak of a figure that perhaps means something for you, the witness.”
Immediately memories of that forgotten life in which I was a general of the armies of heaven came to my mind. The witness. For some the first sign that our father had lost faith in his angelic children. The celestial wars had lasted eons, and nobody remembered how they had started. There were those who said that the demons had been part of God's creation, but they had refused to follow the laws of my father; others that the demons were angels who decided to reveal themselves against their creator, but nobody knew the truth, and no one was interested in it. Little by little the cruelty and hardness of the celestial armies when suppressing the forces of the underworld grew disproportionately and ended up involving humans when it was considered necessary with the corresponding loss of lives. But no angel paid attention to what was happening, humans were no more than worthless pawns. My father was enraged, not only because some of his children considered themselves superior to the rest of his creation, but because of the damage caused to his beloved ones. But strangely, my father did not decide to stop the wars or punish those who had broken his rule, but he made a decision that, for some of us, was even more difficult to understand. In order that no one could break his laws again my father created the witness. A creature, eternal as time, endowed with the gift of the vision of God, the ability to see everything that happened in any place at any time, and with a single function, writing everything and never getting involved. The usefulness that my father intended to give to those writings is something that we will never know, but the mere fact of creating a being that would be able to see everything that happened in heaven, hell or earth made many of my brothers nervous. They felt like sheep that needed a dog to keep them. The pain was even greater when the creature chosen to incarnate the witness was a human. In the eyes of my brothers the dog turned out to be an ant, and wounded pride swept the heavenly hosts. In order to safeguard his identity and, of that I was sure, his integrity as well, the whereabouts of the witness were totally unknown and had been so for so long that many of my brothers posed themselves if it was nothing more than a myth fed by our father, as if they were naughty children and he intended to make us return to his fold.
Suddenly I remembered that Sadith could read my thoughts and, seeing the way she was looking at me, I understood that she had seen everything that was going through my head.
“You have nothing to worry about,” she said. “You have not really let me see anything that is not in these writings in one way or another.”
“Sadith, are you going to explain to me once and for all why you tell me all this? Where do you want to go?”
“Have you considered in all this time what you are going to do with your life? With your eternity, I mean,” she said without waiting for an answer. “Since the day I became immortal I have had a reason to continue on this path because my eternity is something that I chose, but you ... you did not have the possibility to choose, simply, this is your nature. I cannot believe that anybody is able to get up every morning knowing that there will always be a tomorrow without having a goal, an objective, a desire. What is your desire, Helel, your true and deepest longing?”
Those words worked like an enchantment that sank to the depths of my being, exploring a darkness that I had decided to ignore. I wanted to answer that my only goal was to take care of my family as I had not done at the time, that I just wanted to spend the rest of my days with Ankh and her children and their children's children. I wanted to scream at her that all my heart wanted was to be able to compensate for the damage I had caused. But those were not the words that came out of my mouth.
“My deepest desire is to return to the kingdom of my father to devastate it with fire and anger, and to tear off the head of the snakes that put me in this place. My deepest desire is to recover everything that has been taken from me and to take my place again as a heavenly master. My only wish is to find Liliath and tear her heart out with my own hands so that she can feel the hundredth part of the pain she has caused me. My only wish is to take my revenge to all those who have dared to raise their hands against me and bathe in their blood while my feet crush their skulls.”
The silence took over the room and Sadith stared at me with her blue eyes and I knew she was looking far beyond me in that darkness I did not dare to look in. But her gaze also told me that she did not judge me at all, that there was no contempt or disappointment for my words because she also kept her own desires for revenge inside her. Although our natures were different, eternity had made us similar, if not in everything, at least in one part, the desire for retribution.
“To attain all that you desire, you will need to get rid of your human nature to embrace your true self.”
“Do you think I do not know? Whoever plucked from my being the light that my father gave me when he created me, condemned me to much more than an existence in a human body, deprived me of the only thing that could allow me to reenter my father's kingdom.”
“That light is what we call soul, right?”
“Yes. Something to which humans give relatively little importance, but which is a part of my father placed in each of you and with a much greater power than you think.”
“But you do not know who stole yours or why. Although maybe there is someone who does know,” she answered, leaving the question in the air. At that moment I understood where she wanted to go.
“The witness …”
“Exact. If someone knows who and how they ma
naged to snatch from you what you call your light, it is the one who is condemned to see everything forever.”
“Then I'm finished, Sadith, since no one knows where he is, assuming he's still alive or has ever existed.”
“Yes and no,” she said, turning to pick up another one of the rolls on the table. “This is the Hebrew version of the witness's story and, unlike the others that I have been able to read, it is rich in detail. It tells how a man named Enoch was visited by the angel Raziel who told him that he had been chosen to perform the work of God. Raziel conferred on this man immortality along with the power to see everything that happened in the kingdoms of God. Enoch humbly accepted the task and said goodbye to his family forever, but before leaving he confessed to his children where he was going so that, if they ever needed him, they would know how to find him. This knowledge would be kept in the family by passing from parents to children until the end of time and should never be shared with anyone outside the direct descendants of Enoch.”
“Assuming that all this is true and not just another legend –you humans usually create them when something is mystical or incomprehensible–, it does not help me at all. Finding a descendant of that Enoch can easily take me another thousand years and possibly the only thing I will find out is that he has no idea who Enoch is.”
“It may be, but I think that since it is the only way that you have ahead, it is better that we try to walk it” said leaving the roll again in the table. “I have to be absent from the court for a couple of weeks. I must go to the city of Avaris in the north. I need to understand a bit more about the origin of Seti's family and his relationship with Seth if we want to find out what his relationship with the doll and Narmesh is. In addition, in Avaris lives an old friend who may have more information about Enoch’s children”.
“Why are you doing all this, Sadith? Why do you want to help me?”
Her eyes once more stared at me, but this time it was nothing but Sadith, without barriers or walls, just that little girl I had once known.
“Because an eternity having to bury those you love with all your heart is a condemnation that I do not wish for anyone.”
The following days I could not stop thinking about everything Sadith had told me. For the first time in a thousand years, I had before me a real chance to go back to being who I was, although this possibility was very small. I was desperate for not being able to do anything about it, not knowing whether her inquiries about Enoch's children were succeeding or not, but the days next to Ankh once again softened that anguish like a balm. Her pregnancy was progressively more advanced and so was her fatigue, so the rhythm of activities had to be reduced and she began to spend more and more time in the palace gardens simply sitting, talking with Ptehsure or with the other ladies of the palace who came to see her regularly. It was evident that she did not enjoy those moments of gossip and banality, but as a good lady of the court she endured them in order to maintain appearances and, certainly, not to create unnecessary enemies. Her life was not the only one that entered into a state of forced stoppage. Egypt entered the station of Akhet, the season in which the waters of the Nile ascended flooding their banks. Sadith had explained to me that this season was essential so that in the following months the farmers could plant the crops that would keep most of Egypt's wealth, but it implied that the work in the fields ceased to exist until the waters were removed. However, taxes did not stop because of the lack of work and many of the farmers were forced to go to the city during the months of Akhet in search of a job that would allow them to meet their obligations to the state. If they were lucky, poorly paid work in the city until the planting season would help them survive. If they were not, they would only have the option of offering themselves to the government as forced labourers in the construction of temples, roads and other infrastructures.
In those days the heat became absolutely unbearable and, according to Ptehsure, excessive for what was usual at that time of the year. The mosquitoes became a veritable plague, so Ankh started spending more time in her rooms. One afternoon when Ankh was in her room listening to two of the court musicians playing for her, Ptehsure came running and whispered something in her ear. Immediately Ankh dispatched the musicians and asked me to come up to her.
“I need you to go somewhere,” she said very seriously. “Ahmet is at the West Gate. I want you to go with him and make sure that the people who are with him arrive safe and sound to the bird seller's house, do you remember where it is?” I nodded without hesitation, but without understanding what was happening. “He will know what to do when he sees you arrive.”
She took off one of the rings in her right hand and handed it to me. It was a small gold ring that had the face of Hathor engraved, and that I had seen many times.
“This ring will let him know that you are not trying to deceive him. Ptehsure will accompany you to the door and tell the soldiers that you have been commissioned by me to take the ring to the goldsmith to make it bigger. Nobody will suspect that in my state my hands have swollen, and the ring needs to be enlarged,” she said smiling. “I know you do not understand anything, but you will understand when you get to Ahmet's house. You must wait until nightfall to go to the bird seller’s house, do you understand? I would go myself, but in my state, I would only complicate everything.”
“Don't worry, my lady, I will do as you say” I answered.
“I know you will,” she said, smiling again. “It is imperative that you return before midnight or our alibi will not be credible. If the soldiers stopped, you tell them that the repair took a long time. And Helel …” she said looking at me sweetly, “be very careful!”
I went to the west gate with Ptehsure, who, as Ankh had told her, explained to the soldiers the reason for my departure. Ahmet was waiting for me at the end of the street and without saying a single word he indicated with his hands to follow him. That gesture confirmed something that I suspected from the day I met him, he could not speak. I followed him around the streets of Thebes until there came a time when I was completely lost. Suddenly, when I turned a corner, I found myself in the same backyard where he had picked Ankh and me when we went to the slave camp. There, he made me enter by a small door that was at ground level and that was without a doubt an access to some type of warehouse. My eyes took a while to get used to the lack of light, but my nose immediately noticed two scents; one due to the humidity of any room located under the floor, the second the pungent smell of human sweat. When I was finally able to focus I found familiar faces, those of Iohebed and her three children.
“Helel, thanks to Yahve ..., has the Lady Ankh come with you?” The woman asked without losing time in greetings.
“No,” I said hesitantly. “She cannot move due to her advanced state, but she has sent me. What happened, and how did you leave the camp?”
“Rameses has ravaged the camp with his army,” Moses snapped angrily.
“It was an authentic massacre, there were bodies and blood everywhere, we tried to reveal ourselves, but …” continued Aaron.
“One moment,” I interrupted, “what do you mean they destroyed the camp? For what reason? I do not understand …”
“Excuse me, Helel, we're too scared to be coherent,” said Iohebed, “let me tell you everything.”
Iohebed explained to me that the previous night a great noise had awakened them all. When they went outside, they found people screaming and running in all directions. Apparently, the soldiers of Rameses’ had entered the village at nightfall and walked house by house taking with them all the elderly men and women. If any of the families tried to oppose, they did not hesitate to use swords and spears. In just a moment, the whole camp was a sea of tears and blood. Nobody knew why the elders were taken, the soldiers did not explain anything, they were only there to carry out their orders and these were clear, to take the elders killing anyone who got in the way. Iohebed and his family tried to hide Mariam, but seeing that her family was in danger the woman ran out and gave herself volunta
rily to the soldiers who put her in a cart with other men and women and took her away.
“I tried to run after the cart to save my grandmother, but one of the damn soldiers hit me with his spear and I fell to the ground,” said Moses with anger, showing me the blow on his face. “When I got up I found that beside me was that damn Rameses in his cart. His soldiers stopped everyone they met, and they asked the same question to everyone.” Moses stopped and looked at his mother who nodded her approval to continue. “He wanted to know where the family of Amram, son of Levi, my father, lived.”
“The neighbours lied saying that they did not know anyone with that name to protect us, but Rameses continued asking one by one. If someone opposed in some way, his soldiers finished him. One of our neighbours hid us in his house until they had left and sent a message to Ahmet asking him to take us out of the camp as soon as possible because we were not safe there. We do not know what Rameses wants from us, but we can trust that it is not good at all. We're scared, Helel, and we did not know who to turn to,” she said, crying into Miriam's arms.
